Denial
Chapter seven - Seewus, the Utterly Absent
*****
Damn it! I was hoping I would have been bored to death, or died in my sleep before this moment. The moment I had to meet my mum again. The moment I had to tell her I was pregnant.
Ok, I wasn't telling her RIGHT THIS MOMENT, but I was anticipating it with dread, and that's bad enough.
I tugged my trunk off the train, and wandered along the platform.
After going all the way down, and back up again, still pulling my trunk I still hadn't found her. Then I saw her, and realised she'd been at the end I started at the whole time.
I walked up to her, pretending I hadn't done such a foolish thing as I actually just had.
We hugged and she said "Hello darling!"
Naturally, I said "Hi." back. Then she asked if I'd said goodbye to my friends.
Friends...?
I shrugged and said "Yeah." (In fact our dialogue was most interesting and intriguing).
Then she said (even more thrillingly than before): "Ok, let's take your stuff to the car then." And picked up my case, and dragged it to the car, put it in the boot, and off we zoomed home, her chatting away, and asking me questions about how my term had been, and me pretending to reply, while actually being petrified of what I was going to tell her.
When we got home my 13-year-old brother, Jamie, was out playing football [soccer] with his friends, and not even there to welcome me home (typical). My other little brother, Toby, who's 7, was though. He welcomed me with welcoming arms! (Jamie would never do that)
I'd come home just in time to put the Christmas decorations up. I didn't help with much Christmas cheer however. This was probably going to turn out the worst Christmas of my life.
*****
I was never very good at having private conversations with my mum. We could gossip casually about stuff, like sex, and so on, but when it came to telling her my period had started, I'd just let her do the washing, rather than go through the trouble of telling her, when I got my first boyfriend, I just let her take a week to figure it out for herself (it was during the summer holidays), and now I didn't have a clue how to approach her to tell her I was... pregnant.
The really annoying thing was that Jamie had no trouble at all in asking her for a private conversation, but I'd never done it, and I'd been away for almost four months, so it wasn't going to be that easy.
It was a good thing my dad left us, and I didn't have to tell two parents.
I didn't want to do it till after Christmas, but when, on December 23rd, I woke up at 7 o'clock (far too early) and went downstairs to see mum, on her own, watching TV, it was the perfect opportunity to tell her. You can never catch mum on her own, she always with someone, or talking to someone, or doing something you can't disturb.
I went into the front room and sat on the sofa next to her.
"Good morning." She said lightly.
"Hi," I replied, meekly. Then I said (drum roll) "Um, mum,"
"Hmm?" She replied, keeping her eyes on... Rainbow? Ok, so my mum has taken to watching kids TV shows. Fine. I cautiously crossed the room and turned the TV off.
Once I'd done that, I didn't feel in a position to turn back, and stop telling her what I was about to. Still I was looking for anyway out of it, or of making it easier.
Her eyes turned to rest on me. I looked at my knees.
"Mum, I'm pregnant." That pretty much summed it up.
I looked up through my hair to see her reaction.
Disappointed. Very disappointed.
Was I surprised? No.
"Chloe." She said, kind of uselessly. But it made me want to cry. I said nothing. There was nothing to say. "So, you're seriously pregnant?" She asked. I nodded glumly (then I thought of the word glumly, and almost smiled, but that quickly faded).
Mum also seemed at a loss for words. Eventually she said "How long for?"
"'Bout two months," I replied quietly.
"You know who the father is?"
I nodded.
"Does he know?"
I shook my head, at first quickly, but then I realised my mum would think that I should have told him, and it might imply he would be a terrible man to be a father, so I slowed down.
"You going to tell him?"
I shrugged. I really didn't know. I really didn't want to, but...
Mum still looked very disappointed. There was another silence before she asked, "Who else knows?" I hate that question.
"Lily, you, school nurse, maybe Kira, depends if Lily said anything." I replied.
"Not - what's-he-called, your head master?"
I shook my head, then shrugged. "I don't think so."
"He ought to know." My mum said.
"What so Dumbledore knows, but not S- the father?" I said, defensively.
"S-?" Mum asked, wondering who exactly 'S-' was.
"Sirius." I said.
"You get on with him?" Mum asked.
I shrugged. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I'm not really sure. I hadn't really talked to him since we'd split up.
At that moment my lovely brother came in, in his amusing Bagpuss pyjamas (It was Toby, obviously, Jamie wouldn't go near anything Bagpuss related).
"Mummy, what's for breakfast?" He asked in a whiny voice. I was annoyed and amused at the same time. At least I got a break from mum for a while.
*****
As predicted it was the worst Christmas ever. As far as I knew, mum didn't say anything to my brothers, until after Christmas day.
For Christmas day we had my aunt, uncle, and two cousins, Theo and Louisa over. Louisa's just older than me, and Theo's the same age as Jamie.
My child will probably never have cousins anywhere near it's age.
We all opened Christmas presents together. I got some books and records from mum, and a new jacket. It was black, with a gray, fake fur edge. I also got some bubble bath, and bath salts from Louisa, and a bar of chocolate from Theo (Boys. Pathetic.) Toby gave me a bagpuss key ring (I pretend to like Bagpuss), and Jamie got me a box of quality street (See what I mean about boys?). Uncle Richard, and Aunt Angela gave me some money. Muggle money though. Pretty useless to me.
I got them mostly Honeydukes things, which I suppose is as pathetic as Theo and Jamie, only anyone new to Honeydukes chocolate is thrilled by it. But I got Jamie and Theo Zonkos stuff anyway. They appreciated them. Though I could swear that biting teacups come under the rule that no muggle items are to be enchanted ... but don't broomsticks? Oh well, what do I care.
Anyway, the jacket was too small, the books where quite good, but I couldn't play muggle records. Louisa's presents never fail to be good. The chocolate was alright, but nothing compared to Honeydukes, and the Bagpuss key ring...
At lunch the turkey got burned, and however much anyone tried, I couldn't be coaxed to show any Christmas cheer, or pretend to find the crap jokes in Christmas Crackers amusing, and mum was edgy and worried the whole time.
It sucked utterly.
And nothing much happened for the rest of the day, and I went to bed at 8:30, and utimately it all sucked, and I was glad when it was over.
And to think at the end of last Christmas I couldn't wait for another year to go by.
The next morning Richard, Angela, Theo, and Louisa went home, and everyone seemed pretty depressed. Then at 6:00, after we'd finished our tea, mum made us all stay at the table.
She bloody well told my brothers I was pregnant! Id' never said she could! She can join the ranks of Bitchville.
When she told them Jamie just looked at his lap, and neither said nor did nothing. Toby, however, said, "Pregnant!? But she can't be pregnant till she's married!"
So naive.
"Actually, yes she can dear," My mother said soothingly, "She's just not meant to."
"She broke the law?" My brother said, in an awestruck voice.
"Not exactly." My mother said gravely.
"Of course it was all Sirius's fault." I commented sarcastically.
"Who's Seewus?" My brother whined, annoyingly.
"He's the dad." I said, through gritted teeth.
Toby gasped. "You getting married to Seewus?"
I wanted to kill Toby sometimes. "Si-ri-us. And no. I'm not getting married to him." And with that I stormed off.
*****
A/N: RESPECT to the bagpuss.
I think that was a long chapter. I was going to divide it into two, but that would mean more waiting and longer to Sirius mushiness.
No-one on my favourites list's updated in two days! I'm annoyed. But I've updated. So everythings ALRIGHT!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, pleasey review!
- Mai (Gone....) ;)
Chapter seven - Seewus, the Utterly Absent
*****
Damn it! I was hoping I would have been bored to death, or died in my sleep before this moment. The moment I had to meet my mum again. The moment I had to tell her I was pregnant.
Ok, I wasn't telling her RIGHT THIS MOMENT, but I was anticipating it with dread, and that's bad enough.
I tugged my trunk off the train, and wandered along the platform.
After going all the way down, and back up again, still pulling my trunk I still hadn't found her. Then I saw her, and realised she'd been at the end I started at the whole time.
I walked up to her, pretending I hadn't done such a foolish thing as I actually just had.
We hugged and she said "Hello darling!"
Naturally, I said "Hi." back. Then she asked if I'd said goodbye to my friends.
Friends...?
I shrugged and said "Yeah." (In fact our dialogue was most interesting and intriguing).
Then she said (even more thrillingly than before): "Ok, let's take your stuff to the car then." And picked up my case, and dragged it to the car, put it in the boot, and off we zoomed home, her chatting away, and asking me questions about how my term had been, and me pretending to reply, while actually being petrified of what I was going to tell her.
When we got home my 13-year-old brother, Jamie, was out playing football [soccer] with his friends, and not even there to welcome me home (typical). My other little brother, Toby, who's 7, was though. He welcomed me with welcoming arms! (Jamie would never do that)
I'd come home just in time to put the Christmas decorations up. I didn't help with much Christmas cheer however. This was probably going to turn out the worst Christmas of my life.
*****
I was never very good at having private conversations with my mum. We could gossip casually about stuff, like sex, and so on, but when it came to telling her my period had started, I'd just let her do the washing, rather than go through the trouble of telling her, when I got my first boyfriend, I just let her take a week to figure it out for herself (it was during the summer holidays), and now I didn't have a clue how to approach her to tell her I was... pregnant.
The really annoying thing was that Jamie had no trouble at all in asking her for a private conversation, but I'd never done it, and I'd been away for almost four months, so it wasn't going to be that easy.
It was a good thing my dad left us, and I didn't have to tell two parents.
I didn't want to do it till after Christmas, but when, on December 23rd, I woke up at 7 o'clock (far too early) and went downstairs to see mum, on her own, watching TV, it was the perfect opportunity to tell her. You can never catch mum on her own, she always with someone, or talking to someone, or doing something you can't disturb.
I went into the front room and sat on the sofa next to her.
"Good morning." She said lightly.
"Hi," I replied, meekly. Then I said (drum roll) "Um, mum,"
"Hmm?" She replied, keeping her eyes on... Rainbow? Ok, so my mum has taken to watching kids TV shows. Fine. I cautiously crossed the room and turned the TV off.
Once I'd done that, I didn't feel in a position to turn back, and stop telling her what I was about to. Still I was looking for anyway out of it, or of making it easier.
Her eyes turned to rest on me. I looked at my knees.
"Mum, I'm pregnant." That pretty much summed it up.
I looked up through my hair to see her reaction.
Disappointed. Very disappointed.
Was I surprised? No.
"Chloe." She said, kind of uselessly. But it made me want to cry. I said nothing. There was nothing to say. "So, you're seriously pregnant?" She asked. I nodded glumly (then I thought of the word glumly, and almost smiled, but that quickly faded).
Mum also seemed at a loss for words. Eventually she said "How long for?"
"'Bout two months," I replied quietly.
"You know who the father is?"
I nodded.
"Does he know?"
I shook my head, at first quickly, but then I realised my mum would think that I should have told him, and it might imply he would be a terrible man to be a father, so I slowed down.
"You going to tell him?"
I shrugged. I really didn't know. I really didn't want to, but...
Mum still looked very disappointed. There was another silence before she asked, "Who else knows?" I hate that question.
"Lily, you, school nurse, maybe Kira, depends if Lily said anything." I replied.
"Not - what's-he-called, your head master?"
I shook my head, then shrugged. "I don't think so."
"He ought to know." My mum said.
"What so Dumbledore knows, but not S- the father?" I said, defensively.
"S-?" Mum asked, wondering who exactly 'S-' was.
"Sirius." I said.
"You get on with him?" Mum asked.
I shrugged. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I'm not really sure. I hadn't really talked to him since we'd split up.
At that moment my lovely brother came in, in his amusing Bagpuss pyjamas (It was Toby, obviously, Jamie wouldn't go near anything Bagpuss related).
"Mummy, what's for breakfast?" He asked in a whiny voice. I was annoyed and amused at the same time. At least I got a break from mum for a while.
*****
As predicted it was the worst Christmas ever. As far as I knew, mum didn't say anything to my brothers, until after Christmas day.
For Christmas day we had my aunt, uncle, and two cousins, Theo and Louisa over. Louisa's just older than me, and Theo's the same age as Jamie.
My child will probably never have cousins anywhere near it's age.
We all opened Christmas presents together. I got some books and records from mum, and a new jacket. It was black, with a gray, fake fur edge. I also got some bubble bath, and bath salts from Louisa, and a bar of chocolate from Theo (Boys. Pathetic.) Toby gave me a bagpuss key ring (I pretend to like Bagpuss), and Jamie got me a box of quality street (See what I mean about boys?). Uncle Richard, and Aunt Angela gave me some money. Muggle money though. Pretty useless to me.
I got them mostly Honeydukes things, which I suppose is as pathetic as Theo and Jamie, only anyone new to Honeydukes chocolate is thrilled by it. But I got Jamie and Theo Zonkos stuff anyway. They appreciated them. Though I could swear that biting teacups come under the rule that no muggle items are to be enchanted ... but don't broomsticks? Oh well, what do I care.
Anyway, the jacket was too small, the books where quite good, but I couldn't play muggle records. Louisa's presents never fail to be good. The chocolate was alright, but nothing compared to Honeydukes, and the Bagpuss key ring...
At lunch the turkey got burned, and however much anyone tried, I couldn't be coaxed to show any Christmas cheer, or pretend to find the crap jokes in Christmas Crackers amusing, and mum was edgy and worried the whole time.
It sucked utterly.
And nothing much happened for the rest of the day, and I went to bed at 8:30, and utimately it all sucked, and I was glad when it was over.
And to think at the end of last Christmas I couldn't wait for another year to go by.
The next morning Richard, Angela, Theo, and Louisa went home, and everyone seemed pretty depressed. Then at 6:00, after we'd finished our tea, mum made us all stay at the table.
She bloody well told my brothers I was pregnant! Id' never said she could! She can join the ranks of Bitchville.
When she told them Jamie just looked at his lap, and neither said nor did nothing. Toby, however, said, "Pregnant!? But she can't be pregnant till she's married!"
So naive.
"Actually, yes she can dear," My mother said soothingly, "She's just not meant to."
"She broke the law?" My brother said, in an awestruck voice.
"Not exactly." My mother said gravely.
"Of course it was all Sirius's fault." I commented sarcastically.
"Who's Seewus?" My brother whined, annoyingly.
"He's the dad." I said, through gritted teeth.
Toby gasped. "You getting married to Seewus?"
I wanted to kill Toby sometimes. "Si-ri-us. And no. I'm not getting married to him." And with that I stormed off.
*****
A/N: RESPECT to the bagpuss.
I think that was a long chapter. I was going to divide it into two, but that would mean more waiting and longer to Sirius mushiness.
No-one on my favourites list's updated in two days! I'm annoyed. But I've updated. So everythings ALRIGHT!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, pleasey review!
- Mai (Gone....) ;)
