Yay! I was so excited to see I had 8 reviews for the last chapter...sad I know but at last I feel as though I am getting somewhere. So please keep em coming? The more you review the faster I write... I also have to confess that I made an error in chapter 2…Hands up who spotted that Quil and not Embry imprinted on Claire? Well xselenexchoiseulx3 did so I'm dedicating this one to her. Send me a lovely review and who knows I could dedicate the next one to you … Love to all. Tink. XX



It had been 7 days, 10,080 minutes and 604,800 seconds since I'd last laid eyes on my Jake and right at this moment, deep in the dark of the night, I felt every single one of them. A physical ache plagued my body, tearing at my heart and leaving my feeling weak and fragile. I'd felt like this since the second he left my side all those days ago, the human part of me superceding my vampire qualities.

The emotional turmoil I had been going through was so bad, that when I suddenly felt insanely happy, almost bi polar, I knew my mom had gone to uncle Jasper and most probably begged him to put me out of my misery. Guilt assuaged me as I realized it probably wasn't much fun for him picking up on all my pain either. Uncle Jasper was so sensitive to emotions it was a wonder he wasn't trying to find the nearest cliff to fling himself off and end it all right now. But for everyone's sake, his own most of all, it seemed he heard my mom's pleas and had intervened.

Using his talents, instead of letting me pine and cry for my best friend, at times I felt on top of the world, spending most of my days laughing with Uncle Emmett, shopping with Aunt Alice, hunting with Aunt Rose. But it was the nights that were the worst, when I slept my dreams plagued me. Haunted me.

Apparently Jasper didn't seem to want to influence them. Each night Jake would appear to me, asking for my help, calling to me but I wouldn't be able to get to him. His wolf would appear, large and menacing, growling and snarling ferociously. He would stalk me, corner me, lunge at me, before tearing me to pieces, leaving me bleeding, dying, whilst he laughed. The rest of the pack around him looked on, watching me smirking and grinning wolfishly.

Other dreams were just as tormenting, just as painful to me. Jake holding me in his powerful embrace, telling me how much he missed me, how much he loved me. Jake kissing me gently, stroking my body, teaching me, until I awoke yearning for him and his touch. I'm not sure Uncle Jasper enjoyed those emotions much better, I knew they made him feel uncomfortable coming from his six year old niece but I got the feeling Aunt Alice got the benefits, or at least that's what my enhanced vampire hearing told me.

My body and soul knew what my brain didn't, that it yearned for Jake, that I needed him to live. Without him I barely existed, I survived but I didn't live, I couldn't if he wasn't by my side where I needed him to be. He was the other half to me, the dark to my light, the night to my day, the hot, to my cold.

My parents had tried to help; they hung around La Push close enough to know what was happening but not close enough to cause him distress. According to them he was happy, he still had not phased or shifted yet but he seemed settled and relaxed. The good news was that his thoughts were slowly becoming more human, my dad could sometimes make sense of them. They were mainly about the pack, his human side and the house he lived in. He was grateful to Emily, worried about her pup and occasionally thought about exploring the area he came from.

I wasn't featured in his thoughts and that more than the fact he still hadn't phased upset me more than anything. Maybe I had to face facts that he really did not know who he was and worse than that he did not know who I was ether. My heart wept for my poor Jake but for myself too. There were times when being a teenager sucked, this was one of them; I was ruled by my hormones.

"Renesmee" I heard my father's melodic tones outside my bedroom door, seconds before he knocked. Privacy, in house full of vampires who could read thoughts, see the future and had enhanced senses of hearing, was a very rare thing but I appreciated the gesture all the same.

"Come in" I said softly, dashing at my eyes to swipe away the silent tears which had escaped as I ruminated about Jake.

"You okay?" he asked hesitantly, moving to sit beside me on the bed and wrap an arm around my shoulders.

"Tell Uncle Jasper I'm sorry," I said with a wry smile, I must have been driving him crazy with these maudlin thoughts and feelings.

"He understands, we all do, you should never apologize for your feelings, especially for Jake, we all know how much he means to you, he's your best friend"

I chuckled softly and wondered if he would be quite as understanding, when he realized my feelings for Jake were not so platonic anymore. His laughter joined mine and I looked at him puzzled for a split second before understanding dawned. Mind reading father, how could I forget?

"Your mother and I figured that out a while ago… probably before even you did" he said ruefully and I felt a blush heat my cheeks. He touched my cheek and smiled a little sadly.

"You look so much like your Mom when you do that… I miss her blushes" he confided with a far away look in his eyes.

"Dad!" I interrupted impatiently "This is not the time to tell me the story about how you and mom fell in love, I know it inside out already"

He laughed squeezing me close for a split second "Actually I came to tell you I heard from Sam today"

I froze my entire body still with the exception of my frantically racing heart.

"Sam? What is it? Is Jake okay?"

My father nodded but his face was grave "Sam says he doesn't remember anything, doesn't even know who he is or where he has been for the last year…claims he just woke up one morning in the forest around Forks and then stumbled across us"

Tears pooled in my eyes, partly of relief and partly of disappointment, I was glad he had finally shifted but a large part of me expected that when he did shift, he would remember his life, remember me. I expected to get my best friend back.

"So he doesn't know about…us," I meant me, and my father knew, without me having to say the words.

He shook his head once more, his expression sympathetic, as I grew silent again.

"He'll get there Ness, you know he will" but he didn't sound convinced.

I nodded woodenly but there was a part of me and I didn't know how big that part was, which just didn't believe him.

"It's just so hard Daddy," I murmured, hugging my knees to my chest and laying my cheek atop them. He rubbed my back soothingly his ice cold touch not the one I craved right now. I needed the heat, the feeling of warmth that only my Jake could provide.

"Would you like to come hunting with Jasper and I? Take your mind off him for a little while, it's been nearly a week since you last hunted...you must be ravenous"

I didn't need him to tell me that, a week had passed since Jake had stood before me, but it felt like a lifetime. Split seconds passed before I knew what I wanted to do,

"Could we go to La Push? Please…I just want to know he's okay" I turned pleading eyes on my father and he sighed audibly, shaking his head as he answered.

"It's not good for either of you right now…he needs space Nessie, I know it's hard but I promise it will be worth it in the end"

"We don't have to go near the house, just close enough so I can smell him…please Daddy, please"

My father shook his head again, his face impassive, "I'm sorry Nessie really I am, but we can't take the risk… young werewolves like Jake are extremely volatile and you don't want to undo all the work Sam has done…if he sees you or catches your scent on the wind he may not be able to control himself around you, he could shift …you could both be in danger"

"I wouldn't be in danger, it's Jake Daddy, he wouldn't hurt me," I protested becoming frustrated with their attempts to protect me from someone who loved me.

"Renesmee, it's not only you I'm thinking of…if you got hurt I don't think I could protect Jake…it's for his good as well as yours" he told me brushing the side of my face with his hand, echoing what my Mom had said to me when I wanted to see Jake for one last time.

"But I need to see him, I need to know that he's okay" I pleaded, my voice barely a whisper now.

"How about I speak with Seth instead of Sam, I know there's no love lost between you two but Seth is different…he'll keep it real" he said and rolled his eyes as though quite unable to believe he had said those words aloud. I had to admit hearing my well spoken, articulate, eloquent father say "keep it real" normally would have had me in gales of laughter and though I think it was his intention, it just didn't work.

I nodded, a slight smile on my lips, a little flicker of hope inside me, Seth would back me, he would understand, aside from Jake he was the other person closet to me. Seth would let me see him.

"Renesmee, I don't like to see you like this…I know you're hurting but you can't put your life on hold waiting for something that may not ever happen…You may have to face the fact that the Jake we all knew is gone for good"

I wanted to laugh, he was saying the same thing he had when Jake had first come back and already he'd been proved wrong. He'd managed to shift hadn't he? So maybe the journey was going to take longer than we'd thought but I knew, I had to believe that he would come back to me.

"Would you have given up on Mama?" I asked him, already knowing his answer would be no.

If I ever had even half the love my parents shared then I would be a lucky woman and I wanted that love to be with Jake. I knew the wolves loved deeply and forever, I'd heard terms like soul mate and imprinting mentioned but had never fully understood them. Now was the time I wanted to.

"Ness that was different… your mom and I…well it was complicated but your Aunt Alice knew it was meant, even if I didn't at the time" he reflected with a rueful smile.

"How is it so different for Jake and I…I think I love him Daddy" I confessed horrified that I had confessed such a thing to my father, my mind reading, overbearing, over protective, vampire with a bite venomous to wolves, father.

"I know it feels that way know but things change Ness, this could just be a teen crush… you're just going through a transition, you're growing up…hormones and such…who knows you could meet someone and totally forget about Jake…it seems as though you are so obsessed with him that you can't see the bigger picture, that you can't see you could have a life, a happy life, without him"

I felt a spurt of anger, dad was ignoring my feelings, trying to dissuade me, trying to get my to doubt how I felt about Jake.

"And what is the big picture Daddy…I can't date a human I could kill him, I've met practically every vampire of our kind and nothing…there wasn't even the slightest flicker but with Jake" I struggled to explain the depth of my feelings, it was so much more than love "with Jake it's like I was made for him, I can't shake the feeling that we were meant to be"

"Renesmee" he sighed, he did that a lot when things were not going how he wanted them to, "this seems to have come out of nowhere…you should concern yourself with getting him well again before you even start thinking about how you feel about him and how he feels about you"

I felt a little guilty, he was right of course. I was so obsessed with how much I loved him, that I had never thought about him and what he must be going through. All I wanted was to be with him and all I thought about was how he would love me back. It was too painful to consider any other option.

"There is something else... have you considered the possibility that even if Jake does come back to us, he will not feel that way about you…what will you do then?" he asked me gently, obviously hearing my previous thoughts.

I shrugged my shoulders and turned my face into my knees again, not wanting him to see how upset this notion made me. For so long I had fixated on getting Jake back that I never really thought about what would happen should he not feel the same about me.

Perhaps my father was right; perhaps this was more a teenage crush, part of my advanced growth. Suddenly I was doubting myself, doubting my feelings, did i really love him the way i thought? How could I know? I had nothing to compare to, no time with Jake that hadn't been platonic before he disapeared. Maybe I was clinging to the hope that I loved him as a way to keep him in my life, my thoughts. I flopped onto my back and stared blindly at the ceiling, eyes open but seeing nothing, feeling the bed shift as my father rose and left the room on silent feet. Despite all my worries, there was one thing I knew for certain above all else. However I felt about him, I wanted him in my life and I would wait as long as he needed me to.