Holy motherfucking shit I haven't updated in forever and I am so sorry I high-key got stuck with schoolwork and a massive depressive spiral. Next chapter coming soon. Also, some lovely head-cannons I have at the bottom!
When the boy woke up, he didn't exactly feel his best. His chest burned and a the lingering chalky taste of pills sat in his mouth. He quickly realized where he was when he heard the familiar chirps of a cardiac monitor beside him.
Craig was in a hospital. He'd been in them quite often between picking fights and training for baseball. The raven-haired boy extended his arm to the left, where the table was generally put. Two small bottles of pills stood there. Then a something tapped his finger and he shrieked. He sunk deep into the hospital bed as he realized he wasn't alone.
Kyle was laughing on the chair next to him.
"Dude… dude…" the ginger-haired boy chuckled, " that was funny…. and oh my god the gown looks so fucking dumb on you I can't get over it-"
"Thanks Kyle, good to see you too." Craig grunted, flipping off his friend.
"What? You're fine. You're in the best hospital in Denver right now and the bullet only grazed your chest-"
"Bullet?" Craig brought his hand up to his chest. He traced his finger along the line of stitches running through his skin.
"Yeah… Tweek said the bastard shot at you or something. Guess who followed your ass up to Denver to save you, by the way-"
"Did Clyde have you follow me?" Kyle sighed at his retort.
"I'm the 'medic' I guess so Clyde, Token, and Jimmy decided low-key kidnapped me. Clyde fucking lifted me over his head and threw me in the back of his truck."
Craig laughed at the image as a Clyde rolls through the aquamarine curtains on a hospital wheelchair with Jimmy on his lap. The boy cringed at the pain in his chest and sits up to see his friends who clearly weren't in need of a wheelchair.
He nearly shits himself when he looks around. He's hooked up to about five iv's on each arm and bandages poke out from holes in his itchy baby blue gown.
"We brought-t you b-bre-breakfast!" Jimmy exclaims, reaching forward with a plate of McDonald's french fries and a McMuffin sandwich. Craig takes it, smiling. Everyone's a bit taken back when he does.
"Craig Tucker's showing emotion… jeez!" Clyde laughs, whipping out his phone. "I'm sending pictures to Token!"
"Dude. I just got shot and I'm trying to show god how thankful I am for my second chance of life," he says sarcastically. He's never given half a shit about what people think of him- and a piece of metal giving him a bit of a cut didn't change anything.
Just as he was about to bite into his quality breakfast sandwich, Tweek popped up in his head.
"Tweek! Shit! I totally fucking forgot… where is he?"
"Token's buying him a coffee downstairs." Kyle said, "He just got released from the floor yesterday actually."
"Yesterday?"
"Well yeah, you could see he was in pretty shitty shape right? It looks like he hadn't eaten in a year and the scars on him weren't exactly safe from infection."
"How long have I been out?"
"Three days."
"Three days… Kyle… really?"
"Well, for the last two you were pretty high on pain killers. I got a video of you trying to eat Clyde's hand. You got your last dosage early yesterday so we figured you'd be sober by now, or enough at least to eat McDonald's."
"Yesterday y-y-you thought Clyde's hand was the sandwich. It was even funnier th-than anything I could come up with!" Jimmy said.
"Thanks man, that means a lot coming from you," Craig put out between bites.
Jimmy was not done with what he had to say. He gave everyone but Craig a strange look of anger and curiosity before he decided to speak again. "S-so anyways did you guys fuck yet?"
Craig spat out the sandwich onto poor Kyle. The jew grunted and sprinted for the bathroom.
"Really Jimmy?" Clyde hissed. The brunette could only shrug.
"C-come on… we were all thinking it."
"You could have asked when he wasn't… you know, in the hospital."
"But the deal… i-if I remember right, was set up to be at midnight. He didn't get shot until like 2 when we found them. P-plus, they were hiding in a mother-f-fucking planetarium! T-they must have done something!"
Everyone went silent.
"Honestly," Craig started, "The last thing I remember is running away from this guy. We just hid in the planetarium coming up with escape plans.
His voice was stoic and his face straight. Jimmy apologized and took the hospital wheel-chair to go chase after Kyle.
Only he and Clyde remained in the room, but only the brunette wore a smile. Craig titled his head at Clyde's shit eating grin, trying to piece together what exactly he saw funny.
"You're a good liar, but I know the truth." he said finally, still grinning.
"What?" Craig laughed nervously, "dude… what the fuck are you talking about?"
"You remember it, don't you?" Clyde laughed, jokingly punching his friend's foot.
"I… uh.." His face became a dark shade of crimson as Clyde gave some hand gestures.
"Emotion… again? I caught you, asshole. Can't get a lie past me, dick!"
Craig felt his face heat up even more. Clyde pulled Craig's favorite hat from his pocket and placed it on his friend's head.
"Oh, and even if I did believe you, I found the box I gave you… opened in your car."
"Uh…" Craig was at a loss for words.
"We… just… um…. fucking hell. I hate you."
"I know you don't," Clyde laughed. "Did you like it?"
"…. yes…"
"No one knows but me, by the way. If I told the guys people would be asking you who took it up the ass, and we both know that it was-" he quit talking when he heard footsteps.
"Speak of the devil…" Clyde chuckled, opening the curtain.
The blonde was in navy blue jeans and a graphic short sleeved shirt with the starbucks logo. He had a large steaming cup of coffee in his hand that he sipped at every couple seconds.
"O-oh… hi Clyde…. I didn't realize you were here. I can go-"
"Nope. Sit the fuck down. I'm going to beat Token in wii sports bowling. Fucker kicked my ass in tennis and I will not live to see the day someone beats my score in bowling…"
"Isn't that set up in the pediatrics ward for like… kids?" Tweek asked.
"Yep! Bye guys! Be careful sitting down, Tweek. It may still hurt-"
"Bye Clyde!" Craig hissed.
"What? I'm being concerned after my friend-"
"BYE CLYDE!" Craig practically screamed.
"So… um… Hi babe." Tweek started, shuffling in his chair.
"Hey."
"So… um… Clyde figured out about the… thing… I think I may have given it away when I said I was.. ugh.. sore… sorry..."
"Yeah. Whatever. Are you okay?"
"I-I should be asking you! Christ, you got shot!"
"Yeah, it hurts but I'm doing just fine. You and me need to really sit down and talk though."
"About what?"
"Don't pull that shit with me. You know what." He gestured to the boy's wrists, now covered in gauze. "It's fine if you're not ready yet. I'm sorry if I'm being a dick about it but… I like you… a lot. I'm worried."
The blonde sighed before speaking.
"I feel like I'm a burden. I'm paranoid and needy. I'm shaky, annoying, ugly, stupid, and fat and I didn't the point of making you put up with something like this. I was thinking about suicide… for years. This helped. It makes me feel…numb? You've been stuck with me ever since the town kinda matched us together. There's better people here… Like the girls… and Kenny… and Butters is probably gay I think… It's just all dumb."
"Dude. First off, your depression and anxiety are not dumb. Second, yeah, I am bi. But i love you. There isn't anyone I want to be with other than you… And I don't know if you'll believe me when I say this, but you're really not any of those things. Also I'm sorry what you've been dealing with brought you to that point. I know I can't cure what's going on in your head, but please let me try and make it less bad. Talk to me, please. If you think of doing something… text me. I don't care if it's two a.m. or maybe we got into a fight. Just please… Talk to me….
Also on another note, I kind of looked through your computer, found the lenny face folder, and also that… other one. I am very flattered you decided to keep that video of me." Tweek was pink and Craig was smirking.
"God that stuff is so embarrassing."
"It's hot. Everyone gets off on something… Glad it was my cute face that helped you."
"Pfft- perv." Tweek was giggling now, "I bet you must of enjoyed that video that bastard sent of me immensely."
"You know it… Kinda had to steal a sock." Their roles switched, the blonde now wore a cocky grin while Craig was the one who was red.
"Thank you… for… well everything… saving me and just being there. I hope I can repay you…"
"You already have, honey… wanna get out of here and you can repay me some more?" He winked with that.
"Gross…" the blonde laughed. "Maybe after they release you in a couple hours I'll consider it… Also the guys… they're so shaken up when you emote… They think you're some kind of rock or something."
"Yeah. Rock hard-"
"THEY DID DO THE SEX! I FUCKING TOLD YOU! I WANT MY FIVE DOLLARS, TOKEN!"
"FUCK YOU CLYDE! NOW THEY KNOW WE'RE HERE!" Token, despite his volume didn't exactly sound pissed. More sarcastic.
"THANKS FOR THE FIVE BUCKS GUYS!" Clyde yelled, running off.
"I still won bowling, anyways," Token murmured, peeking open the curtains to a flustered boy on a bed who looked like he was going to beat him to a pulp and a blonde with his face in his hands obviously trying not to faint.
Headcannons I have about South Park characters for future seasons
Token hosts most of the parties when the kids get older
Butters is actually bi and has an emotional breakdown when he's alone with Kenny
Kenny calls Butters 'Leo'
Butter's dad is abusive and has slept outside to avoid getting yelled at
Kenny was not happy about this and actually carried Butters to his house one time because it was cold as shit and he is a worried boy
Butters freaks out when he wakes up but Kenny offers him waffles and wraps him in his coat
He gets Butters to stay a couple nights
Kenny has piercings
Kenny does stick and poke tattoos. He has 2 currently
Kenny is pan
The two talk about people they find attractive
Stan steals his dad's beer
Kyle is the mom of his friends and hates it but has accepted his role
Tweek cuts and he covers it with makeup/sleeves/pants
Tweek doesn't take meds but his parents have tried to get him to many times
He vents through music/art
Craig has rainbow shit hidden in his room
Craig's dad buys him condoms
Tweek's dad buys Craig condoms
Craig was mortified by this and uses his massive stash as balloons, socks, and just to horrify his friends
Token builds robots and codes games in his free-time
Jimmy writes books
Clyde misses his mom
Clyde draws dicks on EVERYTHING
Clyde tried to eat a tide pod when his dad wasn't home and Kyle had to keep him from dying
This event helped spark Kyle's interest in medicine
The kids made bets onto when Craig will fuck his boyfriend
Cartman throws the two in a room and Tweek kick's cartman's ass Craig reminds them all that they're like 10
The two take the betting money and spend it on stuff for Stripe, coffee, and rainbow shit
Wendy attends marches and rallies and wants to be a political journalist
Bebe and Wendy are best friends
