The final chapter of this little romp I'm afraid. Hope you enjoyed it. I apologise for the horrendous amount of sap.

There are heaps of Velvet Underground clips on YouTube so check them out, they were great. And happy February 14th! Thanks for reading.


"NO!"

The pistol wielding women rushed forward.

"NO!"

Howard's eyes widened in horror as his feet slipped out beneath him.

"NO!"

Naboo screamed as he pressed frantically at his hurriedly patched together remote.

"No?"

The older woman asked as the box sailed through the and air two pairs of boots swung.

Vince said nothing at all. He'd tried so hard, and the last act of his life was admitting his love to his best mate. And getting turned down for the second time that day. It turned out his life was just another romantic tragedy after all. Thanks a lot, Heathcliff. He could probably come back as a ghost in a red dress but what was the point when Howard wouldn't be there to haunt.

He felt the rope tighten around his throat, felt the air suddenly leave him, felt the blood pumping in his head.

In his ears the Velvet Underground played softly, and he smiled as his vision blurred to black.

He didn't hear the twin pistol bangs. Or see the loud flash of Naboo arriving out of thin air. But he felt the ground as it hit him and the knife on his neck as the rope was cut away.

And he heard Howard.

"Vince!"

His voice was hoarse and the hands that held him close were shaky but Vince still tried to give him a smile.

"Vince I -"

A fit of coughing stopped him from continuing and they were both quickly bundled onto Naboo's carpet. The three women were all talking at once but Naboo was ignoring them and the last Vince heard of them was a scream as Naboo hooked the remote up to the magic carpet and they were instantly transported back to the Dalston flat.

...

Three hours had passed and Vince now found himself on the sofa with a warn blanket, mug of hot chocolate (curtesy of Bollo) and a large pile of Disney classics to watch at his leisure. He was exhausted but didn't want to contemplate sleep. He was sure he'd have nightmares.

He rubbed at the bruise on his neck. There was a very good chance that it would leave a permanent mark, a reminder of this particularly unpleasant adventure. Naboo hadn't been able to do anything about it, lisping something about his potions not working on TV land injuries, and Vince shuddered as he thought how close he'd come to death. Him and Howard.

Howard.

He'd stumbled off to their bedroom almost immediately after Naboo brought them back, shutting the door behind him in a wordless plea to be left alone. Naboo had tried to explain that he was probably struggling with the trauma of it all and would come out when he was ready, Bollo just called him a ballbag and added extra marshmallows to Vince's hot chocolate, and he knew he was supposed to find their words comforting. But he didn't. He just felt heart broken.

He'd poured his whole heart into that song and declaration of love. It hadn't saved them or led to a happy ending. Hollywood was a lying cow, he decided, and Valentines Day was a sham.

As he drained the last of his hot chocolate he heard the bedroom door creak open and the soft footsteps as Howard tried to sneak into the room. He wasn't so quiet without his Heathcliff boots, was he?

Vince had a look of indifference all ready to go when Howard came to stand in front of him, but it quickly turned into a look of confusion. Howard was holding his guitar in one hand and a large red box of chocolates in the other.

"Happy Valentines Day, Vince," he said softly, handing over the box.

"I bought those just in case. But I never thought I'd get up the courage to actually give them to you. I'm sorry. I've been a tit. And-"

He sat down on the sofa next to Vince and brought his guitar into position.

"And since you sang so beautifully for me, I thought it only fair that I repay you in kind."

He closed his eyes and began to strum the guitar, his nervousness fading as he lost himself in the music.

Vince smiled sadly. He loved watching Howard play like this, when it wasn't jazz. He looked relaxed and happy. He supposed that if he had to be told that Howard would never love him, a song was at least a nice way to do it.

And then Howard started to sing, and Vince bit his lip.

"Sometimes I feel so happy,

Sometimes I feel so sad.

Sometimes I feel so happy,

But mostly you just make me mad.

Baby you just make me mad.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Thought of you as my mountain top,

Thought of you as my peak.

Thought of you as everything,

I've had but couldn't keep.

I've had but couldn't keep.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see,

I'd put you in the mirror,

I put in front of me.

I put in front of me.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

It was good what we did yesterday.

And I'd do it once again.

The fact that you're still with me,

Only proves, you're my best friend.

But what a fool I've been.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes."

Vince could feel the tears escaping his eyes and leaving another set of tracks down his face but he didn't care. At least Howard still wanted to be his friend. That was something. And Howard had a better singing voice than anyone gave him credit for.

"You changed some of the words."

"I did. Just a few. It was pretty close though."

"It was beautiful, Howard. Thank you."

"No, little man. Thank you."

"What?"

"You saved us. Those women shot our ropes because they didn't want you to die. I think you were right too, about it being a quest of self-discovery, only I didn't learn fast enough and nearly ruined it for both of us."

"What'r you getting at, Howard?"

"Let me finish would you. I'm pouring my heart out here."

Vince bit his lip again and looked up coyly through his fringe.

"Sorry Howard."

Howard chuckled and put his guitar down gently on the floor so that there was no barrier between them.

"Don't be. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away. You deserve so much more."

"I only want you," Vince whispered.

"Then happy Valentines Day, Vince. I'm yours... I love you too."

Vince let out a sob, but before he could cover his mouth with his hand Howard had covered it with his lips. He pulled Vince into his lap and for the longest time that was all there was, just kissing and holding and the occasional sob as they each realised what they had found.

...

"You think that right, Naboo? Powerful magic of narrative really designed to make Vince and Howard realise their love?"

Bollo did his best to whisper from where he and Naboo were hidden in the hallway but he could have shouted and the two new lovers wouldn't have heard. Naboo scoffed.

"Nah. Getting sucked into the telly was just a freak accident. They were lucky I rescued 'em when I did."

"Oh."

"The Velvet Underground, though... that's different. There's powerful magic in that music. It's almost like it was written for them. I won't be surprised if the spirit of Lou Reed's behind this. Still... Least it was a happy ending."

And with that he turned and went to bed. Bollo grunted and watched a little longer but it seemed that all Vince and Howard were interested in was kissing right now, rather than explaining the plot holes, so he eventually went to bed too.

...

And so midnight came and went and Valentines Day was done for another year. But something new and wonderful had begun which was much better. Vince and Howard eventually fell asleep on the sofa, tangled up together in a firm embrace while, seemingly from no where, came a gentle song. It was a declaration of love and friendship, of being a team and a double act. It was sweet and soft and a little bit silly, not always in tune but always where it needed to be. And very, very Vince and Howard.

"I'm sticking with you,

'Cos I'm made out of glue.

Anything that you might do,

I'm gonna do too.

Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,

Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,

Oohoh, I'm sticking with you."

The end.