Green glowing crystals in a cave, blue eyes glistening in the dark but not with the love that looked upon him now—no, it was mistrust, hurt, betrayal, and it killed him inside.

A flash of lightening, the Avatar falls, his sister is laughing. The blue eyes are gone. There is no healing. There is no hope.

He's already dead inside, a life of suffering must be his destiny. At his father's side, he orders attacks on unarmed villages, sacrifices young recruits at the frontlines of battle, plans to scorch the Earth Kingdom, sentences his uncle to death for treason…

His mother is screaming, his father is laughing. He runs down the palace corridor to find them, but it is neverending. He can never reach her. He is running, running, and then… the screaming stops.

He is running again. Azula is laughing. Lightening is flashing. He is too late. Katara is… no! He is screaming. There is always screaming. And running. And so much heat.

Suffering is his destiny—no, his teacher. When will he learn? It is so, so hot. He feels the heat in his fists. The lights are so bright, his anger is so blinding. He's ready for this fight. What has he got to lose? He's already lost everything. He feels the fire flowing through him, but he can't move his arms, he's pinned down. This is not supposed to happen to the Fire Lord. Noooooooooooooo.

"Zuko!"

His eyes shot open, but his surroundings didn't make sense. Some things lingered, the sweat-slicked skin, his heart pounding in his chest, but the heat was fading. Bright lights of the Agni Kai arena were replaced by darkness brimmed in shimmering moonlight. The smell of burning flesh was replaced by a mixture of sweet and salty. He breathed in her scent and relaxed in her embrace, realizing just then that she had been the one holding his arms.

She still gripped tightly. It had been a while since he'd had one this bad.

"Zuko? Are you…"

He sighed. No. I'm not.

He couldn't hug her back because of the way she held his arms down at his sides, but he had no idea what he had been doing before he woke up. He didn't want to know. The shame would be too unbearable after a nightmare like that. So he didn't move, and she didn't either.

After some time, "Katara, it was like… every bad dream I've ever had… everything that could possibly go wrong… all at once. I… it was—"

"Shhhhhhh. It wasn't real," she whispered. "And it's over now."


It did not surprise Katara to find Zuko gone the next morning. He was normally an early riser, but he was never a sound sleeper after a bad dream. She could usually stay awake with him, but the parade and events with Fire Sages Satoru and Shyu from the day before made her feel exhausted even now. Or maybe exhaustion was just a new state of being. It seemed that way since she'd moved to the Fire Nation at least. And according to the prophecies, she'd be living there for a while—destined to a lifetime of exhaustion? Oh spirits, those prophesies… did that really happen? Or perhaps I was dreaming, too.

Either way, there wasn't much she could do about what Roku had said for the time being. And Zuko would turn up sooner or later after he'd had a good sulk. She heard the others making noise in the kitchen, and her own hunger pains urged her to go investigate.

"Good morning, Katara." Iroh set a cup of tea in front of her at the long wooden table where she and her friends spent several weeks together eating, talking, laughing, and planning so many months ago. The same smiling faces were there now, but with the weight of the war lifted from their shoulders. They had grown, but they were still so young. And there was still work to be done, but for the moment, they could relax and be free.

Well, most of them could, anyway.

"Has anyone seen Zuko this morning?" Katara asked.

"Surely out of all of us, you would have been the first to see him, dear," Iroh answered. Zuko had his own room in the beach house, and Katara was staying in Iroh's old room across the hall from him. Of course, everyone knew that one of those rooms would essentially be vacant during their visit. Iroh and Ursa were staying in the west wing of the house to "give the kids their privacy," the general had said.

The teenagers all exchanged knowing glances. They had heard Zuko's screams in the night.

"Um, Katara, is he OK?" Aang asked.

"Yeah, he, uh…" Katara looked around the table at the concerned faces encircling it. Zuko was sensitive about the topic, but half these people knew already anyway. Besides, they were friends. "He had a nightmare."

"Well, that much was obvious," Sokka said. "Maybe we should ask, 'are you OK?'"

"I'm fine. I wasn't even there… at first. And it happens… a lot. I just wish I could help. Make it stop, you know?" Katara stared into her tea cup. There had been a time when it was better. When they had first started sharing a bed, he had even said he slept better with her there. What happened?

"I'm sure you are helping more than you realize." Iroh placed a hand on her shoulder. "I can only imagine what he dreams about, but I can't imagine what he'd do if he woke up alone."

"He thinks he has to face everything alone, Uncle. But he has you…and me… and well, all of us. When do you think he'll see that he's not alone? That we'll be there for him?" Katara felt her tears forming and wished they wouldn't.

"I don't know, Katara. It will probably take time. He's not used to depending on people. He's very…. guarded in that way," Iroh explained.

"He can take all the time he needs," Suki added. "It doesn't change the fact that we'll still be there for him."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Iroh squeezed Katara's shoulder. She smiled. If only Zuko could see, if only he knew… Then she realized that perhaps she had been trying to bear his burdens by herself, too, and that they all needed each other. This was her family, after all. What was it her father used to say? We're like a pack of arctic wolves, always looking out for each other. It's the only way to survive the winter storms.

Ursa emerged from standing in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the dining area. "I can't tell you how much it means to me that Zuko has such wonderful friends. He's always been one to put others' needs before his own. He's compassionate, yes, but it's also a defense mechanism. By focusing on others, he can ignore what he's feeling himself."

"Well, I know what will make Sparky feel better," Toph piped in. "Birthday presents! That'll put the focus on him whether he likes it or not! So, Sweetness, if you wanna go fetch the brooding birthday boy, I think I felt him heading in the direction of the beach this morning."

The beach, of course. "Why didn't you say anything?" Katara scolded.

"If I had, we would have missed out on this lovey dovey, touchy feeling conversation. But now I'm getting kinda sick of it, so go already!"

In her haste to leave, Katara neglected to grab her cloak. The last time she had been on Ember Island, the summer sun bathed it in golden rays of warmth and light. Today the sun hid behind the clouds, and a wintery gust whipped sand into her eyes as she searched the shoreline. He was there, as expected, and also wearing a simple tunic. He's likely able to keep warm because of the whole firebender thing. Meanwhile I'm freezing my ass off, and I even grew up in the South Pole!

"Hey you." She stood beside him shivering.

"Hey yourself." He didn't even need a cue. He wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his warmth. She sighed.

"Everyone's worried about you."

"Oh?" He took in the scent of her hair, the memory of fear followed by comfort coming back to him. "Oh. I guess they heard, huh?"

"Yeah, but it's okay."

"It's not okay."

"Well, I meant—they care about you, that's all."

They stood there in silence watching the waves for a while. Katara remembered Toph's suggestion and was about to mention it, but Zuko spoke first.

"He used to play with me on the beach. A long time ago. I barely remember it… it's like… the memory is fading. Do you think I should… I don't know, try to hold on to any happy memories I have of him, no matter how few or how faint? Or should I just let it go because of… of how things turned out?"

"Does the memory make you happy?"

"No. I don't know. It makes me think that maybe it wasn't me… that fucked up. That maybe he loved me once. Just because I was… me."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe he had a breaking point like Azula did, and you just didn't see it because you were so young. You remember when times were different, perhaps, but you don't understand why things changed."

"I could ask Mother, but I'm afraid of what her answer might be."

"If you think it would help to know for sure, then do it. If you think remembering him as a better man gives you closure, then do it. But it won't change what happened, and it won't change who he is now. If you want my honest opinion, I'd say let it go."

"I know. I keep telling myself that's what I should do. But I spent so long trying to please him. Trying to figure out what I did wrong—"

"You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, like you said, he should've loved you for who you are. That's what real fathers do. Now, you've got a house full of people up there who love you—truly love you—and they want to shower you with birthday gifts, so come on! Enough sulking for today."

"OK, OK. Sorry, you caught me again. The ultimate sulker."

"Wouldn't be the first time I found you moping on this beach."

"Heh."

"But here's what you should do instead. Think of other great memories from this beach. Like sparring with me… and making fire and water shapes in the sky… and just talking."

"Yeah. You're right. Those were great times. Although, I'm surprised you didn't mention…"

Katara knew what was coming, but decided to give him the upper hand anyway. He grabbed her foot, her one weak spot, tickled it, and then started running back toward the beach house.


"This was my idea, so I get to go first," Toph announced as she plopped a large bag in front of Zuko.

"I already gave him my gift," Aang interjected. "First thing on the morning of his actual birthday." The airbender beamed.

Toph leaned over to whisper in Zuko's ear. "It's a good thing I helped him with those wind chimes. I think he might be tone deaf."

Zuko nodded and offered a nervous smile. Why do I feel this way? Everyone in this room is a friend or family member. Yesterday I gave a speech in front of thousands of people without a problem. But everyone is staring at me so…so…fondly?

He took a deep breath and tore into the gift. He then pulled out the largest bag of fireflakes he had ever seen.

"Holy hogmonkeys! I didn't even know they came in bags that big!" Sokka exclaimed.

Zuko hugged his present. "Mine."

"Hey, hey, it's ok. The birthday boy doesn't have to share. Toph, where did you get those?"

"Mai's dad."

"What?" Zuko and Sokka asked in unison.

"Yeah, he went to go work at his cousin's fireflakes factory. They're expanding their market into the Earth Kingdom, and my dad likes to get in early on promising business deals. He sent me a letter asking me if I thought fireflakes would catch on, if it would be a profitable venture for him. I wasn't about to give out my entrepreneurial advice for free…"

Zuko tore open the bag and grabbed a handful. He then handed it over to Sokka. "You should see if they'd catch on in the Water Tribe?"

"Well, I don't know about fireflakes, but increasing trade between the Fire Nation and Southern Water Tribe would definitely be advantageous on both sides." Sokka scooped his own helping out of the bag.

"Oh yeah? What did you have in mind—"

"A-hem! You guys can talk business later," Suki interrupted. "My turn now."

Zuko unraveled the several layers of cloth that Suki had handed to him. He held out a bottle of clear liquid that was about the size of his palm. As he rotated it, the light reflected in a way that made the contents shimmer—no, they glowed.

Katara's eyes widened. "Wait, is that—"

"Spirit water." Suki nodded.

Zuko nearly dropped the bottle in shock. He recovered and then carefully cradled the bottle with two hands. The last time he had seen spirit water—learned of its healing properties... He dared not look at Katara. Instead, his eyes met Suki's.

"Kyoshi had some business dealings with Chief Arnook in the North Pole. He said my warriors would need it, but the war is over, and besides, we're more of a peacekeeping faction now anyway."

"I couldn't possibly—"

"Zuko. There's more where that came from. And you need it more than me."

"It's too much… for a gift. I don't deserve—"

"You're impossible, you know that!" Suki laughed. "Birthday gifts aren't about what you deserve, silly! OK, fine, then. Accept it as a token of my gratitude for your assistance in Two Rivers."

"My… assistance? All I did was yell a lot… and bail on the meetings."

"You got rid of Guo for us. And brought us both Shinu and Kai who are wonderful assets to the council."

Katara put a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "It's a good thing to have. Who knows? Maybe we can—"

"Thank you, Suki, " Zuko cut Katara off. He didn't want to draw any attention to his scar. Nor did he want to think about that day in Ba Sing Se with the images from his nightmare still fresh in his mind.

"You're welcome. And since I know what Sokka's gift is, you might need it sooner rather than later." Suki smirked and elbowed her boyfriend in the ribs.

"Ow, hey! I guess that means it's my turn." Sokka reached behind his chair and pulled out a package with a very distinct shape.

"A new sword?" Zuko had carefully rewrapped the spirit water and handed it to Katara for safekeeping. He reached out to receive the weapon which had been lightly covered in parchment to conceal it, even though it was obvious what it was.

"Swords," Sokka clarified. "And not just any swords…"

The paper fell away easily, and Zuko gasped when he unsheathed the new daos. He recognized the metal immediately since he and Sokka sparred on a near-daily basis the last time they were on Ember Island. However, seeing the meteorite forged into the curved form of the broadsword left him practically speechless. "How?" was the only word that came out.

"Katara brought me your old swords when she came back from visiting here. Then Piandao and I figured out how much you'd grown and adjusted a little. He tweaked some based on how you've been training, too. He said Lu Ten's swords were not working for you." Sokka paused to look at Iroh. "No offense, General."

"None taken." Iroh nodded.

By this point, Zuko had stepped away from the group and was testing the swords for grip, balance, weight—everything felt perfect. He smiled widely at Sokka. "Spar later?"

"Of course, of course."

Zuko took another test swing, feeling an air of satisfaction with how natural the swords felt in his hands and how much he had improved since he had started training with Piandao again. He felt like he could keep going, running through sequences like this, but he stopped short when he saw his mother's face. She was crying.

"Mom?"

"No, no, I'm ok, Zuko. I'm…happy." Ursa sniffed and forced a small smile.

Zuko sheathed his swords and crossed the room to her, unconvinced. He reached for her hand, unsure of what to say or do.

"Zuko, I'm so proud of you," she said. "And it makes me so happy to see you happy. You… your smile, it's so beautiful. You're…" She reached out to cup his face, her palm just under his chin with fingers tracing his jaw line. He flinched slightly—it was the scar side—as fingertips brushed the rippled skin just below his ear. He knew everyone must be watching, and it shouldn't be a big deal. It's not a big deal.

Ursa quickly gained her composure. "I guess it's my turn then?"

Zuko knelt on the floor beside his mother, then glanced sideways at Katara. Oh spirits, is she crying, too? One more present and then sparring. I'm tired of all this attention… and emotion.

"Zuko, you don't have to open these now, but I'll tell you about them." Ursa deposited a stack of folded parchment that had been bundled together with twine in his lap. "I wrote letters to you when I was gone. I could never send them, but I kept them hoping that some day… at best I thought I could have them smuggled in to you. I never imagined this. That we'd be here on your 18th birthday, together. I know I wasn't able to be there for you, and this doesn't make up for it. But I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you every day. Every. Day. Zuko."

Zuko fought back his own tears. He hadn't imagined so much crying over something as simple as birthday presents. But he never expected to receive gifts that were so meaningful. Even the big-ass bag of fireflakes is a symbol of peace and progress in the world.

"You're here now, Mom." It was all he could manage to say.

It was a nice moment, but it didn't take long for awkwardness to surface in the silence. Naturally, Toph was the one to break it.

"Alright, you're up Sugar Queen. Let's see what sentimental mushy gushy gift you got your boyfriend. Keep it short and sweet, will ya?"

Katara laughed. "Well, it's a good thing I went last because I got you something to put everything else inside. I didn't even bother wrapping it."

"It's a box," Zuko deadpanned.

"Not just any box…"

Zuko watched in awe as Katara revealed the many features of what looked like a well-crafted storage box on the outside. The wood had been stained a deep brownish-red color, and the lid bore the Fire Nation insignia. It had latches and handles and reminded him of a suitcase, of sorts, something designed to be stationary but could also be easily transported, too. The inside was the most curious, though. With the lid open, drawers and compartments were revealed, some that swiveled off to the side to allow access to others. Everything was lined in red velvet, and some areas had been designed to hold specific items—and said items were already nestled inside, in fact.

In one tray that swung sideways, Roku's topknot crown sat in a customized notch next to another space that Zuko guessed was for his Fire Lord crown. He knew he had been wearing it when they arrived last night. It must be upstairs somewhere. Another compartment held the spirit water he had just received from Suki. How'd she do that? He found the knife his uncle had given him as a child tucked in a bottom drawer, also pillowed in its own precut slot of velvet. He slid open the final drawer which contained portraits— the one he used to carry of his uncle, another of his mother, a group of all of them he recognized from when Piandao had them pose around the time of his coronation, one of him and Katara…

"How?"

"That seems to be your favorite word today?" Katara smiled and shrugged. "Um, we owe a lot to Piandao, actually. He's pretty good with the sword and the paintbrush. He helped me stain the wood and imprint the emblem. Jee helped me with the box… he said they were really useful when you're at sea… to help keep everything in its place in case you hit rough waters. He called it a tide trove. The velvet lining is imported from the Southern Water Tribe. It's one of Sokka's trade agreements he arranged with the Fire Nation over the summer. The material is not very conducive to your climate, but the ladies in the high court can't seem to resist it." She nodded at her brother, then looked back at Zuko.

"UGH, OK, enough Sweetness, time's up!" Toph squawked.

"Let's hit the beach!" Aang hooted.

"Sounds like fun!" Suki chirped.

The three of them practically flew from their seats. Sokka lingered for a bit, the topic of trade had piqued his interest, but when it was clear that conversation wasn't going to continue, he made his way to the beach as well.

"I think we need a refresher on the tea." Iroh gathered empty tea cups and took them to the kitchen.

"I haven't met the new turtleducks, yet." Ursa wandered toward the courtyard.

Then it was just Zuko and Katara.

"Did you have a nice birthday?" Katara plopped down next to him since he hadn't made a motion to leave, yet. "Or well, it's not over. There's still cake… and singing…and—"

"Please no singing."

"I thought you liked it when I sing."

"I like it when you sing…" He sighed. "I dunno. It's a lot of attention. I'm not used to it."

"What do you mean? You're the Fire Lord. You're in the public view all the time. And you run meetings where all eyes are on you."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't know the public all that well. And people in meetings, well, they just want stuff from me. I'm not used to… people being so giving, I guess."

"Oh, Zuko. You sure do know how to put a damper on everything, don't you?" There was a hint of teasing in her voice, but a little bit not.

"Sorry."

"Hey, so the whole point of being here is so you can have fun. So, eat your fireflakes, spar with Sokka, read a letter or two from you mother. Then, let's kick back, relax, and have fun! No Fire Lording, no self-pitying, and NO sulk sessions!"

"Heh. Who made you the birthday queen?"

"I'm your queen. And don't you forget it. Do I need to go get the common sense stick?"

"Oh dear Agni, is that thing still here?"

Katara gave him a sly grin and stood as if to go retrieve her mighty weapon of bossiness. Zuko caught her wrist and pulled her back. "Thank you, Katara. For everything. The planning. The party. The trip. And this amazing box."

"I thought you needed a place to keep your nice things. Besides your old knapsack, that is. And you can still take it with you, wherever you go."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorta stuck where I am."

"I know that, silly. But if you do go somewhere, you better take me with you."

"Always, my queen."

With a kiss, the common sense stick was forgotten.


A/N: Long chapter, so short notes. Mainly attributions, of which there are several. From Emletish and the Stalking series comes: the sparring, talking, and tickling on the beach; Mai's dad going to work in a fireflakes factory (hey, it's better than heading up the New Ozai Society, no?); Piandao as a painter; and the infamous common sense stick.

Sokka lost his space sword on the airship during the comet, so Em has Piandao and Iroh gift him with another one in Not Stalking Firelord Zuko. This led me to believe that Piandao still had some of the meteorite, so I decided Sokka would come up with the space daos idea for Zuko's birthday. Should make for a fun sparring session.

Katara's present, the tide trove, is a reference to a conversation she has with Zuko in Darkness Before Dawn about him keeping all of his stuff packed up in a bag in his room at the palace and her realization that he never feels settled or at "home." It's a little reminiscent of his days at sea, but I also imagine it to be just as decorative as it is functional. Kind of like a valet, one of those things that men have in their rooms to put their keys and wallet in. (Even though it kinda sounds like I'm describing a tacklebox, ha!)