7: Nanami's Delusions Strike Again!
Once upon a pogo stick, there lived an elegant but spoiled young princess, who—although she was given every privilege known—was nevertheless dissatisfied with her position in life, and was always wishing for more, or for better. Before the story progresses any further, it must be noted that there were no hexes or curses laid upon this morally bankrupt princess, yet she suffered spectacular delusions and was usually prone to fits of wild insanity (usually involving animals set out to assassinate her). These delusions were perhaps sentences of judgment sent from better powers, to ensure that all was not comfort and ease for the princess, or perhaps her own burgeoning insecurities led to these wild fancies. In any case:
The princess was on her way to class one morning (but only because she felt like it), when all of a sudden…
"Runaway donkey! A donkey has broken loose!"
"WHY MEEEEEE?!" she shrieked, as the creature barreled its way towards her. Just in the nick of time, however, Utena Tenjou rushed out and saved her, lassoing the wild donkey with a great flourish!
"Jeez," she sighed, "what is with all these animals attacking Nanami? Is this more of Mitsuru's doing?"
"What are you talking about?" Nanami snapped. "This is obviously the work of some macro-organic life form stricken with jealousy for MY good looks and talents! Yes, even the angels weep with envy wherever I walk!"
"Oh, brother," she sighed, gently letting the donkey loose. "Look, just be careful from now on, Nanami. I won't always be here to save you."
"Yes, that's what my big brother is for!" she cackled. Utena rolled her eyes and exited stage right. Resuming from where I left off, Nanami was headed to class—
"Runaway dog! A dog's gone loose!"
"Gosh dang it!" Nanami screamed, as the rabid animal chased her. Just in the nick of time, however, Miki rushed out and saved her, throwing a huge porterhouse steak in the dog's path! His face gleamed with love as he turned to the young woman.
"Miss Anthy, are you—" And then faded glumly as he realized who he had actually saved. "Oh, it's only you, Miss Nanami. Darn!—and here I thought I'd be saving Miss Anthy."
"EX-CUSE ME?!"
"Then again, she always did strike me as a great lover of all animals. Why, I bet she'd be able to tame just about anything!"
"ARE YOU LISTENING, MIKI!? HOW COULD YOU CONFUSE ME WITH THAT VAPID-FACED TWIT, ANTHY!" Miki winced as Nanami's voice barreled past him, frightening the poor dog away and leaving the young prodigy with a migraine.
"Ach, you don't have to yell, Miss Nanami! I just thought that Touga or Mitsuru would be the one to save you. I was a victim of circumstance!"
"And now you're saying YOU'RE the victim!? Get outta here!" Miki scampered away, throwing up a huge trail of dust as he returned to class or music hall or fencing or banging his sister, or whatever the heck he does. So now Nanami was feeling cross (but really, when is she not?). She stormed her way to class, determined to at least get inside the building, ready to tear apart anyone or anything that got in her—
"Runaway cat! A cat's on the loose! Look out for the cat!"
"Seriously?" she muttered. Nanami's cynicism turned to fright as a monstrous housecat ran after her, howling and hissing with claws like sickles and fangs like the devil. She was, in fact, able to get inside a building, but only after crashing through a solid brick wall, leaving a Nanami-shaped impression behind. The cat smashed through the wall in hot pursuit, its paws reaching out to grab her. Suddenly, the two Shadow Girls appeared, smacking the cat on its head.
"Bad Juliano, bad! You know better than to chase little mice."
"I told you, his name is Cool Style Unusual Kitty! But was that really a mouse?—or a louse?"
"An uncontrollable kitten that's as big as a house!"
"What sorts of troubles will this beast arouse?"
"Causing some fires that no one can douse?"
"Do you know, do you know, what sorts of things do you really really kn—"
SLLLLLUUUUURRRRRP!
(GULP!)
MMMRRRRRROOOOOWWWWWWW…
And so, his appetite appeased, the large cat wandered off, leaving Nanami safe again, and the school in tatters, again. She gradually dug and kicked her way out of the rubble, took a deep breath, scanned around, and carefully crept her way into the classroom. Unusually, she was the first one there, so she found an empty desk, sat down, glanced up at her instructor…
"Runaway rooster! A cock is on the loose!"
Nanami blushed. "So it's finally come to this, has it?" The rooster glanced sideways at Nanami, but since it didn't seem to be a malevolent creature, she was perfectly—
"Oh my God! A giant man-eating chicken is on the loose! Run for your lives!"
"No! Thousands of pissed-off cuckoos are on the loose! A pointy-eared Hyrulian fairy-boy wouldn't stop hitting them with his sword, and now they're swarming!"
"Hit the dirt! Foghorn Leghorn's gone plumb loco!"
"SERIOUSLY?!" Nanami thrashed her fist down on the desk so hard that it broke, and threw herself through the nearest window to avoid the swarms of cuckoos and killer chickens. She screamed bloody murder as she fell, fell, fell, fell…
…
And woke up with a start, finding herself in a bed, surrounded by her friends. She also noticed the color scheme for the chapter had turned sepia.
"Didn't we already do The Wizard of Oz?" she muttered. Miki, who was closest to her, touched her forehead as he checked a thermometer.
"What are you talking about, Nanami? We're doing The Musicians of Bremen for our school play. Don't you remember?"
"Too bad that you've already forgotten," Utena said, leaning over the bed. "We can't find anyone else to replace you as director."
"We were all very worried when you passed out all of a sudden," Anthy said. Nanami cringed.
"What's she doing here? And don't tell me that I've been dreaming all this time! That's the lamest cliché in the book!"
"Anthy's in charge of costume design," Utena said. "Gee, you really must've been exhausted! Maybe you have short-term amnesia or something."
"Another idiotic cliché," Nanami exclaimed, hopping out of bed. "Are we finished with the pandering expositions? Thank you. Now: you say that I'm the director, right?"
"Surprisingly," Miki muttered. Nanami glared.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"I thought so! Anyway, what's this play about?"
"Oh, it's one of my favorites!" Anthy exclaimed. "It's about a donkey, a dog, a cat, and a rooster going to the town of Bremen to become musicians. See?"
Nanami then realized that Utena was wearing a donkey costume, Miki a dog's, the Shadow Girls were wearing a large cat's costume, and Saionji was a giant dick.
I mean, he was a cock.
Rooster. Damn it.
"Yyyyeah," she drawled. "I quit."
And she walked out of the production and lived happily ever after.
The End
Next chapter: Og! The Musical!
