Author's Note: This chapter includes my favorite scene in the movie… and a scene that made me get very confused, which I changed in this, because guess what? No girl moves on to the next one that quickly after falling in love, especially if she thinks the guy is dead.
Also, just to be clear, Preston Northwest is the Sultan, but I've made him a little nicer. Also- Alish starts with A and ends with H. Guess why that's the name I chose?
Gideon entered the throne room to see the king.
"Sire, I've found a solution to the… er, problem, shall we say, with your daughter," Gideon said.
The Sultan looked up. "Oh? What might that be?"
Gideon pulled a scroll out of his sleeve and unrolled it. "It says here that if the Princess can't choose a suitor, then you can choose one for her."
"She hated them all," the Sultan said, visibly deflating. "She is my daughter; I can't force here to marry someone she despises."
"There's more," Gideon said. "If a suitor cannot be selected then… interesting."
"What?" the Sultan asked.
"It says if a suitor cannot be chosen, then the princess must be wed to the royal vizier… that would be… well, me."
"I thought only a prince could marry Pacifica," the Sultan said. "I'm quite certain."
Gideon twisted his amulet, and spoke quietly. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Yes… desperate measures…" the Sultan repeated.
"You will order the Princess to marry me," Gideon whispered.
"I will… order the…" he shook his head. "What am I saying? You're five years older than her!"
"You will order the Princess to marry me!" Gideon said.
"I will…" this time, the Sultan was interrupted by fanfare. He jumped up, and rushed to the balcony to see what was happening. "Gideon that may be unneccesary! Come see this!"
A grand parade marched down the streets.
"Make way for Prince Alish!" sang a group of marchers.
"Say 'Hey! It's Prince Alish!" a group of swordsmen sang out.
Mabel, twirling a baton, led the way, singing loudly and grabbing random people in hugs.
"Hey! Clear the way through the old bazaar! Hey you! Let us through! It's a bright new star! Now come be the first on your block to meet his eye!" she sang cheerfully. "Make way! Here he comes! Ring bells; bang drums! Are you gonna love this guy!"
An elephant arrived, and large feathers parted, revealing "Alish," or, as he was better known, one Dipper Pines, smiling smugly.
"Prince Alish! Fabulous he! Alish Dafunprins!" Mabel sang. "Genuflect! Show some respect! Get down on one knee!" she commanded a row of guards, tripping them down to their knees.
Mabel proceeded to some blushing girls as she sang. "Now, try your best to stay calm! Brush up your Sunday Salaam! Come and meet his spectacular coterie!" Mabel "wheel-barrowed" six men onto Abu's trunk, where they shook hands with "Alish."
"Prince Alish! Mighty is he! Alish Dafunprins!" she sang as the men all fell on top of him. "Strong as ten regular men, defiantly!" she sang, while giving him a little help to lift all six over his head.
Mabel slipped into the body of a village woman. "He faced the galloping hordes!"
Next, a little girl. "One hundred bad guys with swords!"
Then, she went back to normal and pulled the pile of men down from Dipper's hands. "Who sent those goons to their lords? Why, Prince Alish!"
Pacifica happened to walk on her balcony, and looking down, gave a soft scream of shock, before shaking her head. "Impossible…"
"He's got seventy-five golden camels!" a chorus of men sang whilst carrying those camels.
"Don't they look lovely June?" Mabel said, dressed as a male newscaster.
"Purple peacocks? He's got fifty-three!" sang a chorus of women, gesturing to a float holding those peacocks.
"Fabulous, Harry, I love the feathers," Mabel commentated, now dressed as a female newscaster. Then, popping back to her baton-twirler outfit, she sang out, "When it comes to exotic-type mammals, has he got a zoo? I'm telling you it's a world-class menagerie!"
Then, Mabel appeared with several other girls on a balcony, singing loudly and obnoxiously. "Prince Alish! Handsome is he! Alish Dafunprins! That physique, how can I speak? I'm weak at the knee! Well, get on out to that square! Adjust your veil and prepare to gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Alish!" Then quietly to herself. "Ew."
Pacifica sighed sadly. Nope, that was too crazy to hope for. The boy from the market wouldn't be this stupid or shallow.
A chorus of people began singing again. "He's got ninety-five white Persian monkeys!"
"He's got the monkeys! Let's see the monkeys!" several dancers sang.
"To view them he charges no fee!"
Dipper threw golden coins to the crowd below, which sang out, "He's generous! So generous!"
"He's got slaves, he's got servants, and flunkies! All proud to work for him!"
The Sultan rushed down, followed by Gideon, who blocked the door.
"They bow to his whim, and love serving him! They're just lousy with loyalty to Alish!"
The door began rumbling, and suddenly was kicked wide open by Abu the Elephant, squashing Gideon against a wall.
"Prince Alish!" Mabel sang loudly. "Prince Alish! Amorous he! Alish Dafunprins! We've heard you princess was a sight lovely to see!" she told the Sultan. "That, good people is why he got all dolled up and dropped by with sixty elephants! Llamas galore! Bears and lions! A brass band and more! Forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers! Birds that sing right on key! Make way for Prince Alish!" she finished as Dipper came zooming in through the open door on the magic carpet. Gideon slammed the door shut.
"All right, I'll give you props for showmanship!" the Sultan said, amazed. "This carpet is a magnificent contraption!"
"Um, sir," Dipper started, but then cleared his throat and spoke in a deeper voice. "Your Majesty, I have traveled from afar to seek your daughter's hand."
"Ah, yes, of course, I'm delighted to meet you," the Sultan said. Then he nodded to Gideon. "Gideon, shake the boy's hand."
Gideon forced a smile, and Dipper's eyes widened in surprise.
"This carpet truly is confounding…" the Sultan said as Dipper stepped down from it. "May I be so bold as to ask if I can try it?"
"Sure, hop on!" Dipper and Mabel said in unison. Déjà vu hit them both again, and they shook their heads. The Sultan stepped onto the carpet, and it flew up, did several loops, and flew out the window.
"Where did you say you were from?" Gideon asked suspiciously.
"Um…" Dipper stuttered. "I've come from afar…"
"Where, exactly?" Gideon asked.
"Um, farther than you've heard of, most likely," Dipper said.
"Try me," Gideon snapped.
Dipper was saved from having to answer by the Sultan landing messily in front of him.
"Nice!" Dipper complimented. "It took me ages to learn how to control that thing!"
"Well, I am after all, the Sultan," the Sultan laughed. "You know, you seem to be a rather impressive youth, and a Prince as well! I think Pacifica will like you very much!"
"I… I…" Dipper blushed, and none of them noticed as the aforementioned Princess entered the room. "I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Pacifica!"
"I must advise against this," Gideon told the Sultan. "He's no different than the others! What makes him think he's worthy of the Princess?"
"You're Majesty," Dipper interceded, "I am Prince Alish Dafunprins! Let her meet me, and I'm certain I can win her heart."
"Really? Because I'm not," Pacifica said. All heads instantly turned to Pacifica, who walked up to the group and turned to her father. "You are not the boss of me." Then she looked at Gideon. "You are a psychotic bastard." Finally, she turned to "Alish" and slapped him. Hard. "YOU ARE NOT THE MAN I'M IN LOVE WITH!" she shouted. "AND IF YOU ARE, THEN YOU HAVE A HECK OF A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO AS TO WHAT THE F### IS GOING ON!"
With this she stormed out, leaving the three males in stunned silence.
"Um… yeah, Alish? Girls don't like being 'won.' It's sexist and wrong. I thought you knew that," Mabel said, before stomping out the door herself.
"Great," Dipper said, rubbing the side of his face where Pacifica had hit him. "I am so screwed."
"Au contraire," the Sultan said. "She just needs to cool down for a bit…"
"AND I DO NOT 'JUST NEED TO COOL DOWN FOR A BIT' FATHER!"
"…Um, good luck?" the Sultan offered.
"Thanks. I'll need it," Dipper sighed.
