A/N: So, this is the seventh chapter and the gang has just left Carvahall. And I thought this was supposed to progress faster than the normal books. Oh well.
Saphira, Bob, Eragon, and Brom were walking away from Carvahall.
And then it became very awkward. Like seriously, no one was talking to one another. Everyone realized that it was awkward, but no one said anything.
And then finally Eragon couldn't take enough. He decided to make some small talk.
"So, Bob, what do you study at Carvahall Community College?" Eragon asked.
Silly Eragon, Bob said. Bob does not study at CCC. Bob is a teacher there.
"Really? You have a PhD?" Eragon asked, surprised.
Brom snorted. "PhD? Eragon, the only thing they want to know if you want to become a teacher at CCC is if you have an IQ above 20. You can get your PhD afterwards."
"What did Bob teach?" Eragon asked. Rather than answer through words, Bob beamed a memory at Eragon.
There was an empty classroom in CCC. The less said about the classroom the better, but then, Eragon watched as Bob walked into the classroom.
Then, Bob somehow managed to grab a piece of chalk and wrote on the blackboard: Police Training Academy.
Bob then began speaking telepathically to the students gathered there. To prevent confusion, said speech has been written in quotes for this portion only.
"Good morning students," Bob said. "As I know, all of you have gathered from all across the Empire in order to become top-ranked police officers. Welcome to my school. You may have noticed there is a rock on each of your desks."
Eragon glanced around, and indeed, there was a rock on each desk.
"Now," Bob said. "I'm going to ask you all to perform a simple exercise. Imagine the rock on your desk is a citizen who isn't behaving. Now, what I want you to do is to imagine that by law, rocks are required to remain in the air. So, I want you all to throw your rocks into the air at full force and while it is up there say, with full authority, 'I am a police officer. I order you to stay in the air. Do not come down. Do not obey the Law of Gravitation, obey the Empire's laws instead.'"
To Eragon's surprise, every single person there did just as Bob told them to. Of course, it didn't work and the rocks fell back to the ground. Some of the people had been dumb enough to throw it right above their heads, and now consequently had been hit. Painfully.
"Congratulations," Bob said. "You have completed your first step in becoming police officers. Unless of course you decided to stand under your rock as you threw it. In that case, this was your last step. Those people may collect their diplomas now, because Professor Bob believes that means you are now ready to become real police officers."
And the flashback ended.
Now, there were probably several questions lingering in Eragon's mind. But the one he asked was, "Why was that from a third person's view? Like why could I see Bob? Wasn't that supposed to be your memory? And speaking of that, you know how in Harry Potter there's that cup thing with the memories?"
A Pensieve? Saphira asked.
"Yeah," Eragon said. "I never really got how that worked either. I mean, didn't you add your memories to them and then view them? So shouldn't they have been from that person's point of view, rather than you just appearing next to them somehow? I mean, how is the Pensieve supposed to know what you looked like or stuff like that if its just supposed to be your memories?"
No one answered Eragon. You see, they had all assumed (once he had spoken more than two sentences) that he was talking absolute nonsense so no one paid any attention after that.
"Okay, but was it okay to leave your job?" Eragon asked when he realized that no one was going to answer his first question.
"Yeah," Brom said. "I mean, he did get his PhD today so he can go work somewhere else. As a matter of fact, I have a copy of his thesis right here."
Brom took out a rather hefty tome from his bag. Eragon took it and began flipping through it.
Okay, the first thing he noticed was that it was written in crayon and in bad handwriting. And it read like a One Direction fanfic.
Yeah, it read like a One Direction fanfic because it was a One Direction Fanfic. At least for the first four pages it was. After that for the next twelve hundred, it was just either blank pages or random scribbles.
And at the end of the thing, there was an official seal of approval from CCC. So this was how Bob had gotten his PhD.
"But-but," Eragon said. "Was it okay for you to leave like that?"
Yes. Bob found an excellent replacement, someone who Bob felt Bob could leave the future of the Empire's police department to.
Meanwhile in Carvahall Community College
Aspiring police officers had gathered in a classroom. Then, Roran walked in and wrote Professor Roran on the board.
"I will be your new teacher," Roran said.
And Now Back to the Plot
Eragon spent twenty minutes wondering what was wrong with humanity. Then he remembered that this was Carvahall they were talking about, after all. So he got over it.
"So, are you going to teach me how to fight with a sword?" Eragon asked.
"Silly Eragon," Brom said. "You don't need to learn how to fight with a sword. Trust me, I've played all the Legend of Zelda games there are and there are only like four moves you can do with a sword. Unless we're talking about Fire Emblem, in which case it also doesn't matter about what technique you use. You just need to defeat other people, get experience points, level up, and that's all that matters."
"I'm talking about real life, not a video game!" Eragon shouted.
"You mean there's a difference?" Brom asked. He genuinely looked surprised as if this was a big revelation.
And that's when it hit Eragon just how bad things were.
After they went around walking for several hours, Brom asked Bob and Saphira to fly because they were about to reach a populated area.
Brom and Eragon reached a bridge. Someone walked up to them.
"See, I own this here bridge. Yes, it's mine, don't bother looking it up on your Iphones or anything like that, or ask for any papers or a license, just accept that I own the bridge. Now hand over some money," the guy said.
"Sounds legit," Eragon said and handed the guy some Empire issued money. The guy looked at the notes and threw them back.
"I want real cash, not that junk," he said.
Brom opened up his wallet and took out three Pokemon Cards, which he handed to the guy. After the guy had looked over the cards, he nodded and let them go.
Brom slipped and grabbed the guy for support. "Watch 'yer step," the guy said and Brom nodded. They walked over the bridge.
And it was then that Eragon realized something. Something that he should have realized when they had been talking to the guy on the bridge.
"Why didn't that guy accept my money?" Eragon asked.
"Eh? Empire issued cash is junk, the only thing that gives it value is that the Empire backs it. It isn't real international cash. That's what Pokemon Cards are for. Everyone, even dragons, elves, dwarfs, Urgals, and the Ra'zac accept Pokemon Cards as money. But the First National Bank of Galbatorix likes to hoard Pokemon Cards and issue worthless Empire notes in place of them, which are supposed to stand for Pokemon Cards but aren't really backed by them. It's sort of like what the Federal Bank of America does with gold and Dollars. Take a look at that Empire bank note closely for a second," Brom said.
Eragon took a close note at the bank note for a second. It had an image of Galbatorix, but with hair photoshopped on. Beneath it was written the line: 'This note is not legal tender for any debt, neither public nor private.'
Behind, there were a few lines scribbled as well: 'LOL n00b! I just got you to give up your Pokemon Cards for this worthless bank note. And now you'll never get them back. Signed, Galbatorix.'
"The First National Bank of Galbatorix wishes to take away all the Pokemon Cards in the land, so that they can then give out worthless paper currency and control the economy completely. That's one thing that is purely despicable, and we have to stop them," Brom said. He then peeked into his coat and took out several Pokemon Cards. It was then that something else hit Eragon.
"You cut his purse," Eragon said. "Why?"
Brom stared at him. "Really? Are you that dumb that you seriously just went and gave money to some random idiot? That guy probably didn't even own the bridge, we could have just brushed past him."
"Oh yeah," Eragon said as the realization came to him. "Then why didn't we?"
"You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's better to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention," Brom said.
"So, because that guy was an idiot it was okay to steal from him?" Eragon asked.
"Yes," Brom said. "Yes it was."
"No it isn't!" Eragon said. "That's still stealing! You're a thief! You just stole some guy's Pokemon Cards!"
"And his purse held a surprising amount," Brom said. "I mean look, he had a Mewtwo EX in there. Seriously, why was he going around carrying something extremely valuable like a Mewtwo EX in his pocket? He should've known better."
"Oh yeah," Eragon said. "So if someone should know better than to leave their door unlocked at night, it becomes okay to sneak in and steal their stuff? Admit it, you're just a thief."
"Okay, I am," Brom said. "What're you gonna do about it, call the police?"
"Maybe I will," Eragon said.
"Nice try," Brom said. "But most police officers in Alagaesia are trained at Carvahall Community College, which means that Bob has a large influence with them. I'd be out in minutes."
"Whatever," Eragon said. "Don't you think we should go buy horses now?"
"Why?" Brom asked. "I mean, Saphira and Bob can carry us both, so why bother?"
Eragon had no reply to that. For some reason, he was sure that they were supposed to buy two horses from some guy, one of which would be named Snowfire and Roran would eventually ride him... wait no, Eragon hated Roran. That was a strange memory.
A/N: And so it ends. If you liked this, give me a 'LOL' at the very least. Or something longer. And I realize an explanation might be needed if you don't know what a Pensieve is. It's this sort of bowl from Harry Potter where they can take out memories and view them again, though somehow from a third person's point of view, which really makes no sense.
