Title: Fallen
Author: Lazalot_Anreads
Beta: None
Characters/Pairings: Bella/Jacob
Rating: NC-17
Challenge: None
Summary: Bella is just starting to heal when she is raped, beaten, and left for dead on the side of the road near the reservation. Jacob finds her.
Notes: Rape, New Moon AU
Chapter 007
Entry 003 - Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Jacob must have been even more tired than I thought. I woke up ten minutes ago and he didn't even move when I climbed out of bed to go to the bathroom. His exhaustion isn't just from working on the master bath with Embry yesterday, either. This entire situation has really taken its toll on him.
In a few minutes I'm going to go cook his favorite breakfast and bring it to him in bed, like he and Embry did for me yesterday. Then I'm going to give him a massage and hopefully put him back to sleep. He deserves a day off from this mess.
Tomorrow, though, I'm going to have to ruin all of my hard work. I need to go to the nearest free clinic and get tested, and then possibly take the morning after pill if it's not too late. I'm not too sure I could actually do that, though, no matter what people say about an embryo not actually being a baby. It's still the POTENTIAL for a baby, and the thought of murdering even the potential of a child makes me sick.
But what the hell would I do with a baby? I'm only nineteen, I'm broke, and I don't even know anymore if I'm single or not. Does being Jacob's Chosen make me his girlfriend? I don't know, and I probably don't have the guts to ask. Even if it DOES make me his girlfriend, he's only seventeen himself and not any more ready to be a father than I am to be a mother. Also, what man wants to raise another man's child, especially when that other man is a rapist?
I'm getting ahead of myself, though. I don't even know if I've conceived or if I'm going to take the morning after pill or not. I guess maybe I should talk about that with Jacob. After everything he's done for me, he deserves to have his say.
God, if I am pregnant, just please don't make him leave me.
"Oh, Jacob," Bella sung, setting the breakfast tray on her side of the bed, "wake up. It's time for breakfast and I made your favorite, blueberry pancakes with sausage AND bacon."
Jacob opened his eyes and looked at her, then at the breakfast tray. A huge smile crossed his face and he sat up, pulling the tray into his lap and starting to eat. "Thanks, Bells, this is great!"
When he'd finished, she took the tray back to the kitchen and put the dirty dishes in the sink to wash later. Then she went back to the bedroom, but Jacob was gone. Realizing that he must have gone to the bathroom to wash up, she sat down on the edge of the bed to wait for him.
Jacob smiled when he saw her. "Thanks again for breakfast, Bells. That was really nice of you." He started rummaging through the dresser drawers for something to wear.
"Wait a minute," Bella said, pulling him away from the dresser and to the bed, "I want to give you a massage. Lay down on your stomach."
He just looked at her, not moving. "You don't have to do that, baby."
Bella rolled her eyes, shoving him hard and catching him off guard. He fell onto his back on the bed. "I KNOW I don't HAVE to. I WANT to. Now, roll over."
This time he did as he was told. "What brought all this on, if you don't mind me asking? The shower last night, breakfast in bed, and now a massage? By the way, I'm sorry about the shower thing. I was REALLY out of it last night or I would have realized that you can shower by yourself now that you're healed. Why DIDN'T you shower by yourself?"
After retrieving the lotion from Jacob's duffel bag, Bella climbed onto the bed and straddled him, sitting on his butt. She poured some lotion into her palm and rubbed her hands together to warm it before putting her hands on the small of his back, just above the waistband of his boxers. "I want to take care of you like you take care of me."
Jacob didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything. He just moaned as her clever fingers found and vanquished every knot in his muscles. By the time she was done, he was asleep again, just like she'd hoped he would be. Smiling to herself, she climbed off of him and went to wash her hands.
She ended up helping Embry study after all. He was having trouble getting through Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, so Bella decided to help him act it out. They split the list of characters down the middle, and then she got two different colored highlighters - pink and yellow - and highlighted both his and Jacob's copies of the play. That way they knew whose lines were whose. Once that was done, they had a BLAST acting out the play.
Jacob resurfaced at about noon, when they were in the middle of committing suicide. He looked at Bella, who was laying on the couch with her eyes closed trying not to giggle at Embry's dramatic acting, and had to grin. Embry saw him and stopped immediately, blushing a little bit. Jacob laughed.
Bella opened her eyes and got up, blushing and laughing at herself and Embry. "Hey, Jacob. Sleep well?"
Jacob pulled her into a tight hug. "I slept GREAT, thanks to you. I'd actually probably STILL be sleeping if my stomach hadn't woke me up." As if to illustrate his point, his stomach growled.
Bella laughed and pulled away, heading for the kitchen. "Why don't you help Embry clean up our mess while I fix us some sandwiches?"
"Sure, sure," Jacob replied easily.
Entry 004 - Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I sent Jacob off with Embry to work on the master bathroom some more because I needed some time to myself to write. All day I've been thinking about the possibility that I'm pregnant. I did some calculating in my head, and it turns out that the night I was raped was the night I was most likely to get pregnant. I'm almost positive now that I have conceived.
Tonight, after our shower, I'm going to talk to Jacob about it. I know he'll comfort me, and he'll probably say just the right thing to make me feel better, but that's only part of the reason I'm going to bring the subject up. I'm also hoping he'll let something slip that will tell me whether or not he's going to leave me if I do turn out to be pregnant.
For some reason, I NEED to know what he's going to do before I make any decisions. I think it's because a small part of me is hoping that he'll stay with me even if I am pregnant with my rapist's child. Pathetic, I know, but I can't help the way I feel.
I just want him to stay with me. PLEASE, God, let him stay with me!
Jacob came back to their room an hour earlier than he had the night before and just stood there, feeling more than a little awkward. Bella closed the book she was reading - one of the books on rape that Embry had borrowed from the library - and smiled at him.
"I just, uh …" He scratched the back of his neck nervously, then blurted out, "Are we going shower together again tonight?"
The smile dropped off of Bella's face. "Why? Do you not WANT to?"
"Of course I WANT to!" Jacob rolled his eyes at the ridiculous question. "But we don't NEED to anymore, so I thought maybe you'd want to start taking separate showers."
"Well, I want to, too. I like the way you wash me, and I like washing you. It just feels GOOD, you know?" Bella blushed at her own words, but she was just being honest. Showering with Jacob DID feel good - DAMN good. It felt like love.
Jacob grinned happily at her. "Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Shall we?" She took his arm and he led her to the bathroom.
They stripped facing each other, admiring each other's bodies. Bella still had a faint blush on her face, but she wasn't at all uncomfortable. Just the opposite, in fact. Even when Jacob began to harden under her intense gaze, she remained totally at ease. She knew that her Jacob would never even DREAM of hurting her.
They got in the shower and this time Bella picked up the shampoo first. She lathered Jacob's hair good, massaging his head and making him moan as she did. Then she told him to rinse and began to wash him slowly and with infinite care. She washed every part of him, even his erection, which made them both blush. Then he returned the favor, being as tender with Bella as she had been with him.
Once they were dry and dressed, they took turns brushing their teeth before going back to their bedroom. She waited until they were settled in bed in their favorite position - Jacob spooning Bella - to bring up the topic that had been haunting her all day.
"Jacob," she said bluntly, "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."
She felt him tense behind her. "It's only been four days, Bells. You can't POSSIBLY know. So why say something like that?"
"I did some calculating. The night I was raped was my most fertile day of the month." Bella took a deep, shaky breath. In a small voice, she asked, "Are you going to leave me now?"
Jacob sat up and turned on the bedside light, then picked Bella up and sat her in his lap. He looked her directly in the eye. "I will NEVER leave you. I will ALWAYS be here. You could have ten babies for all I care - I still wouldn't leave your side."
Bella believed him. Throwing her arms around his neck, she let out a HUGE sigh of relief. "THANK YOU! You have no idea how much it means to me that you would stay with me even though I'm pregnant with my rapist's kid."
Jacob hugged her back, but he was frowning. "Baby, you might not even BE pregnant. You're no doctor - you can't know for SURE. So let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay?"
"Okay," Bella agreed. She knew he was right. "So, hey, I was wondering …" She trailed off, blushing.
"Yeah?" He pulled away to look at her, raising an eyebrow when he saw her blush. "What were you wondering?"
"I was wondering when you're going to kiss me again." Bella bit her lip nervously.
Jacob's eyes darkened and he eyed her lips hungrily, but then he shook his head. "I don't think that's the best idea, baby."
"Why not?" Bella demanded. "You didn't have a problem kissing me the night before last!"
"The night before last, you still looked like somebody's punching bag!" Jacob blurted. His cheeks were red and he wouldn't meet her gaze.
Bella stared at him. "What does THAT have to do with anything?"
"When you looked like that, abused, I couldn't …" He trailed off. There was an awkward pause and then he decided to just be blunt. "When you looked like you did Sunday night, I couldn't get hard. But now that you're all healed up … well, I wouldn't be able to help it. I just don't want to put you in that position."
Bella understood where he was coming from, but it changed nothing. "I still want you to kiss me. I don't care if you get hard."
"Not tonight, Bella," Jacob said firmly. He was sure he was doing the right thing. Despite what had happened Sunday night, he knew she couldn't possibly be ready for that kind of intimacy yet.
Something closed down in Bella's eyes and she got up out of his lap, grabbing her pillow. "I'm going to sleep on the couch. DON'T follow me."
Jacob sat in the same spot for a long time before finally laying down. He wasn't so sure he knew what the right thing for Bella was anymore.
