As in the previous chapter, italics represent flashback. Thanks for reading and dont be shy about leaving a review! I really do appreciate them more than you know :)

I do not own Life with Derek.


CHANGE

Derek lay still, staring distantly towards the ceiling. His thoughts were running laps around his mind, at super warp speed. All the changes, all the losses, all the things that would end. He was still in grief. He couldn't think positive or tell himself it would be okay, things would get better. He just wanted to sit there and wallow.

Logically, he knew there were people worse off out there. He knew that. There was a part of his brain that knew that. But that part of his brain was being overridden with pain. Grief. Mourning. Mourning the loss of the life he lived, the one he took for granted.

When you can step back and see that other people have it worse, it can ground you a little bit, get you to see some sense and that things aren't as bad as they seem. But when that bad thing happens to you personally… it's just different. It's you that other people wish they weren't. And for a guy who was used to being idolized, well, it wasn't a very easy concept to grasp.

Derek went through the typical stages of mourning. Denial, where he tried to convince himself it was just a phase and once his fracture healed up he'd be able to move his legs again. Anger, where he was furious that another person had done this to him, that he hadn't seen the guy coming towards him because he was so focused on getting that goal, that his passion had been his ultimate fail. Bargaining, begging God or whoever was listening up there that if they gave him another chance, let him live that night over again so he could do it right, let him walk again so he couldn't take things for granted like he did. He'd be a better son, brother, friend, boyfriend, he swore. He'd be a better man, if he could just go back to the way things were. And now he had reached the depression stage. Floundering between phases as one always does, but all the losses were screaming in his mind. He just wanted to shut them up.

The family came to visit him about an hour after he got the news. He hardly looked them in the faces, trying to force a smile onto his face for Marti but he was in so much pain, both emotional and physical, that it was a tough feat. Her eyes were shining as she looked up at her big brother, understanding without words that he was defeated, that things would be so different from then on. That things may never go back to the way they were. For a young girl who was perfectly happy with the way things were, that's a lot to take in.

Derek didn't speak much, just one word answers and half-hearted grunts when they tried talking to him. Nora was flitting around like a typical mom, asking him how he was feeling and if there was anything she could do. His father tried keeping things upbeat and light-hearted, and everyone played along, even though there was no belief behind any of it. Edwin and Lizzie tried helping, talking about everything but the accident or hockey or anything to relate to it.

Casey stayed back however, leaving the room after a few minutes. Tears were streaming down her face by the time she got to the public washroom, and there she heaved up her entire day's worth of food.

She shakily exited the stall to find her mom waiting sympathetically. Casey brushed past her to wash her hands and her mouth out, not meeting her gaze.

"Case…" her mom began, and the familiar nickname broke her resolve.

Casey began sobbing and her mom pulled her into a tight hug, tears falling from her eyes now too.

"That in there isn't Derek! He's not the same guy. What if he's never the same? What if he's lost more than the use of his legs, what if he's lost himself? What if he never gets over this? What if he doesn't fight with me anymore? What if-" Casey broke off, crying too hard to continue. Seeing him so mournful and depressed, so opposite of the guy she had grown fond of over the years, was killing her. The thought of Derek not being Derek… well, it was just too awful to consider.

It didn't dawn on her until later that she really did love Derek. That as much as he drove her nuts and could push her buttons like no other, in some ways, he was one of her best friends. That there was so much of his personality that she had taken for granted. She didn't want to lose what made him him along with him losing the ability to walk.

"You should go see him. We all left and decided to talk to him separately. Seeing all of us at once wasn't very smart. He's overwhelmed enough. Lizzie and Edwin have already gone in, and George and I will go after you. Marti's with him right now, but I think it's best you see him alone."

Casey nodded in agreement. She headed down the hall after she cleaned herself up, looking in the window of the door to see Marti cuddled up to her big brother on the small bed. Derek was speaking softly to her, running his hand through her hair soothingly, as Marti nodded to whatever he was saying. She spotted Casey at the door and kissed Derek's hand since hugging him would disrupt the brace, and exited the room, casting a reassuring smile at her eldest step-sister.

Casey attempted to smile back, and took a deep breath before heading inside on her own. Derek glanced up and seemed surprised to see her. Casey strode determinedly over to the bed.

But when she was standing in front of him, his big brown vulnerable eyes staring back at her, she lost all thoughts of what to say. She simply stood there, and tried to form words.

When she failed, Derek spoke. "Why did you leave?"

Casey seemed shocked by his question, but then again, Derek always liked confrontation. This time it was different though. He was curious and seemed a little hurt. All his emotions were right on the surface now. But even so, she had always been able to read him like a book.

She bowed her head in defeat, tears slipping out now. She didn't want him to see them. They were supposed to act like they hated each other. All this honesty and crying and stuff, was not them.

"I… I just…" she hiccupped, and Derek's eyes softened and he squeezed her hand in his, pulling her to sit on the side of the bed. Casey climbed right up and cuddled into him, crying and clinging to him like a life raft. The rest of the night was running through her mind now. The horror on his face, the absolute terror she felt when she saw his body flop to the ground like a rag doll. She honestly thought he was dead, even though people don't often die from tackling. She feared his brain would be damaged, or his heart would stop, or SOMETHING would be the end of him. But not this. This was almost harder, because she had to watch him live through the pain every day from now on. It was too much to bear to see him so raw and full of despair.

"Case…" he attempted to soothe. "You know I don't do tears." he said, his voice suggesting a hint of amusement.

Casey felt hope fill her. Derek Venturi teasing Casey McDonald? Maybe things weren't over. "You didn't push Marti away." she argued.

"Marti's my sister. My baby sister. She's the exception to all my rules." Derek defended.

Casey rolled her eyes, although her head was resting on his shoulder so he probably missed it. "I thought only Derek Venturi was the exception to all rules." she countered with a smirk.

Derek chuckled. "Well for some things, all Venturi's apply. Even Edwin."

"Aren't me and Liz sort of Venturis by association?" Casey pressed.

Derek didn't realize, but his fingers were running through her hair absent-mindedly, as affectionately as he did with his sister moments before. He also didn't realize then that the affection was definitely different than that of a sister.

"Mm, Lizzie maybe. She's pretty awesome. You however? Nah, no way."

"Der-ek!" Casey squealed in irritation. They both sort of grinned at each other, the familiarity making both of them feel better about everything.

A twinge in his back reminded him of the true situation. He felt his body sort of sink in to itself as the grief swam over him again.

"I'm getting pretty tired. Do you mind sending my dad and Nora in so you guys can all head home and eat something? It's been a shitty day, but these meds are making me drowsy as hell and there's really no need for you guys to stay all night." he half-lied. Truly he just wanted to be alone for a while. He hadn't been properly alone in order to come to terms with everything since the accident and he'd appreciate the space. The doctors and nurses were in often enough to check on him, but he could ignore them. Coming face to face with his family made it all too… real. Too in his face. He just needed some time.

Casey nodded and left, and while his parents were there, Derek tried to humour them with simple conversation. They let him know what the doctor told them about his recovery period and he nodded half-listening. There was so much changing already. He didn't like to think about the future. Because today's future compared to yesterday's future… just fucking sucked.

Eventually Derek went to the rehabilitation centre, learning how to use a wheelchair, the limits of his condition, how to do the day-to-day things that were less simple now.

Derek spent days staring at his room's ceiling, properly grieving. By the time he was ready to leave the centre, he was feeling a little stronger, but going home to find all that changed had been hard. But he found there was truth behind what his therapist had been saying. That being around his friends and family had grounded him, made him realize that not everything had to change.

He knew his biggest support person was Casey, with Sam being a close second. But as much as he wished the whole ordeal had never happened, the one thing he did not regret was finding out who his true friends were, and his new more mature and friendly relationship with Casey.

Not all change was bad. He just had to keep telling himself that.


Derek headed back to his room to find Casey curled up under the light blanket, hugging a pillow to herself. Her face was so serene while she slept. She looked beautiful.

He shook off the thought, annoyed at his own feelings. He lifted himself back onto the bed and tried to decide whether or not to wake her.

He leaned over to turn off his lamp and climbed under his covers. If she woke up and left of her own accord, that was fine. But by not waking her, he was letting her know that he didn't mind if she stayed or if she left. His silence was an acquiesce. She could do whichever she prefer.

And he couldn't have been happier when he woke up in the morning and she was still lying next to him.