After my breakdown after Ang's wedding, I tried to go back to normal. It was just… painful. I think I hadn't fully wrapped my mind around the concept that Edward didn't love me the way I love him. But to hear he was in love, with someone else… It was too painful. I felt betrayed, though he didn't betray me, we weren't together. I felt lonely, I was alone in this love, that would never be reciprocate. I felt stupid, for not realizing my feeling sooner, and do something. I felt… incomplete.
Now, everyone was worried, after all I did disappear and just showed up hours later, in the middle of the rain, almost catatonic. I was totally fine. It was what I said to them. Edward was the most worried. I could see it in his eyes even when he didn't say anything. He watched me carefully, and concerned. I tried to avoid him as much as I could. Being around him was like pouring salt in a wound. Being close, but not as close as I wanted.
It was a Thursday, two weeks after the wedding, and I woke up with a weird feeling. I couldn't tell if it was bad, or good. It was my free day, but I still got up early. It was cold, so I changed my tank top, for a long sleeved Mickey shirt. I put my slippers on, and got out. I opened Edward's door, and he was sleeping peacefully. I let him, and went to make breakfast. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, hot chocolate, cereal… Edward stumbled in half an hour later.
"Good morning" I said smiling as he yawned.
"Good morning" he mumbled, "I smell food"
"I knew you would"
"It's the best alarm ever" he said and kissed the back of my head as he grabbed mugs. "Why the feast?"
"I was just… I don't know. It's a cold day, and I remembered you just have to go to the hospital in the afternoon, and thought we could have a good breakfast"
"Sound great" he said extending a plate to me.
After we both had plates, and our mugs, we decided to eat in the living room, watching TV. We sat close, and got a blanket over our laps.
"I don't see that shirt since high school" he said looking at me.
"Well, in college I didn't need warm clothes so…" I said with a shrug.
"Looks good on you" he said taking a gulp of chocolate.
"Yeah, right" I snorted, "Old shirts, PJ's pants and slippers. I'm sexy right now"
"You're beautiful" he said.
I looked to him shocked with his words. My heart was beating so fast I was impressed it was still in my chest. He blushed slightly and continued with breakfast. I did the same, as we watched cartoons. After we finished, we let our plates in the coffee table and Edward pulled me closer to him.
"It's going to snow" I said looking at the window.
"Great" he said sarcastically.
It felt good being snuggled close to him, his arms wrapped around me. After an hour, or so, I lay down in his lap. He didn't say anything, he didn't seem to mind either. His fingers ran through my hair absentmindedly, as one of my hands played with the hem of his shirt. We were watching friends re-runs, Ross and Rachel were discussing again.
"We were on a break!" I said with Ross, chuckling.
I looked up, and found Edward watching me, with a smile in his lips. His eyes were soft, dazzling. I sighed at the picture and his fingers trailed the side of my face softly, almost ghostly. And suddenly, I could see it. I could see him loving me. Maybe I was day dreaming, I don't know. But it seemed right, plausible, obvious…
"Edward…"
"Yes, Bella?" he asked quietly.
"What you – " the phone rang interrupting me.
"Ignore it. You were saying" he said.
"I…" this time my cell rang. I sighed, "I'm sorry, I have to answer"
He let me go, and I ran to my room, grabbed my cell and ran back to Edward.
"Hello?" I answered sitting beside him.
"Isabella? It's Marilyn, from the office"
"Oh, hi!" I said confused with the call, "Something is wrong? It's my day off…"
"Actually, yes" she said, "That murder case you were working on… Apparently they found the real killer"
"Hm, good. I didn't think Mr. Simpson killed the guy" I said.
"Yeah, well… The guy is in the police station, and we need you there, take his statement and try to find out something" she said. "I'm sorry, but you can take another day off"
"Hm, yeah, sure" I said, "Can you text me the information you have. I'll be there in… less than an hour"
"Great, thanks"
I hung up and sighed. I looked to Edward and he had a curious look.
"I have to go" I said.
"But it's your day off" he said frowning.
"Yeah, but a case I was working on… Totally messed up now. Sorry"
"Yeah, it's okay, I guess" he said frowning, "I have to go to the hospital later"
"See you at night?" I asked hopeful.
"Yeah, I think so. If nothing comes up in the hospital" he said shrugging.
"Okay"
I got up but he grabbed my wrist.
"You were saying…?" he pressed.
I looked at him, and my cell biped with a message.
"We talk calmly later, okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, great"
I kissed his forehead and went to my room. I quickly put pants on, a blue shirt, and grabbed a cardigan. It was just to go to the police station and take a statement after all. I put my black wedges and grabbed my messenger bag. I got out pulling my hair into a ponytail.
"I have to get a car for me" I said after I called a taxi.
"Do you want to take mine?" Edward asked.
"No. How would you go to the hospital?" I asked rolling my eyes and trying to put my earring.
"I could find a way… Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yeah"
"Okay" he said and looked at me, "I love this color on you"
"Thanks" I said blushing, "See you later"
I grabbed my keys, walked to him, grabbed my cell, kissed his cheek and walked to the door.
"Bella?" he called before I got out.
"Yeah?"
"Be careful, okay?" he asked quietly.
"It's… I'm just going to take a statement, Edward. It's a silly thing, and hopefully quick too"
"Yeah. I just… I don't know" he shook his head and sighed, "There's a feeling…"
"Bad one?" I asked thinking about mine.
"I don't know" he said, "Just… be safe"
"I will" I said smiling, "Bye… Best boyfriend"
I don't know why, but I had this urgency to call him that. It's been some time.
"Bye, best girlfriend" he said smiling.
I went as fast as I could to the police station. One of my co-workers was there. He talked to me, updated me on things, and told what was going on, and the plan. He would have to see the former suspect, Mr. Simpson, so I had to see the new, and most probable one.
"Hey, Joe" I said to an officer.
I came here more often than I liked, so I made friends around the station, and a few even knew Charlie.
"Hey, Bella" Joe said.
"You're going with me to the statement, right?" I asked.
"Yeah" he said and grabbed his things, "Let's go"
We entered in the room, and the suspect was clearly out of his mind. No one told me this. They told me he had a drug problem but not that he was high. Of course. Now I would take much longer on this. Joe and I sat asking the guy questions. He was disturbed. Looking around, like something was going to attack him any moment. I was getting frustrated. We took a break, they gave him some water, food, trying to get him to… cool down, or whatever. I got a salad, one of the officers brought it to me. I ate with the officers, laughing, as they told a few experiences, and I told Charlie's experiences I knew. Eventually we went back to the suspect. So, here I was trying to know if he was going to say he had a partner on the murder, or not, but he didn't answered me.
"Answer the question!" Joe snapped.
He had lost his patience a while ago. I opened my water bottle and took a sip. I looked at Joe, and he rolled his eyes. Yeah, we would spend some time on it. Suddenly the guy put his head in the table. At first we continued to talk, but I noticed he wasn't moving. At all. Not even breathing.
"Joe, he isn't breathing!" I murmured.
Joe got up, and walked around the table, and put a hand on the guy's shoulder. He shook him slightly. I began to get up to do something when the guy snapped up. He grabbed Joe's gun from his belt, got up, and backed away, pointing the gun to Joe. Oh my God! I took a step closer to the door, but he noticed and pointed the gun to me. I gasped and took a step away from the door. He ran to the door, and locked. I looked at the mirror, knowing an officer was seeing this and would do something.
"I want a deal!" the guy screamed at me.
"Sir, calm down" Joe said calmly.
I was shaking in fear. Please, don't let me die, I prayed. I always thought it was a little funny how people turn to religion if they are threatened in any way, but right now, I was hoping it would work. That someone would hear my prayers and made everything okay. I had tears in my eyes.
"I want a deal!" he screamed at me and his finger was shaking on the trigger.
"Okay, okay!" I said quickly, "I'm not able to make a deal, but I can talk to who can…"
I didn't finish my explanation. There was a loud noise, when he pulled the trigger, and the gun fired. I gasped, and my breath caught. At first I thought he missed, but I felt a horrible pain on my leg, and I looked down. He shot my right leg, and it had a hole from the bullet. Blood drenching my pants. I fell on the ground, gripping my leg, crying in pain. I could barely breath from the pain. I saw Joe try to get closer to me through my tears.
"Stay there!" the guy shouted.
I could hear people through the door, and I wandered if they would come in and get us alive our wait for the bullets to end. The blood wasn't even making me dizzy as usually do. The pain though…. The blood didn't stop. My hands were covered in it, my pants too… I knew enough anatomy to know I had an important artery on my leg, and I could die from the lost of blood.
"I… I didn't mean to kill the guy!" the man screamed, "I need a deal!"
"We'll try to get it for you. But you need to calm down and give me the gun" Joe negotiated.
"No!" he yelled, "If I do, you'll get me arrested! Without a deal! The deal first!"
He was nonsense. He was afraid of being arrested for a murder, he was trying to prove himself not guilty of, but was shooting at people in a police station. And he thought someone would help him get away with it. He was completely out of his mind.
"Give me a deal!" he said.
I knew he was talking to me, and I had to sooth him somehow. I tried to stop crying to speak, and after a minute I could.
"Okay. I-I will h-help you" I sobbed, "J-just please, let us g-go" I cried.
At that moment he hesitated. He believed me. The door was burst open, and before the officers could grab him, stop him, he shot again. Twice. People grabbed him, took the gun from him and dragged him out.
"We need an ambulance!" someone said.
I saw the blur of people surrounding me. I looked down, and saw blood coming everywhere from my body. I took a hand from my leg, and touched my stomach and then my chest's side. I was going to die. Three shots. One on the chest, one in the stomach, and one in the leg. There was no way I was going to survive this.
"Bella! Stay with us!" I heard people saying.
My eyelids were too heavy. I wanted to stay awake. I knew I should. But the darkness was too strong.
"Bella!"
I know it seems silly, a cliché, but… I saw my life pass. It was just a scene, that summoned everything. It was like I was there. New Year. I think a couple of years ago. Everyone was there. Mom, dad, giving their midnight kiss. Aunt Liz and Uncle Ed too. Esme, Carlisle, Ali, Emm… But all that was unfocused. I could only focus on one thing. Edward and his green eyes.
"Happy New Year, best girlfriend" he said smiling.
I answered something, but I couldn't remember. Suddenly we were fifteen and I was having my fisrt kiss with him. The last kiss, in uncle Ed's office... His eyes this morning, how they seemed to yell at me something that I wanted to hear.
"I love you" I heard him say.
"Edward" I mumbled. It hurt like hell to even open my mouth, and it tasted like blood.
And then, the blackness took over.
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EPOV
I was almost finishing my shift in the hospital. It was a just a lot of colds, and broken bones from slipping in the rain. Cold weather suck. I was eager to go home, to Bella, and talk. I don't know why, but I began to thought I was wrong. That I shouldn't have lied about our kiss. That she had wanted it too. And that she might love me too. Maybe that was the feeling I had when I woke up. I couldn't say if it was bad or good, but it felt… important. Like something would change. Maybe it was it. Bella and I. Together. Finally.
I was signing a few charts, just one hour and I would be free.
"We have an ambulance coming!" a nurse said after taking a call.
"Dr. Cullen! Pratt! Smith!" our chief resident said.
We quickly followed him, and got our scrubs.
"There was a shooting" one nurse said.
We were waiting for the ambulance, but it was taking longer than usual.
"It's taking too long. Maybe they sent to another hospital?" a doctor mused.
"No. It's the weather. The traffic must be delaying them, and the road is slippery, it can be dangerous" I said.
"It's far from here?" a doctor asked the nurse.
"No. They said five, ten minutes" she answered.
Twelve minutes later, an ambulance came into view. They opened the doors, and we were surprised. Besides the paramedics, there was at least three police officers.
"Woman, 24. Three shots. Right leg, lower stomach and chest. Unconscious and unresponsive" the paramedic said dragging the gurney, "Low heartbeat and shallow breathing"
I was leading the way to the room, where we would take care of the patient, still a little shocked with so many people. A police car came right after the ambulance.
"The suspect took my gun and shot her! He wanted a deal!" an officer said.
We stopped and they began to count to move the body to a stretcher. That's when I froze. I knew those clothes, though they were bloodied. I knew that body. And when the nurse moved, showing the face… I knew the face. I gasped. Bella. Oh my God! I was frozen as my colleagues put IV on her, nurses brought the defibrillator.
"Dr. Cullen!" someone called my attention.
I snapped out of it, and helped them tearing apart her clothes, trying to access the wound. The beautiful blue, that I loved on her skin, was almost purple, with the blood.
"I know her" I gasped.
"What!" the nurse gasped.
"It's my… It's Bella" I said.
"You know her!" the police officer said relieved, "Oh God! It's my fault… my gun… I… Charlie will freak"
"Did you call him?" I asked as we prepared to intubate her.
"Yes, we called him. Her co-workers are calling her whole family"
"I can't get through" the doctor said trying to pass the tube. "We have to crack"
I winced, and put pressure on the bleeding in her chest.
"Quick" another doctor said.
"Sir, you have to leave" a nurse said to the officer.
He reluctantly nodded and left. Watching us thought the doors' glass.
"Can you see the bullet?" a doctor asked.
"No" I said. "Her stomach?"
"It went thought. Almost hit her spine"
I gasped again in horror with his words. Please, don't die. Don't go. I thought. They cut her throat open, and insert the tube.
"Start with 200" a doctor said and I heard the defibrillator being charged. "Clear!"
I took my hands off her chest, and her body tensed and shook with the electricity. In the monitor there was just a tiny difference, but her heart still almost non-beating.
"250!" a doctor called, "Clear!"
Again we moved away from her but still nothing.
"Bella, please, please, don't do this"
At that moment I really didn't care I was saying it aloud, or crying in front of my colleagues. I just couldn't lose her. After a few more shocks her heart restarted. I sighed relieved and tried to help. They crack her ribs, to see the intern damage. My phone didn't stop ringing in my pocket and I knew people were trying to tell me what I was seeing. She got several blood bags, but her bleeding wasn't stopping.
"Dr. Cullen?" someone said.
I didn't pay attention, just tried to make it stop. Help her, save her. Save myself.
"Dr. Cullen?" the doctor said more forcefully, "Are you able to work on her?"
"I think I found… The source of the bleeding… Her lung, it's… slightly perforated" I mumbled
"Dr. Cullen!" someone shouted. "Please, go. Wait with the family" my boss said.
"No" I said shaking my head. "I… I have to…"
"Edward" a nurse said trying to pull me away, "Let's go"
I shook my head. It was my Bella. I wouldn't leave her. I couldn't. I had to do something!
"She's in good hands. You're not helping like this" the nurse said.
I didn't even realize, but I could barely see through my tears.
"We have damage in the uterus, colon and kidney" a doctor that was taking care of her stomach said.
"She's still bleeding here too" a doctor trying to stop the bleeding on the leg said.
I took my hand away from her, and let the nurse pull me away.
"Arrhythmia" a doctor called as the heart monitors went wide.
I gripped my hair, and let myself be dragged out of the room. Watching them work on her heart beat again. My stomach was… I couldn't even describe it. I felt like I was punched almost to death, and then they started cutting me, deep. I think I stayed frozen there for a minute.
"We're loosing her!" a doctor called.
I couldn't stand anymore. I ran to the garbage close, and threw up. A nurse gave me water, napkins, ice… She could give me a naked person, I wouldn't care. I was almost not there. Totally out of me.
"Edward. Go to her family" the nurse said after I calmed a little down.
"What… What's happening? What should I say?" I asked.
She sighed, and shook her head weakly.
"We… We're working on her, tell them that" she said.
I slowly nodded as more tears rolled down my cheeks, my head spinning.
"We'll do our best, Edward. Be sure of that" she said and walked back into that room.
I dragged myself to the waiting room, and found everyone there. Bella's parents, my parent's, uncle Carlisle and aunt Esme. Emmett and Alice, with Rose and Jazz.
"Oh, Edward! Bella is…" aunt Renée cried coming to hug me.
"She's dying" I whispered.
"What!" she gasped and broke down in tears.
"What?" the others gasped.
"You saw her?" uncle C asked.
"She… She was shot, three times" I mumbled. "They… Didn't let me stay"
Aunt Esme came to me and hugged me. My mom was broke like aunt Renée, both crying in each other's arms. Uncle Charlie was… dead. Staring at nothing, his eyes glazed over, with tears. He didn't move, nothing. Uncle C and my dad were talking. I realized uncle C had scrubs on, even his cap, obviously coming from a surgery. Emmett was a mess. He was somewhere close to my mom's state. Crying unstoppably, a few sobs escaping, but not a word said. He was trying to be strong. Rose stood there hugging him, red eyes, and a frown. Alice was shaking from crying in Jazz's arms. Though aunt Esme was hugging me, I was a statue. I didn't move, standing awkwardly with her arms wrapped around mine. Uncle C came to us, and he was shaken up, though he tried not to show.
"Esme, dear, let me talk to Edward a moment?" he asked quietly, "Go to Renée"
She nodded, took my face in her hands, and kissed my forehead, before walking to my mom and aunt.
"Edward, how is she?"uncle C asked.
I shook my head, trying to erase the images from my head, the information… Trying to erase everything. Just go back to this morning, and realize I was day dreaming, a nightmare.
"Edward, you have to tell me, so I can… know if there is something I can do about it" he said.
My dad joined him and Emm too. They were worried, I knew, but there was nothing we could do.
"For God's sake! Just say it!" Emm snapped.
"Her right leg is bleeding out, and they couldn't stop. Her low stomach was hit, damaging uterus, kidney and colon. Also causing a bleeding. The bullet went through, and almost hit her spine" I said.
At that the three went pale, I could see Emm getting sick. My dad flinched as if it was physically hurting him.
"The last bullet hit her chest. I think it damaged her lung slightly" I said, "They crack her ribs to find the bullet. They had to use the defibrillator uncountable times. She got here not breathing and weak pulse. We couldn't intubate her, so we had to crack her throat. And…"
"And?" Emm pressed when I didn't continue.
"Right after I walked away from there, they were 'loosing her'" I mumbled.
I walked away from them and sat alone, in a chair, away from them.
She can't die. She won't die. Please, please, please. I prayed silently. My head rested in my hands, my elbows in my knees. I was shutting down the sounds of my family crying. I couldn't deal with them right now. I had to concentrate on Bella.
I know it sounds melodramatic, but… I didn't know what to do without her. It's not that I was thinking about suicide if she died, though the idea seems tempting. It's just… I never lived without her. I couldn't say something about my life that wasn't related to her. God! I was in so much pain with her hurt. What would feel like if she was dead? The pain got worse, unbearable, with just the thought.
I regretted everything. I regretted not have recognized the feeling earlier, and stopped her. I regretted letting her take that damn phone call. I regretted not telling her how much I loved her. How much she meant to me. I regretted every lie, every thing I didn't say, everything I should have done, everything she deserved and I didn't do… Every day I wasted, working, leaving her alone, avoiding her because of my fears… Every fight we had, even if we apologized. I regretted not realizing what I felt for her before…
As I thought what could have been. Future. Marriage, kids, old age… A doctor came in. I knew he was taking care of Bella, so I immediately got up. He didn't seem happy. My pain was getting worse. I took a step forward as the family got up. He sighed, cleared his throat and looked at me.
