Again, I am going to give fair warning. This chapter does contain attempted suicide, please be aware of that. Also know that if you do have thoughts of suicide please reach out to someone, your life is important, even if you don't think it is.
X-X
Chapter 7
Normally when I couldn't cope with the world around me I turned to cutting and usually it only took 1 quick slice to help me and make me okay with whatever was going on, but 1 cut wasn't going to cut it today. I was numb and could barely feel it. I needed the physical pain to help me get over the emotional pain. I set the razor to my skin and drew it across again, going deeper this time…still nothing. Blood gently trickled down my arm.
My tears started flowing again. I needed another. Once more I dragged the blade against my numb skin, again, again, and again. Still nothing. This was the most I had ever done at one time and blood was flowing freely now and I knew I needed to stop because I was starting to feel slightly woozy. With slow movements I ran my blade under water and put it up. I looked in the mirror and was shocked to see how pale I was. I mean I am always pale, but I was scary pale. I dully looked at my arm dripping blood from each thin slice on my arm.
I should try to stop the blood, but I couldn't bring myself to grab a towel. Blackness slowly moved its way into my vision and I didn't fight it. I felt the world tip, it looked like the world was coming up to me. I was wrong. I fell to it with a thump, the blackness caressing me like an old friend and I gave myself over to it gladly. The only thing that ruined it was a loud thumping noise, but I was too far gone to ever care.
My head still felt woozy and I was slightly sick to my stomach. The bathroom floor was surprisingly soft and I could have sworn I fell face forward, not backwards, but I was clearly laying on my back. It also felt like I had damaged my right arm, it pinched painfully, almost like I was laying on it, but no. I wiggled my fingers gently. I wasn't laying on it after all.
"Dean, she's waking up." A voice yelled out above me. I knew that voice, but I couldn't picture a face, it reminded me of something innocent…a puppy.
Soft fingers grasped my hand. It took a lot of effort to open my eyes, I felt so drained, so tired, but when I did I was rewarded with the sight of crystal sharp green eyes looking down at me in concern.
"Paige, I'm sorry, I knew I shouldn't have left you alone."
Confusion went through me, then recognition. Dean, and the voice from before, Sam.
"What happened?" I asked and was surprised at how ragged my voice sounded.
That's when everything came back to me. I had tried to kill myself. That might not have been my immediate intention, but I didn't stop, I didn't try to slow the bleeding. I sat up slightly and Dean put another pillow behind my back. There was someone else in the room, two someone's actually. John was back, but then someone else. I turned my gaze from the stranger back to Dean.
"It's okay Paige, that's Bobby. After you passed out I broke the door and saw you, so Sam called Bobby, he doesn't live too far away and dad wasn't back yet, so I didn't know what to do. Bobby rushed over. He's the one who stitched you up and started the blood transfusion."
I looked at my left arm to see gauze taped over it and a needed sticking out of the crook on my right arm.
"Dad showed up about an hour ago." Sam said and grabbed my other hand. I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand back.
Looking over at John I felt the color drain from my face, he looked pissed. He practically was smoldering, so I moved my gaze away, I couldn't stand to have him look at me like that. Finally I tore my gaze back to Dean, the tears pricking my eyes again.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered out and both Sam and Dean moved in to hug me, one boy for each arm. I held onto both of them like my life depended on it…and I guess it did in that moment.
"You're just lucky you didn't do more damage then you did." John said coolly from the end of the bed.
"Give her a break John, you know what she's been through, and she's just a kid." Bobby said softly.
John let out an irritant huff. My tears ran dry and I pulled back from the boys. We were still in the same room as before, but now the adjourning room door was open and I saw John stalk through the open door into the vacant room. I felt a light pat on my foot and looked up to see Bobby.
"You're just about done on that transfusion and should be good to go tomorrow."
I nodded my head and Bobby followed John into the next room. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could hear their hushed tones. Sam's lanky arms circled my neck again and held me tight for a moment, then pulled back and followed his dad into the other room leaving Dean and I alone. He was still seated next to me on the bed.
"I swear, that wasn't my original intention." I whispered to Dean.
He grasped my hand again and brought it up to his lips and kissed it.
"I should have given you more hope, not been as blunt."
"No Dean, this was on me, don't blame yourself." I replied and placed my hand on his cheek. His eyes held so much self-doubt and dejection in them.
Sleep pulled my eyelids down, but I fought them, I still needed answers.
"Dean, your dad being back, that must mean he found the place where the vampires were staying…what happened? Why was he gone for so long?"
"Well the nest was harder to find, he thought he had it, but it was a trap. Once a vampire has your scent, they will hunt you forever, so he was trying to stay one step ahead of them. Eventually he found the right place. He had a couple of close calls, but finally killed them all."
"Tiff? Elizabeth?" I asked trying not to get my hope up.
Dean shook his head softly. "I'm sorry."
I closed my eyes, blocking out the world. Dean sucked in a breath, like he was going to say something, but changed his mind. I didn't know if I wanted to know, so I didn't press it.
"Were leaving tomorrow." Dean whispered.
My eyes flew open to see Dean hanging his head, not looking at me. Dean told me from the start they would be leaving, but I still felt like he had crushed what was left of my shattered heart, crushing it into dust. "Oh."
"I asked if we could stay for a while, but dad already found a new case." Dean explained still not raising his head.
As much as I felt like I wanted to cry, throw something, scream, I didn't. If this was going to be the last time I saw Dean I wanted it to be filled with nice memories, not bad. I reached out and placed my fingers under his chin, pushing his face up gently and placed my lips against his softly. I knew nothing about what love was, any type of physical contact I had ever had, shouldn't have ever happened. I was in uncharted territory here. I tried to put as much as I could into that kiss. This was me telling him how I cared for him, how I didn't blame him and above all else, how I would never forget him. Dean seemed to get it, and pulled me even closer.
I pulled back when I heard someone clear their throat softly from the open door. It was Bobby. He walked over to me and removed my IV and bandaged me up. My cheeks were red. He gripped my hand lightly. "You should get some sleep." I nodded my head. "Take this, it will help you sleep." He gave me a pill and a glass of water and left. I swallowed it and placed the glass on the table.
"Are you going to be able to stay with me tonight?" I whispered as I laid down in bed again. Dean smiled, but it was a sad smile and he nodded.
"Let me tuck Sam in."
Sam came back into the room, gave me another hug, and laid down on the bed next to mine, and Dean mad sure he was settled in and returned to my bed crawling in next to me. I turned to the side to look at Dean and he pulled me close. "Go to sleep." Dean murmured, my eyes already slipping close.
X-X
I hope your liking the story so far, it's almost finished so let me know. I haven't honestly even attempted to finish the second half of the story, so if/when I do complete it I shall just post it as a new story. Thanks to the people who have been following the story!
Desiree'
