I disclaim. I own nothing.

AN: This takes place between Gilead and Potlatch.

Chapter 7

"Talk to me, Jackson." Lenny wasn't even sitting on the bench across from him before he started speaking. "I haven't seem my kid in weeks, when I talk to her on the phone she sounds like she did back when she was hiding what that fucking fed was doing to her. You were suppose to make sure she never sounded like that again."

"I know." Jax heaved a tired sigh. If he hated seeing Lenny the last time he was here, he hated it even more now. With his recent release and the prospect of a long stretch hanging over his head, his stomach churned violently with each passing second. But he had to take care of his family. He knew Lenny wouldn't like anything he was about to say. But he'd listen and he'd agree because he'd do anything to protect Tara. "She had an accident. My mom's in a bad place, she busted Tara's nose. It was an accident-" He added quickly before Lenny could go off. "But Tara didn't want you to know about it. So she stayed away until her nose healed."

"Jesus Christ. She could have told me that." Lenny noticed the way Jax's fingers drummed nervously on the table, knew there was more. "She okay, now?"

Jax figured the answer to that depended on Lenny's definition of okay. "She wants to come see you. She's starting to feel like shit for staying away."

"I hear a but coming, Jackson."

"These fucking Aryan pricks, they know she's my Old Lady. That makes her a target. They find out she's your kid, that makes her an attractive target." Jax could see the fury come over Lenny's face followed quickly by the impotence that came with the realization that he could do nothing about the fury he felt. "I'm just trying to keep her safe, brother. And to do that I need to keep her away from here, just until this shit blows over."

Lenny ran his hand over his mouth, doing everything he could not to reach across the table and wrap his hands around Jax's throat. "You really want to protect her, send her away. Send her back to Tacoma, there's no trouble up there. The boys'll keep her safe."

Jax knew what Lenny said made sense. That it might be better for Tara and Nikolai to be in Tacoma, away from Charming, away from him. The logical part of his brain told him that's what he should do. "We'll keep her safe here."

"You can't, there's too much going on." Lenny angled his head so that he was looking Jax in the eye. "Send her back to Tacoma."

Now it was Jax who brought his hand up to his mouth, gripping his beard tightly to keep the tears out of his eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry, Lenny, but I can't." He needed her. Needed her where he could see her, touch her, hold her. "I'll keep her safe here, I promise."


"So, you're talking to me now?"

"There's other shit going on that kind of trumps being angry at you."

"Can I ask why you were so pissed at me?"

Tara was quiet for a long moment. This seemed especially frivolous considering but he asked. And despite what she just told him, she was still pissed. "I had a conversation with Gemma about Alexei. Right in the middle of it she drops this bomb about knowing I fooled around with someone pretty close to the club." She heard his sharp inhale. "She doesn't know who, probably suspects. But Jesus Christ, Kozik, that she knows at all…."

"I didn't tell her."

"You told Happy, which is like…a thousand times worse. Why in the name of God would you tell Happy?"

"I didn't tell Happy. He…saw."

"He what?" Tara's voice was sharp. "What…How?"

"He…walked in, I guess you didn't notice. I didn't tell you," Kozik began anticipating what she was going to ask next. "Because I didn't want to upset you. I handled it. You should be thanking me. Next time you decide to jump a guy lock the fucking door."

Tara rolled her eyes, there was no way she was addressing the last part. "You didn't handle it. Gemma knows, so how was it handled?"

"You just said Gemma doesn't know who. It's handled."

"Like Gemma will just let this go." But given the situation he'd done the best he could. He certainly kept Happy from confronting her about what happened or telling anyone else. "Fuck." It was years ago but she wondered if she should talk to Happy, explain what happened. "I really want to be mad at you a little while longer."

"Well you can't. Actually, I think you owe me an apology."

"Apology for what?"

"You accused me of something I didn't even do."

That was true, but she needed to be angry. It was always easy to be angry at Kozik, more accurately Kozik always let her be angry at him when she needed to be. "Thanks."

"For what?"

Even though she couldn't see him, Tara was almost positive Kozik was grinning on the other end of the line. "For handling Happy for me. I'm sure that wasn't easy."

"Yeah, well." Kozik brushed it off. "So what do you want? I know you just didn't call to make sure I knew you were mad at me."

"No. I need you to talk to my dad. Or Happy." She wouldn't have him talk to Jax. The two men may be brothers but she doubted Jax would take Kozik's advice on anything. "I haven't seen my dad since Gemma busted my nose. I'm pretty much healed and I want to see him now but Jax, my dad, Happy, they're saying I need to stay away from Stockton for awhile."

"Why?"

"Because of this business with the league." Just saying the name made Tara's skin crawl. She didn't know how they could call themselves men. Raping Gemma, attacking Otto and Juice while they'd been defenseless, the bomb that nearly killed Chibs, that didn't make them men. Yes it made them dangerous and yes there was a part of her that was afraid. But she refused to call them men. They were cowards, every one of them. "They're worried that if Zobelle and his guys find out I'm Lenny's daughter as well as Jax's Old Lady, it'll make me a target."

"They're right, Tara. Jesus Christ, did you really think I'd go against them on this."

"Kozik, I'm not-"

"Save whatever you're about say, Princess. Jax and Lenny are right, until this blows over you keep your ass away from Stockton."


The day she brought Nikolai home had been one of the most nerve-wracking of her life. If anyone asked she'd swear she was more nervous on Nikolai's first day home than she'd been during her first surgery. She'd been a neurotic mess whenever she took him out of the house, his diaper bag packed as if she was taking him out for weeks instead of a few hours. Kozik and Cas always gave her shit about how long it took her to get ready to go. Happy always yelled at her to move her ass.

It was for this reason that she took a ridiculous amount of pleasure in how good she was getting at preparing both boys for a day out. If anything her biggest set back was wrangling Nikolai. Abel, her little angel, always sat patiently in his crib smiling and laughing as she placed his things in the diaper bag. Things that Nikolai got a kick out of removing as soon as her back was turned.

It was their game, hers and her boys. So she didn't have the heart to make Nikolai stop. Not when he and Abel shared what she could only describe as a conspiratorial giggle whenever he thought he got one over on her.

"Gemma." Diaper bag on one shoulder, Tara shifted Abel in her arms and took Nikolai's hand as she stepped into the Morrow household. She was surprised to find the house empty. Normally when Gemma hosted family meals she got up in the morning shouting orders to women who hadn't been given a choice to come over to help.

"Gem! Gem, I here!"

It was Clay, not Gemma, who alerted them to the fact that house was not empty. And Tara didn't need to see his face to know it was a fact he was unhappy about. "Say it a bit louder, kid, I don't think the neighbors heard you."

Nikolai, obviously not caring about Clay's scolding tone, rushed the older man to fling his arms around his legs. "Clay!"

"How's it going, Kid? You got a Dyna yet?"

Nikolai shook his head, small arms squeezing around Clay's legs briefly. "Soon."

Clay caught the way Tara rolled her eyes. "You won't be able to keep him off a bike, Princess. It's in his blood."

"Yeah, I know." When Clay ran one large hand over the top of Nikolai's head, Tara noticed the way they were shaking. "You okay?"

Clay didn't have to ask what she meant, her tone was almost the same as Gemma's when she asked about his hands. "Yeah. Gemma left before she could help me with the damn shot, it's bitch trying to do it myself."

Tara didn't bother to ask how he normally did it when Gemma wasn't there. She knew there was a time Jax would have come to help Clay before they road to the clubhouse together. "I can do it." When he gave her a look that said he wasn't too sure about her offer, she gave an indignant scoff. "For Christ's sake, Clay, I'm a surgeon. I'm more than capable of sticking a needle in your hands."

"Could you make it sound any less appealing." But he gestured her back to the bedroom as he turned and headed that way.

"Nikolai Janowitz, don't you go anywhere near that bird's cage." Tara didn't even have to turn and look to see that's where Nikolai was headed. She didn't want to think about the damage he could cause near that cage. Any more than she wanted to think about what Gemma would do to her if anything happened to that bird.

"You know you almost sounded like a mom just then." Clay tossed over his shoulder with a grin.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get the hang of it." Before stepping into the bathroom, she set Abel down just outside the door where she could keep an eye on him.

Clay thought this was as close as he'd ever seen her in her element. Juice wouldn't shut up about how she came in and handled the Cameron situation but he hadn't experienced it first hand. He could still remember her when she was a kid. The way she was always slapping, pulling, and tugging on Kozik. How she and Jax always seemed to find some way to be touching. It was odd seeing those hands, that always seemed to be causing some sort of trouble, look so competent now.

"Where's your sharps box?"

Clay frowned. "The what?"

"The little red box you use to toss the used needles out."

"We don't have one of those, we just tossed the used needles in the trash."

"Jesus Christ." Tara muttered as she lifted Clay's hand. "I'll bring you one. Stop throwing used needles in the trash."

"Wow, you really are getting the hang of this mother thing. Tell me when," He didn't care if it made him sound weak, Clay really fucking hated to watch the needle go into his hand.

"When? I'm done."

"Damn. You are good."

Tara grinned. "It's why they pay me the big bucks."

"You know, Gemma usually rubs my hands after." It was a little thing, nothing big but just something he'd grown use to and was starting to miss as the distance between them continued to grow. "You're good. But nobody does it like Gemma, you know." He ran a hand down Tara's arm before walking out of the bathroom, stopping just long enough to lift Abel into his arms. "What the hell is this kid doing?"

Tara stepped out of the bathroom to see her son squatting next to Gemma's bird cage. His hands were pressed tight to his stomach and his head tilted back so he could look up at the bird. "What he was told." Crossing the short distance, she scooped Nikolai up in her arms. Swinging him up so that she could presses playful kisses all over his face. "Coffee?"

"Would you, kid? I don't think Gemma made any before she left."

With a roll of her eyes Tara walked out to the kitchen, she really hadn't been offering. And she was almost sure Clay was aware of that. She moved around the kitchen easily enough, knowing this one as well as she knew her own. If anything her movements were hampered by the little boy clinging to her back and the baby trying to pull himself up by her pants.

"So Gemma told me they switched your meds." It took some work but she had both boys in her arms when she sat at the kitchen table next to Clay. And because she sat, Nikolai immediately climbed off her lap to go entertain himself elsewhere. "Notice any difference."

Clay flexed his hands. "Not really, just started."

"Ramming your fists into my boyfriend's face probably didn't help matters none."

"Hey," Clay's eyes were hard, his tone harsher than he's ever used with her as he pointed one thick finger in her face. "That's club business. Stay out of it."

"I didn't ask, Clay." But because his tone was harsh, she stood from to fix herself a cup of coffee before coming back to the table without so much as offering to do the same for him. "It's no secret that things between you and Jax were bad way before whatever happened between you on the inside. Things have been tense since Donna died. Ope's a mess, Piney's teetering on the edge. You and Jax and Tig…"

"What has he told you?"

Tara made a restless movement with her shoulders, brushed her lips over the top of Abel's head to quiet the dangerous whispers in the back of her mind. She'd known all these men long enough to know when something wasn't right, something bigger than any of them would ever admit to. Clay stayed away from the house, Tig couldn't meet her eyes, Jax and Opie continued to grow apart. And every night he came home the weight on her man's shoulders seemed heavier and heavier. "Just that Opie got retaliation for what happened to Donna. He doesn't have to tell me that this business with the league is getting to everyone, we're all feeling that."

"Well don't you worry about it." Because she didn't offer to fix him a cup, Clay simply took her mug and drank from it "And I thinks it's best, if just for awhile, you stop going to visit your old man."

"Yeah, I already heard it from Jax and my dad." Tara placed her hand over the one he had resting on the table. "It'll blow over, Clay. It always does."

"I know." Clay looked down at their hands. Hers thin fingered and delicate, his thick and rough. He remembered a time when her whole hand could fit in the palm of his. "You know, I was just thinking the other day about when you moved in here. Jax had been making noises about going and staying at the clubhouse. Sixteen years old without a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of but he thought he was a man ready to live on his own. Probably would have done it if you hadn't taken the room right across from his. One look at the gleam in Jax's eye as he stood in the doorway watching you unpack and I knew it was a mistake. The two of you thought you were so fucking clever sneaking in and out of each other's rooms."

"We were clever." Tara shot him a teasing grin when she got up from the table to pour herself another cup of coffee. "We got away with it for a long time before you and Gemma caught on."

"We knew the first night." Clay informed her. "But then the two of you didn't even bother to pretend to sneak anymore and we figured it was time to step in. It's a miracle you weren't pregnant by the end of that summer."

"Thanks, Clay."

"Jax was practically grown when Gemma and I got married but I still loved being his father. I swear it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then you came along, hogging the bathroom, picking at the guys when they came over. We felt like a family, yeah you and Jax were fucking like bunnies, but it still felt like a family." He never allowed himself to wonder if it had been a lie, never thought about what he'd done to achieve all that he had. He had only lived in those moments when the four of them set down to dinner, when he sat back and laughed as Gemma got in their ass about one ridiculous stunt or the other, when he felt pride at their accomplishments. He didn't think of before and didn't like to look ahead. "I remember you and Jax and Opie and….Donna."

When he trailed off, squeezing her hand so hard she knew it hurt the both of them, Tara couldn't help the sliver of fear the raced up her spin. She'd never seen Clay like this. He was a man that didn't believe in weakness, not in others and definitely not in himself. But if she didn't know better she would have sworn there were tears in those ice blue eyes of his.


This was how Gemma found them. Fear gripped her throat like a living thing. First she worried Tara told him about the rape. Then she worried that Clay told her about Donna. The worse part was, she didn't know which scenario would be worse. "You two stepping out."

"Reminiscing." Tara informed her with a smile meant to soothe the frayed nerves she saw in Gemma's eyes. "Clay was just marveling over the fact that Jax and I don't have a teenage son by now."

"I just hope the two you have aren't teenagers by the time you give me a third grandson." When Nikolai came shooting out of the back of the house, and she shuddered to think about what he'd gotten up to back there, she held her arms out to catch him when he all but flung himself at her.

"Gem! I here."

"I see that."

"I need to get going."

Under Gemma's watchful eye, Tara gave Clay's hand one last squeeze before she stood up. She kissed Abel several times on his cheek before handing the baby to Clay and reaching out for Nikolai. She kissed him the same way she kissed Abel. Then with a quick brush of her lips over first Gemma and then Clay's cheek she headed towards the door.

"I'll be by later to check on Chibs." Gemma called before Tara could step out of the house.

"Okay, see you then." With a careless wave, Tara was out the door.

Gemma wasted no time taking the seat Tara just vacated. "What was that about?"

Clay shifted Abel in his arms. "Nothing. Reminiscing like she said."

"You didn't tell her about Donna, did you?"

There was a frown and something like offense in Clay's eyes. "Do I look stupid to you?"

"No." Gemma softened her tone, took his hand as Tara had. "You look weighed down. You need to unload, baby, you unload on me. Tara can't ever know about Donna." She'd never forgive any of them. Not her, not Clay, not Tig. It would crush her, shatter every illusion she had about SAMCRO and it's members. She'd pack up Nikolai and run back to Tacoma so fast they wouldn't even be able to make out her tail lights. Gemma couldn't have that. Couldn't have Tara getting spooked and running. Couldn't have her taking Jax's son from him, breaking up the young family they had.

She was close, so close to cementing her legacy. Jax and Tara already had a family, each one had brought another Teller and Janowitz into the world. Two little boys who were the image of them. Now all she needed was for them to make a son together. To give her a dark haired blue eyed grandson with Jax's quick smile and Tara's clever brain. Clay would be stepping down in a few years and Gemma could admit she wasn't ready for it to be over. But she could also admit that with her children and their children heading the club, she really wouldn't have to.