UNCLENCHED

7

Then, he stood alone.

On the sandy stretch of deserted beach with the setting sun paying tribute to her colorful life, with the wind howling their lament and the sea crying all the tears he could not shed.

The last word on her lips was his name. It was her last caress, her last and greatest gift for him. It was so long ago that his hair would have turned white and have all fallen off if it could.

But even so, he still couldn't bring himself to forget her. She has thoroughly imprinted herself into his very soul. Him and her both, they had imprinted her into his soul. It was as if they knew how short a time they had and had worked to imbed her into him. So he would not forget, never forget.

He had roamed far and wide but he had not found peace or satisfaction. It was her that he wanted, always her that he looked for. Nobody measured up.

This was why he always returned to this beach where her soul entered that door. She might come back. She might come looking for him and not find him there. She might be missing him and crying for him. He had never liked it when she cried and so always and always, he came back. The door might open by some miracle and let her back.

Sesshoumaru knew he was being illogical but one never did know.

Besides, he had nothing left to lose.

He clenched his fist.

He felt his sharp nails bite into his soft flesh even as he smelled blood. Physical pain he could withstand but this..

Countless times he had wished that he had never met her and he was wishing it more so now. The pain just wouldn't go away no matter what he did.

He had lived with his clenched fist for so long. Even when she had charmed his heart out of it, his fist had remained clenched. She had given everything to him but he couldn't let go. He couldn't even tell her what she meant to him. He knew that she understood even without words. She said so. But even so, he had wanted to tell her. But his last chance had been taken from him.

It was only after her last breath that he found the strength to unclench his fist and let go.

Sesshoumaru remembered that day vividly for he had the first taste of bitter regret.

Sesshoumaru sat still, looking down on her peaceful smiling face. Her heartbeat getting fainter and fainter. For a long time, he just sat there looking at her, expecting that any moment she'll open her eyes and smile.

Then, he couldn't hear her heart anymore.

Sesshoumaru pushed her hair behind her ears and smoothed his fingers on her smile, her soft and warm lips that have held so much passion for him, the long smooth column of her neck and the soft swell of her breasts.

Never before had Sesshoumaru felt such in his life.

He had whispered his reply but she didn't respond. Then he said it out loud but she still didn't reply. He then commanded for her to hear him, threatened and got angry until he finally asked and begged but to no avail.

She was gone.

He was left to tell it to their beach which will not laugh in joy and respond in kind. Never in his life has he felt so much pain and regret. He wanted to let go, to retreat and let his youkai loose. He almost did. He was already snarling his rage and hurt when he smelled her blood. He had actually punctured her skin in his loss of control and Sesshoumaru immediately calmed down.

He stood up and waded into the sea towards the setting Western sun to do what she wanted of him. She wanted to be free, she told him and so he will make her free. He swam and faced the strong waves as he clutched her body against him. The stinging salt sea water washing into his eyes and made his eyes cry.

Sesshoumaru broke that day. He cried into the sea, he cried with the sea, he made tears with the sea.

He was never the same again.

"This Sesshoumaru broken by a mere slip of a human girl," he scoffed at himself as he toed the sand which still contained the salt crystals that were his tears.

Sesshoumaru sighed and started to walk back to the cottage he kept by the beach. He stared at the lone set of footprints on the sand. There used to be two sets, one smaller than the other but always beside each other.

There had been a time that the smaller footprint was a ways behind the larger one until she put him to rights.

'Hey you listen here, oh high and mighty Sesshoumaru-sama, you and I are partners now. Mates. Meaning we are equal in every way. You accept me for what I am as I do you. So no more of this me walking and standing behind you anymore, okay? From now on, you are to pace by me, beside me. Besides, I like holding your hand.' It was a rebuke but an expression of love at the same time that he couldn't bring himself to chastise her for speaking so to him.

Sesshoumaru closed his tired golden eyes and turned to the setting sun paying tribute to him and to her. He knew that there were countless more sunsets that he had to watch alone. Countless more sunsets that he would retrace the lone set of footprints back to his cottage. Countless more sunsets that he would stand alone.

Sesshoumaru knew that he wouldn't be able to bear anymore of this. He was already dreading another bout of remembrance. It has only been 45 years since the last call to his soul. The time in between was getting shorter as the call was getting stronger. Sesshoumaru wondered how long he could withstand his longing before he drowned.

Drowning. It would be a relief to escape with drowning himself in the call but he had promises to fulfill. Who would watch the sunsets for her? Love the wind? Dance with the rabbits? Wait for her on the beach?

"I may well be drowned by now.." he sighed as he looked towards his lonely cottage.

He had long since admitted of his need for her, ever since the day she went through that door. Sesshoumaru had unclenched his fist that day, on the sandy stretch of their beach as he howled out a tribute to his mate.

Sesshoumaru sighed as he began to trace back his footprints to his cottage, his long silver hair flowing behind him. The cold wind stinging his pale cheeks, making his eyes water and whipping his hair around him. It was times such as these that Sesshoumaru confided to the wind, to the fierce and gentle wind that she loved so much as the sun paid tribute to the West before it rested for the day.

"This Sesshoumaru will miss you for always, my Kagome."


A/N:

Please read on to Let Me Remember -the story of how they came together.

Dont forget to leave me some love okay? Reviews please!