Chapter 7
Reid's POV
We were in Derek's car, on our way to his house. I never had been a big animal person, but I knew how much he cared for his dog, and I didn't want him being neglected because of me. I had met the large sheep dog a few times, he seemed to like me. He always jumped on me. I was looking out of the window, watching the lights blur together, making a rainbow show. Music was playing over the radio that I didn't recognize. I was in Derek Morgan's car. Everything was perfect. Well, almost everything, Derek knew that I had smoked weed, but he had no idea about the harder powder, and I wasn't ready for him to. We pulled up in his driveway. I jumped out of the car. I felt like I was floating as I hopped across his stone path. I could feel his eyes watching me. For once in my life, though, I didn't feel self conscious. I didn't really care about much, other than the fact that I was with Derek.
He unlocked the door, letting the dog run out. As usual, he pounced on me. The light feeling in my head caused me to be unable to balance myself. I hit the pavement. Hard. Clooney attacked my face, licking me. Morgan ran up to him.
"Down boy." He said clamly. The dog obeyed, backing up and sitting next to me. I couldn't stop laughing, knowing I looked ridiculous on the ground. When I finally opened my tear-filled eyes, all I could see was Derek's face. He was standing over me, one leg on each side, holding out his hands. I was still giggling as I took them and he pulled me to my feet. I fell forward, landing in his chest, still holding his hands. The feeling was indescribable. I thought it would have been odd, awkward. However, it was warm, and comfortable. I felt...at home. I began to blush, my only saving grace was that my face was already red from the laughter. A few sporadic giggles still passed my lips as his gaze met mine. The look in his eyes was one I had never seen before. I was confused, unsure of what to do. The tonic of drugs and alcohol coursing through my bloodstream caused me to loose all inhibitions. I knew that the next move I made could have destroyed everything we had. I could have made Derek run away from me forever. I could have lost the one good thing left in my life. I couldn't stop myself, though. I leaned forward, letting my lips lightly brush the two in front of me. Shockwaves soared through my body. It was the greatest sensation I could have experienced...at the time. The only question I had was, what the hell was Derek thinking?
Morgan's POV
He looked so adorable...huh...bad word...cute...no...nice...fuck it...adorable, laying there on the ground in a fit of laughter. I felt bad for him. Clooney didn't usually jump on people. Just Spencer. Once he regained his composure I helped him to his feet. He stumbled forward into my arms. The closeness was amazing. I was about to let him go, pull myself away before I did something stupid, when his lips met mine. I was shocked, to say the least. Did Spencer just kiss me? Did I just stand there, doing nothing? Why wasn't I kissing him back? He obviously wanted it. He was the one that made the move. All I could think was, what if it's not him? What if he's just messed up, and clinging to me for support. What if tomorrow he regrets doing it? So I stood there. Fingers still intertwined with his, letting him kiss me. He pulled away slowly, our hands dropping together to the side.
"Spencer...um...do you..."
"Derek, I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. It's just, you, uh, the past few days, having you around, has made me...I don't know...feel things...and I...I'm so sorry. Please, just don't hate me. It won't happen again." He was looking down at his feet. I realized they were his own feelings. I realized they were mine too. So why was I still just standing there? I lifted one of our clasped hands to his face, using one of my fingers to brush a piece of stray hair out of his face.
"Spencer, it can happen again...if you want it to." His head popped up, eyes wide.
"Derek...what, uh, what does that mean?" I smiled at him. Words weren't going to be enough. I pressed our lips together once more. He gasped into my mouth before breaking out in more laughter. Shit. Why was it funny? I had made a mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I felt like I was taking advantage of him in his moment of need.
"Spencer..."
"No..." he choked through the laughs. "I'm not...laughing...at you..."
"Then what's so funny?"
"He's...licking...my toes..." I looked down. Sure enough, Clooney was licking Spencer's feet. I lifted my own foot, putting it to his chest and making him back up. I let go of Spencer and sat down on the stairs of my porch, burying my head between my knees. I felt Spencer sit next to me. "What's wrong?" I looked up at, still leaning on my knees.
"I don't know." I said, honestly. Why was I so upset? We both felt the same way. That made it okay, right? Why was it such a problem for me to want him? That was it, though. Him. It wasn't right. It wasn't normal for two men to want each other. But when I held him, it felt right. Wasn't that all that was supposed to matter? That it felt right? Did it matter what other people thought about it? For the first time I was jealous of the young doctor. I wished that I could be as carefree as him. He didn't let other people's perceptions of him affect what he did.
"Derek, it's a lot for one day, so let's just go back to my place, pretend like none of this happened, and start over tomorrow."
"No, it did happen, and I'm okay with that. I just need a minute to gather my thoughts."
Reid's POV
He was right. It had happened, and there was no changing that. My only concern was it changing us. Then again, some changes are for the better, right? We grabbed Clooney's things and a few more changes of Derek's clothes before heading back to my house. Clooney insisted on sitting in my lap for the ride, his head hanging out of the window. The marijuana buzz had worn off, but the alcohol and cocaine were still coursing through me. I placed my own head on the window, letting the cold wind whip my face, tangling my hair. When we pulled up at my house, my face was numb from the cold wind. I shook my head, rubbing my hands on my cheeks for friction. Derek walked in front of me.
"I told you not to do that."
"Yeah, I know, but it felt good." He shook his head at me, placing his own hands on my cheeks and rubbing them gently.
"They're like ice." But to me, they were burning. His touch lit me on fire. I let my head fall against his shoulder.
"Derek, why do things have to be complicated?"
"That's life, pretty boy. And trust me, it doesn't get any better." He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, as if I was going to disappear. I still wasn't sure where we stood, but I didn't mind. As long as he held me, I was fine.
We were curled up on the couch, Clooney stretched across us, watching the television, when I started to sober up. The thousands of thoughts slowed to just a few, and the bright room dimmed to a normal view. The leg that had been bouncing relentlessly slowed, and the finger that had been fidgeting with Derek's stopped. He looked down at me.
"Your body language just changed completely. Are you okay?" I nodded. I thought that if he was there when I came down that I wouldn't want to go back up. I was wrong. Now he was an obstacle. I hated to think of him like that. My eyes continually shifted the the desk and back to Derek, hoping he would fall asleep. I reached for a cigarette, hoping that would help. He pulled away from me, scooting to the opposite side of the couch.
"...Derek?"
"I hate those things." Was all he said. I wanted to put it out for him. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable. At the same time, I needed something. I puffed on the stick, hard, sucking back the smoke into my lungs. Derek had a look of disgust on his face. A few hits in, I stubbed it out.
"Hey, uh, since you already know that I do it...would it bother you...if I..." I didn't want to ask, but I had to. I needed to take my mind away. I certainly wasn't going to get away with the cocaine.
"Go ahead. But know, I don't condone it." I walked in shame to my desk, only opening it enough for my own vision. I withdrew the partly smoked blunt, returning to my seat. I avoided eye contact while I smoked it, not wanting to see the disapproving looks I knew I was receiving. Once my limbs felt heavy, I put it out. Derek was in the far corner of the couch, propped up on his hand. I crawled over to him, laying my head in his lap.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked.
"No, but I want you to stop." I nodded as he laid his hand on my head, twirling my hair in his fingers. The sensation was amazing. Feeling his skin on mine was more than I could handle. I always heard that weed intensified everything around you, but I never truly understood it until then. I lifted myself up so that I was eye level with Derek.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" He asked.
"For not being the naïve innocent guy that i'm supposed to be." He laughed, kissing my forehead.
"Kid, you're not supposed to be anything other than you. Like I said, you shouldn't be doing this stuff, and we'll deal with it in time, but you aren't 'supposed' to be innocent. You're twenty-eight, not three." I smiled, pressing myself closer to his hard body.
"Yet you call me 'kid'." I said, laughing.
Something I never knew until I did it, a side affect of marijuana usage...you're more...needy? That's a bad way to put it, though. The book definition would be 'horny'. Sensation is amplified by the drug, thus the muchies, which I definitely had. So every time Derek touched me in any way, it was intensified, amplified through my body, causing me to want him more and more. I didn't want to push anything, but I wanted him to know what I was after. I would lightly stroke his leg, close to his thigh. I would randomly reach up and kiss his cheek, watching his reaction closely. His eyes would get bigger, from shock, then he would settle down, and a small smile would creep across his face. The best he would do was trace his fingers over my back in small circles.
"Derek."
"Yeah?"
"Kiss me." He looked down at me for a moment before pressing his lips to mine in a rough kiss. My hands grabbed the sides of his head as I melted into it. My lips felt like they had been electrified. Every inch of me was screaming for more. He pulled away.
"Like that?" He asked, a cocky smile on his face. I nodded.
"Yeah, thanks." I said before burying my face in his chest.
