Chapter 7
Narrator: Later on, the final bell rang. The students all rushed out to get home. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman were one of the first to leave.
Stan (to Cartman and Kenny): What did Mr. Mackey ask you?
Cartman: What we were doing last Friday.
Kenny (muffled): And what you guys were doing.
Kyle: Does he know we did it?
Kenny (muffled): No idea.
Stan: How long until Mr. Mackey gets his house clean?
A voice: Who knows? That bitch is too busy workin' to get his fuckin' house clean.
Narrator: Cartman, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle turn around. Standing there was The Mole, with a cigarette in his mouth.
Stan: How long were you there for?
The Mole: Five minutes.
Cartman: Were you following us?
The Mole: No shit. How are we gonna cover our tracks?
Kenny (muffled): What do you mean?
The Mole: Mr. Mackey's gonna figure out we did it sooner or later. We gotta slow that bitch down!
Cartman: And how are we gonna do that?
The Mole: How should I fuckin' know? I don't know Mr. Mackey that well.
Kenny (muffled): Should we distract him?
Stan: How?
Kenny (muffled): I don't fuckin' know.
The Mole: You bitches don't know how to cover your tracks! No wonder you bitches keep getting caught!
Kyle: What are you talking about?
The Mole: The toilet paper incident, the USO Show. Do I have to fuckin' go on?
Stan (clearly annoyed): Yeah. Yeah. We get your point! How do we cover up our tracks?
Stan: We could meet after dinner.
The Mole: What time do you bitches eat?
Kyle: My family's eating at five.
Stan: My family eats at around six.
The Mole (to Kenny): What about you?
Narrator: Kenny doesn't respond. Instead, he looks at the ground.
Cartman: Kenny's family is poor. He'll be lucky to eat the rats in his house.
Kenny (muffled and angry): What?! Fuck you!
Kyle: Cartman eats dinner from the time he gets home to the time he goes to bed.
Cartman (clearly confused); My dinner doesn't last that long.
Kyle: Yeah, but you eat all day, anyway. So it might as well. It's why you're gonna look like you've been eating Weight Gain 4000 again!
Narrator: Stan and Kyle laugh. Cartman glares at Kyle.
Cartman: Shut up, Kyle!
Narrator: Cartman tries to punch him, but Kyle nails him in the face before he could do anything. Cartman falls face first into the pavement.
Cartman (moaning): Fuck you, Kyle!
Narrator: The Mole stares at Cartman for a second, then just sighs.
The Mole: Okay. Just follow me bitches to Mr. Mackey's house.
Kenny (muffled): What are we gonna do?
The Mole: You'll see.
Narrator: The Mole starts to walk to Mr. Mackey's house. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan follow him, leaving Cartman in agony.
Cartman (with his face still on the concrete): Goddammit!
Narrator: Meanwhile, PC Principal just arrived at Strong Woman's office. He knocks on her door.
Strong Woman: Come in.
Narrator: PC Principal enters her office. Inside, the PC Babies were sitting in their highchairs. Strong Woman was feeding them what appears to be baby food. Strong Woman turns her head.
Strong Woman: Do you need something?
PC Principal: I... I just wanted to know if you made a decision yet.
Narrator: Strong Woman sighs, then she puts down the baby food.
Strong Woman: Yeah, I did.
Narrator: Strong Woman turns toward PC Principal.
PC Principal: And?
Strong Woman: You're right. We should finally tell the truth.
PC Principal: Really?
Strong Woman: Yeah. It's time.
PC Principal: I'm glad. We couldn't keep it a secret forever.
Strong Woman: I guess not. I was hoping to, though.
PC Principal: Are we alone?
Narrator: Strong Woman puts her hands on her hips and glares at him.
Strong Woman: We are not making out in front of the PC Babies!
PC Principal: I wasn't suggesting that.
Strong Woman: We're not having sex, either. Five kids are enough for a while!
PC Principal: I wasn't suggesting that, either.
Narrator: Strong Woman lowers her arms and raises an eyebrow.
Strong Woman: What do you wanna do, then?
PC Principal: You'll see. Are we alone?
Narrator: Strong Woman walks to the door and glances down the hall. After a second, she closes the door and looks around the room.
Strong Woman: I think so.
PC Principal: Good. Close your eyes.
Strong Woman (raising an eyebrow): Why?
PC Principal: Just do it, okay?
Narrator: Strong Woman sighs, then closes her eyes. PC Principal walks over to her, then gets down on one knee. He takes the ring box from earlier out of his pocket and smiles.
PC Principal: You can open your eyes now.
Narrator: Strong Woman opens her eyes. She looks down and notices PC Principal. Her mouth slightly opens and her eyes widen.
PC Principal: Will you marry me?
Narrator: Strong Woman doesn't respond. She just stares at PC Principal in the same position. PC Principal frowns.
PC Principal: Strong Wom-
Strong Woman: Yes.
PC Principal (startled): What?
Strong Woman: I said yes.
PC Principal: Oh, Strong Woman!
Narrator: PC Principal places the ring on Strong Woman's left ring finger. The PC Babies start to bounce in their high chairs and giggle softly. Outside the window (as the camera starts to zoom out), PC Principal and Strong Woman's silhouettes kiss behind the curtains. As they kiss, the camera zooms out, and the song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban plays. Meanwhile, The Mole, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny just arrived at Mr. Mackey's house.
Cartman (to the Mole): So what's the plan?
The Mole: Since Mr. Mackey's not here yet, we're gonna check that bitch's yard for anything that can be used against us.
Cartman (sarcastically): Like what? A fuckin' note that says, "we egged your fuckin' house signed Cartman, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and The Mole?"
The Mole: No, dipshit! C'mon, bitches. Look for anything that we may have left behind.
Narrator: Cartman, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and The Mole start to look around. Kyle (disgusted) looks through a pile of egg yolk while Stan looks into a couple of bushes. Cartman sits on the front door and "looks" around it. Kenny looks in the garden underneath Mackey's window. He picks up what looks like a picture of Ms. Conduct in a very revealing (and very unflattering) dress. Kenny (in disgust) throws it away. He must have changed his mind because he took it back and put it in one of his pockets.
Stan (to Kyle): Find anything?
Kyle: No, dude. Nothing.
Stan: That's good. Maybe there's nothing here.
Kyle: Yeah, or we're just not looking hard enough.
Narrator: Stan and Kyle go back to searching. Meanwhile, The Mole was in Mr. Mackey's backyard. He hid a small camera in a tree knot. He goes to the front yard and digs a hole in the corner of Mr. Mackey's property. He puts a camera in it and partially covers the hole. He rearranges the dirt so that only the lens of the camera shows. After he was done, a car suddenly appeared on the road. It was Mr. Mackey! The Mole gasps.
The Mole: Shit!
Kyle (turning to him): What?
The Mole: It's Mr. Mackey!
Stan: Oh, shit!
Cartman: Oh, fuck!
Narrator: Kenny looks around him briefly. He picks up a stick, lies down in the grass and places the stick in between his arm and his body.
Cartman (to Kenny): Playin' dead ain't gonna help us, Kenny.
Narrator: Suddenly, Mr. Mackey's mailbox breaks and falls. It falls right on Kenny's head. Kenny makes a high-pitched sound, then dies from the impact. His blood starts to pour out of him and spills out onto the snowy ground.
The Mole: What the fuck?!
Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Narrator: Mr. Mackey comes out of his car and walks over to them. He glares at them suspiciously.
Mr. Mackey: Boys, what are you doin' at my house?
Kyle: Um, Kenny just died.
Mr. Mackey: What?
Narrator: Mr. Mackey turns his head and notices Kenny's dead body.
Mr. Mackey: Holy shit, m'kay!
Narrator: Mr. Mackey turns to Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and The Mole.
Mr. Mackey (in a panic): Boys, you stay here. I'm gonna call 9-1-1, m'kay!
Narrator: Mr. Mackey rushes into his house. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and The Mole stare in his direction.
Stan (to Kyle): That was close.
The Mole: The poor bitch!
Stan: Don't worry. It was gonna happen anyway.
Meanwhile, Kenny just arrived in Hell. Satan greets him.
Satan (casually): Hey, little one. Welcome back to Hell.
Narrator: Kenny turns to him, startled.
Kenny (muffled): Satan? What are you doing here? I thought you went to Heaven after the battle with Manbearpig!
Satan: Yeah. Well, I'm Satan. I'm not supposed to go to Heaven, nor do I want to.
Kenny (muffled): Yeah, that makes sense.
Satan: So, how long until you go back to Earth?
Kenny (muffled): I don't know. Probably in a couple of-
Narrator: Before Kenny could finish, he vanishes into thin air. A circular, white puff of smoke is all that remains.
Satan (waving good-bye): 'Bye.
Narrator: Satan starts to walk away.
Satan (to himself): Such a nice kid. I look forward to seeing him again. Probably sometime tomorrow.
AN 1: I hope you all enjoyed Chapter 7. Tell me what you think and please leave a review!
AN 2: reply to Guest's review(s): Thanks for the review(s). I really appreciate it/them! I noticed that were four reviews from "Guest" last chapter. Was it one person, or multiple who sent them? If it is just one, in response to "Guest's" latest review. I don't think PC Principal and Strong Woman would get fired for starting a family together. At least, in my story, they won't.
