Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.
Special thanks to beta Notes from the Classroom, check out her latest "What We Think We Know" in my faves.
Loyalty
It was a matter of loyalty.
Nyota stood in front of the closed med bay doors at 06:00 the morning after the accident. Human-Spock and Vulcan-Jim were to be discharged this morning. After every other dust-up that required overnight observation, she would come down and meet Spock for breakfast - with the exception of the sex pollen incident when Leonard had helpfully suggested they confine themselves to their quarters.
The only thing was, after this particular dust-up she wasn't sure who Spock was, or where he was. Did the half Vulcan man behind the doors only think he was Jim while the human man imagined he was Spock?
Does it matter? Nyota jumped. The question came from across the bond. The doors slid open and she met familiar black eyes, and longing pulled at her heart.
He wasn't wearing his science blues. Well, that would be inappropriate now, wouldn't it? Just his black undershirt and regulations pants—the same he had worn the day before; she recognized a loose string at the collar. He looked so much like her Spock.
The half Vulcan swallowed. Since both of us seem to be under the same delusion, it is better to act as though we are who we think we are. I am Jim Kirk.
Even as Jim thought this, Nyota felt an echo of longing from him. Vulcan-Jim flushed a little green.
The bond is a physical element of the body you're inhabiting. In Vulcans it inhabits all areas of the brain, even the brainstem, Nyota thought.
Like a God damned Nebillian parasitic worm, thought Vulcan-Jim. Nyota felt him bite back the urge to spit.
It...I...I feel like I'm hitting on my friend and first officer's wife, Vulcan-Jim thought, his eyes carefully averted from her.
Trying to lighten the mood, Nyota raised an eyebrow.
Feeling her question, Vulcan-Jim flushed again. You do know - I would not...never...
And she did know, even before. Flirting in Jim's language could mean many things; once he'd known she and Spock were an item, his flirtations had never been more than his own special brand of friendliness.
Vulcan-Jim met her eyes. "Come with me," he said aloud. He led her to the room he and Jim had shared the night before. Through the glass wall Nyota saw Human-Spock still asleep in bed.
Vulcan-Jim said, "Bones thought it was best to let him rest. We had a bit of a rough night."
An image of a bed heaved against the wall filled her mind; she looked over at Vulcan-Jim.
Not meeting her eyes he said, "I apparently need to meditate."
Nodding in Human-Spock's direction he said, "Go see him, Uhura. I will try to think about something else." With that he turned and stalked stiffly off, the blackness of his mood practically radiating off of him. Nyota was certain you didn't need to be bonded to see it.
Taking a deep breath, she turned around and entered Human-Spock's room.
The sound of the door whooshing open and shut didn't wake him. Walking over, Nyota pulled up a chair and sat down. Jim...well, Jim's body, looked ten years younger when he was asleep. Lying in front of her was an Iowa farm boy, not a starship captain...Or a half-Vulcan trapped in the body of an Iowa farm boy. Reaching out, she took one of his hands. It was cool, human, yet alien to her now. Eyelids flickered over blue eyes.
"Hey," Nyota said.
"Nyota," said Human-Spock. He pulled himself up out of the regulation green medbay linens. Eyes unfocused, hair mussed in a way in his own body it never seemed to be, he looked so...human.
Squeezing her hand he said, "I was afraid you wouldn't come."
And there it was, in less than 30 seconds, contradictions to the belief that he was her Spock: squeezing her hand, the direct expression of emotion, "I was afraid"...words that he might not even be able to articulate in his other body.
Swallowing, Nyota looked down at his hand. They were rougher than his Vulcan hands. The fingers were squarer, the nails blunt and short.
"I know this is awkward for you," Human-Spock said.
Nyota sighed and met his eyes. "It can't be worse for me than it is for you."
Spock kneaded her fingers with his own. "It could have been much worse...and the experience is..." Smiling just a bit as though experimenting with the expression, he said, "Fascinating."
His face contorted into a bit of a scowl for a moment; Nyota realized he was trying to raise an eyebrow.
Take a deep breath, Nyota. Try to think positive. "You could have swapped bodies with Keenser," she said referring to Scotty's short, reptile-like sidekick.
"That actually would have been far more interesting than this body," Human-Spock said, looking down and surveying his legs. "This body - I have all the same parts, I'm warm blooded, I can't absorb nutrients or oxygen through my skin...maybe I should consider myself cheated?"
Nyota blinked. He was joking. It wasn't un-Spocklike to joke in difficult circumstances. It was something he did to cut tension. But in this case...
Nyota let go of his hand, ripped the pillow out from under him and hit him across the stomach with it. Human-Spock caught her arms and pinned them against the pillow, but not hard. "Nyota," he said, his face just inches from her own. "I am still Spock. I am still me...and I still...I still..." He exhaled a breath as though he were angry and then he, Spock in Kirk's body, or a delusional Kirk, kissed her.
His lips were firm. Warm, but cooler than she was accustomed to, and she could tell they were chapped. Her own lips refused to respond. Should she respond?
Pulling back, Human-Spock said, "Nyota, we will fix this. I know it can be undone."
She stared at him, unsure of what to say or do. And then he looked past her and scowled. Turning her head, Nyota met Janice Lester's eyes through the glass wall of the room. The woman swallowed and then turned and then nearly ran from sickbay.
"She and Jim..." said Human-Spock.
"We may need her help to get you back," said Nyota.
"Yes," said Human-Spock sitting up straighter and bringing his legs around to the side of the bed.
Finally, an opportunity to do something rather than just philosophize and mope. Jumping up out of her chair, Nyota said, "I will fix this."
She took off after Janice, half striding, half jogging into the hallway. "Janice, Janice!" Nyota called, seeing the other woman's form disappear around a corner. Nyota gave up all pretenses of looking professional and ran after her.
Nyota caught Janice in front of the turbo-lift. The other woman was frantically jamming her thumb into the turbolift call button.
"Janice," said Nyota.
Taking a deep breath, Janice turned to her. "I'm sorry, I..."
Nyota blinked. Janice thought she'd been the "other woman" and was obviously suitably mortified.
The turbolift whooshed opened and Janice hopped in. Nyota caught the door. "Look," Nyota said, "there is something you should know...and Jim...the real Jim, needs your...our help."
Janice tilted her head, her brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
x x x x
It was a matter of loyalty.
Jim strode down the hall in long strides. You did not hit on your best friend's girl. Okay, Spock wasn't technically his best friend in this timeline, but they were still...something. They were friends. Comrades in arms. They were always on each other's side even when they fought, which was frequently, more in this timeline than the last.
An ensign passed him, met his eyes, smiled a little and then turned away quickly. Too quickly? Jim couldn't tell. Was she nervous? Flirtatious? Mocking? He had access to a mental database of thousands of humans modeling different facial expressions - the problem was they did not belong to that particular human. She was unreadable.
He needed a drink - but Bones was on duty, and although he wouldn't mind Jim helping himself to his secret stash, that wasn't going to do Jim a lick of good in his current form. And besides, that would involve going back to sickbay which would involve going by Spock and Uhura, and Jim wasn't sure he could handle that.
Making an abrupt turn, he nearly collided with two crew members in red. One's mouth dropped open. The other...scowled? Surprise? Anger? Nodding quickly to their stammered "sirs," Jim headed towards the observation deck.
Uhura was the only person on board he could read, and the fact that he couldn't be near her just made him feel that much more isolated. If he reached out he could feel her touch her hand to Spock's. Feel how Spock's human coolness felt alien to her...
Do not think of it. Do not think of it.
He took a deep breath. His mind reached out of its own accord to the only other presence that was not unreadable. It was automatic - and yet something he knew Spock controlled because he and Sarek did not get along. He had all the memories of their disagreements. But they seemed...so trivial.
The other presence responded. It was cool. Logical. More controlled than Jim would ever be, in his human form or in this one. Unlike Uhura he could not speak in words to Sarek. But he could feel what Sarek was feeling. Unlike Uhura, Sarek wasn't worried. No, that wasn't correct. Unlike Uhura he refused to worry because...because...Jim searched Spock's mind. It would be wrong, illogical, to cause Jim discomfort for something that was not his fault. Jim also felt a something else, a steely determination.
Slipping into the observation deck, he made his way to the wide window that looked out at the stars.
In another timeline Jim had seen the lengths Sarek would go for his Spock. In this timeline he felt it would be no different.
His eyes met Spock's reflection in the glass. He started and almost turned away and then saw another reflection there. Red hair, a feminine form...whose waist to hip ratio .7, his brain had run the calculations without any prompting. That was the optimal ratio for childbearing, and generally deemed the most attractive to human and Vulcan males. Fascinating.
"Jim?" Janice said.
Jim turned, "Janice." Tilting his head, he analyzed her features. Her face was very symmetrical, but not as symmetrical as Nyota Uhura's...don't think of it.
She swallowed. Nervousness? Excess saliva production?
"I almost thought you'd made me the other woman," Janice said.
"I have many faults, but dishonesty is not one of them...In this or my other form." Well, in his human form he was not dishonest in these sorts of matters anyway - unless, seduction was for professional purposes, of course.
Janice huffed a laugh, though her face did not smile. "I guess if that is from a Vulcan, it must be true."
Jim blinked at the contradicting emotional displays.
Janice stared at him. "I'm sorry, Jim. This must be..."
Jim tilted his head.
"I guess...well...us..."
Us. Oh. Us. Was she interested in him in this body? Would he use this body in that way if given a chance?
Yes. Yes, he would.
But could he? He tilted his head the other way. She was still attractive to him, in a clinical way. And yet...
"It's okay," Janice said stepping forward. "I mean, it must be really strange, everything you've been through. I'm not offended. And I'll help you in any way I can..."
Jim felt a moment of vertigo; his stomach dropped a little and he felt almost nauseous. And then there was a confusing swell of sadness, determination, sincerity...
It took a moment for him to realize Janice was clasping his hand. That was her...He'd been taken unaware - unlike the night before when he'd grabbed Spock's hand during the nightmare. But he'd known what to expect then. Also, touching Spock's hand was somehow familiar. Like driving along a road you'd been on many times before. This was new, and disquieting, but...
When he didn't respond he felt...shame. Janice tried to pull her hand away but Jim caught it.
"Thank you, Janice," he said meeting her eyes. She would help him in any way she could. She was very sorry. "For the help..."
"Hey, I take my tawdry affairs seriously," she said.
Jim's eyebrow rose at the sensation in his fingers. She didn't think the affair was tawdry. She liked him. He wouldn't say she was in love with him, but there was affection there. And she would bend over backwards to make this right. He felt that, too.
He liked her a lot. It struck him that wrapping his arms around her would not be inappropriate, but his arms stayed frozen at his side. What was wrong with this body? Swallowing he said, "Thank you also...for understanding."
She smiled a thin sad smile...he knew exactly what sort of smile it was from the fingers on his. "No problem," she said rubbing his shoulder. Taking a deep breath she said, "You know, I'm starving. What passes for breakfast around here?"
x x x x
Janice had a nice a -
Dr. Janice Lester had nice gluteal muscles and overlaying fascia. This wasn't a revelation to Spock. He'd noticed it when he was in his other body. But now, as Dr. Lester strode through the mess next to Jim in his Vulcan form, this body's reaction to the lovely curve of her waist towards her hips was -
"Spock?"
Spock blinked and turned his head. Nyota was staring at him from across the table, spoonful of yogurt poised between the bowl and her mouth, brows furrowed.
Had he just?
"You were just staring at her ass," Nyota said.
Uh-oh. He had just caused more distress to the person who meant more to him than anyone else in this universe. His body went cold.
Eyeing him suspiciously, Nyota said, "That isn't something you do -"
"I notice attractiveness in my body as well -"
"But you don't ogle over the breakfast table," said Nyota putting her spoon back into the bowl unfinished.
Licking his lips automatically- no wonder Jim's lips were always chapped—Spock leaned across the table and met her eyes. He had to fix this. It was a matter of loyalty. "You're right, Nyota. I apologize for my behavior. It was rude...and...hurtful. I will learn to control this body's reactions in the future."
"Well..." she said. She blinked. "Well, you're not Jim Kirk."
But he wasn't quite himself either.
A/N:
Hope you all had fun! If you did pls leave a review. It's the only way fan fic authors and our over worked betas get paid!
