A/N: Vulgar language warning.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
Bella had been staring at the ceiling for three hours now. Edward, his back to her, was snoring quietly. The whole house was asleep. Well, except for Bella that is.
And him.
She knew he was awake. She could feel his emotions down the hall from here, no imprint needed to confirm his feelings. She could feel everything he was feeling; the worry, the pain, the fear, the sadness, all of it. It just added to her own and made her feel even worse. Like she was under a crushing weight and couldn't move.
She was in a very fucked up situation. She almost wished she could rewind time and somehow keep Renesmee from going to school in Seattle. That would have taken care of everything. Then she, Jacob, Edward and Bella herself wouldn't be subjected to all this heartache that was looming over them like a huge storm, getting darker and darker by the minute, threatening to break at any time. And then of course, as always, every time that thought looped in her mind, she would feel the fresh wave of pain, his and hers both. This situation was very fucked up indeed.
Bella had been unusually quiet since the park. Jacob had kept Renesmee preoccupied until Bella had been able to compose herself. Once he had seen she had wiped her tears and wasn't sobbing hysterically, then and only then did he lead Renesmee back in her direction.
When Edward had come home, he had noticed her sullenness and asked her what was wrong. She answered him simply by turning around, cupping his face and kissing him softly. She then had wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Over Edward's shoulder, she had caught Jacob's expression contorting in pain before he had turned and walked out of the room. She had felt guilty but according to his calculations, she had less than a week to still be Edward's wife, to belong to him. After that, she would cease to want him in that way and run straight to Jacob; their history, their family, would no longer matter. She intended to appreciate every moment she had left with her husband and daughter before she would betray them, as short as their time was.
Edward's snores picked up in tempo and Bella turned her head to look at him.
What very little time they had left indeed.
She waited a moment and then carefully snuck out of bed without disturbing him. She pulled on the hoodie she had laid out earlier and zipped it up. She slipped her feet into her shoes before slipping out of the room and closing the door quietly. She tiptoed down the hall and before she could lay her hand on the knob, the door opened and Jacob appeared before her.
He was shirtless, of course, and he was stripped down to his boxers. Bella kept her eyes level with his, ignoring the thoughts of 'mine' rolling through her brain at the sight of him. His face was creased with worry but his eyes were alight with a twinge of hope.
She didn't say anything, just stared at him, concentrating. She didn't know what she was doing or even if it would work, but she tried to project her desire for him to follow her onto him mentally.
He then gave her a brief nod and slipped back into the room. Guess it worked.
A minute later, he reappeared, dressed in khaki shorts, sneakers and a dark hoodie. He inclined his head towards her, waiting for her to lead. She turned and made her way to the stairs. She descended each step carefully, making sure to avoid the spots that would creak and give them away. When she reached the bottom, she turned to see where he was, only to come face to face with his chest. She hadn't heard him and yet, he had been right behind her this whole time.
She then headed into the kitchen and towards the garage door. She quietly opened it and stepped through, waiting for Jacob to follow and close the door. Once he did, they were enveloped in darkness except for the moonlight shining through the window of the door leading out to the patio. She walked towards it and opened it, stepping onto the patio. Once Jacob did the same, she turned and looked up at him. He understood immediately and gathered her up in his arms. She clasped hers around his neck and he walked them into the trees behind the house. From there, he sprinted deep into the woods.
He took different turns and leaped over things Bella could barely see but she knew he could. So instead, she closed her eyes and kept her face buried in his neck. She fought the impulse to inhale his intoxicating scent and stick her tongue out to taste his heated skin. He hugged her closer and picked up speed.
Bella had no idea how much time had passed, although it didn't feel like long, when Jacob slowed down and said her name. "We're here," he murmured, rubbing his cheek against the top of her head. She opened her eyes and looked around.
Once her eyes adjusted, she could see they were back in the park from the day before, when Jacob had shown himself to her. He walked them over to the same bench and carefully lowered Bella down before sitting beside her.
Bella internally winced at the cold cement and before she knew it, she was being lifted up onto Jacob's lap. The warmth bled through her clothing immediately and she was grateful. She laid back against his chest and he wrapped his arms loosely around her.
He nuzzled the side of her head and she felt his hot breath in her ear. "What's up, honey?"
She stared out into the park blankly and vaguely wondered just exactly when he had started to call her 'honey' and why she had never noticed it before or put a stop to it. "Are you sure this is going to happen by next week?"
He didn't answer her right away but instead buried his nose into her hair and breathed deeply. A couple of minutes passed and he still hadn't said anything.
"Jake?"
He took one last deep breath and then pulled away. "Yes. Not exactly to the day, but yes."
A surge of pain rushed through her at his answer but it was minimal to what it had been this afternoon. His confirming what he had told her earlier wasn't a shock. She was over that by now. And another pain rocked through her.
She laid her head against his and covered his hands with her own on her stomach. "What's wrong?" She whispered.
He turned his head away from her, leaving her cold. "Is it really so horrible, the thought of being with me?" She flinched at the bitterness in his voice.
She wasn't sure what to say. No, being with him wasn't a horrible thought. That's not what bothered her. It was the way she was going to become this heartless, mindless cruel person and break her family that kept her from seeing the imprint as anything other than some sick mystical force that enjoyed causing people pain.
He sighed angrily and got up, placing her gently back down on the bench first. He began to pace in front of her, his face getting angrier and angrier by the second.
"I mean….is it such a bad thing to have a life with me? A family?"
She stiffened at the word. She felt the rejection he was feeling and she wanted to assuage his pain but he needed to understand that this wasn't easy for her.
"No. It's not a bad thing," she said quietly. Before she knew it, he was at her feet, his hands grabbing hers desperately.
"It's not?" He asked hopefully. "Because it seems like you think it is. Almost like you've been given a death sentence and now you're living out your last days before you go in front of the firing squad."
She ripped her hands out of his grip and scoffed in disbelief. "What do you want me to say, Jake? How do you want me to feel?"
He took her hands again, this time gentler than before. "I want you to be happy, Bells. That's all I want. And you're not. I can see it, I can feel it. And I know it's because of me," he finished sadly.
Tears formed and quickly started to fall down her face. His eyes tightened and he wiped them away with his thumbs. "See?" His voice broke and she could see his eyes tearing up as well.
She lunged forward and kissed him. She pulled back before he could deepen the kiss to rain tender kisses all over his face. "It's not you. It's just the situation. But God, Jake, it isn't you," she whispered as she wrapped herself around him.
She sobbed against his neck. "I just don't want to lose my family. I'm going to hurt them so badly because of this shitty imprint thing. I don't want to and I can't stop it. No matter what I do, I'm always hurting the three of you. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I don't know what to say. I love you all and I wish it would just be me that would get hurt. But, I don't have a choice, Jake. And neither do you. I know you said I'm not but I am old, Jake. Too old. I can't give you the family you want. But you're stuck with me. You could've imprinted on some pretty girl who's a lot younger and can live your life with you, give you that family. And not have so much baggage that you have to deal with. But, no. Now you're stuck with me for the rest of my life and neither of us can undo it. I know you still love my daughter; I can feel it. She's a much better choice for you. I know she has a lot of growing up to do still but she has such a good heart, Jake. She really does love you. And now, I'm going to take you from her in the next week and supposibly not even care. I love her so much and I would do anything for her. I want her to be happy above everything else. But the imprint's going to make me break her heart. I'm going to break her heart, Jake. Her own mother! And Edward," She sobbed harder. "I've been with him since I was fifteen. Fifteen, Jake! I've never wanted anyone else, never been with anyone else, never loved anyone else. I love him so much but," A fresh wave of tears made their way down her cheeks as the lump in her throat nearly cut off her air. "You're right, it is different. My feelings towards him have been changing since I met you and he senses it. I know he does. I can see he's so confused," She coughed and sniffled before sobbing again. "But I'm too scared to say anything. I obviously can't tell him. I can't even look him in the eye, knowing I'm going to be hurting him. He's never done anything to deserve it. He's never cheated on me, never treated me wrong. He's always loved me and taken care of us. He's such a good father and been a wonderful husband. And I'm going to break his heart. I'm going to hurt him and our daughter and tear our family apart. And all because I can't help what I feel," She sniffled again and placed a soft kiss to his skin. "For you," she finished in a whisper.
And then she broke down.
She never felt Jake lifting them both back to the bench, where he held her as she cried against him. She never felt him stroking her hair or rocking her, laying his cheek against the top of her head.
She didn't know how long they sat like that, with her sobbing nonstop. But eventually, she cried herself out. Sniffles mixed in with whimpers escaped her in intervals still and she was snuggled up to his neck, her eyes closed and her fingers entwined in the back of his shorn hair. As long as she kept that physical connection to him, kept his heat surrounding her, she felt safe. Safe in knowing that he would never let anyone or anything hurt her, including himself. Right now, she needed that reassurance.
She didn't realize that she had started to take in several deep breaths, filled with his scent, and that it relaxed her; helping her to calm down faster. She was near sleep when he spoke next.
"Bells?" He whispered.
"Hmmm?" She murmured, winding her hand in his hair more, making sure she still had that connection. She sleepily repositioned her body against his to get more comfortable, burying her face further into his neck, getting as close as possible to that scent she loved.
She was drifting off when she heard the reverberation of his voice from his chest against her ear. She couldn't make out the words; he had said them in what sounded like a different language to her. She did catch one thing, though, before she was gone completely.
"My Bells."
His Bells…. Bella kind of liked the sound of that….
And then she was out.
Bella's eyes slowly opened. She blinked a few times, getting them to focus. She saw sunlight beaming through the windows into the room.
Room….she was back in her room…..
Had last night been a dream?
Flashes of the conversation with Jacob replayed in her head and she remembered how upset she had been but also how comforted, how safe, she had felt. As long as she stayed connected to him, in his arms, she would be okay.
She sat up quickly, feeling the panic rise up within her. She was in bed, alone. The clock on the bedside table indicated it was around 8:30. Tons of questions flew through her mind. How had she gotten back to her bed? Where was Edward? Did he know she had been out with Jacob? Did Renesmee? Or had last night's conversation never happened and she had been here in her bed the whole time? And then the anxiety got worse, thinking those feelings of being so close to Jacob had never really happened. She couldn't explain it but she didn't want them to be just a figment of her imagination. Where the hell was Jacob?
Her door suddenly opened and Jacob, wearing the same outfit from the night before, rushed over to her. "Shhh, Bells, it's okay. I'm right here," he whispered. He sat down and attempted to draw her into his arms.
Relief flooded through her and she went to crawl into his lap, like she had done last night, but her next thought stopped her. "Edward," she breathed, glancing around wildly.
Jacob shook his head and held his arms out wider. "Gone already."
She swallowed hard and moved over to him. He immediately enveloped her in his warmth and squeezed her tight, kissing the side of her head and her neck. She let out a little sigh of contentment, resting her forehead in the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. She then felt hot hands underneath her tank top, softly rubbing her back. She knew it was wrong to be in this intimate embrace with him in hers and Edward's room, on the very bed they shared no less, but she just didn't have it in her to fight him off. Not right now.
"I'm sorry," he murmured in between kisses. "I was right down the hall. I didn't go far."
Her body begin to relax at his words and she closed her eyes. And then a sudden thought made her break away from him completely, her eyes wide.
"Renesmee?"
He cupped her left cheek and stroked her skin with his thumb. "Still sleeping."
She nodded and let out a sigh, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
She was being pulled back into a warm chest and she felt reverberations against her shoulder from Jacob's lips. "We should talk about last night," he murmured.
She bit her lip and stayed quiet. She wasn't exactly sure what to say at the moment. No matter what either of them said, nothing could make this right.
He interlaced their fingers and she felt him press a kiss to her neck before placing his chin on her shoulder.
"Bella, I've always been drawn to you."
"I know. Because you imprinted on me."
"No. Before the imprint."
She turned wide eyes on him. "What are you talking about? You just met me a few days ago. You said you imprinted on me right away."
He nodded and sighed heavily. He sat back against the headboard, wrinkling his nose at Edward's empty side and pulled her onto his lap.
He stroked her hair softly and smiled tenderly at her. "I did. But….there was something there before then."
"How?" She asked in disbelief, disgusted at the idea that the imprint had an even further hold on their lives, before they even met.
"When I first met Nessie, I thought I imprinted on her."
She shot up and stared hard at him. "Are you serious?"
He nodded, biting his lip, and tried to coax her back down to him. She refused and scoffed, laughing without any real mirth. "That's it! There you go! I knew you couldn't have imprinted on me. It's just a mistake. You were wrong. Christ, you had me freaking out there for a minute, Jake."
His face fell and he dropped his eyes to his lap. She felt his pain and she was hit with a new wave of guilt. She ran her fingers through the top of his hair. "Hey," she said softly. "This is good news, Jake. Now we don't have to worry about hurting anyone. We didn't completely cross the line so we're okay. I can go back to Edward and you can go back to Renesmee and everything will be fine. The imprint will be like it never existed." She gave him a bright smile and she felt lighter than she had in the last few days. Things were finally starting to look up.
He pushed her off of him gently and sat up, planting his feet on the floor with his back to her and hung his head in his hands. Bella hugged him from behind and rubbed his back. "Jake," she whispered. "What's wrong? This is a good thing. Don't you see? Now you have a choice. You can still be with Renesmee and you don't even have to move. Things can go back to the way they were."
He snorted and dropped his hands, staring off into the bathroom. "You never wanted me, did you?"
Bella froze. She didn't quite know how to answer that. Of course she wanted him. But what purpose would it serve to admit to that now? He was off limits. He always had been, imprint or no imprint.
He snorted again and stood up, shaking his head. He turned a glare on her. "No matter what I do, you're always going to look at this as a bad thing. And it's not a bad thing to me, Bella! I never saw you as someone I got stuck with. Someone I could barely put up with. So, why do you think of me like that?"
She could see the rejection all over his face and she could feel the depth of his pain. She had unknowingly hurt him. "Jake, I don't think of you like that. I never did. I—"
"Don't lie to me," he said through gritted teeth. "I know when you are."
"I'm not lying! I never thought of you like that. Not once."
He scoffed and started to walk towards the door.
"Jake!"
He stopped but didn't turn around. She got off of the bed and went to him, hugging him from behind. Her heart hurt when his body didn't relax like it had so many times before at her touch, despite her attempt to comfort him.
"Jake, please look at me," she pleaded.
He reluctantly turned in her arms and glowered down at her.
"Jake, why are you so angry with me? This is a good thing," she enunciated. "For both of us. Don't you see? I don't have to leave my family; you get to choose who you want to be with. You can choose someone who can give you all the things you want and I—"
She was cut off when Jacob grabbed her face and kissed her roughly. She tried to move away but he wouldn't let her. He kissed her over and over, breathing angrily against her lips.
He then pulled back a few inches. She could see the raging fire in his eyes and his body was starting to shake like it had that day in the store.
"We're imprinted. Whether you like it or not. You can fight it all you want. I will, too. I'd rather be in fucking pain the rest of my life than be with someone who can't stand me and will always consider me a mistake. I was trying to be understanding about your family. I knew it would cause you pain and I didn't want that. I was willing to wait, however long it took. I would've done anything for you. I offered everything of mine up to you, Bella. My heart, my soul, my life, all of it. Every goddamn thing I had to give." He let go of her. "Not anymore."
His body shook more and he turned away from her. "Have a nice day with your daughter," he spat. A second later, he was gone, leaving Bella speechless.
Her hand flew to her chest, feeling his pain and hers mix together again, this time so intense it brought her to her knees. She gasped as the pain worsened, making her feel like someone was slicing through her chest with a large serrated blade. When it was over, she was panting from the force of it, before it hit again, making her grunt, and then elongated into a throbbing ache.
Tears were streaming down her face as she crawled over to the bed and carefully climbed into it. She hugged her pillow, his scent fresh from minutes before hitting her nose, and she sobbed into it uncontrollably.
She was past worrying if Renesmee heard her or if Edward somehow came home to find her this upset.
Why couldn't Jacob just understand? True, he wasn't a parent, so he didn't see how much it killed her to know she would be breaking her daughter's heart in such a cruel way. But, couldn't he see that this hadn't been, and never would be, easy for her? Her life had been decided without any say from her and all in a matter of the two seconds she had met him.
Couldn't he understand that she also wanted the best for him? That she did care about him? That she didn't like that they were both being forced where they didn't belong? Didn't he see how much she wanted him to be happy, too? To have a choice as well; a say in his own life? Didn't he?
He had to have made a mistake. He didn't imprint on her, just like he didn't on Renesmee. That was all.
That was all she was trying to say, thinking he would be relieved along with her. But, she was wrong. Instead, she had hurt him and hurt him deeply. And now he had hurt her in return.
She heard a howl in the distance, sounding eerily similar to the painful one she had heard the other night in her drunken state. She cried harder in response until her eyes hurt and she was exhausted. Then and only then did she fall back into a dead sleep.
Bella felt herself being shaken lightly.
"Mom?" More shaking. "Mom?"
Bella struggled to open her eyes and found Renesmee staring down at her, concerned. "Mom? It's almost one. Are you going to get up today?" She laughed nervously.
Bella sniffed and raised her pounding head to look at the clock. She let out a sigh and laid back down. She reached a hand out to Renesmee, who took it looking confused, and Bella pulled her down to her. She then wrapped her arms around her daughter from behind and held her tightly.
"Mom? Are you okay?"
"Just stay here with me for a little while. Just a little while," Bella pleaded.
Renesmee nodded and stayed quiet. Bella kissed the back of her head and continued to stroke her hair. For now, she just wanted to hold her daughter and keep her as close as possible to her breaking heart.
Eventually, they both got up and decided to go out to a late lunch. Bella showered and got dressed. Renesmee offered to drive and, not really having any energy left to protest, Bella let her.
Jacob was nowhere to be seen. She didn't ask Renesmee where he was and Renesmee never offered the information. Even though Bella was hurting, she decided to paste a smile on her face and focus on spending the day with her daughter. It was the first time she had been able to enjoy time with her without any drama surrounding them.
They went to lunch at their favorite café and sat outside, soaking up the sunshine. Renesmee seemed happy and chattered about everything from school to her friends to some of her future plans. Bella asked all the right questions and laughed along, smiling most of the time. They both ignored the huge elephant sitting there between them. Neither brought up Jacob or Bella's loud hysterics from earlier. Bella found herself wondering again if him being mistaken about the imprint wasn't the best thing for all involved. She felt more pain at the thought, as always, but this time she couldn't tell whether it was Jacob's or hers. It increased when she realized today was nice; things were like they used to be once again, before Jacob Black came into their lives; more specifically, Bella's.
Renesmee had been telling her the latest crazy thing Lindsey had done that had both of them laughing when her cell phone started to ring. She picked up the phone and glanced at the screen. Bella saw Renesmee's smile fade and fresh worry replace it. She then looked up at her mother.
"Sorry, Mom, but I have to take this."
Bella smiled kindly. "Sure, honey. I'll get the check."
Renesmee nodded and walked down the sidewalk a bit before answering her phone.
Bella watched her and she was certain she knew who it was. Her suspicion was confirmed when Renesmee's eyes flickered over towards her and then looked away, speaking into the mouth piece.
That angered her. How dare he use her daughter to try to garner information about her? She knew she wasn't the most innocent party in this fiasco but she did still love Renesmee. And Jacob was sorely mistaken if he thought she would be okay with him doing this to her precious girl. Not by a long shot.
Bella gritted her teeth and signaled to the waitress. "Check, please."
The waitress scampered off to grab it and Renesmee returned to her seat, smiling happily.
Bella arched a brow. "Everything okay?"
Renesmee nodded and grinned. "Yep. Everything's good, Mom. So….you want to go anywhere else after this or were you planning on heading home….?"
Bella shrugged and took the check folder from the waitress. She scanned the paper and pulled out her credit card before handing it back to the girl. "It's up to you, sweetie. Is there somewhere else you'd like to go?"
Bella had never been a big shopper; Renesmee had more enthusiasm for it than she did. But if it was what her daughter wanted to do, she would grin and bear it. Anything to make her daughter happy.
Renesmee shook her head, smiling wider. "No. Actually, Jacob wanted to go see a movie later. That's who just called me."
Bella ignored the stab of pain in her chest. She smiled and dropped her eyes. "Oh. Well, I guess we're heading home then." She inclined her head at the waitress in thanks and took the check folder once again. She signed it and put her credit card back into her wallet.
"I hope this means he's not mad at me anymore. It didn't sound like he was. I think he wants us to get back on track as much as I do. I've really missed him." Bella's eyes snapped up to her daughter's glowing complexion and it broke her heart more. Renesmee was biting her lip and her grin was so big, Bella was positive it had to hurt. She looked happy, hopeful and very much like a young girl in love.
"You know, Renesmee," Bella folded her arms on the table and leaned forward slightly. "I've been meaning to talk to you about this, more in detail, when Jacob wasn't around." She then rested her chin on her clasped hands, looking straight at her daughter whose smile was a little smaller than before.
"Are you sure this is what you want? To get married so young? You're nineteen, honey. Why don't you wait until you finish school so it will give you a little more time to prepare?"
Renesmee's face flushed slightly. Bella could see her getting annoyed. "Mom…."
"Honey, I'm just saying….think about it. It's only a couple of more years. You'll get your degree and you'll be able to go out and get your first real job afterwards. You and Jacob can look for a house if you're still together then and we can plan a more elaborate wedding if you guys want. There's no need to settle down right away. Live your life a little first. You might feel differently in the next few years."
Renesmee's eyes were narrowed. "'If we're still together then?' Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom. And who said anything about me and Jacob getting married right away? We're just engaged. We haven't set a date yet. I wasn't planning on marrying him in the next two months. I know I'm nineteen. You and Dad never stop reminding me. I'm not gonna just get knocked up and marry the guy straight out of high school. I'm not stupid, Mom. I'm not you."
Bella winced and looked down to her bag. Nothing was said for a minute as Renesmee's words sunk in. Bella nodded and got to her feet. "You're right. You're not." She smiled, which was more of a grimace stretched into one. "Let's get you back to Jacob," Bella offered quietly. Renesmee gave a curt nod in return and stood up as well, still glaring at her mother.
Bella may have married Edward at a young age and Renesmee may be smarter than that (which she was glad to hear; she didn't want her daughter repeating her mistakes) but Bella didn't miss those looks she gave Jacob or how completely enamored she was with him, introducing him to everyone as hers. Renesmee could stand on a pedestal and look down on Bella all she wanted, but she already had one foot off of it herself. And Bella could see that clear as day. Bella had made Edward her entire world and it had changed her future dramatically; she hoped Renesmee would be smarter with Jacob. Especially, with what was still to come.
The car ride home was silent. What had been a happy afternoon was now thick with tension. The more and more Bella thought about Renesmee's remarks, the more it burned her.
Things didn't get much better once they got to the house. Bella walked into the dining room to find Jacob sitting there, his eyes fixed on the table, refusing to look up. She went right past him into the kitchen, not looking at him either.
She heard Renesmee greet him enthusiastically and him return it similarly. She then immediately began pulling out ingredients for dinner, slamming cabinets and pulling drawers open loudly in her fury. Fuck it. Pizza it was tonight. She didn't feel like doing anything more elaborate.
She grabbed a hair tie from her pocket and threw her hair up into a messy ponytail. She tied her makeshift apron on and started making the dough.
By the time she had started to knead the dough on the counter, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She shirked it off and resumed her kneading.
"Bella."
She stopped and blew the stray wisp of hair in her face in a huff before turning on him. He didn't say anything else and her eyebrows lifted expectantly.
She saw his jaw tighten. "What happened at lunch today?"
She scoffed and turned back to the dough. "What are you talking about?" She snapped.
"You and Ness are both pissed off and not talking. What's going on?"
Bella stiffened and then faced him once more. "The reason 'Ness' and I aren't talking is because she's been so far up your ass since she walked in the door, she hasn't had a chance to do anything else. I'm pissed off because I have been through fucking hell these past few days; I keep feeling emotions that aren't mine so it makes it even worse. Not to mention, I now have to worry about my nineteen year old daughter getting her heart broken in case you decide to 'imprint' on the next random woman you meet. No, I'm not pissed, Jake. Why would I be? Everything's just fucking perfect."
She picked up the dough and threw it in the garbage, ignoring his eyes boring holes into the side of her head. She then untied her apron and let it fall to the ground. She grabbed her purse and exited the kitchen. She walked into the dining room the same time Renesmee did from the other end. When Renesmee saw it was her mother, she narrowed her eyes into slits and shot Bella a death glare, obviously still pissed from before.
Bella snorted and sidestepped her daughter. As much as she loved Renesmee, she didn't have time for this right now. She slammed the front door on her way out.
Before she could get into her car, predictably, Jacob was there. He prevented her from opening the door.
"Bella," he said gruffly. "You're too upset to drive. It's not safe. Wait and cool down first."
She shook her head, snorting. "Unfuckingbelievable. I can't keep up with you anymore, Jake. You care, you don't care, now you do….make up your fucking mind. But, stop telling me what to do! I don't care that you're some big strong wolf. What are you going to do if I don't do what you say? Bite me?"
His face darkened but he closed his eyes. "Bella….I'm asking you not to drive. Just for right now. If you want to go later, then fine."
Bella slapped her forehead. "Oh, so now I have your permission? Well, thank God for that. You just made my day, Jake. Really. That just makes me so happy," she said bitterly. "Jake, if we really are imprinted, that's all it is. You don't really care. Like I told you before, it's messing with your head and making you think you do. Now move!"
He let out a frustrated breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. She could see he was getting angry but was trying to maintain his temper.
"Bella, please. I'm asking you nicely; please do not leave right now. Talk to me, yell and scream at me if you have to, but please do not get in the car."
Bella stared at him for a minute, seeing her opportunity to have some of her questions answered, and then crossed her arms. "When you say talk to you…."
He crossed his arms as well and leaned back against her car, getting comfortable. "Talk to me about whatever you want. Like what happened at your lunch to get you so upset."
She glared at him and ignored his urging her to tell him what was wrong. "So if I ask you questions…."
He glared right back. He knew where she was going. "I'll answer them."
"Just to keep me from driving right now?"
He shrugged. "If that's what it takes."
"Fine. Why did you call Renesmee before?"
"To check on you," he admitted unashamedly.
She shook her head. "So, you're basically just using her? You just don't give a shit about her anymore, do you?"
She saw his eyes flash but to his credit, he kept his composure. "No, I'm not. I also called to ask her to go to a movie tonight. But, yes, I did ask about you first. I told her I had heard you crying this morning. She bought it because she heard you, too, so she told me you were okay, better. I couldn't follow you in wolf form because you guys were in the center of town and there were too many people around. I would've followed you anyway but I knew if you saw me, you'd get upset again; after this morning, I didn't want that. I figured a phone call was a harmless way of making sure you were safe. So, sue me. And yes, I do give a shit about her. I loved her and still do in some ways. But, as I've told you before, I will never see anyone but you. Ever again. I feel really bad for her and I'm trying to make this as easy as possible for the both of you. Yes, I still love her, Bella, but it's not the same as it was."
Bella took a deep breath and asked her next question, as difficult as it was. "What did you mean this morning when you said you thought you imprinted on Renesmee?"
His gaze dropped to the ground momentarily but he then lifted it back to hers. "When I first met her, I was drawn to her, just like I was you. Everything I've experienced with you, I experienced with her. But there was a difference. It wasn't as intense. Ness didn't share my feelings the way you do; I couldn't tell what was going on with her half the time unless I saw it on her face or she told me. I was protective of her, I loved her, but not to the level I feel towards you. I still loved Izzy, the girl I told you about the other day, and with an imprint, that's impossible. The imprint dissolves any feelings for anyone else. We wolves never see anyone else that way ever again, just our imprints, depending on what they choose for us to be for them. Even if an imprint chooses for her wolf to stay as a friend, the wolf would always be in love with her, but remain platonic because that's what the imprint would need him to be. We might be able to date and even marry someone else, have a family, but you'll always be first in our hearts. It'll never be the same. Just like if you chose to be with someone else. That person will never be me."
He sighed heavily and rubbed his face tiredly. "Bella, I told you everything but only gave you a quick overview. The imprint is absolute, there's no way to break it. It's never been done. When I told you about Emily, she's the only one who ever tried to fight it. And that was only because of the situation she, Sam and his girlfriend at the time, Leah, were in. I was around for that, not when it happened but right after and I saw everything through Sam's eyes. I saw him imprint on Emily. I saw some of the others when they imprinted. I thought, with those memories, I had a pretty good idea of being able to recognize it should it happen to me. I was wrong. I didn't imprint on Ness. But I really thought I had. I refused to listen to my dad, to Sam, to the Elders or the other imprinted wolves. I was so sure she was it. Our relationship took off so quickly, it just seemed like it was the natural progression for the imprint. Which is why I asked her to move in with me. And then to marry me. I figured that was it, she was the one."
His eyes then flickered to hers and she could see them soften slightly. "And then I met you. And you knocked me off of my feet, brought me to my knees, turned me upside down and inside out. I felt it. Everything Sam and Jared and Paul and the rest went through, I literally felt it. It was like the planet shifted, like gravity was changing to show me that you were the only one that mattered. That I had been a fool to think that anything else ever did. I was made to love you, to protect you and take care of you, give you everything you needed, everything you ever wanted. Your life mattered more than my own. It took me a bit to realize what happened. I didn't want to believe it at first. It didn't seem possible. Like….I knew it happened but I was so confused about it all. I kept feeling the pull to you; the one to Ness was completely gone but I had felt a similar pull to her before, just not as strong as the one I feel to you. The next morning, when everyone was still asleep, I called my dad and talked to him about it. He came up with the same thing: imprinted. He said he'd talk to Sam and the Elders and get back to me. He did, later that night, after you had gone to bed. They all agreed I had imprinted. The signs and the pull were too strong to deny. The fact that we're connected the way we are just proves it more. You're my imprint, Bella. I know you don't want to hear it but it's the truth. You're my imprint and I'm your wolf."
Bella felt like her head was spinning. Her body was drained of all its previous anger and she just felt exhausted, like that weight was back on her shoulders. So, she would still be ripping her family apart then.
She hated imprinting, with a passion.
She sighed and tiredly leaned back against her car, her arms still crossed, next to him. She closed her eyes and arched her head back. "When you said you felt drawn to me before you met me, what did you mean?"
"Ness has pictures of you and Edward on her desk in our apartment. When she moved in, I saw your picture for the first time. Even then, I thought you were incredibly beautiful," he lowered his voice in reverence. "I remember thinking it was a damn shame that you were taken and I hadn't met you first." He snorted and Bella turned her head towards him, opening her eyes. He was shaking his head, looking away from her. "It was only a thought for a….split-second but I still felt guilty, like I was betraying Ness by thinking that. See, again, there were signs of an imprint there. It was so hard to tell."
Bella's brows furrowed. "Is that why whenever I think something that might be anything less than favorable about you, I get pain in my chest?"
He tensed, frowning. "Yes, though not as bad as we get it. Less than favorable, huh? Wow, why doesn't that surprise me?"
Her jaw clenched and she scowled at him. "Not like that, Jake. Jesus, why do you keep thinking I don't want you? Or that I would think a bad thing about you? Yes, you've pissed me off sometimes, like you're doing now. But, you've never given me reason to hate you or be turned off by you. You act like my unwillingness to destroy my family has something to do with you personally but that's not the case. You're included in that family. As weird as it sounds since we just met not that long ago but you are. I care about you; I want you to be happy, too. To have a choice. Not to just be a slave to this….thing. I want you to fall in love with someone you choose to. Someone closer to your age, that you can marry and have as many kids with as you want. Someone that can go out the door for five minutes without worrying you that she might hurt herself. Someone that you can completely be yourself with and you don't have to answer to her every whim. Someone who doesn't cause you pain. Can't you understand that, Jake? I just want you to have that option like everyone else, like Renesmee. But I also want my family to be happy. I don't want to hurt them or you. I love you all too much….," She trailed off quietly, her eyes falling to the ground.
He turned to face her completely, his expression still guarded but she could see the anger was gone from his eyes. She turned to face him as well.
"So, it's not me that you hated? You weren't hoping I didn't imprint on you because of me? That you didn't want me?"
She shook her head sadly. "Of course not, Jake." Against her will, she lifted her hand up and cupped his cheek gently. His eyes drifted shut and he pressed his head into her hand. She stroked his cheek tenderly with her thumb.
"Mom."
Bella snatched her hand away and moved to the side to see around Jacob. Renesmee was frowning at her. Shit. Bella put on her best smile. Thank God Jacob's massive frame had been blocking them.
"Yes, honey?"
Renesmee held the house phone up. "Dad's on the phone. He wants to talk to you."
Bella nodded and went to take it from her. "Okay, honey, thanks." She immediately lifted it to her ear. "Hello?"
"How are you, love?"
She walked back towards the house a little. "I'm good, Edward. How are you?"
"Very good. I'm getting off work in a little bit."
Bella turned to see Renesmee talking to Jacob. She was far enough away that she couldn't hear what was being said but Jacob didn't look happy.
"Oh really? That's great. I'll start dinner then."
"Well, actually, love, that's why I'm calling. Renesmee told me she and the dog are going to the movies."
Bella rolled her eyes at his ironic insult and gritted her teeth. "His name is Jacob, Edward. How many times do I have to tell you?" She saw Jacob's head tilt towards her but he never took his eyes off of Renesmee.
Edward sighed on the other end in annoyance. "Yes, yes. Jacob. Now, love, since they're going out and I'm getting off early, I thought maybe I could take you to dinner. Give you a break from the kitchen."
Renesmee wrapped her arms around Jacob and laid her head on his chest. Bella saw him reluctantly return the embrace. She turned back to the house, feeling like that weight was crushing her again.
"What do you say, love?"
She bit her lip and nodded. "Sure. I'd love to." She felt the hurt spread in her chest. She rubbed at it, knowing it wouldn't help at all since it wasn't hers.
"Great. I'll make the reservations. I'll be home soon, love, to pick you up."
"See you soon." She hung up the phone and crossed her arms, chewing on her thumbnail. She took a deep breath and then walked back to her car. She cleared her throat loudly when she found Jacob and Renesmee in the same position from before, both of their eyes closed.
Their eyes jerked open and Jacob immediately dropped his arms. Renesmee pulled away from him reluctantly. Bella gave them a small smile and handed the phone back to her daughter.
"Your father's going to be home soon. I'll be back in a little while."
She placed her hand on the door handle, waiting for Jacob to move. He didn't.
"I'd say I'm pretty calm now. Wouldn't you agree?" She asked without looking at him. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw him nod and then step away. She opened her door and got in.
Before she could close it, Jacob's hand stopped her.
"Actually, Bella, I need to grab some things from the store quick. My razor busted this morning and I need a new one. You mind if I get a ride with you?"
Bella turned a harsh glare on him as did Renesmee. Jacob had his own car. Yeah, that's not suspicious.
"Jacob," Renesmee chuckled uncertainly. "You have the car. Mom doesn't need to take you. I can go with you. Plus, we're gonna catch that movie tonight, right? We can grab it then, babe."
Jacob's jaw tightened and he turned back to her. Bella shook her head. This wasn't going to be good.
"I know, Ness. But, your mom was just saying she was going to run to the store quick so I figured why not knock it out now. I'll be right back. I promise."
He jumped into the passenger side before Renesmee could protest further. Bella rolled her eyes again and closed her door. She leaned out the window to see her daughter. "Do you need anything, honey? Or do you want to come with us?"
Renesmee shook her head and crossed her arms stubbornly.
Bella sighed. "Okay then. See you soon." She then backed out of the driveway, looking everywhere but at her very angry daughter.
Once they pulled down the street, Bella rested her head in her hand against the window. "Jake, you need to stop doing that," she said quietly.
"Bella, I'm—"
"No." She shook her head, staring at the road in front of her. "You have to stop hurting her. I know you don't mean to, but you are. And every time you hurt her, you're hurting me." She ran her hand through her hair, sighing. "It's bad enough as it is that she's going to lose you to me. Please don't make this any harder than it already is. Please," she begged.
She then felt a warm hand on her knee. "I know; I'm sorry. I'm trying," he whispered.
She switched hands on the wheel and covered his hand with hers, squeezing it. "I know," she whispered back. She squeezed his hand again and then interlaced their fingers; it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
