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Always There
No one had spoken since Danny had silently led Matt away up to his office, 10 minutes ago but none of them left. Harriet couldn't stop shaking, she knew there was something terrible going on, she just didn't know what. She had never seen Matt like that before... she had never seen him lose control of his emotions. He had always been strong; he had always stayed in control. She hated seeing him like that...
Jordan couldn't work out what was happening. She thought it was all to do with Danny being ill, but after seeing what she just witnessed she knew it was something else.
She watched as Harriet slowly walked over to the place where Matt had dropped his box and slowly started putting all his stuff back inside. She picked up the photo frame, staring at the picture of her, Matt and Danny. Tears filled her eyes... why couldn't they be that happy again? Everything seemed so perfect back then. She knew it could never be like that again. Danny was dying and no matter how hard Matt tries to come to terms with it, he will never be the same person again, not without Danny. It broke her own heart thinking about how much pain he'd be in when he loses his best friend.
XxXxX
Danny was leaning against the edge of Matt's desk, just watching him. He was sat on the couch, his head bowed downwards, holding his jacket closed, tightly around him. From where Danny was he could he was shaking and he wasn't sure whether it was because he was cold, in shock or even some kind of side effect from the pills.
Neither of them had spoken since they walked into the office. Danny didn't know what to say to him. He was starting to wonder how Matt had coped 11 years ago when the roles were reversed.
He sighed and stood up straight, he walked over and sat next to him. Matt moved his head slightly to give him a sideward glance but didn't say anything.
"We're going to get you help, okay." Danny said quietly.
"I can't..." He whispered, shaking his head.
"Yes, you can... I know you can." Danny told him.
"I don't want help."
"But you need it, Matt."
"Why?" He turned to look at him properly, tears filled in his eyes. "What's the point?"
"Because if you carry on like this you'll end up killing yourself!"
Matt just stared at him for a moment before looking back at the floor.
"Tell me... tell me your not thinking about killing your..." He stopped - he couldn't finish the sentence. He waited for a few seconds but got no response. "Matt!"
"Just forget about it, okay?" Matt mumbled.
"I can't just forget about it!" He exclaimed. "God, Matt you really thought about it?"
He looked at him again and nodded slightly.
"When?"
He shrugged slightly. "I don't know."
"When?!"
"I don't know, Danny!" He raised his voice slightly. "Just lately with everything going on... I just..."
"You were just going to give up?!"
"You don't understand..." He whispered, turning away again.
"Then explain it to me, Matt..." He replied. "That's what I'm here for...That's what friends are for!"
"You have too much to worry about..."
"Oh stop it! I'm not dead yet!" He exclaimed, he noticed Matt flinch at the word 'yet' but he didn't stop. "I'm still here, Matt... I'll always be right here for you... like you were for me!"
"I though it would have been for the best." Matt answered. "Just for me to be out of the way. Then none of you had to worry about me."
"Do you know how many people you would have devastated if you went through with it??"
He shrugged again and didn't say anything.
"Why didn't you?" Danny questioned. "Why didn't you go through with it?"
"I was scared."
"Of dying?"
"Of failing." He said honestly. "If I survived...I wouldn't be able to deal with everyone knowing what I tried to do... I couldn't cope with being able to see how it effected people."
Danny looked at him for a moment, trying to take it all in. "When did it get this bad, Matt?"
"I don't know..." He whispered. "I never wanted it to go this far... I just... I couldn't stop it."
"You should have talked to me... It might have helped."
"I know but there was all this stuff with Harriet...I told you, I could handle it... and then...then the writers left and I had so much work to do... I didn't feel funny... and being funny is the only thing I'm good at... What else did I have?"
"You had me!"
He shook his head. "You need to be with Jordan... especially with everything that is happening."
"Matt, you and I have been best friends for years and years... you're like a brother to me... I'm always going to be here for you no matter what's going on in my life." He told him.
"I didn't want to worry you."
"I know but it's okay, now..." Danny assured him. "It will all be okay."
Matt nodded slightly and sat back against the couch. Danny watched him, seeing him slowly start to relax. Talking about it all obviously helped. After a few minutes, Danny noticed that Matt had actually fallen asleep. He pulled his own jacket off and covered Matt with it before heading for the door.
Danny was surprised when he reached his own office to see, Jordan, Harriet, Cal, Tom, Simon and Jeannie waiting for him.
"What are you all doing here?" He asked.
"We wanted to see how Matt is." Tom told him.
"He's fine."
"Danny."
He sighed and looked at them. "I'm dealing with it."
"You can't, not on your own." Harriet spoke. "We... I want to help."
"I don't know whether that's a good idea."
"Danny, please..." She whispered.
He sighed again and looked around the room. "Why? After the way he's been acting, why do you want to help?"
"You said, that he tried to piss us off so we'd let him go." Jeannie started. "He must have thought he was trying to protect us from something...So, why wouldn't we want to help him?"
"You all feel like this?" Danny asked.
"Yeah…" Tom nodded.
"I've known you guys for years..." Cal shrugged. "I want to help any way I can."
"Me too." Simon added.
"This can't get out... If I find out that someone here has spoken to anyone else about this, then they'll have me to deal with!"
"We get the point." Jordan cut in. "Just tell us what is going on."
"Oh, no... Not you."
"Excuse me?"
"I can't tell you, you're the network president!"
"Danny!"
"Jordan, I can't risk it." He shook his head.
"I won't say anything!" She claimed. "I want to help Matt."
"I know but if any of this got out and they found out you knew, you could lose your job!"
"I don't care... Just let me help, please."
"I don't know."
"I'm not leaving!"
He sighed. "Okay fine."
"Thank you."
"Okay, well… Matt... he... he had a lot to deal with lately." He started. "It... It's all sort of gotten on top of him and... and he's made some mistakes."
"What sort of mistakes?" Harriet asked.
"He's... he's still taking the painkillers..."
"For his back? I didn't take it for this long after I had the operation..." Simon frowned, confused before it suddenly hit him what Danny was trying to say. "Oh."
"No, he can't be... he wouldn't..." Harriet stuttered. "It must be his back... that must be the reason. Maybe he should just go back and see his doctor..."
"Harri." Danny cut her off and when she looked at him, he shook his head slightly telling her she was wrong.
"He wouldn't Danny, after everything he saw you go through..."
"It doesn't work like that." Danny told her. "He started taking it for his back...it probably made him forget about everything that was happening so he didn't stop taking them..."
"But... I don't understand..."
"He's depressed, Harriet... He's giving up on himself, and he thought it would be best for everyone else to as well but I'm not going to let that happen... I'm not giving up on him. I'm going to help him get through this!"
She nodded slightly, stepping back, deep in thought. She couldn't believe this was happening.
"What happens now?" Jordan asked.
"I know a place where I can take him." Danny replied.
"And the show?" Tom asked. "People are going to wonder where he's gone."
"Plus, he writes the majority of it." Simon asked. "What are we going to do about that? We can't leave it up to Andy, Lucy and Darius."
"I don't know... I haven't thought that far ahead."
"We can go on hiatus early." Jordan suggested.
"What?"
"It'll be fine, I'll talk to Jack, and he won't need to know the reason behind it."
"But he would want to know."
"He suggested that we took earlier hiatus when he found out about you being ill." Jordan told him. "If anything, he'll just assume it's to do with that."
"I guess that could work but I still don't want the press finding out about me... not yet."
"They won't."
"We can't just take the show off the air without any explication." Cal claimed. "What about the fans?"
"We'll work out an excuse later." Jordan told him. "Lets just get Matt sorted first."
"Sounds good to me." Simon said.
"Yeah." Tom and Jeannie nodded.
"Okay, lets do it." Danny agreed.
"I'll call Jack." Jordan pulled out her cell.
Danny watched her and she put the phone to her ear, she looked across at him and smiled slightly. He returned the smile and mouthed 'thank you.'
