This came out of my head prior to making this fic after hearing the one song that would relate to Arizona. But recently, I get to the root of Arizona's memory of abuse; low self-esteem. It'll make you give Arizona a hug after you read this. BTW, did any of you guys catch the new episodes of Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness yet?
Chapter 7: Making Myself Hurt
Later on, Arizona was standing with his back laid against the Sacred Peach Tree, just thinking about the conversation he had with Tigress earlier. He still feels like she doesn't understand what it feels like to be hurt all the time despite hearing about her own share of personal hurtful memories of her past before she became a kung-fu master.
In a way, he could kinda understand her pain, but it doesn't match his own and those memories just won't leave him alone. He lets out a heavy sigh and thought to himself, 'Why am I still existing?'
He then sat down on the ground and looks up at the sky, feeling the wind blow through his messy, ungroomed fur and he covered his face to keep himself from letting anyone see him cry.
Suddenly, visions of Dai Ling's comrades making fun and hating Arizona growing up kept playing on his head and he could still hears the voices of him being taunted by them and all the negativity caused him to have a secret lower self-esteem that no one even knows about.
'You will never amount to anything!'
'This kid is like half skinny, half fat, like fat-kinny!'
'Who would be friends with a monster like you?'
'He's so ugly, he can't even look at himself in the mirror because the mirror hates ugly wolves!'
'This whole world-including all of China-would be better off without you around.'
'Why don't ya commit suicide? That way, people shouldn't have to suffer because you're not a wolf! You're just a weak, worthless wimp!'
It just made Arizona feel like crap when they had to say whatever they had to say and he's kept this inside for so long that it just made him feel like he wants to die and get it over with. He lowered his head down, curled himself up in a little ball and just break down crying.
He whispered to himself, "No one...can understand anything about me...and what I've been through. Not even my new friends would care about me."
Minutes later, he went back to his room with a heavy heart and an even heavier burden on himself because he could've done something or turned to someone-besides a few good people from Kong Wolf City-to feel good about himself, because there was nothing about himself that he likes. He sat down on the floor, pulled out a guitar underneath his bed and wanted to let his feelings out in the most possible way-through song. He strums his guitar and starts singing a song about feeling hurt, in a tearful shaky voice.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
He was unaware that while he was singing, Po walked past the hallway and he heard someone playing music and it lead him to Arizona's room and to his surprise, he could hear Arizona's voice...and it was sung beautifully.
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
Suddenly, Viper comes by and she sees Po standing in front of Arizona's door and she also heard someone sing in that room and she whispered, "What is that?"
Po turned to Viper with an astonished look on his face and replied, "It's Arizona...singing."
Viper placed her head on his door and she immediately became amazed and surprised by hearing Arizona sing and it felt as if he was going through something that was deeply personal like he was tormented by something from his past. She felt a whole lot of sympathy for him and she turned to Po and said, "Poor thing."
Meanwhile, Arizona slowly strums his guitar and finished the song in a tearful voice as tears start falling down from his eyes.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
He finishes it with a final chord on the guitar, sets it down and starts crying softly. Po slowly opens the door and sees a very broke down Arizona crying his eyes out and he couldn't bear to see him with that much sorrow and he comes over to him and gives him a hug.
Arizona looks up and sees that he's being hugged and then he looks up and sees that it's only Po and then he sees Viper coming around him and gave him a hug as well. She looked at him with sympathy in her eyes and asked, "Aw, sweetie. Are you okay?"
Arizona wiped his eyes, sniffled a little and he tried his best to keep anyone from seeing tears falling down on his face, but his guard was let down when he looked at Viper. He lowered his head down and nodded his head and they knew something was bothering him.
Po went ahead, puts his hand on his shoulder and said, "Come on, buddy. What's wrong?"
"I...I don't know if I can tell you." Arizona said, with a hurtful tone to his voice.
"Why not?" asked Viper, in a worried tone.
Arizona knew that if he told, he feared that no one would understand him and it would just make him feel even worse and he replied, "It's just too painful."
"We heard you sing just now. I could sense that there is a lot of pain coming out of you." Viper explained.
Arizona could notice that what she just said is true. He did sing because he felt so much pain coming out of him that it made him harder for him to keep it to himself because it's very personal and left him a lot of emotional scars that he's been savoring for years. He felt like he had no choice but to just let it all out.
He sighed heavily and then, he turned to them and he said, "Can I trust you guys?"
"You can trust us for anything." Po added.
He knew that it was time for him to clear the air and he sat down on the ground next to Po and Viper and started telling him everything. As he explained it all, he mentioned that he would get bullied, harrassed, molested and even beaten at times when he was younger...just for being the way he is and told them that he looks ugly, fat and sometimes a weak wimp for not being like anyone else.
This in turn made Po shocked and Viper completely outraged that someone would say some mean things to someone who's been traumatized and hurt most of his life.
Viper angrily looked at him and said, "How dare they say these words about you! If those comrades were still living, I would completely show them what real pain feels like!"
Po calmed her down a little and he told her, "Viper, I'm upset about this too, but let's not jump to conclusions. They still might not be alive."
Arizona sighed heavily and scratched the back of his head and he asked them, "Do you guys think I'm...ugly?"
Po and Viper looked at Arizona and both of them were really shocked that Arizona would ask such a question and they both said, "No."
"There is nothing ugly about you at all." Viper added.
He could sense that they were being sympathetic to him just so they can feel sorry for him to pretend like they were his friends and he asked, "You're just saying that to feel goos about yourselves, aren't you?"
They said nothing for a minute and Po immediately noticed that he thinks that it's all an act and he told him, "Absoultely not. We really think you're special."
Arizona sighed sadly and asked, "What's so special about me?"
He stood up and continued to tell them, "Look at me. I'm 17 years old and I still look ugly, I put on a little weight and I'm not even good enough for anyone. You think anyone would like me because of the way I am? Sooner or later, they'll leave you hanging and they'll hurt you for no reason at all."
Viper puts her tail around her shoulder and she wrapped herself around him to give him a hug and she told him, "That won't happen here."
"How do you know?" asked Arizona.
She smiled at him, nuzzled his cheek and said, "You'll have to trust us."
"Yeah, and we'll be able to help you get past this and move on with your life. All you have to do is just forget about everything that's happened and just stay true to who you are." Po added.
It almost rose up Arizona's self-esteem and he then asked, "Do I still look fat?"
Po looks at him and he doesn't see anything about him that's fat and he told him, "I don't see an overweight wolf anywhere. Do you like being who you are?"
Arizona didn't know how to answer that question, but then he looked at Po and noticed that his weight made him become the Dragon Warrior, despite a few struggles and some flaws on his first time. He looked at Po in the eye and replied, "Yeah."
"That's all that matters. I was where you are the first time I came here. None of the masters took me seriously because I'm fat, but they saw that I would never give up and I slowly earned their respect and gained a lot of it after being the Dragon Warrior. I may not be perfect nor what they would expect of me, but I love the way I am and that makes me awesomer than ever."
Viper smiled at Arizona and she told him, "Po's right. Sure, he may be kinda different and goofy at times, but we love him anyway no matter what. The only question is...what's holding you back?"
He knew that question was coming in and he went and answered, "Feeling like I'm not good enough for anything."
Po went up to him, puts his hand on his shoulder and told him, "The way I see it, you are good enough for anything. Those stupid comrades that can't accept it-that's their problem, not yours."
"You have a good heart, Arizona. Don't let anyone else tell you any differently."Viper said.
All those comments that Po and Viper told him made Arizona feel like he's special and that no matter what, he's always gonna land on his feet and rise to the occasion. Tears start to come out of his eyes and he went in a hugged Po tightly. Po accepts the hug and Viper went in ahead and joined in as well.
"Thank you guys so much for helping me see that I'm strong enough because I didn't think that I'm special." Arizona said, tearfully.
"You're special enough for all of us here." Po whispered.
"And we'll always be here for you." Viper added.
They were unaware that Musaki was standing there with a smile on his face and a tear on his eye that they were comforting his friend. He comes in the room and asked, "Can I join in?"
Po looked ahead and sees Musaki coming in and he lets him join the hug and Musaki told him, "Wish I was there to add something. You're awesome...just the way you are and you're special in every way possible."
Arizona sniffled and said, "Thanks for coming into my life, Musaki."
"Anytime."
It's a good thing Arizona has friends that accept him. I wanted him to be open with most of the Five and Po and Shifu, but I'm not sure if I want him to be open with Tigress. Anyways, this is angst it its awesomeness. Let me know what you think! Next chapter...a moment with Arizona and Tigress (not a romantic one. That'd be too weird) and it'll be the most heartfelt one ever! And later on...another nightmare sequence!
Almost forgot, the song is 'Hurt' from Johnny Cash. May he rest in peace.
