Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters, Ryan Murphy and Fox do.

Warnings: In this chapter there is strong language, references to sex, underage smoking, talk of psychological issues and self-injury, and the sugary sweetness that goes along with Klaine. Also there may be some OOC. This also doesn't adhere to the season three canon.

Summary: After he suffers a nervous breakdown as demons from his past reemerge to haunt him, Blaine's life starts to fall apart as slowly he loses everything that he holds dear. But once someone falls that far, can they ever get back what they've lost?


Kurt sat at the table as he looked down at his coffee cup. No matter what he couldn't shake what had happened yesterday. The look in Blaine's eyes, the tears, the blood, it all seemed like it was a bad dream. Even the intimacy that they shared seemed like it was unreal. It wasn't until after he woke up two hours later and saw Blaine naked in his arms that he realized what had happened. He closed his eyes as he remembered the feeling of Blaine's body so close to his. In a single day his life had changed. His perspective on his relationship had changed. He couldn't be the guy who ignored Blaine thinking that everything was okay whenever he avoided eye contact, every time he avoided subjects; he wanted to be there for Blaine. He wanted to be the one who made him feel normal again.

He looked up and saw every current member of the New Directions around the table. So much had changed, yet Kurt could recognize every one of them. Finn and Rachel, who were still dating, seemed stronger than ever. However, Kurt knew this was because they hadn't discussed what they were going to do after high school yet. He knew that Rachel wanted to head to New York, but although Kurt lived with Finn, he still didn't know where he Finn was head. Their relationship, one that used to make Kurt feel nauseated was now toned down.

Quinn was not taking their relationship well. Hell, Kurt was surprised that she had come back to glee at all. The summer had changed her. Both Santana and Brittany had rejoined the Cheerios, Quinn did not. She preferred to spend time on her own, secluded from everyone else. She had completely changed her tune after she realized that no matter how hard she tried she was never going to get anyone to really love her. The closest thing that she ever had to love had moved away and refused to speak to her, still hurt from her infidelity. The colors in her life had turned to black, everything was black.

Mike and Tina seemed strong, and Artie had finally realized that Tina was happy, able to completely let her go. Puck, was surprisingly taking his breakup with Lauren fairly well, continuing on his sexual conquest over McKinley High. Mercedes was still sore from her break-up with Sam, but she knew that she was worth more than that, and one day she would be back to the sassy girl that Kurt knew and loved.

This was his family. This was their last year together as a club. They needed to make the most of it.

"What the hell are we going to do?" Finn asked as he lifted his coffee cup. "I mean we've asked everyone in the school and no one wants to join."

"I guess we just have to face that it's all over," Tina answered as she rested her chin against her hand. "We're going to be one member short for the rest of the year."

Kurt took a sip of coffee preparing himself for where this was going.

"Please, we just aren't thinking hard enough," Santana scoffed. "What does this club need?"

"A male singer who can carry a tune and actually give a shit and doesn't sound like a girl?" Puck answered.

"Exactly," Rachel smiled her eyes lighting up as she got a little too excited at the thought of a new male singer. "We need someone who can add more glitz and glamour to our little group and give us a leg up at competitions."

"You mean like Blaine?" Mike asked.

"Since we lost Sam we could use a little more sex appeal," Tina added.

"You mean like Blaine?" Mike repeated.

"And it wouldn't hurt to get someone who is in Sam's vocal range," Artie joined the conversation.

"You mean like Blaine?" Mike wasn't giving up.

Kurt sighed. "Blaine's not going to join…"

"Have you even asked him?" Santana asked. "And I don't mean verbally. I do mean with your mouth, but not speaking to him…"

Kurt scoffed. "I am not going to give my boyfriend a blowjob so we can join our club."

"Why? We all know you're blowing him anyway," Santana snickered. "If there's a way to get a man to do what you want him to it's give him a blowjob."

"Works every time a chick wants something from me," Puck only proved he point. "So get on your knees and get to sucking, Hummel. We got to win nationals this year."

"If Kurt doesn't want to do it, he doesn't have to," it was strange that Quinn was sticking up for him. "After all, why would we want to force someone into the club that doesn't want to be here? It would ruin the energy."

"Newsflash Fabray," Santana's undivided attention was on Quinn who was sulking at the end of the table. "If we don't get a new member there will be no energy, because there will be no club. If Blanderson would just swallow his pride or Kurt would just swallow his load, we'd have a club and a new energetic singer who can hog more solos and Finn wouldn't have to squawk at the audience anymore."

"Do I squawk?" Finn looked at Rachel for reassurance as she shook her head and patted his shoulder.

"Is that why you don't want Blaine in the club, Kurt?" Quinn was no longer defending Kurt, she was attacking him. "Because he could potentially get the solos that you're definitely not going to get because you sound like a girl? Stop being selfish and do something for the team. Blaine has the potential to make this year magic. Isn't that what you want? A magical senior year?"

"Why do you guys want Blaine to come here anyway? Do you ever think that maybe Blaine's going through a rough patch right now and he doesn't need me coming in and telling him what to do?" Kurt remembered the moment in the kitchen, he remembered how vulnerable Blaine looked at the moment, how all of the confidence that was synonymous with Blaine Anderson has been pulled from his body, leaving only a shell of the boy that he knew. "Blaine doesn't need to be bothered right now."

"He seems fine, Kurt," Finn chimed in. "He was fine last night, and he was fine this morning. I think whatever is bothering him is going to pass. Besides, he practically lives in Lima anyway with how much time he spends with you. Maybe he should just go to school here and join the club."

"His dad lives in Westerville, Finn," Kurt answered as he looked over at his step-brother, he knew Finn didn't want Blaine in the New Directions. After what happened in New York, his position as male lead was already in jeopardy. Blaine was the only person that they knew who had the energy and the vocal power to take it away from him. "Blaine's only seventeen, that's too young to lease anything on your own."

"So?" Artie asked, it was annoying how none of them were giving up. "I once saw a television show where parents rent their kids condos so they don't have to deal with them. Blaine could be happy in a condo."

"Blaine is happy where he is," Kurt answered. He knew he was lying, the last place on Earth that Blaine wanted to be was at Dalton Academy. After what happened yesterday, he would be surprised if he ever stepped foot in there again. "He likes Dalton."

"But it would mean so much if Blaine joined us. We would be forever in his debt," Tina looked straight into Kurt's eyes. "It would mean the world to us."

"Guys, leave Kurt alone," Mercedes looked around the table. "Look at us. We're badgering him so his boyfriend who is perfectly happy at his school to join us. It seems like we'd let anyone into the club."

"It's not like we have choice," Artie sighed. "Sectionals are in December and September is already starting to come to a close. If we don't find someone soon, we're not going to be able to compete. So yeah, I'd say we'd take anyone. We should just count our blessings that no one else quit."

"You mean like Quinn?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, like Quinn," Artie answered.

Kurt took a deep breath as he looked down at the cup. It was like this every time more than one member was in the room. They were desperate. Time was running out and they needed someone who was going to fill in the last spot. Although it killed him on the inside, he stopped pushing Blaine. He was pushing it so hard over the summer that Blaine almost dumped him. He couldn't count how many times; he got hung up on, didn't get a text back, or got the cold shoulder because of his constant nagging of the subject. Yet he knew that he wanted to try again. He would just have to get Blaine in the right mood, get him so happy that there would be no way that he could turn down Kurt's proposal.

"I'll try one more time, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and I don't want any of you calling, texting, tweeting, or showing up unexpected to talk to him," he looked around the table as they all nodded in agreement. "And no leaving him Facebook messages."

"Okay," Artie answered. "We have a deal."

Kurt took a sip of coffee as he realized that he was about to lose his relationship forever. This could go one of two ways: the first being Blaine getting angry and walking out on him or the second being that it would trigger another episode.

OOOOO

"Burt and Carole are out and Finn's with Rachel so how about we do something dirty?" Kurt moved to rub his hand up against Blaine's arm as they sat on the couch together.

Blaine sighed as he rolled his eyes. "What's gotten into you, Kurt? In the beginning of this relationship you would freak out every time I slipped my tongue into your mouth and now all you want to do is fool around. You want something…"

Kurt knew that he was caught, he had to distract him. "Have I told you how beautiful your eyes are? It's like all of the eye colors just got together and had an orgy in your irises. What do you call that color?"

"What do you want, honey?" Blaine asked, he wasn't as dumb as Kurt hoped he would be. "As much as I would adore getting my hot man kisses on with you, I want to know what your angle is."

"Angle?" Kurt laughed nervously. "Don't be silly. I don't need an angle to make out with my smoking hot boyfriend."

Blaine smirked as he laughed quietly. "Kurt, I know you. I know that there are two reasons you ever want to touch me. One you're feeling rebellious, or two you want something from me. So tell me what you want. I know you're not feeling rebellious because if you were, your hands would be down my pants right now. Do want me to take you on another shopping spree with my dad's credit card?"

"No," Kurt answered.

"Oh my God, please don't tell me that you want to watch footage from the Royal Wedding again. I get it, Kate Middleton is fabulous and the wedding brings you to tears, but we've watched it like a million times. I don't want to watch you get more emotional over the wedding of someone who you've never met than you will at your own wedding," Blaine turned to look Kurt in the eyes.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just insulted the Royal Wedding," Kurt moved closer to Blaine hoping that he would just give into his hormones and he could persuade him to join the glee club. "If I really wanted something from you I would have a package of Snoballs right now…"

"I love Snoballs," Blaine perked up a little. "Are those going to come out soon?"

"No," Kurt shook his head. "Those are going to give you cellulite."

"Oh," Blaine sank back onto the couch. "Well if you don't want a shopping spree and you're not going to give me Snoballs what do you want to do now?"

Kurt shrugged his shoulders as seductively as he could. "I thought we could make out. Or try that thigh thing again. I really liked that."

Blaine crossed his arms in front of his chest. Kurt knew that he should have brought the Snoballs and was mentally kicking himself for forgetting that food was the only way to get Blaine to do what he wanted him to. Looking into Blaine's eyes, Kurt knew that Blaine now understood what this was about.

"Are you trying to seduce me into joining the New Directions again?" his voice was low and annoyed, almost angry. "Mind you, I'm only partially medicated and extremely moody today. So if I do accidentally kill you I'll plead insanity."

Kurt knew he was caught. Blaine was smarter than he gave him credit for. "Please Blaine. I think you'll be a great addition to the team. And as much as the Warblers adore your silky, delicious, energetic tenor, I know you'll feel right at home with the New Directions."

"Do you want me to storm out?" Blaine asked as he rolled his eyes. "Because that's the direction that you're headed in right now. If you brought the Snoballs I might have been civil."

"How are you going to leave? You don't have a car, honey," Kurt teased as he pressed his finger to Blaine's nose. "Are you really going to walk almost ninety miles to Westerville while wearing my stepbrother's clothes? Do you want to be seen in public like that? Right now you look like a cuter, more multiracial version of Jared from Subway."

"I'll call a cab," Blaine mocked Kurt's motion and tapped his nose. "And then I'll eat the Snoballs you should have bought me."

"No you won't," Kurt shook his head. "You don't want to go home."

Blaine took a deep breath before he smiled. "I get it. It all makes sense," he chuckled, the sound make Kurt's stomach churn, Blaine was belittling him. "You want me to transfer because you're afraid that I'm going to kick your ass at sectionals."

"No," Kurt scoffed. "I want you to transfer so that you can help us win nationals. You have the vocal power and stage presence to really make us stand out over Vocal Adrenaline."

"I can't do that. I know that I haven't had the best relationship with the Warblers, but most of those guys are my friends. On top of that, you know how I feel about public schools," he took a deep breath. "I don't want to go through that again…"

"Blaine, I told you I wanted a magical senior year. I think that it would be really magical if you came to McKinley," Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes met his, a slight annoyance in them, his brow furrowed in confusion. He wanted to know the point of this conversation. "After what happened yesterday, I want to spend more time with you. I'm worried about you at Dalton. What happens if they all start taunting you about your past? How do I know that you're not going to have a worse nervous breakdown, where you hurt yourself even worse? Next time you could land in the hospital."

"That's why I'm in exile," Blaine answered as he pushed further down the couch, away from Kurt. His eyes were still on his, the anxiety was starting to form as more poison filtered into his voice. "If I knew you were going to use that as fuel to get me to transfer I would have never told you. It's like every time I tell someone something they just use it as ammunition. It makes me wonder why I tell people anything!"

Kurt realized what he was doing. Blaine had hidden that information for almost a year. He was scared that Kurt would start treating him differently. Kurt had. Over the past twenty-four hours he started handling Blaine with more care. He started treating him like he was fragile, afraid that he was going to turn violent toward him. Truth be told, Kurt didn't know much about mental illnesses. He knew that pills would make them go away, but he hadn't learned about them in school or been associated with someone who was bipolar or had borderline personality disorder. Even now he was afraid that he was going to set him off. He knew he had to stop listening to the New Directions and stop pushing him.

"Blaine, I'm sorry. I know that this is hard for you," Kurt breathed moving closer to him. "I may not know much about what you're going through, but I can see your pain. I can see that you're hurting. I know that the last thing you should be doing is shutting yourself off from the world. You're a strong, beautiful person, probably the strongest I've ever met, and I think that you need to be close to people who care about you."

"No one really cares," Blaine answered, his eyes on his feet as his voice was quiet. "They say they do, but when it gets to rough, and it always gets rough, they leave me. Everyone turns on me in the end, Kurt. Only two people have stuck around throughout this whole thing. I never know who's going to leave. It's so frustrating."

"I care. So if I'm not one of those two people, add me onto the list," Kurt breathed, placing his hand on Blaine's shoulder, tear filled hazel eyes meeting his. He could hear Blaine breathing, it was sharp and ragged. All of the emotions in his body were overflowing. "I'm not going to push you anymore. You're a big boy; you can make your own decisions. I just want you to know that if you ever feel like you're going to fall again, I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you. Even if we break up, I'm not leaving you. If you want to get rid of me, you'll have to kill me."

"How did I ever find someone as compassionate as you?" Blaine asked, placing his hand over Kurt's.

"You know what they say: all the good ones are gay," Kurt kissed at his boyfriend's hand, hearing a breathy giggle as a response to the stimulus. "And you deserve to be happy, Blaine. I know you don't think you do, but I know that you deserve me, and I deserve you," he kissed at his hand again. "I'll always worry about you, but is it wrong that I hate the fact that people make you feel this way. They make you feel like you're nothing, like your nothing but a lunatic. When I find the guy who did this to you… I swear I'm going to kill him. He's going to wish he never messed with you."

Blaine laughed, wiping away one of his tears. "Don't, I don't want you to go to prison. I know what they do to guys like you in prison. It's not pretty. But thank you. At this rate, I'll have a whole lynch mob going after this guy."

"I will do anything for you," Kurt smiled, running his finger along Blaine's cheek. "I love you, Blaine. And I'm not going to push you to do anything you don't want to. But please, think about it. No one knows at McKinley, I haven't told anyone. I'm not going to tell anyone. If you want somewhere where no one knows about your baggage, come to school with me."

Blaine shook his head as he sniffled. "This sucks. I thought I was done with this. I really thought that it was going to be easy. One more year and high school would be over. One more fucking year. Why couldn't my body have waited one fucking year to do this to me?"

Kurt watched as his boyfriend was having another breakdown. He hadn't been taking his medication at the right time frames and it was taking longer to start working than it said it would on the prescription bottle. His body was shaking every so often. It was hell watching him like this. Last night, Kurt felt like running away when he heard Blaine cry himself to sleep. Blaine's disorder was breaking Kurt's heart. He had to watch the person that he loved suffer and there was nothing that he could do to make him feel any better. All he could do was hold his hand and hope that the pills would kick in.

"Life doesn't care about what we want, Blaine," Kurt sighed.

"Obviously," Blaine scoffed. "Why would I want to be gay and a psychopath?"

"Stop it, you're not a psychopath," Kurt could feel the tears pooling in his eyes, Blaine had verbally abused himself enough for one day. If anyone but Blaine had talked about his boyfriend this way, he would have slapped them. "Please don't put yourself down in front of me. You're perfect just the way you are. When I see you get down on yourself, start tearing yourself apart, it makes me want to die. It hurts to know that you can't see what I see. You're amazing, mental illness and all. I love you, all of you," he wrapped his arms gently around Blaine's body, feeling his body shake. "I'm here for you, Blaine. I'm going to make you smile again. I promise I will make you happy again."

Blaine's breathing started to hitch. "Thank you…"

Kurt nodded. "You're not alone. You're never alone…"

Blaine caressed Kurt's back. "I need a cigarette…"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Fine, but just one cigarette and then you're done, okay. Anymore and I'm going to have to buy you nicotine patches," he backed away from Blaine's shoulder to kiss him gently on the lips. "Before we go, I have to send a text to someone."

Blaine looked into Kurt's eyes and nodded. "Okay…"

Kurt pulled out his phone and sent a single text to everyone in the New Directions: "If any of you bother Blaine about the subject of joining glee club again, I will quit and then you'll have to find two members XD."

He dropped his phone onto the couch and took a deep breath. "Okay, we can go now. Let's take a walk."

As they walked out the front door, Kurt watched as Blaine pulled out a cigarette in the blink of an eye, lighting it in an instant. He said that smoking calmed him down, so Kurt let him do it just this once to see if it was true. He looked at Blaine as he took a drag. It made him look so much older, so much more mature. The way that Blaine's perfect lips wrapped around the cigarette before exhaling a cloud of smoke made Kurt see a whole new side of him, a dark side that didn't know how to control his emotions. Waving the smoke away from his face, he realized that this is one habit that he had to help him kick.

"How does this calm you down?" Kurt asked, coughing as he breathed in more smoke.

"I don't know, it just does," Blaine answered, his voice low.

"You know that this kills people right?" Kurt asked as he watched his boyfriend take another drag.

"So does cutting and you don't yell at me for that," Blaine took another drag. "I want to quit, Kurt. I stopped smoking when I transferred to Dalton, but when this started coming back I started smoking again."

Kurt had heard a lot of references to Blaine's life before Dalton, he knew he would regret the next question he asked: "What other stuff did you do before Dalton?"

Blaine smiled. "Partied, got drunk out of my mind, made out with a lot of guys," he took another drag. "I was a mess back then, and I was only fourteen. I had my first cigarette when I was eleven and my first drink when I was nine."

"Where the hell were your parents?" Kurt shook his head.

"Working, sleeping, trying to kill each other— they were always way too busy to ever pay attention to me, so it made it so easy to sneak off every night," Blaine smiled as he shook his head. "They separated after I tried to saw my arms off and they haven't spoken since. My mom is now in Cleveland and Daddy Dearest is in Westerville," he laughed sarcastically. "Oh how I miss the good old days before the medication and the spiritual retreat. After that I was transformed into the person that my brain wants me to be. That's how I am when it functions normally instead of like it's on speed."

"So you're supposed to be the guy I met on the staircase?" Kurt asked. "And the partying, smoking, drinking Blaine… he's the chemical imbalance in your head?"

Blaine nodded. "Sure is. You should meet him, apparently he's a riot."

"So why don't you take your pills?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know, I want to but I'm not sure if they're working the way that they should. Instead of feeling better, they're making me feel nauseated," Blaine shook his head, throwing his cigarette to the ground, slowly stepping on it. "I literally feel like I'm going to puke every time I take them. The people at school probably thought that I had the plague with how many potty breaks I needed during classes."

"Well if you feel sick, maybe you should see a doctor? Maybe you're getting sick because you're taking the wrong meds?" Kurt looked into his boyfriend's eyes. "I read an article once on doctors misdiagnosing patients and how it led to suicide. I just want you to be taking the right pills for the right problem. If you are bipolar, you should be taking bipolar meds, not depression meds."

Blaine sighed as the truth came out. "I know, but… I'm scared, Kurt…"

"What are you so scared of?" he asked as he saw Blaine looking toward the ground as they kept walking forward. He knew that Blaine had a perfection complex. Even before he admitted it, he knew. "If I were you I'd be scared of what's going to happen if you keep taking the wrong pills."

"When I get diagnosed, it means I'm crazy. It means that I now have a label. I'm not going to be Blaine Anderson. I'm going to be Blaine Anderson who has a serious mood disorder," he shook his head. "I don't want people to change their views on me. I don't think I can handle that."

"Blaine, it's not a good idea to keep this undiagnosed. You're going to have to go to the doctor eventually," Kurt sighed as he could feel the fear in his boyfriend's body. "I'll go with you, if you want me to. I know you're scared, so if we go together maybe it won't be so bad. I'll even buy you some frozen yogurt after."

He reached out his hand to weave into Blaine's, hazel eyes looking down at the union before looking up into Kurt's. Blaine tightened the grip, moving closer to Kurt's body as a small smile graced his face. He didn't say anything. Neither of them did. They just walked down the street hand in hand.


Just because Kurt says that he's done pressuring Blaine into transferring doesn't mean that this isn't going to continue coming up. Also, I finally gave a little insight into some of the other New Directions members because as the story goes on they will have a more important role.

The next chapter will have the return of Blaine's uncle as he gives a little more detail into Blaine's past life and how his relationship with his parents is. Also Kurt will have a run-in with someone that will make his eating disorder flare up into a dangerous situation.

The next chapter will be up soon, probably sometime later this week.

Feel free to leave feedback (even if you don't I know you're reading and that makes me happy)