Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter.
A Change of Identity
Chapter 7: The Core of the Matter
Christmas came. It was one of those things which Harry had tried to relegate to the farthest corner of his mind but in the two weeks preceding the holiday it was impossible not to notice the excitement which had taken control of the majority of the student populace. Malfoy had just won his first quidditch match for Slytherin and was constantly bragging about how proud his father would be of him when he went home for the break. He also made loud comments, blatantly aimed at Harry about poor children without homes or family to go to. He wasn't the only one either. Ronald Weasley of Gryffindor was staying at Hogwarts since his parents were visiting one of his brothers but he talked loudly in Harry's presence about the home made sweets his mother was bound to send him. Try as he would, Harry could not quell the misery that was building up inside of him. He disguised it by acting in an apathetic manner and stopped his efforts to work properly in class. He knew he was risking another detention from Lupin but decided just to refuse to cooperate. However he was denied the chance to vent his feelings in this way. When he failed to deliver in Defence, Lupin gave him a piercing look, then his eyes softened in sympathy and he said nothing. This served to exacerbate Harry's bad mood- he didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him.
Two days before Christmas those who were going home surged out the front doors of the castle and into the snowy grounds to catch the carriages which would take them to the train station. Harry took refuge in his dormitory which was otherwise deserted since he was the only first year Slytherin boy staying at Hogwarts. He divided his time between reading his schoolbooks and staring up at the ceiling and only venturing out for meals when his hunger became too great. He noticed that most of the teachers had gone home. Only Dumbledore, Hagrid the gamekeeper, Professor Sprout and Professor Snape remained. At least, he thought, he could avoid Snape most of the time during the holiday. He hated the man now but still found it hard not to yearn for the days when they had been father and son.
Christmas morning dawned. To Harry's great surprise he felt something heavy at his feet. Sitting up he saw a single parcel, wrapped in ordinary brown paper. He had expected nothing; in previous years he had often been given small presents from the headmaster and some of the other teachers but on his last birthday Dumbledore had written a note with the box of sweets he had sent Harry. The note had explained that it was strictly forbidden for Hogwarts teachers to give presents to any of the students. Obviously this rule would not have applied to his father, but Snape no longer was his father.
Harry unwrapped his present and found a set of muggle story books and a short letter:
Dear Harry,
I know I'm breaking the rules by giving you these books but as your father's friend I feel I have a right to show you a little Christmas spirit. I thought that you would perhaps like something to occupy your time other than your school books. Happy Christmas,
Professor Lupin.
Conflicting emotions fought each other in Harry's head. He was sure that Lupin was pitying him which made him angry. On the other hand, the books would greatly help to ease the boredom he expected to suffer from over the next two weeks. He'd keep them but he wasn't going to waste time thanking Lupin for them. At lunchtime he made his way up to the Great Hall. Two of the house tables had been pushed together in the centre of the room. It looked like Dumbledore was having everyone seated together, as he sometimes did when there weren't too many staying for Christmas. Harry took a seat between a couple of boys he didn't know.
The excitement during the feast irritated Harry. Wizard crackers were constantly being pulled and making ridiculous amounts of noise. One of the boys beside him even offered to pull one with Harry. Harry grabbed the game it contained and the sweets but discarded the pirate hat. Although the food was excellent Harry did not really enjoy it and returned to the dungeons the minute he finished pudding.
The rest of the holiday passed slowly even with Harry's new books. But at long last the rest of the school returned and the new term began. Harry knew he'd have to start trying to do magic properly again. He made an effort, though he had limited success. He knew what the problem was; Snape had once told him that a person's state of mind had great bearing on their ability to do magic. As well as being unhappy, Harry had no particular desire to do magic so it was scarcely surprising that he had the worst results of any first year. Fortunately Professor Lupin seemed to accept that Harry was trying and refrained from giving him more detentions.
One day in mid February there was great excitement amongst the Slytherin seventh years as they came in to dinner. Apparently Professor Flitwick had taught them a charm to determine the nature of the magical core of a wand and they were eager to try it out. Before Harry knew it one of them pointed their wand at Harry's and said the spell. Then the girl screamed.
'A werewolf hair! How disgusting!'
Harry was stunned but had little time to think about the revelation. He was grabbed from behind and marched out of the Great Hall and up to Professor Potter's study and flung inside.
'Where did you get that wand?' demanded the furious man. Harry was silent but someone else answered for him.
'I gave it to him, James.' Professor Lupin had apparently followed them out of the Great Hall.
'Well you can take it back now. I don't know what possessed you to give it to him in the first place.'
Harry didn't know why Professor Potter was so angry about Harry having the wand. But although he had originally been reluctant to accept it and he still felt frightened when he used it, he realised that he didn't want to give it up. Other than his Christmas books, it was the only thing he had that Snape hadn't paid for. He turned his eyes towards Lupin, dreading that he was going to ask for the wand.
'No.' Lupin's voice was firm. 'I promised Harry that he could use that wand for as long as he wanted to. I will not go back on my word.'
Harry felt scared as he saw the two men glare at each other. Finally Professor Potter turned to him.
'Get out of here,' he said. Harry didn't need telling twice. Once outside the office he halted, hoping to hear just what the problem was, but one of the teachers had evidently placed an imperturbable charm on the door.
'What on earth were you thinking about Remus?' asked James Potter angrily after warding his office door against eavesdroppers.
'He needed a wand, James,' replied Remus. 'And he'd been having a bad enough time without having to ask for charity.'
'But he could have a claim on you now.'
'James,' said Remus. 'Harry has had a claim on me, whether or not he knows or wants it, since the first day of term when the Sorting Hat revealed that he is the son of one of my best friends.'
In bed that night, Harry pondered on the day's events. He hadn't heard of a werewolf hair being used in a wand before but then he really only knew about Ollivander's wands. And a werewolf was certainly a magical creature. But there seemed to be a secret about this wand that Professors Potter and Lupin shared. Something that made Professor Potter angry about Harry having it. Harry knew that the two teachers were very good friends and that Lupin lived in Professor Potter's house. Harry picked up the wand and scrutinised it. Then it struck him.
The wand looked very similar to the stick Harry had used at the start of term. He knew Ollivander hadn't made it. What if the two men had decided to make a wand while they were at school? But then where would the core come from? Unless...
Every so often the Defence class had had to be cancelled because Professor Lupin was ill. Now Harry thought about it, this seemed to happen about once a month. Could Professor Lupin possibly be a werewolf? If so then it was no wonder that Professor Potter was angry about Harry having a wand containing the hair of one of his best friends. But would Lupin really have given Harry such a wand? Remembering how Lupin had hesitated before offering it to him, Harry decided that he had indeed done so.
Harry knew then that he had to keep this knowledge to himself. If word got out about Lupin being a werewolf then parents were bound to complain and he would be sacked. And though he hated his detentions and his pity, Lupin was the only person in the school who seemed to care for Harry at all. If he left, Harry would be alone. In spite of all his resolve, Harry had grown accustomed to having someone on his side. But of course, that someone just had to be the defence teacher. By the end of the year he would be gone.
