Chapter Seven - Roses And Stuff

Disclaimer: I do not own the film Stardust.

A/N: Apparently replying to reviews for this story requires a sacrifice of unicorn blood to work, so let me just thank all the wonderful people that have taken the time to review, I appreciate it and it warms my heart.

As for concerns of this story steering towards a certain pairing, let me just say that this fic is labelled Friendship for a reason. While it might feature on the sidelines (Jane and Thor come to mind) romance of any kind is not the focus of this story. And I of course felt the need to process that topic in fic, so here we go:


"Anthony, have you seen the stone Thor brought me from Alfheim?"

"No."

"Are you certain?"

"Well yes. I think I would remember stumbling over any magic stones."

Loki studied the inventor dubiously, before striding out of the kitchen.

Tony exhaled slowly, and pulled the glowing piece of rock out of the cereal box. That had been close.


Natasha, Clint and Loki were halfway through watching Stardust when Tony came into the room, grabbed the remote and hit pause.

"Hey!"

"Loki, I have a serious question."

"Ah."

"Yes. Are you, like, coming on to me?"

Clint started laughing and almost asphyxiated on his popcorn. Natasha hit him on the back. Loki blinked at Tony.

"Am I what?"

"Are you, um…making advances? Err…trying to woo me?"

Loki's expression went from "okay what" to "are you insane" in about two seconds.

"Did you hit your head?"

Clint had managed not to suffocate and was now leaning into Natasha's shoulder while laughing his butt off. Natasha was actually grinning, which amounted to much the same thing.

Tony decided that he didn't like people laughing at his plight.

"So, you're…not?"

"No. Unlike Thor I am not stupid enough to enter into a dalliance with someone with a Midgardian lifespan."

"I…oh. Okay. It's just that…you know, you're kind of the only one that I know who could make roses grow on my workshop walls…and ceiling."

There was an ominous pause before Loki said

"Roses."

"Err, yes?"

"So you did steal that stone."

"I didn't steal it. I, um, temporarily displaced it in the interest of science?"

Tony hid behind the sofa.

Surprisingly enough Loki didn't go full vengeful-deity-freak-out on him, but instead just dragged a hand down her face.

"Stark."

Aaand last name. That wasn't good.

"Uh, yes?"

"If you ever steal from me again, I will spell both your hands off."

"Noted."

"And if you want the flowers to go away just take the stone and put it inside of something white."

"What do you mean just take the stone? I can't 'just take the stone', it's buried under a metric fuck-ton of roses!"

Loki pinned Tony with a glare like that of a dragon about to spew fire.

"That - is - your problem."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, but couldn't you, like, give me a hint."

A small ball of green fire missed the billionaire's face by about an inch. Tony shrieked and all but dove behind an armchair for cover, before he hightailed it out of the room.


"So, you are saying you know why my workshop looks like a florist went mad in there?"

"Aye. The stone you stole from Loki…"

"Borrowed! I only borrowed it."

Thor gave him a look.

"O-okay, I might have, um, kind of illegally absconded with it. Anyway, you were saying?"

"That stone is a piece of the Rocks of Growth in Alfheim. The plants are a product of the stone's magic."

"I hate…anyway, what do we do about them? I need my workshop to not look like Alice's Mad Garden. I tried cutting them back, but it's like for everyone I cut off two new ones sprout."

Thor was suddenly giving him a Very Concerned Look.

"What?"

"You cut them?"

"Yeeees…"

"That was a grave mistake."

"What, why!?"

Tony turned towards Thor, hand hovering over the opening mechanism for the workshop door.

Thor sighed.

"It is better if I show you. Open the door please."

Tony did.

He just so heard Thor say "Brace yourself." before he was buried in roses. With thorns.

"Ow, ow, ow! Thor, help! Help!"

He flailed around until his right hand connected with Mjölnir, which he immediately held onto.

After that it was all kind of a blur of thorns and petals, as Thor dragged him out of the Flowers Of Death. It felt more like being dragged through shattered glass. Tony was reasonably sure that his scrapes had scrapes. He decided to just stay on the floor just then.

"Thanks Point Break. Ow."

"I am sorry. I did not realise just how much they might have grown. How many did you cut off?"

"Err…about fifty?"

The inventor took one look at Thor's face and immediately sighed in defeat.

"I'm going to need Loki's help with this right?"

"Yes." Thor's lips were twitching suspiciously, but the thunder god was a good bro, because he didn't actually laugh.

"Oh come on!"

Beat.

"So, how do I get her to help me."

"Usually? Bribe her with something."

"Really, that's it?"

"Well, it should be something she doesn't have already and cannot easily acquire. Finding something like that can be an arduous task."

Tony moaned and hid his face in his hands.

"Grovelling might also help."

"I am so dead."

Thor patted his shoulder consolingly. (And also somewhat condescendingly.)

"I am sure you will manage. Your genius is far renowned on Midgard."

Tony looked up from where he was sitting on the floor in despair.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Only a little."

Tony hid behind his hands again.

"If it helps, I will help you talk to Loki?"

The billionaire dragged himself up on the wall.

"Okay, let's get it over with. Maybe my scraped and scratched state will earn me some pity points."

"Loki once refused to put out Fandral's burning arm before he apologised to her."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed."

"Well, I'll just prepare to grovel then."


Loki really didn't feel inclined to help. Not even after Tony sacrificed his dignity and literally grovelled at her feet.
Thus barred from his workshop, Tony decided to start building a nursery from scratch.

Pepper was inclined to help. After he bribed her with expensive jewellery.


A/N: Short chapter is short.