I hope these little stories are able to make you laugh my friends. Let us move on with the next chapter.

Fanfiction Trauma


Special thanks to KASEY64 for being my 100th reviewer. This is the first time I've reached that!


Chapter 7: Will the Unsub/Horrible Dad

"C'mon JJ, we should just leave already." Will suggested. "This was clearly a bad idea."

"What?!" Garcia exclaimed. "You can't just leave already. You've only just gotten here."

"Yeah, and already I want to leave."

"Oh no you don't," Rossi said. "You don't get to leave that easily. If I'm staying then so are you."

"Actually I think we should all just stop while we're ahead." Reid added.

Will nodded. "You heard the man JJ, he wants us outta his house and out now. So let's finish that date of ours that was tragically interrupted, what do you say? Hey? Hey you listenin' to me?"

It's hard to say whether or not JJ even heard him. If she did, she didn't respond, as she was too busy browsing through the various fanfictions.

"Don't tell me you're really doing this?" Will groaned.

Morgan grinned. "Alright JJ, that's my girl!"

Rossi shook his head. "You're not fooling anyone Derek. We all know you don't want to read. And honestly I can't blame you."

"Hey I say the more the merrier."Morgan replied.

"I totally agree," Garcia chimed in. "C'mon Will this like a family get together. You can't leave."

He gave her a weak smile. "I suppose you're right Penelope."

Right at that moment JJ found a story that piqued her interest. "Hey guys I got one."

"And let the torture commence," Rossi joked.

Kidnapped

By AGirlWhoLovesSlash

"Awww!" Rossi, Morgan, and Reid groaned.

"Yes!" Garcia cheered.

"What's wrong?" JJ asked.

"You two were late to the party so you didn't suffer being a witness to a 'slash' story." Rossi answered with a grimace. "It's basically means... a pairing featuring Morgan and Reid."

"Whoa what?!" Will gasped before breaking into a laugh. "And I thought I had it bad."

"Shut up just shut up," Morgan repeated with a groan.

"Are you saying that an author paired up Derek and Spence together?" JJ said.

"You sound skeptical peaches." Garcia replied.

"I believe it, I mean we just saw you and him paired up." Will added. "Anything's possible."

"So slash means a Derek and Spence pairing?"

"Actually JJ I don't think that's what it means," Reid answered. "I had theorized before that this site had its own specific vocabulary."

"Of course, one that the fanbase understands." Rossi added as he recalled the hypothesis. "So 'slash' is part of that vocabulary."

"Yeah and I think it means," he paused briefly to take a deep breath. "I think it means a pairing of two males."

"Alright JJ we're leaving!" Will quickly said as he dashed for the exit.

Garcia grabbed his arm to stop him. "Oh no you don't William LaMontagne Jr. There's a new rule I have just instated. Rule number three: once here you cannot leave under any circumstances."

"Objection!" He said.

"Overruled." She countered. "Now sit down and enjoy the slashy goodness."

Will cringed as he sat down. "We should've never come here."

Summary: The team rushes to stop a criminal kidnapper they've been after but things get personal when he kidnaps Henry.

JJ frowned at that. How dare they use her precious son as a form of amusement.

"Yay! I heard my name!" Henry cheered from the bed. The young boy jumped off the bed and climbed on his mom's lap. "Can I read?"

"No!" They all said in unison.

Will ruffled his hair and placed him back on the bed. "You wouldn't wanna hear this story buddy. It's grown-up stories."

"That's booooring!" Henry sang as he played with the airplane and car plushys."

"Yep that's one word for it." He replied before reluctantly returning to his spot.

"What happened JJ?" Hotch asked.

They were already at JJ's house that had become a crime scene after her son had been kidnapped.

"I don't know I was sleeping."

JJ twitched. "I was sleeping? Really? God this is infuriating me already."

"What about me? Where am I?"

Reid stared at Will as if he'd just grown two heads. "You're at my house."

"No not 'me'," he grumbled. "I meant me in the story."

"Oh... oh!" He nodded as it finally sunk in.

"Don't you worry JJ we'll get him back." Rossi said.

"Yeah." Emily added.

"Okay I have to say it," Rossi cut in. "I've noticed all the stories I've seen since my arrival all take place while Emily was with us."

"Oh I see what you're saying." Garcia said. "I haven't seen Alex in any of them."

A huge grin was plastered on Morgan. "Hmm, maybe we should call her once we're done here. You know, to see what she has to say about it."

"Way to encourage him Rossi," Reid grumbled as he shot the older profiler an accusing look. The last thing he needed was more visitors.

"Damn it!" Morgan shouted angrily. "The one time we need Will and that loser vanishes!"

Will scowled. "Some profiler you are. Did it not occur to you that I was probably kidnapped as well?"

"And what's up with the 'loser' comment?" Garcia added.

"Chill guys," Morgan defended. "I wouldn't call him a loser or anything else like that."

"Forget it Derek, we won't get any help from him." Rossi said.

"Yeah he's useless to the case." Emily added.

"He's my son!" Will snapped as he swung his arms up in the air. "Why am I not involved?"

"Easy sweetie," JJ soothed as she placed a hand on his wrist.

"Right, my bad."

"Is it him Hotch?" JJ asked.

He nodded. "Yes, this is the unsub we've been chasing. Morgan and Prentiss go and check the house. See if there's anything useful."

The two quickly hurried inside to investigate.

"We know this area is his comfort zone so he couldn't have gotten far." Reid—

"Aaa—" Reid was cut off when Morgan elbowed him.

"My poor baby is still sick with Fanfiction-itis." Garcia said. "You think it's curable?"

"I think the better question would be is it contagious?" Rossi replied.

"Yeah cause I think Will's showing some bad symptoms." Morgan added.

"What? I'm fine don't be ridiculous." He assured him.

"Hey Hotch we got something!" Emily said as she rushed back over to them. "An officer told me that a witness spotted a strange van parked out here. It must've been our unsub."

"Not much else in the house either." Morgan said. "The guy did a clean snatch and grab."

"But why Henry?" Rossi asked.

"Let's split up and search the area. It's blocked so he couldn't have gotten far."

Will narrowed his eyes. "Why haven't I been informed yet?! This is my boy after all."

"Don't worry Willy," Garcia said. "I bet you'll save the day in the end."

His eyes lit up with hope and he turned to her with a smile. "Hey you think?"

She gave him a thumbs up. "I'm sure."

JJ felt sick to her stomach as she drove around with Rossi. All she wanted was her son back. The two came upon a car broken down by the road. It was a van like the witness had said.

"What's that?" He asked with confusion.

"Oh gee I don't know Rossi could it be a car?" Morgan said sarcastically.

"Keep laughing, but at least I haven't been in a slash story."

He winced. "Touché."

They exited the SUV and approached the van with caution. Rossi opened the door while JJ stood by his side. Unfortunately they didn't notice the unsub creeping behind them.

"It's a trap!" Reid attempted another joke but the only one who laughed was Garcia.

"Did I miss something?" Rossi questioned as Garcia was having a laughing fit.

The tech crossed her arms and frowned. "What? None of you guys know Star Wars Episode VI Return of the Jedi?"

At their blank stares Reid added: "Admiral Ackbar would be ashamed."

He slammed his weapon down on Rossi and successfully knocked him unconscious.

Morgan chuckled. "Dude you suck."

"Slash." Was all he said.

"Okay man, you win." He conceded.

"I thought so."

He then quickly aimed his gun at JJ. "Toss your gun and get in the car now!"

JJ couldn't see his face due to the ski mask he wore but his voice sounded eerily familiar. Slowly she complied with his demand and boarded the van. He had made sure to tie her up.

"Who are you?"

"Come on baby you know who I am?"

"So the unsub is someone JJ knows," Reid stated as he pieced the information together. "That means this was personal."

"That explains why he took Henry." Rossi added.

"So he must have Will too." Morgan said. "Hey JJ you got any idea who'd want to hurt you guys?"

She paused to think. "No one comes to mind. It could be that—" she stopped when she realized what she was doing and glared at her fellow profilers. "Guys, seriously, we're on our day off. Can we not profile this?"

"Damn it there we go again." Morgan complained as he slapped a hand to his forehead.

Garcia shook her head and nudged Will. "I'm glad you're not going all detective on the story Willy."

He chuckled. "Don't get me started now."

And there it was again; the familiar voice from before. He drove them towards a cabin near the woods and roughly shoved her inside.

"What kind of animal shoves a lady like that?" Will growled. If anyone ever did that to JJ he'd tear them apart.

"Where's Henry?!" She shouted.

"He's upstairs sleeping."

"What do you want?!"

"Can't you see what's going on here baby?" He said. "We can finally be a family again."

"Again?" They all said in unison.

"What are you talking about?"

He removed his mask and her eyes widened in shock. Standing in front of her was none other than Will LaMontagne.

A silenced ensued as the adults stood shell shocked; the only noise that could be heard was Henry imitating a car engine.

After another moment Will snapped and charged at the laptop with kill intent. "That's it! I'm ripping that thing to bits!"

Morgan did all he could to hold him in place. "I don't think breaking the laptop is gonna help!" He honestly didn't blame him for losing it.

"Okay this story has officially gone down the stupid path." Garcia said.

JJ pinched the bridge of her nose. "Of all the— God, I can't even begin to express how stupid this is."

"Will as an unsub is just plain impossible." Reid added. "But at least it isn't slash."

Garcia sighed. "I guess that throws my hero theory out the window."

"Just get it over with JJ," Rossi practically begged.

"Will?!" She gasped. "Why? How could you do this?"

"Because I love you!—

Rossi raised a brow. "I guess kidnapping is the new way of showing affection for you kids nowadays."

"Let me at it!" Will continued to try and murder the laptop but was luckily still under Morgan's grip.

It was suppose to be us three forever! But then you just had to leave me and ruin everything!"

"Are you still on that? Get over it! I told you I already had my fill of you! It ran its course Will!"

"Had my Fill? Ran its course?" JJ repeated and shook her head in disgust. "Jesus, I sound like some woman in a corner."

"No I won't believe that. Now that I've got both of you back I won't let anyone get in between us."

"You can't just hold us here forever!"

"If I can't have you JJ then no one can have you."

At that moment the door burst open and in came the team with their guns out.

"Thank God, that means it's over." Rossi said.

They were surprised to see it was Will.

"Freeze!" Hotch yelled. "It's over LaMontagne you're under arrest."

The cops slammed the cuffs on him and dragged him away from JJ. Another officer came out with Henry and handed him to his mother.

She embraced him. "It's over. That monster can't hurt you anymore."

"He's not a monster!" This time JJ snapped.

"To think he'd stoop this low." Emily said.

"Well he won't be doing anything anymore." Morgan replied. "Now he can rot in prison like the rat he is."

"What is it with all this hate on Will?" Garcia asked with crossed arms.

"Baby girl they're stupid stories." Morgan answered through gritted teeth. He'd been holding Will in place this entire time.

"Bastard caught me good." Rossi said. "I'm glad Penelope was able to trace JJ's phone."

"Thank you guys; for saving me." JJ said.

They were glad the two were found safe and sound. The experience must've been scary but together they'd help her get through it.

And that's all folks! Hope you loved it actually I bet you did!

"Actually we didn't." Rossi stated dryly.

Will stopped his murder attempt and slowly calmed down once it had finished. "Okay, okay. I think I'm good."

"Easy buddy, why don't you take a seat and breathe." Morgan suggested as he sat him down by his previous spot. "There you go."

JJ slid off the chair with relief. "I'm done reading these crappy stories."

"Any takers?" Reid asked.

"Reid you should know by now that this is the part where Derek calls some poor soul to come and read for him." Rossi scolded.

And right at that moment Morgan had gotten a response from the other line.

"Hey Morgan, you need something?" Came Blake's response.

An evil smile played on his lips. "As a matter of fact Blake yes, yes I do need something."

Reid buried his face in his head. "Oh when will this end?"

Suddenly Will began laughing.

"You okay honey?" JJ asked with concern.

"I'm good. It's just that I finally got that Star Wars reference."


Author's Notes

Sorry Reid but it's far from done and neither is poor Will's onslaught. Just be content with knowing that I love ya both.