Well, after more hard work and trying to find free time, I've completed yet another segment. Once again, thanks for all those that have reviewed and placed this story on their favorites list. Hope you will enjoy.
For one of the games, there were a couple of line borrowed from JonJ's story "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Love Hina Edition" b/c I thought they would be funny in my version of the game too. Those lines will be marked with a "+", so that you will know he deserves credit for those and not me.
Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA. Sucks, I know, but I can only play the cards that Life has dealt me.
Now, on with the show!
Drew: Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition", where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yep, just like Casey's morning breath, it doesn't matter.
Derek: But her nagging does! (guys laugh)
Ryan: Hey, where did Clive go?
Drew: He'll be back out when we reveal ourselves to Derek's family. Now, let's get back to business with another game. Believe it or not, we have a game on "Whose Line" called "Whose Line", and this will be for all four of you. Before the show, we had the audience to write down different things and one of the things we asked them to write were random lines that the guys can insert into the scene. During the scene, they will yank out these lines and read them. (guys come up to get their lines) Sam, you can go and join in, but we don't have enough lines fixed up for you to have any.
Ryan: You can have a couple of mine (gives some slips to Sam).
Sam: Thanks, Ryan. This is gonna be great.
Drew: Now, there's no plot to this game, just make conversation with the family. Colin and Ryan, don't forget that you are still theater professors.
Colin: Got it.
Sam/Derek: Let's go!
(back at the M/V house, in the dining room)
Casey: That whole car talk was just weird.
George: Hopefully, they'll be back in here soon so that we can get all of this straightened out.
Nora: I hope so. This is starting to get out of hand.
Edwin: Maybe I can learn about some of their material. This would be great in my next comedy routine at Smelly Nellie's.
Everyone (minus Marti): EDWIN!
Edwin: What?
(just then, the guys walk through the front door and enter the room)
Derek: Hey everyone.
Marti: Smerek! You're back! (runs up to hug Derek)
Derek: I couldn't leave for too long. I still haven't ran Casey off yet.
Casey: DER-EK!
Colin: I must say, it's been great to get to come here and hang out with Derek. It's been a while since we've had the chance to get together, and getting to enjoy the presence of a prospective student's family is a plus.
George: Really? I figured you see each other on a daily basis.
Ryan: Well, Colin and I see each other regularly since we work at the university, but having Wayne to visit is a rare occurrence these days.
Casey: So, how often do you visit prospective students?
Colin: Very seldom. But when we saw what Derek sent in, I found Ryan and told him (pulls out a slip of paper) "The British are coming, the British are coming!" With all those guys aggravating us, we just had to come here.
Lizzie: You guys are weird.
Derek: Well, when they said that they wanted to come visit, I just couldn't resist the opportunity to show them what to expect.
Edwin: Normally, that would run most people off.
Casey: As we can see, these guys aren't "most people" – (muttering) or normal, for that matter.
Nora (star-struck): I-I-I didn't know that you guys know Wayne Brady.
George (noticing Nora's actions): Nora.
Nora: What?
(George and Nora start whispering and motioning at each other. It gives the indication of "we'll finish this later")
Ryan: Well, Colin and I first met in the late '80s while we were doing comedy in Toronto.
Colin: Remember when we first met?
Ryan: Sure do. I saw you and said (pulls out slip) "Around here is where it's been giving me problems"+.
Colin: That's right – you confused me for a proctologist.
Marti: What's a proctologist?
Casey: I'll tell you later – and when I do, you'll probably won't dream of being a doctor.
Derek: Casey, Casey – you aren't supposed to kill the dreams of the young ones. Otherwise, the only thing they'll have to look forward to is the sound of people yelling (pulls out a slip) "Hey, who wants to play 'Drink the Beer'?!"
Casey: What does that have to do with anything?
Derek: Well, you don't want them to be a bunch of drunken bums on the street do you? Geez, you really are an idiot.
George: Derek, not now.
Nora: Back to the current question.
Ryan: Oh yes. Well, after a few years of doing comedy in Toronto, Colin and I joined the cast of a television show in England. About 1997 or 1998, Wayne joined the show.
Wayne: The first time I saw them, I remember Ryan saying to me (pulling out a slip) "I had no idea you were inflatable." (starts chuckling)
Lizzie: What?
Wayne: We were at a hotel pool. He thought I was an rubber float.
Lizzie (skeptical): Okay.
Nora: Earlier, you two were acting like spies (points to Colin and Ryan).
Derek (acting shocked): You mean they found out about that?
Colin: Yes, Ryan and I did work as spies briefly – didn't get to participate in any major missions.
Casey (sarcastically): I wonder why.
Ryan: Well, jealousy mostly.
Colin: But to this day, Ryan and I still live by their motto (pulls out another slip) "Why are you dressed like a French maid?"
M/V Family (minus Derek): WHAT?!
Colin: Ryan didn't have any decency whatsoever! Didn't you have any shame, man?!
Ryan: Well they were expecting us to be wearing spy outfits and carrying guns, but who was expecting this? (begins strutting like he was a maid in high heels. Drew, Colin, Derek, and Sam burst out laughing)
Casey: That's five years worth of therapy right there.
Sam: Hey Derek, remember when we went to Colin and Ryan's show at the University?
Edwin: Wait, you two went to a theater show?
Derek: It was a double date.
Sam: We went to see Colin and Ryan's great rendition of (pulling out a slip of paper) "How Does Food Become Poo?" (struggles to resist the urge to laugh) It was a medical play.
Nora (looking disgusted): How…interesting.
Ryan: I remember the famous line from that play (looks at a slip of paper) "Stand back, this baby's gonna blow!"
Lizzie/Casey: Ew, ew, ew, ew…
Marti: What does that mean?
Ryan: You really don't want to know.
Derek: Yeah, it was exactly as it sounded. Our dates were disgusted, but Sam and I laughed our asses off.
Casey: Typical.
George (changing the subject): Well, since you think that Derek has a shot of making into college, what's some advice that you have for him.
Colin: Well, the one piece of advice I give to my performers the most is (pulls out a slip, then sighs) "Have no fear, Captain Hair is here!"+
(Guys and Drew break out laughing. Everyone else looks at him weird)
Colin: Then after I receive look like that, I yell out "Dude, I HAVE NO HAIR!"+
(Drew, Ryan, and Wayne bust out into hysterics. Derek and Sam -somehow- are barely able to keep control of their laughter)
Casey: What's with these slips of paper?
Derek: They are to remind us (pulling out a slip) "Boy, I'm still hammered from last night." (Casey and George give him the evil eye) All we did we was get drunk and grope girls last night at that party.
Casey: Der-ek!
Ryan: Please, please, he was just kidding. Actually, they're to remind us to (pulls out one) "Hold me close and call me Ginger."
Marti (runs up and hugs Ryan's leg): Okay Ginger! (this actually generates a laugh from the MacDonald/Venturi family, as well as the guys)
Sam: Leave it to Marti to pull off something like that. By the way (pulls out a slip) "You should've seen what Casey did to herself with Derek's hockey stick." (falls in hysterics)
Casey: SAM! How could you say that?! I wouldn't do anything like that in a million years!
Derek: How can we be sure?
Casey (angrily): Why you …? (starts walking toward Derek)
Derek: Wait, before you kill me, I just want to say (pulls out a slip) "When are you going to admit to being a lesbian?"+ (Casey pauses, with a look of horror on her face. Derek starts laughing)
M/V Family: WHAT?!
Derek (laughing): Wait, what I meant to say was (reading another slip) "what's with the leather chaps?" I saw you walking around the house the other night with nothing but those chaps on and didn't get the chance to ask…?
Casey: Derek, I did no such thing! You should know better than that!
Nora: And were you implying that my daughter is a lesbian?!
Derek: Of course not. I was asking Ryan when he was going to admit to it.
Ryan: Of course I love women! (points to the wedding ring on his hand)
Wayne: Hey, hey, hey. Let's just calm down, relax, and (pulls out a slip of paper) "get naked and do the happy dance!"
Edwin: Sounds like a plan to me (acts like he's about to start taking off his shirt)
Rest of M/V family (minus Derek): EDWIN!
Derek: Damn it Edwin, you know that's reserved only for family fun nights!
Lizzie/Casey/Edwin: WHAT?!
George/Nora: DEREK!
Derek (muttering): Uh-oh.
Colin (pulling out a slip): "It's time to get the hell out of Dodge!" Hey guys, let's go finish looking at Derek's car.
Ryan: I'm with you on that one.
Sam: Yeah, plus I don't want to be witness to a murder.
(guys hurry back out the front door before anyone can respond)
Marti: I like those guys – they're funny. Especially that Ginger guy.
Nora (frustrated): Marti, now's not the… (she is interrupted by the sound of…)
Casey: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (everyone in the room covers their ears) I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! (stomps outside to find him, but see that no one is outside or around the garage) WHEN I FIND YOU, DEREK VENTURI, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR ALL OF THIS CRAP! (heads back inside and storms off upstairs. The family cringes as they hear her bedroom door slam)
George: This is so aggravating. At this point, Derek getting into college isn't worth all of this.
(through all of this, nobody notices that Edwin has slipped out of the house)
(back at the studio, guys enter to a loud applause and Drew in hysterics)
Drew: Oh man, that was incredible (slaps his desk and accidentally hits the 'Party Quirks' doorbell)
Wayne: Hey guys, pizza's here. (guys chuckle)
Drew: 5000 points each and an additional 10000 points to Sam for his two lines.
Sam: Oh man, that was fun.
Derek: Easy for you to say. You don't have to go back over there when all of this is said and done.
Ryan: I do have one request for all of this (pulls out a slip) "Please – no hoedowns at the end". (guys start laughing)
(suddenly, they hear commotion and see Edwin bound down the steps into the 'studio')
Edwin: Derek? (then notices who's there) Sam? Drew Carey? What in the world is going on here?!
Derek: Oh crap! What are we going to do now?!
Drew: Let's consult the world crisis monitor.
Colin: You're running way behind today Drew.
Ryan: That's what we started the show with.
Wayne: Well, I guess the only choice is to tell him.
Edwin (confused): Tell me what?
Drew: Hey Edwin, welcome to the set of "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition"!
Edwin: "Whose Line?"
Derek: Come here Edwin. (Edwin slowly makes his way to Derek and stops) See that camera? (points to one of the cameras)
Edwin: Yeah?
Derek: You're going to be on TV with the cast of "Whose Line Is It Anyway".
Edwin: As in the TV show? (reality hits) I knew you guys looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it earlier! God, I'm an idiot!
Drew: The only thing is that this is supposed to be unknown to your family for the time being. You have to keep it a secret; otherwise, I won't allow you to leave for the remainder of the show.
Edwin (thinking for a moment): Okay, I'm in.
Drew: Good. Now, on for our next game – "Props". This is for Wayne, Derek, Colin, and Ryan. Now, Edwin will help set this up for us. Okay Edwin, here's the props for Wayne and Derek (gives Edwin two red plastic containers shaped like light bulbs) and here's the props for Colin and Ryan (gives him two black foam items shaped like the letter 'V'). Using these props, the guys must use these in as many funny ways possible.
Derek: Hurry up and get over there, Ed-weirdo.
Edwin (sets down the props): Oh yeah. Well, I'll tell Dad and Nora that (pulls out a slip) "Derek has naked pics of Casey on his computer." (looks at paper weird) Who came up with these things?!
Derek: That's it… (gets up and starts toward Edwin. Edwin quickly grabs the props and runs out of the room)
Ryan: We should come visit here more often.
(back at the M/V house, Edwin walks in with the props. He has a seat on the couch and sets them down on the coffee table. Soon, Lizzie and Casey walk downstairs)
Lizzie: Hey Edwin, what's up?
Edwin: Oh, nothing much. I'm thinking about expanding my comedy routine, but I'm kind of stuck.
Casey: Expand? How?
Edwin: Well, I wanted to get more into improvising. I figured I could use props or something like that, but I'm having a hard time coming up with things on the top of my head.
(George, Nora, and Marti come in)
George: Hey, what's going on?
Casey: Edwin's thinking up new material.
(Guys enter the house)
Derek: Hey Ed-weirdo. What's with the junk pile?
Edwin: I'm wanting to try to do improvising, but I'm having a hard time coming up with stuff.
Colin: Maybe we can help.
Edwin: Really?
Colin: Sure.
Casey (skeptical – and still angry at the guys): How can you get somebody to laugh from stuff like that?
Ryan: Got to be able to think quickly and have a good imagination. Hey Ed, mind loaning us those.
Edwin: Okay. Wayne and Derek, here's your props (hands them the plastic light bulb-shaped containers). Ryan and Colin, here you go (hands them the foam 'V's). So, who wants to go first.
Marti: I want Smerek to go first!
Edwin: Well, you heard the kid. Let's get started.
Derek (holds his prop over his head): I've got an idea.
BUZZ!
Colin (balances his V to where it will stand up on its point. He and Ryan step back): We've come here today to bury Bugs Bunny.
BUZZ!
(Wayne and Derek stand across from each other, each holding a prop)
Wayne: HUP! (Wayne and Derek toss their props at the same time toward each other and catch them simulataneously. They then turn to face Derek's family and hold the props up). HEY-HUP!
BUZZ!
(A/N: I have no idea what the hell he's supposed to be saying. Watch WL ep. 219 and find out on your own. If you can come up with a better way to spell, I would greatly appreciate it.)
Ryan (places the V's in the shape of an X): Not much of a cross-roads, is it? (Colin shakes his head)
BUZZ!
(Derek acts like he's rubbing the container)
Wayne (moving and waving his arms): I am the Great Genie of the Lamp.
BUZZ!
(Ryan and Colin stand the two V's upside down and place their hands on top of them)
Ryan: Buzz! (Imitating buzzing sound)
Colin: Aargh.
Ryan: What is Wisconsin?
Colin: Crap!
BUZZ!
(Derek acts like he's a woman walking down the street)
Wayne (holding the containers out in front of his eyes – fat ends out): A-OOOOOOO-GAH!
BUZZ!
(Ryan and Colin hold their V's with the point facing in front of them)
Ryan/Colin: Vrooooooooom, Vrooooooom (Imitating motorcycles)
Casey: Hey, let me try one.
Wayne: Okay. (hands her his and Derek's props. Casey grabs both of them and holds them out in front of her chest – fat ends out. Derek and Wayne, caught off guard, stare at her)
Casey: What? Pam Anderson didn't want them anymore.
Derek: Damn, those are big! (he and Wayne start to crack up. Casey gives them a smug look)
BUZZ!
(Colin places both V's in the shape of a diamond. Acts like he's digging with a shovel)
Ryan: Look at the size of that diamond!
Colin: We're rich!
BUZZ!
(Wayne sets the containers down on the ground next to each other. Derek acts like he's crying)
Wayne: Dearly beloved. Today, we mourn the loss of Britney Spears.
BUZZ!
George: Hey, how about we try one?
Ryan: Okay.
(George and Nora grab the foam V's from Colin and Ryan. They hold them up over their heads with the points in the air)
George/Nora: We're evil Smurfs, we're evil Smurfs…
BUZZ!
Derek (holding his prop with slender end placed up against his forehead): I hate being a teenager (acts like he's trying to squeeze a pimple)
BUZZ!
Ryan (holding his V behind his head to where the spread out part is over his head): Hi Rocky!
BUZZ!
Wayne (holding his prop out in front of him): So Colin, I… (pauses, then looks over at Colin)…Oh, hey Colin…(Colin gives him an evil look)
BUZZ! Buzz! Buzz!
(for once, the entire family is actually smiling and giggling)
Colin: See, you just got to be able to think on the fly. If it's good, the laughs will come easy.
Edwin: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
Casey: You know, when you guys aren't trying to aggravate someone to death, you can actually be pretty funny.
Wayne: I don't know whether to be insulted or be glad?
Derek: With what's happened earlier, I would take that as a complement. Casey can be very unforgiving when someone makes her mad.
Ryan: Well said.
George: So, what now?
Wayne: Well, the guys have got to take me back over to the hotel to get some stuff.
Colin: After that, we'll come back over for a little bit, then we've got to head back to Toronto.
Marti: Daddy, Nora?
Nora: Yes.
Marti: How about we throw them a party before they go!
Nora: Sweetie, I don't know…
Marti: Pleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeee.
Edwin: Hey, that sounds like a good idea.
Derek: I've got to agree with Smarti and Ed-weirdo on this one. (then walks over to George and whispers in his ear) Besides, it might improve my chances of getting into school.
Lizzie: You're going to say yes, aren't you George?
Casey: You've lived in this house for over two years and don't know the answer to that question.
George: Alright. We'll get together a few things while you guys are gone.
Derek: Okay. We won't be gone too long.
(guys all leave while everyone else starts setting up for the party)
(back at the set)
Drew: Wow, I can't believe they warmed up to ya'll that game.
Wayne: I know. After all the stuff we did earlier, you figured they would be getting ready to shoot us.
Derek: We've got to get them mad one more time.
Colin: I think Derek's got a death wish.
Ryan: No, he just loves messing around and flirting with his step-sister.
Derek (glaring evilly at Ryan): You are going to pay dearly for that comment Styles.
Drew: Alright, but you guys have got to make it count. After the next game, we will reveal the secret to Derek's family (guys start clapping and getting excited). So stay tuned for more "Whose Line" right after this!
-Commercial-
A/N: First person to guess the next game gets free Taco Bell tacos! And finally, the guys will reveal themselves to the MacDonald/Venturi family. Will bloodshed ensue? More laughter take place? Will Derek and Casey get it on? Stay tuned! Don't forget to read and review!
- the OD
