A/N: Thanks so much for any new follows and reviews, they are all very much appreciated.

Hope you all enjoy the next chapter, there is a lot of Dean angst in it. And I might have to move the fic up to M soon, just so I don't have to worry about having to censor myself or the story ;) but for now it should be fine.


Chapter 6

Dean tossed restlessly in his bed, pressing his face into the pillow as he let out a muffled frustrated groan, mindful not to wake his brother. Ok, so he was officially having a small (or not so small) identity crisis. In fact, Dean was pretty sure he was going insane. It had been three weeks since that night when Cas had evoked a whole new string of emotions in him. Since then he just couldn't get the man out of his head. Not that he hadn't been in there a fair amount of time before, but now, he seemed to have taken up residency there permanently, his face, his eyes, the way his nose crinkled when he laughed, in high definition and 3D. It was all just Cas, Cas, Cas, to the point where Dean just wished he could rip him right out.

He knew he didn't exactly help the situation by basically devouring the man with his eyes whenever he was anywhere near him, like he was trying to assimilate Cas into his own body just by looking at him. He just couldn't help himself. Of course, Dean tried to be subtle because being found out staring at his friend like that would be the death blow, Dean did not think he would be able to live down that kind of embarrassment. Also he was in no way convinced that Cas (or Amelia) wouldn't just throw him out of the house and never want anything to do with him or Sammy ever again.

But worst of all, in those long quiet nights, he recalled vividly the way it had felt when Cas had held him in his arms, the warm press of their bodies together, the way his body reacted to just the touch and smell of the older man. As embarrassing as it had been at the time, thinking back to it, it had felt amazing and part of Dean wanted to experience it again but he knew that he couldn't. There was not way he could just thrust himself onto his friend like that. Even disregarding the age gap, it would be utterly futile as Cas was clearly interested in women, hell, he was married to one, and Dean liked Amelia.

Then again, Dean had believed he was only interested in girls, and part of him still believed that to be true, hence the 'I'm going mad' crisis at 2 am in the morning, lying awake, replaying just those moments in his head over and over, regardless how odd it felt. He knew what being gay meant, guys liking other guys and all that stuff, not that this, or any sex related issues, were generally talked about at home. Just another one of those areas where his dad hadn't stepped up to the challenge lately. Dean had his sexual education mainly from the internet, and it had been up to now a strictly straight experience. Looking at naked women, boobs, the bigger the better, and the occasional trip to one of the free porn sites. He had never paid the men in those videos any attention, thinking it was only the women who got him excited but now, since the 'incident', he wasn't so sure anymore. Was he just doing what he thought was expected of him? Finding women attractive because people and society told him to? Or was that really all him? And if so, where did his reaction to Cas fit into all of it? And why, when he allowed himself to think about it unfiltered, did he find the idea of a naked Cas, all broad shoulders and straight angles, extremely titillating?

Dean groaned as he looked at his alarm, telling him it was 2.10 am. He needed to find a way to clear his head, and get some shut eye, especially with tomorrow being his first day of high school. One thing he most definitely didn't need so close to starting school was a sexual identity crisis, or any crisis at that! He buried his head in his pillow, trying hard to think of anything other than blue eyes, and just wished for sleep to find him.

#

Unfortunately the morning came soon enough and Dean begrudgingly dragged himself out of bed, rummaging through the clothes on the floor looking for something that was not too dirty and also wouldn't make him look like something wrapped in cling film. He desperately needed to get some new clothes after his latest growth spurt. He had to settle for a pair of blue jeans that 'only' marginally looked like they had been shrunk in the wash.

"Come on squirt, time to get up!" Dean pulled the blanket all the way off his little brother's still sleeping form, laughing when Sammy just grunted and burrowed his head in the pillow. Dean knew how he felt, being shattered himself from way too little sleep but someone had to make sure Sammy got to school on time.

Dean took to tickling his brother's feet, because he was mean and he knew Sammy hated it.

"Dean, leave me 'lone." Sammy protested, squirming in his bed, trying desperately to shrug his brother's hands off.

"First day of school, I thought you of all people can't wait to get back to learning, you little nerd." Dean teased, now ruffling the mop of hair. "Don't make me get some water!"

"Ugh, alright, gimme 5 minutes." his baby brother grunted, waving his hands in surrender.

Dean shook his head laughing and headed downstairs to whip up some breakfast. His Sammy definitely was not a morning person. That didn't mean that Dean was but someone had to get some food into his growing brother and it sure as hell wouldn't be their dad right now. He had managed to finally procure another job, but it was shift work and that meant that he was even grumpier than usual and spent his spare time either sleeping or drinking.

But Dean wasn't complaining, a job meant money and that meant actually being able to buy food and hence he was able to make some fresh blueberry pancakes for his brother, leaving an extra few in the fridge for when their dad came home. And if he was nervous about his first day in high school, well he would just have to suck it up, where was the point whining about something he couldn't change anyway.

"Pancakes, awesome!" Sammy shouted eagerly, sitting down at the table and pouring a generous amount of almost authentic maple syrup over them.

"Easy there, the bottle is supposed to last for a couple of weeks." Dean scolded with a smile, snatching the bottle off his brother and pouring some on his own pancakes.

"So, you got everything you need?"

"Mhhh," Sammy mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes.

"Ok, here's your sandwich for lunch, sorry, 's nothing fancy,"

Sam grabbed the sandwich putting it inside his rucksack.

"Come on, we have to hurry up, I'll have to drop you off a bit earlier than usual, so I make it to my new school on time."

"Dean, I can walk by myself, I'm not a baby anymore."

"Of course you're not" Dean smirked, clearing the plates away. "Just makes me feel better knowing you actually made it through the gates, and it's more or less on my way."

"It's the opposite direction."

"Well, as I said, it's almost on my way." No way was he letting Sammy walk to school alone, being as he had to cross through the rough part of the neighbourhood, or walk around it and add another twenty minutes to his walk. It would be only for one more year anyway, and then Sammy would go to middle school, which was literally ten minutes walk away from his high school. He could rough it for a few months.

"Come on, at this rate both of us are going to be late for our first day." Oh well, hell, here I come, Dean thought as he grabbed his bag, leading him and Sammy out the door.

#

Damn, the stupid phone always had to ring at the least convenient of moments. Castiel was 'fighting' with about ten books that were rested in his arms, having his folded notes propped under his chin and about to head to the faculty meeting, where he was supposed to cover for the history professor, who had come down with some kind of flu. Castiel though was convinced that he had managed to snap up an assistant position for the laziest professor in existence. He and his fellow workers were basically running the department for the guy.

The phone kept ringing insistently and it was at moments like these that he wished he was one of those people who could simply ignore a ringing phone, but his parents had instilled the diligence of always answering, after all, one never knew if it would be something important (he could literally hear his mother's voice in his head). Amelia had tried in vain over the last two years to teach him the idea of not always having to be available and 'if it was important, they would call again'. So half putting, half dropping the books back on the table, he fished for his phone in his jacket pocket, swiping the screen to accept the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is that Mr. Novak?" a chirpy sounding voice enquired. Castiel groaned inwardly. Please not some stupid sales call. He hated to be rude to those people but at the moment he did not have the time to let them down nicely.

"Speaking" he replied curtly but abrupt, the 'sorry I'm not interested' already forming on his lips.

"Oh good. This is Healy South High School and I'm calling on behalf of one Dean Winchester."

"Oh," Castiel let out surprised. Why would Dean's school be calling him? Where did they even get his number from?

The voice on the other end must have picked up on his surprise. "Erm, well, you are listed as one of Dean's emergency contacts, is that right?" the woman enquired.

What? Castiel had not been aware of that but regardless he hummed a quick agreement down the line.

"Great. Now, Mr Novak, I'm afraid Dean got himself in a bit of a tussle on his first day at school and as a result has been suspended for the rest of the week. And we would need for him to be picked up."

"What do you mean, tussle?"

"Well, it would be preferable to discuss this in person; in fact the principle would like to have a quick word with a responsible adult about this. Are you able to pick him up? We tried his father but he wouldn't answer his phone."

"Erm, sure I guess." Castiel had no idea why he was agreeing to this, and in all honestly what he was even agreeing to. He was not one of Dean's guardian's and he had a meeting to go to and was sure the head of faculty would bite his head clean off but his mind was already conjuring up numerous scenarios of what could have possibly have happened. One thing was evident, Dean needed someone there with him.

The boy normally liked to keep a low profile and it was only the first day. He had sensed Dean had been a bit off these last couple of days and assumed it was because of starting high school. Still, it didn't sound like him to start up trouble, so something must have happened. And if his dad was not available, what kind of a shitty friend would Castiel be if he didn't go and make sure Dean was ok. And while he had no idea how he possibly ended up on the boy's emergency contact list, he knew that this was something that could be addressed later.

"I could be there in an hour," Castiel added after a moment, mentally calculating the time it would take to talk to the head, get his car, early lunchtime traffic.

"That would be great. In fact Dean is with the nurse right now. If you could make your way straight to the office, and he will be waiting there for you when you get here."

"Ok." Castiel said before hanging up the phone. Dean being with the nurse could only mean he was hurt and that had Castiel whir into overdrive. He wanted to get to him, and fast. He grabbed his keys and bag, the book and notes long forgotten, and made his way up one floor to give the head some story about a 'family emergency' he needed to take care off.

Fifteen minutes later he was speeding down the road, the head having been, well, there was not nice way of putting this, 'pissed' at having to postpone the meeting but trying to be understanding. And Castiel only felt a slight pang of guilt for having lied as to the reasons he had to leave.

#

Dean's eye was pulsating, the skin around it tender and swollen. Breathing was a bit of a challenge, his ribs were hurting from where that jackass had managed to punch him, multiple times. This probably had to be a record, being called to the principle's office and suspended on his first day of high school. At least he was not the only one, as a quick glance to the chair at the other end of the room reminded him. Jackass, or Phil, as he was called, had been ass-hauled as well, and that fact made Dean feel a bit better.

And of course the fact that Cas was coming for him. He really was about the only person Dean wanted to see right now. Cas was different. He was safe; he wouldn't be judgemental of him but listen to his side of the story. Something the principle had a difficult time doing. It seemed like it was enough to come from a certain part of town to get an instant reputation without even trying.

He hardly had been able to hide his relief when the school had been unable to get hold of his dad and had gone to the next person on his contact list. Ok, he felt a bit bad for having put Castiel on that list without asking his permission. He was going to get to that at one point, but it was not as though he had expected to get into trouble quite so soon. He generally preferred to keep his head down and not pay other people much attention, but insulting his family was just a big fat no! Dean knew it was his weak spot and as soon as Phil had picked up on the fact, the insults had just kept coming. No one was calling them 'trash', "spawn of a useless drunk' and 'a waste of space'. He didn't even want to know where had had known about his father. Apparently there really was not escaping one's heritage.

"Mr. Novak, here for Dean Winchester."

Dean's head whipped around, and ouch that hurt, no quick movement the nurse had told him for a reason, but Cas was here and he looked at him from across the room. Their eyes met and Cas gave him a concerned nod. Then his eyes wandered over to the other boy that was sat at the other end of the wall, he looked at least as bad as Dean but still Cas couldn't help a 'good' flash through his thoughts, and immediately gave himself a mental scolding.

"What happened?" Cas asked the secretary, no more demanded to know. Dean looked awful, and Cas was livid.

"The principle will explain this all to you. I will let him know that you're here."

"Hey Winchester, your dad too drunk to come for you himself?" Phil sniped from the corner he cowered in, hoping it was quiet enough not to have been picked up by an adult.

"You-" Cas marched over, standing himself in front of the boy. God, he was about to curse out a boy in the middle of the principle's office, what was wrong with him? But he suddenly had a very good idea as to what might have happened here and he felt a righteous indignation on Dean's behalf. He swallowed, collecting himself. "Would you mind to please refrain from hurling around unsubstantiated insults." The boy just snorted but thankfully didn't utter another word.

"Mr. Novak, the principle will see you now."

Cas gave Dean a reassuring look before disappearing behind the door.

#

Ten minutes later a very sore and miserable Dean was slouched against the passenger door in Cas' car and they were heading home. The silence in the car was suffocating Dean and he was desperate for Cas to say something, anything, he would even take the man shouting at him over the silence. As it was, he wasn't sure whether Cas was mad at him or not, whether the principal had said something that made Cas doubt Dean. But as he had no idea what to say either, he simply kept quiet, instead focussing on the pain in his body.

Cas pulled up in his driveway and walked around opening the door for Dean, helping him out.

They hovered for a second before Dean smiled timidly at Cas. "Thanks for, you know, coming for me, I better be-" Dean pointed in the direction of his house.

"Where you think you're going?"

"Erm- home?"

"Your dad home?"

"No…"

"You honestly think I will leave you on your own like this? Plus there is some stuff we will have to talk about." Cas stated, urging Dean on to follow him into the house.

He walked straight to the living room and motioned for Dean to get comfortable on the couch. Dean groaned when he sat down, that guy had done a serious number on his ribs.

"You want me to get you some painkillers? And maybe an icepack for that shiner." Cas enquired.

"Yes, please"

Cas returned a moment later, glass of water and two pills in one hand, icepack in the other, which Dean took eagerly and washed down with the water before taking the icepack and putting it on his eye.

"So-" Cas said taking a seat on the comfy chair opposite the couch.

"So-" Dean replied meekly.

"Your side of the story, if you don't mind."

Dean gulped, suddenly feeling very foolish about having flown off the handle like that.

"Cas, I'm so sorry. I know it was stupid. I- just the guy would not shut up about dad and Sammy and how we were just a waste of space and, I only intended to push him, and then things just happened and- god you hate me now don't you?" Dean tried to burrow his head in his hands but winced as a jolt of pain coursed through his ribs.

Cas was taken aback by those words. He stood up and moved over, sitting himself down next to Dean.

"Dean, look at me." Dean didn't want to meet his eyes but after some gentle prodding reluctantly looked at Cas.

"First of all, I don't hate you. How could you even think that? I think you are an amazing young person, caring and bright. Did I think you overreacted, yes. Do I understand why, also yes. But Dean, just because you have the physical strength to go after someone who angers you, doesn't mean you have to. Look where it got you."

Dean nodded, feeling his eyes sting and suddenly feeling very, very small.

"Now, what I would really like to know is how it is I ended up on your contact list."

"Oh god, Cas. I know I should have asked, just, I trust you and, without trying to sound pathetic, there really wasn't anyone else I could have put on there."

Cas gulped at the simple truth of that statement.

"Still, how, I mean from what I understand those forms need to be signed by your parent or guardian and, did you dad agree to this?"

Dean shifted and looked extremely uncomfortable, and not just from the pain, Cas could tell.

"Dean."

"Ifakedthesignature," he whispered so quietly Cas would have missed it, if it hadn't been for his lips moving.

"Pardon?"

"I faked it, ok, I'm- dad never got around to filling it in and suddenly it was the first day of school and-"

They both sat in silence for a moment.

"Dean, I- you are getting to an age where you can get in trouble over things like that, faking someone's signature is an offence and, I don't want you to get into trouble, you don't want to get yourself into trouble. You have your whole life ahead of you, these things can come back and haunt you."

"So, you're mad at me for the signature and the fight, but … not for putting you on the list?" Dean needed clarification.

"Well, it would have been nice to have been asked first, but no, I'm not. But why didn't you?"

"I- I guess I was scared you would say no." Dean felt pathetic and needy for admitting this, but it was the truth. He had been scared to ask this of Castiel but at the same time wanted him to be one of his contacts, so he had done the stupid 'do it now, worry about it later' thing.

"And that would have been in my right to do so." Cas said, Dean nodded humbly in agreement.

"I know, and I'm sorry-"

"Enough with the apologising for now. Just promise me not to fake your dad's signature again, or put my name on any more lists without first consulting me."

"Deal," Dean smiled, feeling eternally grateful to seemingly have gotten off lightly, well apart from the week's detention. He had no idea how he would explain that to his dad. Maybe he would be lucky and he wouldn't notice him not going to school, having the early shift this week

"And as for that jerk in school. Don't let him yank you around like that. You can't control what people say or do but you can control how you react. Look, I haven't exactly been Mr. Popular in school and sometimes it's best to just let it go, not to give them anything to work with. Focus on what you want to do and achieve. Dean, at the risk of repeating myself, you are a very bright young man, and I think if you put your mind to it you can achieve anything you want. And I'm for one will definitely be here to nudge you in the right direction ever so often. So be warned."

"Thanks Cas," Dean rasped, his throat was in danger of closing up from too many emotions, thankfully he was interrupted by a renewed wave of rib pain when he took in too deep a breath.

Cas saw the way Dean's body spasmed. The principal had informed him that Dean had seen the nurse and that she had concluded, after a 'thorough' examination, that the ribs were bruised but not cracked and advised on some rest and painkillers.

"How bad is it?"

"Not too bad," Dean lied.

"Dean, you don't look like it's not too bad!"

"Ok, it's freaking painful, I cannot take a deep breath without feeling like my chest is going to catch fire, but I'm sure the painkillers will kick in soon."

Of course Dean had to play the tough guy and told Cas it was nothing. Cas just shook his head.

"Dean, maybe I should have a look, just to, I don't know make sure it's as the nurse said. I did do a first aid course a while back."

Dean insisted it was ok, but Cas could be very insisted when he wanted to be and after a little back and forth Dean agreed, lifting up his shirt under a sharp intake of breath, to reveal a big bruise forming on the right side, going right around the back. Cas took in a sharp inhale of breath. Just by looking at it he could tell that it must be really painful and tender.

"The guy really got you good." he commented, looking at the swollen flesh.

"Got him better," Dean grumbled and Cas huffed, shaking his head but flashing the teenager a small smirk.

"Hold on, I have an idea," Cas said disappearing to a confused looking Dean. Cas remembered his wife having some Arnica cream in the bathroom, and swearing by its efficiency against bruising and swelling.

"Here, put that on" he said handing the bottle to Dean and sitting down next to him again.

Dean poured a generous amount on his fingers but when he tried to move his arm to reach the back, a jolt of pain shot through his upper body.

"Mother of-" he cursed under his breath, panting hard, which only increased the pain, switching to taking short shallow gasps instead.

"Here let me," Cas offered, taking Dean's hand into his and transferring as much of the cream from Dean's fingers to his own as he could.

Dean eyes were glued to their touching hands, feeling his heart rate increase. 'Shit, not now' he silently pleaded with himself.

"Can you move a bit?" Cas asked, having trouble to get to Dean's right side without twisting his own body in a rather acrobatic way. Dean nodded his head and shifted with his whole body so as not to put too much strain on his ribs.

Cas had one leg stretched out on the couch and his position resulted in Dean basically being rested between his legs by the time he was done moving. Dean was suddenly an emotional mess of pain, and cold sweat and a feeling of anticipation that left him breathless even more. Then he felt it, the first touch of Cas' fingers against his skin, and Dean couldn't help but hiss. He wished it was just from pain but in reality it was the overwhelming sensation of feeling Cas touch his skin like that had him electrified, like he just put a finger in a socket.

"Sorry," Cas said removing his fingers briefly, giving Dean time to catch his breath, before gently putting them back, rubbing the cream into Dean's skin.

"This will be uncomfortable, but it should really help." he said, trying to reassure Dean.

Oh god. Yes it was uncomfortable, but not for the reasons Cas thought. Dean was just glad he was sitting with his back to his friend so he could hide the fact that he already was embarrassingly aroused (again). And Cas' touch was so, ugh- Dean didn't even have words for it. This time he was too tired and sore to hightail it out of here. So instead, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel each touch, each stroke, the way the cream felt cold when first applied and then slowly turned warm as Cas continued to rub it into his skin. The way his fingertips moved over his bruises. He was being so gentle, it was driving Dean mad, the worst and best torture imaginable.

He had the extreme urge to just let his head fall back against the man sat so close behind him. To feel that closeness, that body heat. He could almost feel himself sway backwards before internally screaming at himself to get a grip. Cas was a married man, an older married man! His lack of determination one way or another ended up with him going rigid which Cas in turn took as a sign of him being in pain, and he soothed him, telling him that he would be done soon. Oh god, if only he knew. Dean hated himself for making his friend worry about him when in reality he was getting dangerously close to getting off on the man's touches. He took in a well needed (not so) deep breath and tried to calm himself, focussing on the ache and discomfort rather than Cas' hands and where they were on his body.

Cas tried to work as fast as possible, he didn't want to inflict any more pain on the boy, he really looked on edge, confirmed by the occasional hiss and grunt. Cas forced himself to work faster, while still trying to be as gentle as possible. That was one big bruise, or a string of small bruises, it was too hard to tell right now, and would no doubt take a few weeks to heal properly. Once finished, he pulled Dean's shirt back down.

"Sorry, hope it didn't hurt too much." He asked worried, getting up off the couch, and taking another look at Dean.

"'S alright." Dean replied, still too focused to hide his current predicament, placing his hands over his lap.

"I think you could do with some rest, is your dad going to be home soon? I don't want you to stay on your own."

Dean shook his head, "Not until early evening. But Sammy should be home soon and he can-"

"No, you can rest here for now and when Sammy comes home he can come over as well. I will let him know what happened to you. I'm sure Amelia will want to spoil you two rotten when she gets back. In the meantime, let me get my laptop, so I can work on my thesis while watching you."

Dean was too exhausted, for a variety of reasons, to argue or even protest that he didn't need watching, and simply nodded his head. The thought of Cas watching over him while he slept was kind of soothing, in a weird sort of way.

Cas left and returned a few minutes later with a blanket and his laptop, placing the laptop on the coffee table and urging Dean on to lay back. Dean tried not to grunt at the pain the movement caused him and needed a moment before finding a comfortable position. He smiled tiredly up at Cas, the painkillers seem to finally be kicking in making him feel sleepy.

Cas smiled back, pulling up the blanket and covering him, ruffling his hair and telling him to try to get some sleep.

Dean could feel the phantom touch to his hair for a long time, watching Cas type away at the laptop, finding the quiet click clicks of the keys soothing. He finally succumbed to his tiredness and fell into a uneasy sleep.