A/N: I've started college, so may not be able to update as much as I want, I will start a new story after this one, which I'm intending to make twice as long as my last one. I'm gonna do a Sherlock Holmes and CM crossover I like crossovers, maybe it's my niche! O.K so less about me, on with the story. We left Hotch and Emily trying to reassure Jack that he's still an integral part of they're lives, which he will always be! So then Morgan comes back into the BAU, much to Lisa's irritation, I'm bringing back his charm and wit, and also bringing him back on the team, I've had my fun. We also find out which of the women have the miscarriage.
Christmas: The Reid household.
It had been six months since Spencer and Lisa were in the hospital having their check up, and they didn't know that in a month they'd be burying their baby daughter. Spencer stood with tears in his eyes as Lisa placed a single flower on the plot of land that held their princess, he pulled their two children closer and then pulled his wife closer to himself , and kissed her temple to assure her he was still there and not going anywhere, fully aware that this would have been Sarah's first Christmas.
Back in the house, Spencer called round everyone to make sure they are still going to make it for their Christmas eve dinner, everyone said 'yes'.
In the BAU.
Hotch sat in his office, watching his team get ready to leave for Christmas, looking out at Spencer and Lisa's desks and sighing. Lost in his thoughts he didn't notice his office door open and Emily walk in, 'Hey, you ready to go to Reid's place?' Emily had Jack at one side and Liam, their five month old baby, on her hip.
'Yes, but I'm scared seeing Liam will push Lisa over the edge. It's only been 5 months since her miscarriage, I don't want her to end up in the nut house.' Hotch sighed.
'She wouldn't have asked us if she had a problem with us bringing Liam.' Emily looked down at her son, who gurgled back at her, then plunged into her chest and fell asleep, she moved him to his stroller, which was on her other side.
'Your right, of course Emily, just give me a minute to get this finished, can't have it sitting over Christmas now can we?' Hotch added his signature to a few files and then put them in his 'outbox'. He grabbed his coat and they headed out to the elevators.
In the Reid's
'Spencer, where's the fairy lights, I need them to finish off the tree.' Lisa turned into her kitchen to look at her husband.
'They're in the garage.' He looked at his wife who had just turned white, the things they bought for Sarah were in the garage. 'I can go get them if you don't want to go in there.'
'No.' Lisa squeaked, 'No, I'm sure I'll be fine, after all it's just a garage, right?'
'Right, just a garage.' Spencer echoed. Lisa nervously made her way to the garage.
Lisa looked around, seeing a box marked 'Christmas stuff', on the top shelf, looking around she spotted a ladder, pulling it out it uncovered a box marked 'Sarah's things', Lisa tried to ignore it, but as she pulled out the ladder it knocked over the box and her baby's things fell out onto the garage floor. Lisa fell down onto the floor and pulled up her shawl that Lisa's mother had given them for when the baby arrived, it was purple with little trees on the edges. As Lisa buried her face in the fabric she smelt it, Sarah.
Flashback: Five months ago
'Come on Mrs. Reid just one more push.' the nurse encouraged Lisa, who had been in labour for sixteen hours after her latest scan showed no heartbeat, she just wanted her husband by her side as she brought their daughter into the world, and out of it again. But Spencer was on a case, and out of cell phone range.
'NNNN…I…NNNN…CAN'T…NNNN' Lisa panted, sweat dripping off her brow. She couldn't physically bring her baby into the world so the doctor took her to theatre and gave her a caesarean section, just to relieve the pressure on Lisa's fragile reproductive system.
After the operation she came round feeling slightly groggy but awake. She turned to her side and saw her husband holding a bundle, 'Maybe they were wrong, maybe she survived.' Oh, how Lisa wanted to believe it was true, but she knew it wasn't. 'Let me hold her.' Spencer's eyes shot up at his wife's words, fear and sadness brimmed in them.
'Ok, I, uh, put her in that shawl your mom gave us, I figure we should use it, for its, um, for its, uh…' his voice broke as he handed Sarah to his wife and finally put his head in his hands and wept.
Lisa began to sing, 'Hush little baby, don't say a word, Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird and if that mocking bird don't sing, Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring and if that diamond ring turns to brass, Momma's gonna buy you a looking glass and if that looking glass gets broke, Momma's gonna buy you a billy goat and if that billy goat runs away, Momma's gonna buy you another someday.' She fell apart after that and held her lifeless baby in her arms and wept.
End flashback
Lisa felt a hand on her shoulder and turned round to see her husband looking at her lovingly, 'It…' she sighed, 'It fell down, they fell out, I remember, my song.' Lisa began to sob, Spencer just shushed her and then told her that he loved her.
Two hours later, Lisa was ready and waiting to welcome her guests, Spencer said; 'Perhaps we should just cancel this thing, we can have it tomorrow.' he looked at his wife.
'No, we just called to confirm, we're having this now.' Lisa's tone left no room for arguments. Unfortunately the first four people through the door were Hotch, Emily, Jack and Liam.
'Spark out, fell asleep just after I got to Aaron's office.' Emily smiled up at Lisa who couldn't take her eyes off Liam, Emily waved her hand in front of Lisa's eyes, Lisa pulled her eyes up, Emily could see her eyes brimmed with unshed tears.
'Um, I am sorry, its just…just…' she couldn't finish he sentence and ran out of the room, closely followed by Emily. Hotch was the first to speak 'What was that just there?'
Spencer sighed, 'sit down, I'll tell you, so you don't have to order a psyche evaluation…'
Meanwhile
Lisa sat in her bedroom, Emily's arm around her shoulder, 'Wanna tell me about it?' Lisa looked up at her friend.
'I was getting some fairy lights from the garage, they were up on the top shelf, I got out a ladder, but the ladder was stuck behind the box with Sarah's things in it, anyway it fell, her shawl fell out and…I remembered.' she began to sob again.
'Listen to me, it won't always hurt so bad when you remember…'
'I know why God took my baby, when I was sixteen I terminated my first ever pregnancy, this is my punishment.'
'Now that's silly, God would never punish you by killing your daughter.'
'Why not, hmm? David was punished by God for his sin by having his first child taken away.'
'You are not David, maybe God took this baby away so He could show, through you how strong HE is.' Lisa looked up at her friend and colleague in surprise, then smiled and both left to go downstairs.
5 Hours later
Hotch was on his way to being well and truly plastered, 'Oh well, guess I'm driving again.' Emily sighed, and tried to fend off her amorous but very drunk boyfriend.
Lisa looked over at Garcia and Kevin, who were all over each other, Jordan O'Keefe was by himself, choosing not to bring a plus one. Rossi was talking to Spencer. Garcia piped up, 'It's a shame JJ moved to the office in New Orleans, isn't it, I'm sure she'd have loved this night.' Everyone nodded their agreement.
Spencer looked around, Lisa was no where in sight, and neither was a six pack of beer, but he couldn't think like that, she was clean, had been for over four years.
'Hey, um, where d' y'all keep yer bathroom?' Jordan's South Carolina accent came floating through Rossi and Spencer's conversation.
'Oh, yeah, up the stairs, down to the end of the hall, turn left.' Jordan gave Spencer the thumbs up and bounded up the stairs two at a time.
'You know that guy's not all bad, maybe if he had a girlfriend.' Rossi laughed.
Upstairs
Jordan went to the end of the hall, 'Now did he say to turn right or lef', I think he said right.' he turned right, into the master bedroom, where Lisa was passed out, having fallen off the wagon, six beer bottles strewn across the floor around her.
'I'm sorry ma'am.' Jordan apologised then realised she wasn't moving, and that it was Lisa, 'Missus Reid?, hey are you a'right?' he picked her up by the shoulders, her head lopped to the side, then she stirred.
'No, mmm, please Uncle Remmie, I don't wanna.' she repeated those last words, until she was screaming them at the top of her lungs. Then Spencer came bursting in, seeing that Jordan was holding his wife's shoulders, and hearing her words.
'Hey I thought you said right, you musta said lef', I'm sorry but I came in here by accident, I meant no harm, I assure you Doc.' Jordan put his hands up, it was only then that Spencer noticed the empty bottles on the floor.
'Can everyone leave please?' Spencer looked down at his wife. He picked her up off the floor and lay her on the bed, slowly undressed her until she was in only her underwear, Spencer then pulled the cover over her and left her there to sleep it off.
'This party's over.' No one argued and they all left without any major fuss.
The next day
Lisa woke up with a major hangover, Spencer looked at her as she walked to the kitchen.
'You didn't need to start drinking again, I told you to cancel the party.' Spencer looked up sadly at his wife.
'I only wanted to forget, I didn't want that image in my head…' Lisa didn't finish the sentence.
'The kids'll be up soon, I don't want them to see their mom with a hangover. You should go back to bed.'
'I can hide a hangover pretty good if I must, I want to see my kids open their presents.' Lisa told her husband letting him know that there was no argument in it.
After the kids opened all their gifts and went outside to play with their new toys and their friends, Lisa decided to open up to her husband about why she had been drinking last night.
'I was raped from the age of thirteen up until I was seventeen, by my stepdad, mom would make me call him 'uncle' Remmie, she met him when I was, what ten, eleven? Anyway by the time I was sixteen he, um, he got me pregnant, I was six months along before I finally told him, and you know what he did?' Spencer shook his head. 'He paid for me to have an abortion, I killed my baby, and he made me watch the abortionist kill the baby in my womb, I hated him for that, after I was seventeen I told my mom, she called me a liar and threw me out, I went to live with my grandma in the suburbs, finished my school and enrolled in the FBI training academy.' She sighed, and wiped at her eyes.
'How did you pluck up the courage to tell your mom?' Spencer looked at his wife over the top of his glasses, the contacts were bothering him again.
'That's the part I really don't want to tell anyone, he died.'
'Died, how did he die.' Spencer cocked his head a little to the left.
'Please Spencer, stop asking questions, please I don't want to drag you into this any further than you need to be, it's not somewhere you want to go, it made me an alcoholic.'
'I want to know, please, tell me, I love you, I want you to confide in me, please!' Lisa put her hands over her ears, 'PLEASE!'
'I killed him, I shot him while he got dressed after another night of being raped by him, I saw my father's old service revolver on the dresser, I guess my mom kept it because she was still in love with my dad, anyway I picked it up, pointed it at him and pulled the trigger, he went down like a sack of potatoes, and I felt free again.' She looked at her husband pleadingly, 'Please don't hate me.'
'I could never hate you, I love you so much, and if you could only see that killing him wasn't the way to make him stop, if you'd just waited a year he would have stopped…'
'No he wouldn't have stopped, he was making plans to leave mom, he said he wanted children with me, he said he wanted to marry me, that's why I freaked out when Derek said he wanted to marry me, have kids, all I could see was that ugly face, smiling, making plans. I wanted to hit him, but he got in there first, I…I…' Lisa broke down sobbing, Spencer pulled her into his arms and let her sob, even as Gideon and Rebecca came in, shaking snow off them.
'What happened? Why is mom crying?' Gideon asked his father.
'Just getting rid of some of those feelings mommy bottles up sometimes.' Spencer smiled down at his son, who just shrugged and went into the kitchen with his sister.
After The Christmas Vacation
Lisa and Spencer walked into the BAU floor together, after dropping the kids off at home and asking Will to pick them up after school, turning into the bullpen Lisa spotted Derek Morgan, who was replacing Jordan O'Keefe after he was assigned to take over from JJ, and reeled back grabbing her husband's arm.
'Hey Lisa, Hey pretty boy, what's up? I'm back!' Derek grinned, and laid a hand on Spencer's shoulder. 'Lisa, I'm sorry, what I did to you was…unforgivable…'
'Yet I forgave you everyday, ultimately you gave me two gorgeous kids, and for that I'll be eternally grateful. It was just a shock seeing you again.' Lisa smiled and looked down at the photo on her desk, she'd wait and tell Derek about her teenage years soon enough.
In Hotch's Office
'I'm sorry to spring Derek on you again but we did need him, no one is as good as e is about getting into an unsub's head.' Hotch apologised to Lisa.
'It's OK, I didn't hold any grudges against him, I exorcised all those demons over Christmas, really I did.' Lisa looked at her boss.
A/N: I did what I set out to do in this chapter and I did exorcise a few demons from Lisa's past, I really hope I don't finish this whole story before I want to, just when I start writing I can't stop. Lol.
