Chapter 7 – Magnets
We wanted to get as many miles between us and that truck stop as possible, so Edward kept driving for the rest of the early morning, until it was pretty much lunch time. All the while, I kept my hand securely on his, over the center console. We weren't exactly holding hands, but I needed to keep in physical contact with him, just to feel safe after that traumatic event we had just experienced. He didn't seem to mind, in fact, I almost thought he liked the contact as much as I did.
"Okay, time for a break," Edward finally said with a yawn, before parking in front of an old fashion looking store.
"What is this place?" I asked confused. My legs felt stiff from the hours in the car, so I was grateful to get out and stretch for a bit, but my stomach was growling like crazy, and I was hoping we'd be able to get some real food instead of just specialty store junk.
"This is Cracker Barrel," Edward told me while gesturing to the big sign on the building. "My dad took my family to one of these when we went on that trip to New York a few years ago."
"Oh… do they have… chips?" I asked, trying to stay positive about it.
He laughed. "Maybe. Come on, let's go get some food."
Still feeling the need to keep connected to him, I grabbed onto his arm and held on tightly as he led me into the store. Once inside, I was pleasantly surprised that not only was it a cool little store, but it was also a restaurant that served real hearty meals.
"Wow, this is so good," I moaned as I dug into my plate. It was exactly what I wanted, and probably some of the best food I had ever tasted; then again, with how hungry I was, anything at the moment probably would have been the best thing I ever tasted.
I sat besides Edward in the booth, and pretty much crowded him the entire time. I left no space between us, and made sure my shoulder was securely in his armpit. At one point, he shifted slightly away from me, but I just closed the small space by scooting even tighter to his side. He moved, I moved; we were like magnets, in the best possible way.
Neither of us commented on our sudden closeness. I figured he must have just understood how much I needed that contact, and I was grateful. It almost felt like we were each the force holding the other together at that point. It was a new, but familiar and magically wonderful feeling.
We had a connection that went beyond physicality; I had never felt closer to any other human being in my life than I felt to Edward that day. Whatever bond we had as little kids was fully restored, and even grew and strengthened in such a short amount of time. In a weird strange way, I was almost grateful for that horrifying incident with the trucker, because it certainly seemed to solidify the restoration of our beautiful relationship. It honestly felt like I had a piece of myself back that had been missing for so long. I knew without a doubt it was a friendship I'd never allow to disappear again.
We spent our lunch playfully stealing food off of each other's plates, and then sharing a dessert. After Edward paid our bill, we took some time to browse the little store, before getting back on the road.
We drove until exhaustion wouldn't allow us to continue, and then we decided to spend the night in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
"This should be safer, right?" I asked unsure.
"As long as we keep the doors locked," he replied with a scolding undertone.
"I promise I will not get out of this car unless you're with me," I said assuredly. "And since you're with me, let's go inside and get provisions for the night."
We walked into the store, bought some more snacks and used the restroom, and then hurried back to the car and locked all the doors. Of course, the moment we were shut into that small confined space again, I suddenly caught a whiff of an unpleasant odor.
"I think I'm smelling pretty ripe by now," I said sheepishly, realizing the stench was my own BO. It was rather embarrassing, but I figured it was better to make light of it then to just force Edward to suffer in silence. At least if we acknowledged it right away, we could crack the windows or something.
"I'm sure you smell better than I do," Edward said with a laugh.
I smiled. "Let me see," I said playfully, and then practically crawled into his lap so I could smell him. "Oh yeah, definitely in need of a shower," I lied. The truth was, I actually thought he smelled amazing. Weirdly enough, there was something about his particular natural body aroma that I had always enjoyed. It almost smelled like home, in a way, and it always brought back a flood of amazing memories from when we were young. If he never showered again, I'd just happily marinate in his smell forever. Of course, I'd never admit that out loud or he'd probably call me insane.
I had a strong urge to stay seated on his lap, but I figured it would get weird after a minute, so I reluctantly crawled back to my seat.
"Maybe we should get a room for tomorrow night. Just so we can shower and get a good night's sleep," Edward suggested.
"I thought you couldn't get a hotel without a credit card?" I questioned.
"Most you can't, but I'm sure we can find a little shady place that allows it. You know, the kind bums frequent when they find enough cash."
"Wow… sounds lovely."
Edward sighed. "I'm sorry. Without a credit card, I'm not sure what else we can do."
I smiled at him. "Its okay. As long as we're together, I'm sure it'll be fine."
I reached over and grabbed his hand, and held it tightly until I drifted off to sleep. By morning, I was pleasantly surprised that our hands never came unlinked in the night, and even more surprised by the fact that they were in a rather intimate area of my lap. Edward was twisted rather awkwardly in his chair in order to keep his arm stretched all the way to me, and he was clearly still asleep and unaware of his hand's compromising position. I, on the other hand, was all too aware, and I couldn't help but stare at it.
I had no idea what was running through my mind, or how I felt while looking at our joined hands in that way, but suddenly my heart began to race.
Without consciously intending to do so, I found myself, ever so carefully, rolling my wrist over, so that his knuckles were pressed against the fabric between my thighs. I applied the tiniest bit of added pressure to force his skin to go into me just a little more deeper, and suddenly my entire body stiffened in a strange sensation I never felt before. I started gently rolling his knuckle into me, over and over, until my entire body was devoured with heat, my breathing spiked, and my stomach twisted. I wanted so much more of him, but then I abruptly realized what I was doing.
"What the hell, Bella?" I whispered to myself. A wave of horrifying guilt washed over me, as I considered the fact that I was practically forcing him to do something against his will, without him even knowing it. Did that make me some kind of sick pervert? The very fact that I had any kind of sexual impulse for him at all shocked me. Sure, he was probably my favorite person in the world again, and the most beautiful human being I had ever seen, but he was also Edward. I just didn't understand any of it, and I was suddenly worried that I was an abusive predator on top of it all. What kind of person forces a sleeping guy to touch her? A family member, none the less. I really wasn't any better than that evil trucker who attacked me, and I was thoroughly repulsed with myself.
I spent the next hour or so worrying about what kind of monster I had become, when Edward finally began to stir. A big part of me wanted to confess what I did, but I was too much of a coward and kept it locked inside. I only hoped I found some strength to control myself from then on out.
"Are you okay?" he asked me groggily.
"What? Why?" I asked confused, and increasingly more paranoid. Why would he ask if I was ok? Did he know something?
"You look a little green," Edward said, suddenly becoming concerned. He sat up and felt my forehead to see if I had a fever.
"I'm fine!" I snapped at him unexpectedly. I didn't mean to use that tone, so I sighed. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.
"Its okay," he assured me softly. "Come on, let's go in the store and use the bathroom, and grab something for breakfast."
He got out first, and walked around the car to open the door for me. Once I got out, Edward actually held out his hand, and waited for me to grab ahold of it like I did the entire day before, however I refused. I couldn't even look at his hand without thinking about what he didn't know that I forced him to do. Even worse than the guilt, I kept having a throbbing ache between my thighs every time I thought about it. What the hell was wrong with me?
When it was obvious that I wasn't going to take his hand, he almost looked disappointed, but he didn't express it verbally; he just dropped his hand, and lead the way to the store without any physical contact.
After using the restroom again, we browsed the aisles, and I struggled with my yearning to reach out and touch him the entire time. Our inner magnets wanted to collide, and it was so hard to resist. But fighting that desire that intensely left me feeling bitter and angry, and unfortunately, Edward noticed.
"Okay, why are you so upset this morning?" he asked as we got back into the car.
I choked back my self-loathing long enough to force out a smile. "I'm not."
"You're getting burned out, aren't you?" he assumed.
I shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just… grumpy," I admitted reluctantly. It was only a partial truth, but that was all I could give him at the moment. "I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon."
"No big deal. We've been on the road for a long time. It's normal to get irritated with everything."
I nodded in agreement, although I couldn't disagree with him more. Nothing about him irritated me anymore, and I doubted he ever would again. I wasn't irritated with him, or our time together, or anything about our trip whatsoever. The only irritation that existed in my life at that exact moment was in a direct result of my newfound confusing desires for him.
We headed back onto the highway, but a few hours of heavy awkwardness later, Edward was taking a seemingly random exit.
"Where are you going?" I asked confused.
"Didn't you see that sign back there? It said to go this way for the world's largest ball of yarn. I don't know about you, but I really need to see that."
"What?" I asked with a laugh despite myself.
"Look, we will probably never be out on the road like this again, at least not the two of us together. We're probably both moving away from home this summer, so…" He shrugged. "Let's take advantage of this time, and try to have some fun."
I smiled at him, and somehow immediately felt better. I knew what I had done was wrong, but there was no point in dwelling on it. Spending that time alone with Edward, and fully mending our relationship, was so incredibly special that I decided to not waste it. I could always save my guilty self-loathing for later.
"Wow," I said as we stood outside and needed to stretch our heads all the way back to see the top of the giant ball of yarn.
"That could make a lot of scarfs," Edward deadpanned, which pretty much made me spit with laughter.
"Don't make fun of me!" I tried to say as my belly laugh took over.
"Hey, I still have the scarf you made me," he said surprisingly.
"Yeah right," I replied in disbelief. When we were ten, I had started learning how to knit. I was horrible at it, but made atrocious scratchy scarfs for every member of our family. Everyone was pretty much grateful when I had run out of yarn and couldn't make any more, thus ending my scarf making phase. The fact that Edward even joked about still having his scarf was hilarious, and incredibly sweet.
"I heard those people over there talking about visiting the world's biggest bowling ball a couple hours away from here. You wanna go?" he asked after a few minutes.
I scrunched my face at him.
"Oh, come on! When else will we get the chance to see the world's biggest bowling ball?"
I smiled and shook my head. "If it means that much to you, let's go."
He smiled like a kid on Christmas morning, and then he approached the people to ask them exactly where the bowling ball was located. He wrote down directions, and then we drove two hours out of our way to go see it.
From there, we learned of two more record breaking landmarks within a four hour radius, and spent the rest of the day touring around and acting like we didn't have anywhere to be or a care in the world. It definitely prolonged our trip at least a day, but neither of us cared. We were discovering middle America, and discovering ourselves along the way. I knew all the experiences we were sharing would mold our lives in ways nothing else ever could, and I truly felt privileged to get that opportunity to do it along side Edward.
It got late once again, so we had to stop at three different scuzzy motels before we could find one that would accept cash only, and then we settled in for the night.
I only hoped being in that tiny dirty room, and sharing that gross lumpy bed, didn't threaten my fragile self-control that I was desperately clinging to. I would keep my hands to myself. I had to…
…
***A/N: It is not lost on me that if the situation was reversed and Edward was the one touching Bella in her sleep, it would sound much more creepy. I do not believe in double standards, so I'm not excusing it in any way shape or form. Please don't send me hate mail for it. I promise, she will confess. Lol.
** Any thoughts or words are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
