Disclaimer: This is fascinating: Stargate has gone on for nine seasons… though… I still don't own it…

Hawk: I'm very surprised that no one's called me on all the continuity mistakes (and not just Ammonet there are other much smaller ones bonus points if you can find them) but thanks for being understanding, remember it's a comedy, it doesn't have to make sense!


Jack held his finger to his lips to signal silence. He looked around. The weird pyramid ship thingy was landed in the middle of a large clearing. Behind it was a cliff.

"Okay, here's what I want, half the Unas go up on those cliffs and –"

"AAAAAACCCCCCCCCHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Daniel covered his mouth, "Oops…" he sniffed, "I guess I deed by bedison…"

"Danny!" Jack twitched.

"Sowwy Jag," Daniel mumbled. Jack sighed, "That's okay," he said with a bit of irritation in his voice, "Okay, let's get this show on the road, tell some of them to go up on that cliff and attack from there, the rest will be down here and will storm in once we open the door, kay?"

"Right," The other's agreed. Daniel gave a small sneeze and then told the Unas what he wanted them to do. Some grunted in response and went towards the cliff.

"Okay, come on troops," Jack said leading the other two to the back of the ship. They easily slipped by the Jaffa patrols.


The Children crawled towards the small passageway at the back of the ship.

"Okay, Sammy, you take point, Daniel's in the middle, I'm last, be as quiet as you can—"

"ACHOOOO!" Jack looked pointedly at Daniel. Daniel sniffed and nodded.

"Jeez, it's lucky we didn't try to fit Chaka in here, he'd get stuck," muttered Sammy.

"Why? Are you too big?" Jack asked.

"You calling me fat?"

"No… you're as skinny as a rod and twice as ugly, now can we please get on with this?"

"We're not going anywhere until you apologise, that was mean Jack," Sammy pulled herself out of the small opening shaking out her pigtails in disgust. She crossed her arms looking at him expectantly.

"Oh fer crying out loud!" Jack twitched, "I am NOT apologizing you can't make me," he said turning his back to her crossing his own arms. Daniel looked at them both.

"Bu' guys we godda save Bister Teal'c!" Daniel protested.

"Not until he admits he was being a jerk," Sammy sniffed in disgust.

"Not until she gets over herself," Jack replied. Daniel frowned unhappily.

"I bet you lige each other," Daniel said suddenly.

"WHAT?" the two yelled turning to Daniel.

"We do NOT!" Sammy yelled.

"Take that back Danny!" Jack demanded. Daniel gave them both a small grin.

"Jag and Sabie sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes lob, then cobes barriage,"

"Then comes you knocked into next week if you don't cut it out! We're just friends! Besides I'm her commanding officer… and that's just ewwww!"

"Commanding officer?" Sammy asked.

"Huh?" Jack blinked.

"You said you were my commanding officer," Sammy clarified.

"No I didn't…" Jack muttered, "You misheard me… anyways we're just friends, right Sammy?"

"Yeah," Sammy said nodding emphatically, "No way I'm ever gonna marry a loser like Jack,"

"Hey!"

"Okay, you're even now. Can we save Bister Teal'c pul-eeeez?" Daniel asked impatiently.

"Yeah, okay, sorry Sammy,"

"I'm sorry too Jack…"

"Oh and for the record I don't think you guys like each other I just wanted you to stop acting lig an ol' barried couple," Daniel explained.

"Buried couple?" Sammy asked as she crawled into the vent.

"No, Barried, Barried," Daniel replied following after.

"We do not act like a married couple." Jack muttered catching on.

"Do too," Daniel said.

"Do not,"

"Do too,"

"Do not!"

"Too,"

"Not,"

"Too,"

"Not—"

"Now who's acting like a married couple?" Sam snickered.

"Carter that's just wrong!"

"Jack and Danny sittin—"

"Shut it Sabie," Daniel muttered.


The three had been crawling in silence for the last few minutes agreeing never to say one of them liked another again. They came to a small vent. Jack looked through.

"My lord, the Unas continue their attack on us, there is many of them, what would you have us do?" a Jaffa asked a bald man. The bald man stood up and his eyes flashed.

"Continue to fight, destroy them," he commanded.

"That must be the Goa'uld," Jack said quietly, "Be very quiet,"

"Ahh—ahh—AHH—" Jack quickly stuck his finger under Daniel's nose. They waited a few seconds and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

"ACHOOOO!" Sammy and Daniel stared at Jack in horror.

"And after all those times I told Danny not to sneeze," Jack winced rubbing his nose. The bald man was up and at the vent before Jack could say 'Giant Mutated Carpenter Ants from Outer space.' The vent was pulled open with inhuman strength Jack and Sammy were pulled out. Daniel crawled to the far edge so that the Goa'uld couldn't see him.

"What are you two doing poking around there?" the man growled.

"Nothin," Jack replied trying not to look worried.

"Oh?" The Goa'uld sneered. Sammy glared at him.

"Yup," she clarified, "What he said,"

"What were you doing there?" he asked, his eyes flashing.

"Name rank and serial number Sammy," Jack ordered. The Goa'uld held Jack against the wall.

"What. Were. You. Doing," the Goa'uld said stressing each word.

"It was a dare," Jack said not looking into the cold eyes of Heru'er.

"A… 'dare?'"

"Yeah, jeez what planet are you from?" Jack winced as he said it, "A dare is like a challenge, and we are not chicken, right Sammy?"

"Right," Sammy said crossing her arms, "Put 'em down!" Sammy demanded.

"You do not order your God to do anything," Heru'er said letting Jack drop and turning to face Sammy.

"Meh, your mother was a Tok'ra," Sammy spat. Heru'er stared at her in rage. His eyes flashed, "I shall put you both in the deepest darkest cell on this ship and you will think twice about insulting your God!" Jack and Sammy were dragged away towards the dungeons.

"Oh no…" Daniel whispered to himself. He began to crawl again as fast as he could. He had to find a way out of these vents to find Mr. Teal'c and his friends.


"Darn it!" Jack yelled beating his hand on the metal door.

"What are we going to do now? Daniel's out there alone!" Sammy said turning to Jack with a huge frown. Jack sighed.

"Danny can take care of himself… let's just hope that he doesn't run into Baldy…" Sammy nodded in agreement miserably sitting down on the floor.

"Hey… Sammy?" Jack asked.

"Yeah?" Sammy murmured.

"… what's a Tok'ra?" Sammy grinned.

"I don't know actually." Jack gave a small smile as well, "Something weird is going on Sammy, I mean… not just that you know a bunch of tec stuff that makes my brain spin or that Danny knows more languages than you can shake a stick at and me being able to drive a space ship, but the other stuff."

"You mean like Thor saying that we haven't been cloned and the stuff about original forms and Mr. Apophis' reaction to us?" Sammy asked. Jack nodded.

"Yeah, it doesn't make sense and this SG1 business, what is SG1 anyways?"

"I dunno," Sam sighed, "But I see what you mean… what was the last thing you remember before we ended up in that tomb place thingy?"

"I was…" Jack started getting a far away look, "Now that you mention it, I was at the park, I had heard a shout from the tunnels and I ran in. The next thing I know I was with you and Danny facing down Mr. Apophis… what about you?"

"I was at home." Sammy answered, "I was at home and I had just got a phone call from Daddy… he said that he was gonna be late tonight again even though he promised to play with me. We have a little forest behind our house so I went in there and I found this little tunnel and went in."

"And then you found us right?" Sammy nodded.

"And Danny said that he was in Egypt and was lost in a tomb his parents were looking at." Jack crossed his arms, "We weren't even close to each other so how is this all possible?"

"ACHOOOOOOOO!"

"DANIEL!" the two children cried in relief looking up at the vent.

"Guys, you okay?" Daniel asked looking down at them wiping his nose.

"Yeah we're okay, can you get us out of here?" Sammy asked.

"No… sorry Sabie, bu' it's too high, I can't reach you guys… wud should I do?"

"Danny, you have to find Mr. Teal'c on your own, he should be nearby," Jack said.

"Wha? Be alone!" Daniel squeaked. Jack could just imagine the wide-eyed look Daniel had.

"You have to Danny, it's the only way we can save Teal'c. You have to go through the shaft, and find him,"

"But, I'b not… but Jag!" Daniel protested, "I-I'b not as brave as you, an' my sneezing will ged in da way…"

"Danny, I'm sorry that I yelled at you about sneezing, when it was me in the end that sneezed and gave us away, but it'll all work out. Besides, you are too brave; you talked to a carpenter ant alien and weren't even scared if it would eat you. You talked to Chaka and convinced a group of Unas to help us, you're very brave Danny, you can do this. Please, for Teal'c."

"Kay Jag, twust you," Daniel nodded crawling away from the vent.

"Be careful Daniel," Sammy whispered, "…We shouldn't have let him go alone…"

"Don't worry, he'll be alright," Jack put his hand on Sammy's shoulder.


Teal'c closed his eyes. He was in a deep state of Kel-no-rem trying to ease his wounds inflicted by Heru-er. His teammates, his family were vulnerable out in the forest that was filled with Unas. He had failed them. They had the bodies of children and didn't even remember who they were.

"Bister Teal'c?" a small voice whispered. Teal'c's eyes snapped open as he looked around the room.

"Up here," the voice whispered. Teal'c stood up and his eyes widened.

"DanielJackson!" he exclaimed.

"Yub," the small boy nodded, "I'b here to rescue you," he explained. Teal'c pulled the vent off and carefully brought the little boy down to the ground.

"DanielJackson, you should not have come here." Teal'c said kneeling down to be eye level with Daniel. Daniel frowned shaking his head.

"Nuh uh, we couldn't leab you 'ere," he declared, "Jag says we don' leave no one behind,"

"That does sound like O'Neill," Teal'c nodded, "Are O'Neill and SammyCarter here?"

"Yub, but they're cabtured, they're in a cell nearby," Daniel explained. Teal'c frowned.

"There is no way that I can get out of this room DanielJackson, I am too big,"

"Will this helb?" Daniel asked holding up a Zat gun. Teal'c gave a very small smile.

"Yes, I think this will do nicely DanielJackson."


"I'm bored…" Jack sighed, "When's Danny gonna save us?"

There was a loud grunt from outside the door and shouting.

"Bout now?" Sammy suggested. The door slide open.

"T-man! You're okay!" Jack grinned as Teal'c stepped into the cell. He bowed his head.

"I am indeed O'Neill, come, we must leave this place immediately.

"Hiya guys," Daniel said cheerfully from behind Teal'c.

"Way to go Danny!" Jack said giving him a high five, "Let's get outta here!"


"So how are we gonna get back to Earth?" Jack asked. They marched down the trail with a gaggle (horde?) of Unas behind them.

"We are going to take the Stargate," Teal'c replied as he led them down the path.

"What's a Stargate?" Sammy asked curiously.

"It is a wormhole, it takes us to different plants throughout the galaxy, it will take us back to Earth," Teal'c explained.

"What? Wow! Is it a super secret government project like Roswell and Area 51?" Jack asked.

"It is indeed O'Neill, it is classified as Area 52,"

"THAT IS SO COOL!"


The three children plus Teal'c stood in front of the Stargate saying their good-byes to the Unas tribe.

"Bye bye Bister Chaga," Daniel said looking up at the Unas. The Unas had a sad look.

"Dan'aaaal," He patted Daniel on the head, "Bey-bey," Daniel smiled brilliantly.

"Bister Chaka's smart," he nodded to himself.

"Bye big guy, thanks for your help," Jack said.

"And not eating us," Sammy added. Teal'c bowed his head to the Unas and then started dialling the gate.

"Bister Chaka and his tribe got lots of webons now for their revolution," Daniel said, "They're gonna be alright,"

"What happened to Baldy?" Jack asked.

"I dunno, I think he's still around sobewhere, but ad least we saved Bister Teal'c," Daniel said.

"And now we're going home," Sammy said happily. The Stargate burst to life.

"WHOA!" The Children gasped staring at the wormhole.

"Come, we must leave," Teal'c said waiting for the children to go through the wormhole. They waved good-bye to the Unas and stepped up to the Stargate. Daniel touched it tentivly.

"It's like water bu' nod," He muttered. Jack grabbed Sammy and Daniel's hand and they all walked through together.


Hawk: So Jack and Sammy are catching on and Daniel's allergies finally strike. Hmm what trouble will they get into next time? I guess you'll have to wait and see. Read and Review!