Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, which is probably a good thing because even though I love the show, I could never write mysteries well enough


Chapter Seven- Close

The second she had left the precinct her apartment had been her destination; her rational mind would attest to that. She wanted the sanctuary of quiet solitude where she could curl herself into a ball against the corner of her couch. She wanted to hold tight to her knees and allow herself the tears she had been denying the whole of the day since her call had gone to voice mail. She wanted the thin blanket to keep her warm against the sudden chill taking her. But, despite her best made plans, as she rounded the final street corner and pulled to the curb, she found the building looming before her not the building she had been expecting; her sub-conscious mind could have told her that. Immediately, Kate made to turn back into traffic, willing herself to turn the wheel only to find part of her keeping herself from kicking the car into drive. Taking a deep breath, she fought against the half of her that wanted to stay. Instead, her only reward was a tear slipping free of her constraints. Looking towards the side walk, several more tears started to fall, as her mind cruelly played back yesterday's events in. She killed the engine and lied back against the seat. trying not to let her eyes wander in the direction of the entrance to Castle's building or up towards the floor of his loft. Of all the places in the city, she had driven herself to his home, deep down seeking his support without even realizing it, knowing this time she couldn't ask for it. And, now I can't even leave. She closed her eyes as the tears fell in earnest caring little for any stares she might receive from passersby.


Put the matter to rest. Castle took one final look at his reflection in the mirror and stepped out of the bathroom into his room. Easier said than done. Retrieving his phone from the bed, he slipped it into his jacket pocket, trying to keep the tendrils of anger from rising at the missed call he still had yet to return. Easier said than done, for sure. Leaving behind his room and office, he made his way into the living room and the front door, grateful no one was home to ask too many questions. Crossing the distance of the hallway to the elevator, he debated his next destination as he watched the numbers drop to the ground floor. Go to her? He grit his teeth and took a deep breath as the full thought of her filled his veins with conflicting forms of fire. Or, let her come to me? Reaching the bottom level, he nodded once to the doorman and stepped out into the light drizzle, grateful for the cold chill the drops of water brought to the heat building on his skin. Heading for the waiting town car, he chanced a glance in the direction of the park cars lining the street, trying to push his mind to focus on something to clear his thoughts. Deep shadows filled the interiors, as the natural light of day gave way to the colors of a night hidden within storm clouds. His breath caught in his throat as the strength in his legs dropped away, forcing him to halt in his tracks. He could spot her from a mile away; as it stood she was leaning back against the seat of her car, eyes closed. Kate. The hurt returned in full force, along with the need and the desire for her. He briefly closed his eyes, trying to push himself forward.


Kate wiped at the tears stains on either side of her face with the back of her hand and reached for the ignition, ready to try again. Gripping the key, she raised her gaze over the dash and froze, her eyes locked on the figure starting towards her. She felt the inside of her mouth run dry as Castle continued towards the car, his hands buried in the depths of coat pockets. Her heart jumped into her throat, as the passenger door opened and he slipped into the seat opposite her; his eyes never once meeting hers. Kate shivered, at the chill that thought left her, and reached for the ignition hoping to bring in some warmth against the cold suddenly bearing down on her.

"Hey," she started, trying to keep her voice a steady as possible.

"Hey."

Castle raised his head to look out the windshield, the features of his face growing hard to read as the sun finally dipped below the horizon, plunging the city into deep darkness. She dropped her attention to her hands folded idly in her lap, her teeth biting deep into her lower lip.

"I honestly meant to be at my apartment," she stated quietly, hoping to placate any anger he might have for her sudden presence near his home. She cast a glance in his direction; he shifted in his seat and dropped his gaze to the dashboard.

"I see."

She returned to watching her hands. She shivered again despite the heat filling the car. Her heart raced in her chest, tendrils of sweat beaded into her palms. Daring a glance in his direction, her breath caught in her throat at the image of a broken man beside her. Forcing air into her lungs, she looked out at the cars on the street, headlights blurred by the water drizzling down from the heavens, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. The long silence choked her until she felt light headed, weak. "I never meant to hurt you," she started quietly.

"You lied, Kate."

"I," she shifted her gaze to her lap and gathered in air. "I just didn't know how to tell you." She paused, seeking the strength for her next words. "There was more than…than just remembering your words to me, Rick."

Kate lifted her head to face him, every ounce of inner resolve pulled to the forefront to keep herself from falling to pieces before him. He turned to meet her gaze, his face as steady as stone. Castle stared into her eyes until understanding settled into the features of his face.

"You mean…everything to me," she continued, seeking solace in her hands once more, as if they somehow could provide the solution. "I…I just— " she closed her eyes, as the tears fell. "I just didn't want to tighten that noose around your heart. You deserve better than that." She swallowed back a sob threatening to escape her lips. "Better than—

"Kate," he started softly, placing a hand over hers. She raised her head to meet him face to face once more trying reign in her tears and failing. "You are one of the best things in my life." Castle took a deep breath. "I may not be happy that you lied to me, but," he paused, "Kate, I am not going anywhere. Even if it means I have to wait the rest of my life for you. I will."

She bit down on her lip, the sincerity and conviction behind his words pushing her feelings to the tip of her tongue. She could feel her heart rate rising higher in her chest. She wanted to press her lips to his; rest her head on his shoulder. She allowed herself to indulge in the latter. Taking a steadying breath she leaned her head against his arm, wishing she could be closer.