A/N: Thanks for the reviews :) I hope you enjoy this next one too (and leave a review :p)


7. Be Prepared

Peyton's kitchen sink was filled with dirty plates and coffee-stained cups, the living room -as her bedroom- breathed disarray and her bathroom was flooded as if she had never left her fatherly home in the first place. Somewhere amidst the clutter must lay her phone but she wouldn't know where: when Jake wouldn't stop bothering her, she had pulled out the line.

Before either of them had the chance to speak, she slapped both Jake and Nikki across the face. Enough was enough. She glared at them as if they weren't fit to wipe the shit of her shoes and then further walked away to pack her bags. When Jake came home, she simply blocked out his explanation that went something like 'blablabla, Nikki, yapyapyap, not what you think' accompanied by similar empty words. Their relationship had survived many blows over the years but this one, she decided, would be the last and fatal one.

Yesterday she had dropped her last ever message or better, rant, on his voicemail which had ended with:

'Goodbye's too good a word, babe, so I'll just say fare thee well.'

The following days she'd dedicated to no one but herself. A cross of freedom and egoism had rushed over her and to be honest, it felt amazing. One of those days, during which she had done nothing but follow her own wants, she had stumbled upon a documentary -tales about strong, famous women- of Elizabeth Taylor's life and the drama evoked by men in it. Now they violet-eyed woman was apparently single and claiming things were much easier this way. Peyton recognized the feeling.

Men…Where they good for anything?

Her relationship with Jake hadn't been safe, as she had convinced herself of so many times, but an emotion-battering prison while the weeks she spent with Lucas had been way too passionate. They had flown to the highest tops and than crashed in a deep dale. She could still feel the lingering bruises and wasn't looking forward to potentially get a few more. Although she loved him , she wasn't quite sure she could handle their intensity. Plus, being alone didn't have to mean loneliness, it could also stand for strength and individuality, which is better than a pile of dependent, heart-broken misery.

x

Lucas sunk himself down in their green armchair with a deep sigh and glanced at his depressed brother. As Nathan rose from the couch, the blonde followed his movement, sense and direction. It was -in order- slowly, vertically and towards the kitchen. Life after high school wasn't what they had expected it to be. The only thing living up to the dreams Lucas had up until now, was college although that also didn't feel as life-changing as it should after all that had happened with Peyton, his brother and Haley.

Nathan sighed at Haley's glance of irritation when he entered the living room. This situation was simply unlivable and had to come to an end. Step-by-step, he found himself disliking Haley, something he couldn't ever have imagined doing yet the aversion towards her was undeniably growing. Calmly, he took a seat at their round, wooden kitchen table. "Sit down. We need to talk."

"No," she protested.

"Yes!" he put his foot down.

With an eye-roll, she rose from the couch and took a seat opposite him.

"Explain me...What has gotten into you lately?"

She stubbornly looked away.

"Haley..."

"OK!" she gave in. "I…" She had hoped to just be able to ignore the gnawing feeling inside of her. Yet Ignoring didn't make it go away; it just made it express itself in irritation and anger towards her husband. "Chris c-."

"Him again? I'm -"

"Not like that," Haley quickly cut him off. "Two weeks ago, I got a call from him. He asked me if I was interested in touring with him and another up-and coming artist. We'd be in the supporting program of Enation."

"You said no, right?"

"Yes, I did," she nodded. "I said 'no' for you. But it made me think."

"About?"

"I feel trapped in this relationship," the brunette confessed carefully.

"What do you mean?" he asked with confused anger. "You're the one who fought for us! You wanted this! Now you feel TRAPPED?"

"Don't get mad…I feel, that I, I feel that I...ummm" she took a deep breath "It's like I'm turning into the half of a marriage certificate instead of an individual person and it's just...eating me up inside."

"I don't understand."

"Look," she began. "Sometimes; I'm tired of being 'Mrs. Nathan Scott' and I just want to be Haley James again. I've changed so much since we've been together; I'm losing myself, and it scares me. I love you," she continued before pausing a second to let the sincerity of those three words seep through "but I don't love me anymore."

"Tell me what I have to," he demanded. "To make this better."

"I don't know if there's anything you can do. I think this one's up to me. You're a great husband, Nathan. I'm just a bad wife."

"What do you mean, Haley? Is there somebody else?"

"No! Haven't you listened?" she shouted angered but then forced herself to calm down. "There's nobody else. It's just me. I need some space t-"

"You're leaving me?"

"No!" Haley denied. "Yes. No. Ugh," she sighed out. "I don't know what I mean; I'm just so… confused." She buried her face in her hands.

"There's more, isn't there?" he asked somewhat cold. This was unbelievable; they had been through so much together and now she had gone back to doubting them, because of one phone-call. Damn Chris Keller. Damn tours. Damn music over all.

"I kept in touch with Brooke," Haley then said.

"So? I did too. She's my friend. Despite what happened, I still care about her."

"She suggested I'd stay with her for a little while. To figure some things out."

The hurt radiated from his deep-blues. Brooke had know about her concerns and fears before he had?

"Nathan…" she softly spoke and laid her hand on his. "This would just be a temporary t-"

"I can't believe you…" he mumbled. "Fine then," Nathan continued louder. "Do that! Leave! That's what you're good at ANYWAY!"

Although he had just ordered her to leave, he stood up, walked to the front door and opened it before disappearing in the hall.

Nathan gazed around him. The constant, dazzled glance in his eyes had appeared after the first night he had slept alone, without Haley next to him, thirteen days ago now. It was as if someone had amputated one of his legs and all he could do now was limp further on one.

"Nate..." Lucas sighed. "D-"

"Don't," he cut him off.

"You're my brother…" His soft voice spoke of pity and powerlessness: how on earth could he solve this? "I want to be there for you, help you…"

"You want to help me?"

"Yes."

"Cut ties with her."

"What?" he asked shocked. "Nathan, I can't do that…She's been my best friend since we were nine, I-"

"Yeah..." he nodded bitterly. "That's what I thought." Frustrated and angered, Nathan slammed the fridge shut to storm through the front door. When his brother asked him where he was going, a snapping 'out' left his mouth.

Lucas almost invisible shook his head yet considered his demand. Haley was in the wrong - or in an identity crisis- and after all Nathan was his brother. Now was a time to show his loyalty right? For a while, he reflected on all that had happened in the weeks before, during and now after Nathan and Haley's separation. Long before he came to a decision, his mind wandered off. He groaned annoyed with himself.

How could he think about her when his brother was in such deep misery? Yet he couldn't help it: Peyton's image was planted in his brain. Now that she had broken up with Jake, she still didn't answer his calls, let alone come to see him. She had basically cut him out of her life and even Rachel didn't know what was going on inside her head. Desperation glared around the corner and...The magic of the Big Apple everyone always gushed about just wasn't what he had expected it to be. Then again, that probably wasn't New York's fault, right?

x

Hours became days, days became weeks and before she realized it, Peyton had been single a whole month. She waved Katherine and a few of her fellow baristas goodnight and left the coffee house. Dressed in a deep-red tank top, denim mini-skirt and black ballerinas she walked over the Manhattan street stones. When her stomach made a strange noise, the blonde glanced down at her watch. It was around half-nine PM and the only supermarket still open and harboring her favorite lasagna was Food Lion.

A bit later, she stood between beige, plastic shelves, gazing up at an appealing bag of strawberry-jam filled cookies. It was on the top shelve and although she was quite tall, she couldn't reach it. Her caramel-greens tore themselves away from the delicacy to search help.

Lucas mind went blank when he saw the blonde standing between the cup-cakes and donuts. She looked gorgeous, which made him ache for her even more. It had been weeks since he had merely heard her voice: when desperation had eventually crept out of its corner and jumped him, he had given up. No more calls and no more dropping by at Rauwolf. To be near her but not be with her had been too much of a torture and if she truly didn't want him, who was he to force her in a relationship? Gaining his consciousness back, Lucas turned around to disappear before she'd notice him.

"Hey!" Peyton shouted at some boy's back. "Could you please-"

She scowled displeased; how rude of that shelve boy to just ignore her. Isn't customer king? Determined, she followed him to explain him client policy. Unbelievable! He quickened his tread, as if trying to shake her off. Even though she had a strong personality, she behaved humbly towards her customers in the coffee house and tried to do everything she could to keep them happy. When she was the customer, she expected the same treatment.

"Hey! I'm talking to you," she complained as she persistently followed the rude blonde into the storage space. "You can't just ignore me! I am-"

The boy turned around and Peyton's breath staggered in her throat. "Why not?" he asked. "You do it to me."

"Lucas..." she softly spoke. She saw the hurt in his eyes and suddenly realized how much of a cow she had been with her mooted behavior towards him. In these past weeks, she had missed him a lot but whenever she considered picking up the phone and contact him, she forced the vision of hurt and sorrow on herself and asked herself if she wanted to jump into something that'd eventually crash and burn anyway. "I didn't m-"

"I don't understand..." he began frustrated. How he wished he could keep his cool right now yet she always triggered this over-emotional reactions with him. "…why you are like this. I tell you you are the love of my life and what do you do? You don't answer my calls, you ignore me at the coffee house and now, to know if you haven't fled to Mexico or something, I have to ask Rachel. It's like you've forgotten I exist. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I'm sorry," Peyton offered.

"Yeah, well..." Lucas replied. "I am too. Could you please go now?"

She began walking towards the back like a beaten dog but changed her mind mid-way.

"I'm scared," she admitted turning around.

Frowning non-understanding, Lucas asked: "Of what? Of what can you possibly be scared?"

"You... I mean, I've never, from the first moment, I…" she stopped and took a deep breath before reprising. "I don't want to hurt you." She rapidly walked over to him. "Oh, Lucas, I...and then Elizabeth Taylor."

"Elizabeth Taylor?"

"I can't handle more drama and I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt you but that's what I do. I'm trouble and...And I screw up myself and the people around me. Just look at you! When I saw you at the airport, you seemed, you know, content. And now...not. You deserve better an-"

Lucas bowed his head and placed his hand on his forehead. "Peyton..." he spoke vexed "you're making up excuses. If you don't want to be with me, at least have the common decency to admit it. This is just… embarrassing."

"Fine!" she shouted angered. "Don't believe me then!" After a small pause, she added muttering, almost inaudible: "It's not like I expected you to understand it anyway…"

Lucas immediately looked back up. How could she diminish what had drawn him to her in the first place? Their ability to get each other with merely one look was so special, untouchable yet she was blanching it. As she fiercely stepped to the door, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Don't do that," he warned. "Don't act like we were nothing in the first place. And if you do, at least don't do it behind my back."

She pulled her hand loose. Her beautiful face was deformed in disdain as she walked away from him. Reaching the door, she yanked the latch with all her strength but the thing didn't budge. Her eyes fell on a little box next to it. Off course… There was a code. When she turned around, she was greeted by Lucas overshadowing body, his hands above her head as he drove her against the metal door.

"Make me understand then," he ordered.

She again tried to escape but he lowered one of his hands on her hip tightly enough so she had now no more space to move. Peyton groaned in frustration. "I've lost people," she began. "People that I love and then the loneliness...The loneliness…" she repeated in a sigh. "I couldn't handle it, I had to make it go away and drugs did that. Only for a while, but still, they made me forget about my mom and my screwed up self! And my dad…" The sorrow bottled in those last two words were heart-breaking. Her father's absence could very well be the most pronounced one of her scars. "I needed him and he just left!''

"Peyt…" he softly soothed her and wanted to cup her cheek but she turned her head stubbornly.

"When Jake came in my life, things changed. I thought he was my ticket to 'happiness' or something equally ridiculous. Obviously he wasn't and then suddenly you were there but…" she shook her head "And I'm tired, Lucas. I'm tired of always feeling pain. I just want to grow numb to it all.''

''I won't let you.''

She coldly chuckled. ''You have no idea what you're saying. I come with baggage, Lucas. How could you ever understand how I feel? How could a boy like you handle a girl like me?"

The sympathy he had felt upon her words about her father vanished. "I don't know," he replied sharply. ''It wouldn't be much worse than you handle yourself, though.'' A firm slap followed his words and it stung, as did her death-glare after but he didn't care. Instead he wrapped his arm tightly around her waist. Her hand rose up to slap the other cheek but he grabbed it and lowered it again. "Stop it!" he ordered. "I love you and despite everything, I believe you love me. If you don't, just say the word and I'll walk away. You'll never see me again. "

With all she had in her, she tried to root herself out of his arms until she gave up, heavily panting. She gazed up at him with flickering eyes, which burned more with each second he persistently glared back. "You aren't going anywhere before I have an answer. I'm sick of this cat-and-mouse game! And I'm s-"

She crashed her mouth roughly into his and when Lucas somewhat got over his surprise, he planted his hand in her curls to deepen their kiss; their lips moving feverishly against each other. They had shared a lot of kisses in the time they had had together but none of them had been like this. It was an intense, emotional release, filled with sorrow, lust, anger and love. When she suddenly pulled back, Lucas ran his finger over his lip gazing at her like a deer in headlights.

Peyton stared back wanting. She had missed him: his kiss, his touch, his rosewood-with-amber scent…Everything. But she needed more. She moved closer again, cupped his cheek and kissed him again, slowly and with tenderness now. "I...I..." she tried to utter a love declaration upon breaking their lips apart but fear held her back. Acknowledging her feelings now would make her weak because she'd let the scant control she still had over them slip away. With a somewhat troubled glance in her hazels, she bowed her head.

Lucas looked down at her. Such a beautiful yet complex creature. Shouldn't being in love equal bliss? He placed his index finger under her chin and softly led her to face him again. Peyton gazed up at him and, preparing for his kiss, closed her hazel orbs. "Open your eyes," he ordered. She did, yet confused. "Tell me you love me," he further demanded. To be honest, this dominancy of his turned her one and when he pressed her against his body even more, Peyton sighed. She wanted him. Here. Now. When she wrapped her hands around his neck with the intention of kissing him, he held her back by her waist. "Say it."

"I love you," Peyton said before finally capturing his lips and quickly lowered her hand to tug his belt. "I mean it," she added before he could protest. "I mean it..." She suddenly backed away and pulled her top off to give the final push. In the blink of an eye, he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him. They shed their remaining clothes on their way down between the kissing and groping until at a certain point; they lay naked between the lemonade and water, moving as one. The setting wasn't exactly the epitome of romance but it was them. Together. How it should be.

x

With Nathan's depressed posture as her only company, Rachel grabbed the handle of her pan and shook it so that her chunks of bacon, shuddering in healthier- then- butter olive oil, wouldn't burn. About fifteen minutes later, she proudly put her dish on the table and ordered Nathan to come and eat.

"No!" he protested.

She groaned, walked over to him and pulled him out of his chair to drag him to the kitchen.

"Rachel, no…" Nathan whined.

The redhead didn't listen and gave him a scoop of her spaghetti carbonara. "Don't you Scott boys have any manners?" she began her rant. "This morning, Lucas told me he'd help me cook. Now he still isn't home while you plainly refuse to eat! I've been slaving for you over a hot stove for an hour so you'll stop your sorry-ass whining for twenty minutes to enjoy the meal I just served you. Am I clear?"

He could only nod. A bit later, he looked up from his plate. "This is really good, Rachel," he humbly made a compliment.

"Thank you," she accepted his unspoken apology yet she still was a bit aggravated; not only because of Nathan's original refusal but also because Lucas hadn't come home. Over the past month, she had felt with him concerning his situation with Peyton; they had gotten quite close and it irked that he didn't even bother to pick up a phone and tell her where he was.

"I'm sorry," Nathan then said.

"Why?"

"Because you have to live with me and Luke."

She sighed sadly. "I'm sorry about that too. You two are the kind of men who are the blueprint for building a loser."

"Hey!" Nathan protested but then, for the first time in two weeks, a smile curled his lips, followed by laughter. "That's actually a very good burn," he added with an impressed nod. "Respect, Gattina."

"I do my best," she shrugged nonchalantly.

After dinner and the dishes, they sat in front of the TV, watching the Silence of the Lambs. Rachel had been mouthing along the words the characters spoke all the way through. "Lambs. The lambs were screaming." she whispered to ask herself: "They were slaughtering the spring lambs?"

"OK," Nathan loudly spoke. "Cut it out, you're scaring the living shit out of me."

She gazed deeply into his eyes. "What became of your lamb, Nathan?" the redhead whispered. It hadn't been a lie; she was freaking him out and by the glimmer in her eyes, actually took pleasure in it! He tore his browns away from hers and fixed them on the screen. Minutes passed and the suspense of the film had Nathan, who had hardly any nails left, on the edge of his seat.

"Well, Clarice...Have the lambs stopped screaming?" Hannibal asked deeper in the movie as Nathan waited tensed for Clarice's answer.

Suddenly high-pitched screams filled the room and when they died out; the brown-haired boy realized he had been the one doing the screaming. With a heavily pounding heart, he turned his head to his left, where Rachel was almost rolling from the couch, choking in her laughter. She had shouted 'BOO' to scare him but had never expected these girl-like shrieks.

"Oh, oh, make it stop…" she begged panting as she held her stomach: the muscles in her tummy began to ache from all the laughing.

"I'm going to bed," Nathan announced embarrassed and disappeared to brush his teeth. ''You're the devil,'' he accused her through the bathroom door. "The devil!"

"Love you too, Nathan!" Rachel shouted. "And remember: if you can't sleep, count your lambs!"

x

Pouting displeased, Peyton took her black bra off the cola bottles and put it on before gazing around. They lay on some dirty, rough fabric that had been used to cover a bunch of beer kegs. In the corner of the dark grey- walled storage room stood a filthy orange car and overall, this space was conquered by spider webs. He slipped his hand around her waist and pulled her down again to capture her lips. The pout hadn't disappeared when he pulled back.

"What is it now, woman?" he jokingly asked.

"I haven't been very lady-like."

"That's because you aren't a lady."

She softly tapped his chest. "It's not funny, I feel cheap."

"Well…If it makes you feel any better, you cost me a lot of coffees."

"Lucas…" she complained. "You know what you said earlier, that I forgot you existed? Well…that isn't true. I thought about you a lot and when I did, I imagined our second first time would be special."

"Second first time?" he repeated amused. Convenience, much?

"You know, when we'd be an official couple."

"We're official?"

"Oh…" the blonde bit her bottom lip. "I don't know. Are we?"

"I don't know, are you still scared?"

She shrugged. "I don't want t-"

"I won't hurt you, I promise," he cut her off. "And the only way you can hurt me is by not being with me." He captured her lips and further lowered them to her shoulder.

He might not be safe and might mean heartbreak in the long run but on the other hand, she didn't want a life ruled by 'ifs', 'could haves' and 'should haves'. "Stop…" she sighed out as he pressed his mouth on her collarbone. "I can't concentrate like this." She recalled the honey at the cabin. In eight years, she hadn't once thought about her mother without tearing up. The honey had been the first time and it was Lucas' doing, she had later realized.

She tore her eyes away from a huge spider web and locked them with his darkened blues. Men...here she was, thinking deeply about her future and he wanted to have another round of sex. "OK. Let's give it a go," she answered and brushed her lips against his. Then she softly ran her fingers over his slightly swollen cheek. "Sorry I slapped you earlier."

"Make it up to me."

Peyton rolled her eyes when he tried to lay her down. "Luke," she groused. "I'm not going to have sex here a second time. Besides, what if someone comes in?"

"It's one AM," he pouted.

"Luke!" Peyton cried out disbelieving when his fingers began to work on the close of her bra. "Down boy."

"But I missed you..."

"I missed you too," she said softer. "So if you want, you can sleep at my place tonight. In a bed."

Lucas exchanged his surprised look with her waiting one and softly nodded. "I'd like that."

Hours later, they lay together naked on her soft mattress, under her cardinal sheets. As softly as she could, Peyton turned around to face him, which was quite a task: he had spooned her and completely wrapped her with his limbs. Almost whistling noises left his nostrils and she squeezed his nose to make it stop. He mumbled 'no' and Peyton smiled endeared by his boyish innocence.

She then softly pressed her lips on his cheek before snuggling up against his chest. As she laid there in his arms, her life, it seemed, would for the first time since long be free of struggles. Her emeralds closed as she concentrated on nothing but the beating of his heart. She felt as if she was floating through a different, bluer sky and didn't feel like landing just yet.


The line 'Goodbye's too good a word, babe, so I'll just say fare thee well' is from the song 'Don't Think Twice, It's All right by Bob Dylan. I hope you weren't too freaked out be Rachel lol ;) Silence of the Lambs is one of the best thrillers ever BTW. Anyway, tell me what you think!