Summery: M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.
Disclaimer: I still don't quite own Naruto… Tch.
Whoop: I seriously love you guys. You always put your comments, and let me know if I'm doing well or not, and –sniffle- I love you! –drama tears of joy-
Caoschix drew us a picture of Sasori, Deidara, Ishikoro, and Hakusa.
littleminion1292dotdeviantartdotcom/art/proud-parents-84864943
Go look and oogle! And sorry for the random chapter input! Space Monkey Ninjas in Hula Skirts stole my brain and they won't give it back 3
Remember: In the Japanese culture, it's not impolite to slurp your noodles.
After diaper changes, and lunch being served, the three fathers with the league of Akatsuki-kin sat in front of the television for some 'relaxed watching'.
Kisame held Matsuba while Ishikoro and Hakusa teetered together in Sasori's lap. The triplets were entertaining all three of the babes, sticking fingers up noses, and having poking contests. The adults were watching some paid programming thing until Kakuzu changed the channel, and a horror movie came on.
The room grew suddenly quiet as all eyes were drawn to the television. The triplets settled, and the baby-crew gurgled and watched. Kisame shrugged lightly at Kakuzu, deeming this to be somewhat of a good thing before Matsuba picked up on Kira's 'everything has to have swear words' moment to prove to his siblings that he could talk like Daddy-bitch could. Sasori gave a soft sigh of relief, as well.
It wasn't until towards the end of the movie that Zetsu decided to appear, while the triplets were close to the TV, drawn in by the blood and guts of someone being ripped to shreds. Kisame had just gotten back from getting Matsuba's bottle, and Hakusa and Ishikoro were babbling baby commentary. The venus-flytrap gone wrong made his appearance by rising through the floor and the television set, and then walking out.
Three Elite S-Ranked Akatsuki Shinobi screamed like little girls. The kids' initial reactions were fear, and then laughter. They cheered, laughed, and clapped at Zetsu and their fathers for getting scared. Zetsu looked miffed and stalked off, obviously unappreciated by the reactions to his sudden appearance. Eventually, things calmed down and Kisame and Matsuba went to nap, while Sasori took the twins into the room to play in their pen.
As the day commenced, dinner was shared together, all three 'fathers' moving to make sure their offspring was well fed, the food wasn't getting thrown somewhere, and the triplets weren't setting a bad example for the other trio. Afterwards was movie time again, the parents finding it easier to keep an eye on the kids while their eyes were glued to the television. Another horror, as cartoons and other children's shows didn't seem interesting enough.
Matsuba fell asleep during the movie, so Kisame bid the other two adults a good night before carrying the sleepy babe to the bedroom to put him in his crib. Making sure he settled alright, the shark-nin went and took a hot shower, before getting ready for bed. Just as he was about to settle his head onto his pillow, the sleeping shape woke and began crying in his crib.
Kisame slowly got up and went over to peek in. Matsuba didn't look happy, and it wasn't a diaper cry, or a hungry sort of cry. Picking his son up and examined him while the babe stopped a little to stare with teary eyes back at him. "What's wrong, Matsuba?" the shark-nin asked, and frowned as the crying started up again. He tried setting him back in his crib and tucking him in, but that didn't work. The binkie was spit back out again, and even resting him on Itachi's pillow on the bed didn't help.
"What does 'Tachi do when you're like this?" Kisame murmured with a sigh, trying to think. He picked Matsuba up again and rested him against his shoulder, making soft noises to try and calm the babe as he rocked him back and fourth. Gradually, the effect worked, and the shark-nin smiled in relief. "Matty, Matty… what were you crying for in the first place?" he asked as the small child sucked on some fingers of his tiny hand, slowly starting to lull to sleep again.
Kisame cradled the babe in his arms and looked down at him with a smile, beady black orbs looking back up at him. "Did you have a nightmare, maybe?" the shark-nin asked, shifting and sitting on the bed. "Too many horror movies… sometimes they bother me, too." He tickled Matsuba's chin a little with a finger, and smirked as the small babe smiled. "Alright, back to bed. You want to sleep with Daddy?" He took the child's yawn as a 'yes' and carefully rested him in bed with him when he crawled back in.
Sleepy Matsuba slept close to Kisame the entire night, sucking softly on his fist and only waking up for a little bit sometime in the early morning while the shark-nin shifted, before falling asleep again.
Meanwhile…
During the events at the hideout, the 'Mothers' of the Akatsuki enjoyed themselves. With hair cuts, massages, and swimming came other more –serious- matters.
"Do you think I should get my ass waxed?" Hidan asked as the three of them sunbathed at the pool.
Deidara scrunched up his nose and looked over to Hidan as the Jashinist looked over a sheet of paper with different spa costs and treatments. "Why would you do that, un?" he asked, sounding remotely grossed out. "I mean… who would really care, hmm?"
"Kakuzu'd enjoy it… that bastard has some weird kinks, sometimes." Hidan replied with a smirk.
"That is completely and utterly pointless." Came a low murmur from Itachi, and then a sigh as the Uchiha got up. "I'm swimming a bit. Please, continue this conversation. You don't need my input." He pulled his hair back and dove into the pool.
"I think Itachi's right, un. Even if Kakuzu-san might like it, wouldn't it hurt?" Deidara asked. "It's bad enough getting legs, but your butt, hmm?"
"You've had your legs waxed?" Hidan asked, sitting up and looking at his blond company. He laughed and grinned. "I haven't had anything waxed before, but I decided I should start on my ass just for the hell of it. If it hurts, then it hurts. Fucking big deal."
"I double-shinobi-dare you to get a full-body wax, un." Deidara rolled over onto his stomach and grinned at Hidan.
"Why?" The jashinist blinked at the other male.
"I dunno, un. It'd be funny. And, 'sides. Didn't you say Kakuzu-san would like it, hmm?" The blond shrugged lightly and began applying some more sunblock to his back and shoulders.
"Fine. Then I… Triple-Shinobi-dare Itachi to." Hidan grunted, grinning and crossing his arms over his chest.
"Only if Deidara-san does." Itachi rested his arms on the side of the pool and smirked slightly at the dumbstruck Deidara. "What? If I'm going to be brought into this, then so should you."
"U-Un…." Came a mumble, and then the blond scrunched up his nose. "So I guess we're all getting one, then, hmm?" he asked, looking to his cohorts.
"It seems like it. About fucking time! I'm done with the pool- those chicks keep staring at my chest." Hidan said, standing and smirking. "Come on, you two. The paper says it could take a whole day." He watched Itachi sigh and get out of the pool, before Deidara reluctantly got up and gathered his things.
And that was how the trio wound up with a full-body wax while on their vacation. It was a pain for them getting into the steaming water, when their skin still stung from the harsh hair removal. Hidan seemed to enjoy it, while Itachi was indifferent, and Deidara kept huffing that he felt like a girl because his legs and arms were so smooth.
After a bath in the hot prings and listening to Hidan ramble and Deidara complain, Itachi was glad to be left alone in his room at the hotel they were staying in. It was a queen bed, with a decent-sized bathroom, and even a whole television set-up. He wondered how much of a fit Kakuzu would throw at the price of not one, but –three- of those rooms. Setting things down and removing the robe covering him, he slipped into something for bed and sat down to brush out his hair.
A picture of he, Kisame, and Matsuba rested in a frame on the nightstand beside his bed, and he smiled softly at it. Matsuba's first picture, and it was only days after his birth. The babe hadn't even noticed the camera flash. Finishing with his hair, he picked up the picture and looked at it fondly. Although he liked Hidan's vacation plan, it wasn't even the first night over, and he already missed his family.
Family… that made the smile widen on Itachi's lips. Usually, he thought of Sasuke when the word came up, but now he had Kisame and Matsuba. It was nice for it to contain people that loved him, and didn't have a quest to kill him. His smile faded a little, and he set the picture back down before going off to brush his teeth. Deed done, he turned off the room lights and slipped into bed for sleep.
Mommy's days off: Day 1 End.
This chapter was completely composed of random. The Hidan ass wax thing was a completely random thought that was spawned by lack of sleep. I seriously should be in bed by now. The deal with Matsuba and Kisame, and the little bit of Itachi at the end was probably the only stuff that should count for this chapter ;
Oh well. Please, leave me comments! Maybe give ideas as to what either the fathers, or the mothers, should do next?
