An organic compound
Sometimes, a captain has to get dirty to be successful!
One day, in the transporter room…
"Spock, I'm surprised to see you so calm…"
"I'm Vulcan, Doctor. I'm calm in any circumstance."
"No doubt, Mr. Spock. But you forget that Jim is not Vulcan and when he will return from his mission, he will be mad at you! I'm willing to bet one month of salary that Jim will tear off your pointed ears as soon as he will be on board!"
"Doctor, if I understand you correctly, you're here for me! I thought you were waiting for Captain Kirk and his team, composed by three geologists and two security men. The fact that none incident has been reported makes your presence unnecessary! Your fears for the landing party or my ears are unfounded!"
"Well, Spock. In that case, I abandon you to your fate! You know where to find me if you need me!"
Two minutes later…
Spock was watching Captain Kirk while he was materializing alongside the five other members of his team. A foul odor had invaded the transporter room. That nauseating smell was bothering his nostrils despite his nearly flawless Vulcan control. Undoubtedly, that odor came from the crewmembers themselves. Their clothes were indeed covered with dirt and filth, from their waists to their muddy boots that left footprints all over the room while the team was evacuating the equipment from the teleport pads.
Spock noticed that his colleagues' faces were strangely colored in white, purple or red! Spock discovered immediately the reason. Several of his human colleagues had stop breathing in order to escape the smell that accompanied them! Some were just on the verge of fainting! Nevertheless, Spock was reassured to see that they bore no trace of blood or injury…But he was regretting deeply McCoy's absence, especially when he met the dark glare of his Captain.
"Gentlemen, go directly to the showers in the gym room! Don't run, walk single file…I don't want this nauseating odor spreading in all the decks of the ship! And by the way, please, call the cleaning team... All of you are off-duty for the next 24 hours!"
"Thank you, Sir. But …should you not accompany us?" A geologist asked.
"I'll join you in a few minutes, Mr. Hansen… First, I must make a tune with your superior officer…Mr. Spock, come here right now!"
oOOOo
"Yes, Captain?"
"Mr. Spock…when you were ecstatic this morning…"
"Captain, I'm Vulcan. Vulcans are not ecstatic …" Spock said, interrupting his Captain and friend.
"SPOCK, SHUT UP! Like I was saying…" said Captain Kirk while trying to calm down. "This morning when you were leaning your head over the scanner of your scientific console, you said that your scanner had revealed the presence of a very interesting organic substance with fascinating allelopathic properties, rich in nutrients such as nitrogen, phosphoric anhydride, potash and cellulose…Those are your exact words, aren't they, Mr. Spock?"
"Well, it's correct, Sir…" Spock replied while looking his smelling Captain approaching dangerously.
… I'm willing to bet one month of salary that Jim will tear off your pointed-ears as soon as he will be on board…
"Mister Spock…This substance was a MANURE HEAP!"
"Captain…I don't understand your reaction. I think that I had defined exactly this substance. Indeed, manure is an organic compound rich in nitrogen, phosphor…"
"MISTER SPOCK! We have sunk in this SHIT! We got stuck to the waist!" Kirk shouted in front of an imperturbable Vulcan although his ears were greener than usual.
"Captain, I see no logic in your reaction. Need I remind you that you insisted to conduct this mission yourself, namely the collection of 22 lbs of that substance…Need I remind you that you have chosen to teleport your whole team directly on the site while I had expressly advised to beam down at the safe distance of 200 meters…"
"DAMN IT, SPOCK! … I feel like I want to tear your head off! …RHAAAAAA!" Jim screamed.
"My …head, Captain?"
Two minutes later…again.
Jim was still pacing up and down the transporter room, sometimes rolling his eyes. Spock was still straight on his feet, hands behind his back. Spock, looking at his furious Captain, made the mental note to never bet with the physician…
"Spock. I recognize that it's partly my fault. However, you could admit that sometimes you're a little too …well, forget it! At least, you obtained 22 lbs of that …compound. You may take it and do whatever you want with your microscope." Jim said. He was now calm and almost smiling.
"In fact, Captain. I only need 1.7 lb of that substance." Spock said.
"Uh…Only 1.7 lb, Mister Spock?"
"Yes, Captain."
"So, why did you ask for 22 lbs?"
"…"
"Spock! Answer me!"
"Yes, Captain…Well…20.3 lbs of this compound is for Lieutenant Sulu…It's the Birthday gift of Gertrude!"
"WHAT? GERTRUDE?! Are you saying that my men and I have crawled in that shit for a STUPID CARNIVOROUS PLANT?"
"Yes…Captain."
"Commander Spock!"
"Yes, Captain?" Spock asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Run, now!"
"Yes, Captain!" Spock said before running away in the corridor, closely followed by Captain James T. Kirk!
The end
…Reviews are always appreciated…
