BTW, I do not own these songs, or Twilight (sigh).

The Shower Incident

(Emmett POV)

It was not unusual for us to have a shower randomly, even though we were vampires. Normally I only had one because Esme and Rosalie were threatening me. However, today was very different. I was so bored I actually did something to improve my personal hygiene. I told you today was different. I took a shower. I began to wonder about humans and showering, and what that must be like, having to shower for a reason other than being kicked out of the house, skinned alive, or the threat of being hosed down in the driveway. I sighed. Edward had gleefully carried out the last threat a few months before we had moved down to Forks. I shuddered at the memory, but also congratulated his tactics. You didn't see it coming, it was weird and embarrassing on so many levels, and it caused many laughs. At least from them, for about a month nonstop. But I do laugh now. Well, I guess I will soon. But it really wasn't that funny.

People were confusing. For instance, they all refused to sing when I wanted to, but in the shower, they sing down the house! I remembered recording each and everyone one of them singing one month. That was a sweet summer. I'd never seen them so embarrassed! Of course, I had told them all individually, so it was all between them and me. Their shower singing was hilarious though, and they seemed to enjoy it greatly. I considered that. Singing. Was singing the key to personal hygiene? I had never sung in the shower, but they all did. And they always complained about how dirty I was. Although, that sometimes was because I told really awesome jokes totally out of context. I thought about their songs. There was no way on the planet I was singing Carlisle's God Save the Queen song; it was too lame for words.

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us,

God Save the Queen

Nevertheless, recorded very nicely, with his funny British accent. Esme sang Mamma Mia, which was totally hilarious when I played it back for her that night.

Mamma Mia!

Here I go again!

My, my,

How can I resist you?

She totally screamed! And that ruled out singing Alice's Halo as well. Alice threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone. Poor Jasper, having Alice singing that every damn day. I hummed a few lines of it.

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

Totally, Jasper related. His hair looked like a halo. Too bad, the only thing ever written all over his face was total utter pain. Speaking of Jasper, there was no hope of me singing his song. Who wants to sing Caisson Song, anyway?

Over hill over dale we have hit the dusty trail

As our caissons go rolling along.

Up and down, in and out, Countermarch and right about,

And our caissons go rolling along.

God, Jasper is so… Jasper. Who else sings army songs in the shower, for crying out loud? He'd caught me recording him, I was laughing so damned hard. I snickered. And Edward. Edward! Edward is totally uncool. He just hums along to Beethoven, and sings I Miss You.

Don't waste your time on me you're already

The voice inside my head, I miss you, I miss you

Don't waste your time on me you're already

The voice inside my head, I miss you, I miss you

Whom exactly does he miss? His mommy? Who left him that he insists on singing about it every night? What is his problem anyway? He doesn't have any girl to miss. Not like me. I have my Rosie. Pretty Rosalie. Nice voice too. But why would I sing Like Other Girls? If I wanted to be like other girls this would be a totally different lifestyle.

I wanna be like other girls

I wanna see what other girls see

Just to be free like other girls

Get to be!

She knew I knew before I told her I knew, if that made any sense at all. Still. Poor Rose. I would like to see one of those other girls be as damned hot as her. And I've tried to tell her, but she just throws shoes at me. That inspired me for my very own shower song!

"Take a breath, I pulled myself together,

Just another stair until I reach the door," Huh. This wasn't too bad. I don't even feel like a moron! I sound good! I sang louder.

"You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away!" Hell yeah! If they could see me now, they would totally… well, they'd laugh their head offs, but they would hear how awesome my singing was!

"Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there's some many things that I want you to know

I won't give up til it's over

If it takes you forever I want you to know-," I stopped as the door opened. Rosalie stepped inside, and looked at me. I grinned sheepishly. Edward can read people's minds, but Rosalie reads my face faster than he ever could. Her eyes widened, then she smiled.

"I would hug you," I offered. She opened the shower door, and threw her arms around me.
"Yeah, I love you Rosie," I said, and kissed her wet hair.

"Keep singing, Emmett. You have a lovely voice," Rosalie said. I shrugged modestly.

"If you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground

If you lose, faith in you I'll give you strength to pull through

Tell me you won't give up, 'cause I'll be waitingop

If you fall, I'll be there for you," The door opened again, this time with Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, and Edward springing into the bathroom. I screamed.

"Rose, Emmett, gross!" Edward yelled.

"I cannot shower in peace!" I howled.

"Then stop singing!" Alice screamed.

"You all sing in the shower!" I shouted back. There was a horrible silence. Oh no. Edward tried to blend into the wall, but Jasper caught him.

"You sing in the shower!" he cackled.

"So do you!" Edward snarled back.

"I-I-I-" Carlisle stuttered. Esme giggled.

"I think your singing is adorable!" she said. Carlisle turned to her in horror.

"You've heard?" he exclaimed in panic.

"I would really like to continue this discussion. Can it wait until I'm wearing pants?" I asked. Edward threw a towel at me. I shut off the water and wrapped the towel around my waist, and left them all arguing, defending, and generally being embarrassed.

"Why don't you ever sing for me, Jasper?" Alice demanded.

"I can't believe you heard me singing!" Carlisle cried, ashamed.

"What the hell is wrong with him? Well?" Edward yelled.

"I don't know any good songs! What do you sing?" Jasper asked desperately.

"Your singing is a so sweet! Your little accent…" Esme said giggling.

"Emmett is crazy, C-R-A-Z-Y, I say!" Edward hollered over the people.

"Sweet? Sweet! Did you hear what I was singing?" Carlisle asked fearfully.

"I-I-I-I-I-I'm allergic to singing!" Alice cried, totally mortified.

I sauntered out with Rosalie, with as much dignity as a half-naked man who had just been caught singing in the shower can muster.