Hands shaking, Lindsay sat by Kim in her bedroom later that afternoon, certain she felt more nervous than Kim herself. There were two pregnancy tests sitting on the faded blue pillow in front of them, a precaution she had forced Kim to undertake after hearing that they aren't always entirely accurate. It was difficult to sum up how Kim appeared. On the surface, she seemed relatively unphased about the whole thing. Her lips were pursed, arms folded as she impatiently sighed, no doubt wanting an answer as soon as possible. But if Lindsay knew her friend, she knew that she always acted like she didn't care as a defence mechanism. Either that, or she lost it completely. Lindsay wasn't sure which reaction was worse.
In that moment, nothing else was really important. Her lingering feelings for Nick were well and truly buried, Daniel and his confusingly alluring antics merely an afterthought. Lindsay wasn't even concerned about the fact she was going to fall behind on all her classes from her lack of study that night, because this was probably the most meaningful moment she and Kim had ever shared together. If their summer hadn't already cemented their friendship, this certainly did. That was the important thing.
Kim exhaled loudly, tapping her foot over and over until Lindsay was sure there would soon be a hole in the old floorboards.
"Come on! It's been like five minutes, something should have happened by now."
Just as she said it, something did happen. The two girls watched as the lines on the first test began to form. Lindsay could feel her stomach turn as not one, but two small blue lines appeared on the test, indicating that maybe, Kim hadn't been paranoid after all. Kim's eyes were wide, glistening as she picked up the test and held it in her hands for a moment. As she did, the second test began to change too. Lindsay picked up that one, frowning.
"Wait, this ones negative!" Lindsay exclaimed, thrusting the stick towards Kim.
"Are you kidding me?" Kim cried, grabbing it off Lindsay as she held the two tests at eye level. "That's just perfect. So we're back where we started!"
"Well, at least we bought two tests?" Lindsay offered, and Kim glared at her without an ounce of positivity.
"At least nothing! These stupid things don't even work properly, I should call the goddamn store and get my money back!"
"Kim. Look, these things happen, ok?" Lindsay tried to reason. "And we might not have a definite answer, but one of them was positive. That means that the next thing we have to do is go to a doctor."
"Yeah, right." Kim threw the tests back onto the pillow, collapsing next to them. "So what, I can be lectured by some smart old guy in a white coat who thinks he knows everything? No thanks."
"Kim." Lindsay said softly. "We have to be sure. I remember Millie telling me she once saw this amazing female doctor about half an hour up north of here, we can drive up there on Saturday."
Kim sniffed loudly, her head in her hands as she lay back, utterly defeated. "Fine."
That was all they could do. Lindsay didn't stay for much longer that night, opting instead to return home and organise her notes for her tutoring sessions that week. It was pointless though; she couldn't stop thinking about Kim, and how terrified she must be feeling. It was one thing to fall unexpectedly pregnant at 16, but another thing entirely to not know who the father was.
It also didn't help that her parents were less than thrilled about her spending more time with Kim. Despite her protests, Harold and Jean were still entirely convinced that following The Dead was Kim's idea. As she, Sam and her parents watched The Gong show that night, they pressed Lindsay on why she was still in the picture.
"Lindsay, we've been kind enough to let you see your friends but you're pushing it, young lady." Harold announced out of nowhere, and she wanted to laugh at first. One minute he'd been watching a contestant perform a comedy routine on the television, the next he'd flipped a switch and turned on her. She caught Sam's eye, stuck her tongue out at him quickly.
"I just don't think it's a good idea for you to be hanging out with someone like Kim." Jean continued empathetically. "I know she hasn't got a good home life like we do, but I do worry that you're getting dragged into it. It's not up to you to look after her, Lindsay."
"You used to have such nice friends. Whatever happened to them?" Harold sighed.
"I still see Millie." Lindsay mumbled, not bothering to defend her current friends because she knew it wouldn't make any difference. She was still on thin ice, the last thing she wanted to do was disrupt the rare peace she had found from her parents. Plus given the circumstances, she wasn't sure she was in any position to defend anyone. Instead, she changed the subject completely.
"Can you guys help me with yearbook ideas? I have to come up with a two page spread by tomorrow, I didn't get around to it on the weekend."
"Oh, and I wonder why that was?" Harold pressed on. "Nothing to do with you ditching your responsibilities to see those burnouts, would it?"
"How about something to do with the drama club?" Sam suggested, Lindsay shooting him a thankful glance. "We're doing Grease this year, with a real band and everything."
"Wait a minute, we?" Jean was beaming. "Sam, you didn't tell us you'd joined the drama club!"
"Yeah, well. It's not a big deal or anything." Sam shrugged. He shuffled in his seat bashfully, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"That's great, Sam!" Lindsay exclaimed, inwardly kicking herself that she hadn't known about this. She and her brother had always gotten along, but lately she'd been too distracted to take an interest in his life. She felt bad, knowing that she had taken up the majority of their parents attention lately. It must have been difficult for him, having to deal with the second hand anger that Lindsay had caused. "Who are you playing?"
"Well, nobody yet." Sam mumbled. "I mean, auditions are on tomorow after school. I'm gonna go for Danny."
Lindsay suppressed a giggle at the thought of Sam playing bad boy, too-cool-for-school, chick magnet Danny.
"Good for you, Sam." Harold nodded towards him. "I'm glad at least one of our children is investing their time in something important."
Lindsay didn't respond, because she didn't have anything to say. Instead, she began brainstorming ways to include the drama club in a two page spread. She was too distracted to come up with another idea, anyway. She briefly considered asking her dad about getting Daniel a job, but knew it wasn't the best time to do so. With the way her parents were acting, she was starting to wonder if there would ever be a good time to ask.
After school the next day, Lindsay decided to watch Sam at his audition. It was a welcome escape, given the surprising responsibilities her friends had thrust upon her that week. She walked down the halls toward the gym after the last bell, a surge of drama kids rushing past her as they practised their lines. The last person she expected to see exit the gym was Nick, but there he was, looking defeated as he headed straight for her.
"Hey, Nick!" Lindsay called out to him, her heart jumping a little. She'd realized they'd never actually discussed what had happened that weekend. She played with the hem of her jacket sleeves as he came toward her, her mind flicking back to when he'd held her hand on the swings just a few days before.
"Oh, hey Lindsay." He replied as he dribbled a basketball down the hall. "The gym is off limits at the moment apparently."
"Oh, yeah I know, they're holding auditions for Grease. Sam's trying out." She shrugged. "What were you doing in there anyway?"
"Coach Fredrick's said that if I show that I'm serious, he'll let me back on the team." Nick beamed, and Lindsay couldn't help but do the same back. "I thought I should practise where he can see me."
"Nick, that is so cool!" Lindsay exclaimed, having a strange urge to hug him. She resisted though, instead opting for an awkward punch on the shoulder. She cringed, not knowing why she did it, but luckily he seemed to find it funny. "Do you think if you get back on the team your dad might not send you to the army?"
"Well, hopefully." Nick grinned. "I've been doing well this term. I even got a B on my history paper last week. Well, it was a B Minus, but still."
"Well, congratulations." Lindsay nodded at an ecstatic Nick. "I always knew you could do it."
"Yeah. Yeah, you did." Nick stared at her with a smile, and she felt a slight discomfort as her mind trailed back to last year. She was momentarily rooted to the spot, not paying attention to anything but his eyes, and the way he was looking at her. She only snapped out of it when she heard music coming from the gym.
"Well, I gotta go watch Sam." She explained, hitching her bag higher onto her shoulder. As she began to walk away, she realized that she couldn't just leave him standing there. "Do you maybe wanna come with me? It could be kind of fun."
He didn't even ponder his answer, following Lindsay into the gym without any hesitation, basketball under his arm. They sat in a couple of chairs toward the back of the gym, next to what looked like the beginning of the set being built. It looked as though the gym was going to be off limits to anyone who wasn't in the play for a very long time. Lindsay spotted Amy at the front of the stage, sitting with the other band members who were surely sick of playing We Go Together over and over again. She gave them a small wave, before turning her concentration back to the tuba.
Lindsay watched as one by one, different students gave it their all to impress a delighted Mr Rosso, who must have been in charge of the casting process. It came as no surprise to her, after being forced to sit through his Alice Cooper cover the year before. What did come as a surprise was when Sara appeared on the stage. She watched Nick shrink into his seat next to her.
"Oh no." Lindsay bit her lip. "I'm sorry Nick, I had no idea she would be here."
As the music started to begin her audition, Sara was beaming out into the relatively desolate gym. Her smile dropped when it landed on Lindsay and Nick, being replaced by what could only be a mixture of hopelessness and confusion. Lindsay felt awful, knowing how horrible it must be for Sara to see them together. And to make it worse, she then missed her cue. She appeared utterly frazzled as the band started the song again, forcing a smile onto her face as she got into position again. Lindsay looked at Nick, who was vacantly staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.
"Are you ok?"
"Who, me?" Nick asked overenthusiastically. "Oh, I'm great. I'm so great."
It sounded completely unbelievable, but she didn't say so. Instead, they awkwardly sat through Sara's routine without saying a word, with Nick appearing rather distracted by the basketball under his feet. Lindsay wished she was anywhere else.
Luckily, Sam was up next. She resisted the urge to jump up and cheer for him, instead opting to give him a quick thumbs up before the music started. If anything, Sam seemed annoyed that she had come to watch him, but surely sisters were supposed to embarrass their brothers sometimes. Halfway through his audition, Lindsay realized Sam had no reason to be embarrassed. He was surprisingly good. His singing wasn't off the charts, but he was responding to the musical cues perfectly, his acting was surprisingly entertaining. Lindsay wondered when on earth Sam had become interested in theatre, automatically assuming he must have joined because of a girl. Next to her, Nick was pretending to drum along with the music, a huge grin on his face.
"He's really good!" He whispered to Lindsay, who nodded in agreement. Maybe Sam actually had a shot at being a lead. That would make her parents happy, and then at least they might stop being mad at her for a night or two.
About half an hour later, auditions were over. Mr Rosso announced that the cast list would be finalized that night, so they would find out the next day if they got a role. Lindsay and Nick waited for Amy to pack up her tuba, the three of them exiting the gym together.
"Did you guys get there in time to see Shelly Weaver screw up that last note?" Amy asked. "Best moment of my day, my week even."
"Aw, you're starting to sound more and more like Ken every day." Nick teased, dodging a punch in the shoulder from Amy.
"What did you think of Sam?" Lindsay asked Amy as they wandered through the now empty halls, the three of them being the last to leave that afternoon. "You think he has a shot?"
"He's definitely in with a chance." Amy shrugged. "Plus, Mr Rosso likes him. It's just hard to imagine your brother playing Danny, you get me?"
"Oh, I get you." Lindsay agreed, thinking of the other strong male leads they had watched audition. They definitely looked the part more than Sam did. Lindsay briefly imagined Daniel playing the lead, he certainly fit the profile. She had a crazy scenario in her head where Kim and Daniel played the leads opposite each other, in love in one scene, hating each other the next…
As though she could read her thoughts, Amy jumped in.
"You guys aren't going to meet Kim right now, are you?" She totally bit my head off at lunch, over nothing. I swear she's been acting insane since Daniel came back to school." Amy rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, well. What's new?" Nick responded, tossing his basketball in the air as he walked. Lindsay felt her chest tightening.
"She's going through some stuff at the moment." Lindsay offered, not wanting to reveal too much. "I'm sure she didn't mean it."
Nick and Amy exchanged a knowing glance.
"Classic Lindsay, always wanting to see the best in people." Amy joked. "Anyway, if she's hanging out tonight then I'm going home."
"God, was she that bad?" Lindsay asked, not because she wanted to defend Kim, but because she was suddenly a little bit worried. The one thing that made Kim truly angry was when Daniel had done something wrong, usually with another girl involved. All she could think of was Daniel sleeping at her house. There was absolutely nothing else in her head.
"She told me that I only joined the band because I had no friends and I wanted to 'blow' something." Amy answered. Nick laughed out loud, and Lindsay tried to hide her shock with an unsuccessful laugh. Kim really liked Amy, so it didn't make any sense. The uncertainty of her pregnancy was surely the reasoning, but Lindsay did find herself wondering if it was something more.
"Sounds like Kim alright." Nick replied. Lindsay wasn't so light-hearted about it all. Explaining that she had a ton of work to do that night, she left the two of them on the front steps of the school and wandered home alone. She didn't accept a lift home, she didn't offer to hang out. All she wanted to do was collapse on her bed, listen to her Grateful Dead record on repeat and cry.
