Character(s): Kaneki, Uta, Hide, & Yomo.
Prompt: 12. Whisper
Genre: angst, romance, & tragedy I guess.
Rating: PG.
Warning(s): assumed character death, slight hints of insanity.
Paring: Uta/Kaneki. Hide/Kaneki(friendship)
Author's Note: This is a one-shot, like honestly it was supposed to be sad, but, there you have it, romance and a happy ending, what more can you want? I am mass posting my chapters, cause they've been posted on my tumblr & Ao3 for over 2 weeks, and I've been too lazy to update it on here, so yeah.
Whisper
It's always 3 am, when Kaneki wakes up from his sleep to hear whispers of, "I love you Ken" replaying inside his head. He can't stop them; because that's the only way he can remember Uta's voice confessing his love to Kaneki.
And Kaneki cries because his lover is dead, and he won't be coming back to Kaneki ever again. It kind of hurts, the finality of the fact that is.
On the first night Kaneki had to live with the fact that Uta was dead, he cried.
On the second, he'd repeated to himself "He's not dead, he's not dead, he's not dead", like a mantra that would never come true.
By the third, he'd begun screaming, fingernails dragging across his forearms, leaving bleeding gashes upon his skin. The blood had dried and trailed downwards, leaving imprints of about a dozen tear stains on his skin.
By day four, he'd woken up at 3am, and had begun hearing his lover's voice play out inside his mind, like the numbingly haunting-yet-captivating melody of a music box.
By the fifth day, 3am began to be the hour of the night where the memories of Uta's cool embraces and firm kisses would flood Kaneki's mind like a gushing waterfall.
By day six, it had become a pattern, and Kaneki had already embraced it, like it was normal.
And on day seven, Kaneki no longer feels so sad during the day, his friends look so relieved that Kaneki begins to think "Maybe, I really am getting better', both, not knowing that it was far from that.
It is already day forty-three, when Kaneki wakes up, but not at 3am, not at this time. He wakes at 2am, an hour before his routine, of hearing and remembering his lover's touch -like he was still there- would begin. Kaneki bites his lips, feeling slightly anxious, because he'd always woken up at 3am, the change was rather odd. He wants to murmur "I love you too Uta", like his lover could even hear him, like Uta could hug him tightly from behind and utter in reply "I know Ken, I love you too." But despite Kaneki still clinging to this routine to go on in his daily life, he did not delude himself with the fact that his lover was coming back from the dead, that was something Kaneki knew from the depths of his misery-filled heart, was never going to change.
And yet, as the minutes begin to tick by, the silence seems too loud, the void of darkness that fills his room seem too big and ever-so consuming. It felt weird, like Kaneki was being enveloped by the largeness of his room, the largeness that never seemed so big when his lover used to lie by his side, arms wrapping around Kaneki's waist keeping him warm and making him feel safe. Even breathing seemed hard, like all the oxygen his body was taking in wasn't enough, like there was too little, and he needed more, so much more.
He was suffocating, he realized, seven heartbeats too late, as the feeling of being unable to breathe was eating him up from the inside. And voices began to scream out.
"Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!"
"You're losing your mind Kaneki"
"He's going crazy..."
"Don't you know you're dreaming? He's not real"
"Ken, what are you doing to yourself?!"
They all sound so familiar, but Kaneki cannot even tell who they are.
It hurts, the lack of oxygen that is, and it was beginning to feel far too painful to be bear, like he was a soda can wanting to burst from all the gas inside that couldn't settle in.
And when he feels himself gasping, straining to take in air, the feeling stops, and it goes away. He lets out a huge breath of air, as his lungs try to take in more oxygen, feeling so very tired, and when he glances to the digital clock on his right, the green light glares at him. 2:05. Kaneki feels worry begin to etch into his mind, he'd felt like it's been 15 minutes or more, even wanting to go far as 30 minutes, but it was all inside his head, the sensation of so much time having passed by.
He closes his eyes, sees darkness, and tries to imagine Uta, but he can't, it's all black and when he tries to imagine something, the images goes blurry, his teeth begin to grit against each other.
When he opens his eyes, it's white, so white it hurts, and he closes his eyes for a moment, realizing that it's not his room he's in. And Kaneki wonders if he's began losing his mind, because he was so sure he was in his room not even a minute back. But he isn't. The walls are white, and the smell of antiseptic fills the air, he almost chokes on it. And when he focuses on the sounds, all he hears is the beeping, a beeping that sounds quite similar to a heart monitor, and he'd know because Kaneki was studying to be a nurse. He'd heard this noise many times before, but, not inside his room, only when visiting patients.
He looked around, and among the white, he noticed a window, with the blinds drawn shut, but through the tiny gaps he could see light trying to escape, and figured it was probably midday.
There's no digital clock on his right, only a table with a water bottle, and an IV drip, this makes Kaneki furrow his eyebrows. When he turns around, he notices the large clock on the wall, and it's on 12:45, not 2:05. Kaneki swallows, the nervous feeling in his gut spreading, and as his turn left, his heart skips a beat, because he'd recognize those tufts of messy golden-blond hair anywhere. They were Hide's and he was face-down on the bed, probably asleep, but the question in his head is loud and filled with worry, 'Why is Hide here?! Doesn't he have work at this time?'
And by now, Kaneki realizes there is something very wrong going on here. And the thought that had strayed into his mind earlier come back clearer, and he wonders, 'What if, I've already lost my mind?'
His heart starts racing, and he can hear the sound repeat even louder on the heart monitor, which causes Hide to shift his head a bit, and Kaneki to worry even more, because if Hide was asleep, then that meant he was really tired, since Hide was never one to fall asleep in public spaces easily. Kaneki knew that fact by heart.
The heart monitor beeps even louder, and the sound is annoying, but Kaneki doesn't stop panicking, because when he tries to remember what he did yesterday, he cannot, not even what he did the day before, or if he'd even went to work. The increase of noise causes Hide to shuffle, before he's already lifting his head, and Kaneki can feel his heart skip a beat, because Hide would tell him, right? And Kaneki doesn't think he's emotionally prepared for what Hide has to tell him. Not really.
But before Hide's already finished waking up, the door opens in a rush, and two people enter. And he recognizes the first, having worked with Dr. Yomo for more than 6 months now, but the second person, makes his heart stop for almost a minute, and Kaneki thinks he's in shock.
Because that face was not a face that was supposed to be there. That face belonged to someone who was dead, and last Kaneki had checked the dead don't walk into your room, at the hospital probably, looking worried and relieved. So he screams, which surprises both his visitors, the first masking the look of surprise much quickly, but the second doesn't, only worry remaining where there had been relief and maybe, a hint of joy.
Hide's already awake now, and body positioned to sit up straight. And where there's worry in Hide's amber eyes, the relief and joy that fills his face is stronger, it calms Kaneki a bit, because if Hide can smile while Kaneki is screaming in shock, then maybe Kaneki can lower his screams. And before either Yomo or the guest can move, Hide is already hugging Kaneki, hands stroking Kaneki's back familiarly, effectively calming Kaneki a bit. The grip is tight, and Hide is warm, it ignites the coldness Kaneki had been feeling ever since he'd awoken in this unfamiliar hospital room.
"It's okay Kaneki, relax, you're in the hospital. And you're not imagining anything."
Kaneki stops screaming, and finds that his cheeks are wet, as Hide continues, tone soft and reassuring. "You were in an accident, almost two months back, both you and Uta, and it was pretty serious. Uta managed to make it out with minor injuries, but you -there's a pause, as Hide's breath hitches, and Kaneki's sure Hide wants to cry- you were in a critical condition, they didn't think you'd make it, and even when you did, you weren't waking up. You entered a coma..." and his voice trails off, because Kaneki can tell what happened from then on.
He holds Hideyoshi tighter, and whispers, only for Hide's ears, because he can't look at that person, at least, not right now. "I thought he'd died." His voice cracks, and Kaneki can feel the fingers that had been stroking him gently, dig into his back determinedly, like Hide understood why Kaneki had panicked. "For 43 days Hide..." he murmurs sadly, and at this, Hide tugs him close, "It's alright, I understand, this happens Kaneki, it's okay if you find it hard to believe. Despite how much I don't want to let you go, he's been waiting, you know? Every day, he visited, worried you were gonna wake up and he wouldn't be there, I know, because well," and at this Hide sounds embarrassed, which causes Kaneki's who's been burying his head on Hide's shoulder to smile, "I was here every day too".
The soft breathing coming from Hide's body, along with his calming heartbeat, makes the insistent loud beeping of the heart monitor drop into slower and steady beats, that weren't as loud.
And when Hide slowly pulls away from Kaneki, the grin on his face is so cheeky and bright, Kaneki laughs relieved, because no one but Hide could make him feel like everything was going to be okay. His fingers tremble as he lets go of Hide's back, but Hide's hands are holding his forearms, keeping Kaneki stable, and when Kaneki's gaze lingers to Yomo, Yomo and Uta, his heart skips a beat, his cheeks turns a warm shade of pink, and Kaneki feels tingles all over.
Uta is alive, he registers, and then it hits him hard, cause the fact turns into the belief, Uta is alive. And he starts crying again, but this time, his smile is bright, because honestly, Kaneki is so fucking relieved, and before Kaneki can blink again, Hide is already up, and Uta is there, touching Kaneki, he's cold, and dressed in black, as usual. And he looks so beautiful, that Kaneki just sobs, because his lover is alive.
Uta is pressing his fingers up to Kaneki's cheeks, cupping it gently, and it tickles, so Kaneki giggles slightly. He feels the relieved sigh escape Uta's pierced lips, and leans into the touch, lifting his left hand that wasn't attached to the IV drip, to grasp those slender fingers, and hold onto them.
He says it softly, because he still can't believe it, and he's so worried that maybe he really has gone insane, and Uta's not actually there.
"I love you."
It's a soft whisper, and if it weren't for the sweet smile that graced Uta's lips, Kaneki would've been sure that he'd uttered it much too softly to be heard.
"And I love you too, Kaneki Ken."
Kaneki blushes, because it had been a while since he'd seen Uta talk, hear his voice come out from his actual lips, and oh. Uta's already leaning in to steal a kiss, and it feels wet, soft, and tasted like oranges. Kaneki smiled into the kiss, already feeling the familiar flutter of butterflies running amok in his stomach.
And Kaneki's sure he's never felt so glad in his life.
