So Utterly Confused

Massao-na-Mizu

Disclaimer: I hate repeating myself. Kindly direct yourself to the previous chaps.

M/N: I'm not sure where my fic's leading to. So if you have any idea to help me, please email me. I would gladly give you credit for the ideas. It'll take me a long time before I update. It's hard to construct a fic and mostly, I'm sad because of my fic's unpopularity. Oh well, that's life- as Anne Twilight and Aeneid had repeatedly pointed out to me.

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Chapter 6-Know When To Shut Up, And To Give Up

"Yesterday was the worst day ever
And tomorrow won't be better
Its History repeating
Summer plans are gone forever
I traded them in for dishpan water
And every day is never ending
I need to work, I'm always spending."

- Worst Day Ever, Simple Plan

SESSHOUMARU

What annoys you a lot on mornings like these? When a certain student and best friend forever of your half-brother knocks at your door when you're still asleep or when you're dressing up and starts calling you 'Inu Yasha'.

I should put a top ten list here.

But I was not planning on doing anything to stop her. Let her look like the complete idiot she is and I'll find it very amusing.

Honestly, if not only for the innocent expression of surprise on her face, I would have accused her of bugging me on purpose. Now that is entertaining. Maybe I should.

No. She is my student and as much as I would love to see my half-brother suffer, I have my pride and dignity. In no way would I do such a thing as involve another mere student in my works.

It was just not me. I heard the door open with my sharp hearing and close. Almost muted footsteps heading towards the second floor where I and my brother were situated in.

I was ready to scowl at her. Complete with an arched eyebrow, cold glare and crossed arms. But it did not come. Instead, she knocked on the half- breed's door.

So she had learned her lesson.

Good girl.

Well? What did I care?

"Inu." Her soft, sweet voice called out to the mutt. There was no response.

She knocked again.

"Inu, wake up now," It was still gentle, but the sweetness was not that sweet. I could make out she was saying this through gritted teeth. There were some muffled words from my half-brother's part and I could feel the 'irked' vibes Kagome was sending.

"Don't make me break the door, Inu." She said, through clenched teeth. Inu Yasha instantly opened the door and Kagome told him to bathe which he did.

And this… Is the start of my everyday life.

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"I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Some how I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Coz' I know
I won't ever forget you."

- I'd do anything, Simple Plan (Hey, I'm addicted to their music! )

KIKYO

I opened my eyes and let the warmth of the morning fill me. I've decided.

It pains my heart.

No matter what I do, he'll never love me.

It hurts so much.

Never love me as much as he loves her.

To see you go.

So why keep him? 'I can let him go.' I thought to myself with determination. We don't belong to each other and if we stay together, I'll go ballistic. I can't have a man that doesn't love me back. In fact, I think it was just pity that brought us together. He pitied me because of my past. He thought that I'd die without him. But... I'm starting to heal. And scratches the deep wound every time he's with me, but isn't really there. How does he do it? I don't know. In his own simple ways, he shows me he doesn't love me. Let's leave it at that.

To let you freely go. Once and for all.

I don't think that I'll ever forget him. Or erase the love that I have for him.

But I knew that eventually, I would have to.

But who knows? I'm only speaking for the present, not for the future. Maybe someday, I'll smile up at him and say, "I've loved you in the past. But, I've taken time and looked at my future. Unfortunately, or was it fortunate? That you were not there."

I close my eyes to stop the painful tears.

But… it will hurt so much to let you go. To eventually say goodbye.

I never realized how much ache I will have to suppress.

But this is for the good for both of us, ne? Of course it is.

It's the only way.

And today, he will be free.

I never thought it'll hurt so much to let you go.

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INU YASHA

I and Kagome walked quietly towards school. There really was nothing to say. My thoughts flew suddenly to Kikyou. When will I ever be free? When will she ever heal and let me go?

I missed being free. I missed being only with my own gang than hers whom were all against me; except for Kikyou that is. Which reminded me, she doesn't have any pimple or anything on her face any more. And she wears less make-up. To my relief.

So she was more. Appealing to the eyes than before. Don't get me wrong. There are always puberty symptoms and having pimples is one of them. So here we were, at the gate. Kagome waved goodbye to me and I didn't bother search for Kikyou, whole-heartedly expecting her to just pounce at me.

It didn't happen.

She wasn't there. I looked around to see that only other students (whom I didn't know but were looking at me in fear) were on this spot. No Kikyou. No Kikyou club. Weird? Not really, they're probably in the bathroom or something like that. I'm sure she'll be calling me later on.

So I went to History and sat myself where I usually sat with Kikyou. Sesshoumaru came inside, to my surprise, he was talking to Kikyou. Kikyou was smiling gently at him, but he was still monotonous. Not cold, not harsh, but monotonous. She flipped her hair in not a flirting way, but subconsciously for it was untied, causing it to block her view. Gosh, I must admit she looks quite beautiful.

Finally, Sesshoumaru nodded and she bowed, making her way to find a seat. I ignored her, fully anticipating for her to seat down beside me anyway. She shook her head, trying to find a seat and she smiled as a guy pointed to her the seat beside him.

I turned and looked at them, flabbergasted. Kikyou has a bad reputation, but she never cheated at me. So why start now?

Anyway, I'll know later on.

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Dismissal.

I waited for Kikyou on her locker as I always did and when she arrived, she was talking with her friends, in a happy way, unlike before, in a slutty way. "Kikyou," I called out to her and she looked at me and froze. Her friends all cast me withering looks and walked away.

She eyed me warily and opened her locker, ignoring me. I was getting impatient. "What is wrong with you?" I finally snapped at her.

"Nothing! What's wrong with you?" She snapped at me which caught me off- guard. Kikyou never fights with me. How totally unusual. Unfortunately, my mind couldn't pick up the signs she was sending me.

She sighed at me in frustration and she continued to dig up who knows what.

"You know what, Inu Yasha? Since you're been wishing to get away from me, I've decided to finally free you. That's right, you're free. We're formers and nothing more. I'll stay away from you and you stay clear from me." With that, she started to walk away, books in hand to the company of her friends.

I just stood there for a long time; processing every single word she had said. How carefree she had said them. As if a big amount was lifted from her shoulders. So was I the one keeping myself tied? Was she the one whom was really caged?

It was absolutely confusing.

I walked away, my head bowed down, my bangs covering my eyes.

Outside the school, I punched the nearest tree in sight and felt my fist throb in pain. But it was numbing quickly and I couldn't feel it anymore. Only the mental guilt stabbed me.

"Damn messed up." I grumbled to myself through gritted teeth.

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KAGOME

I closed my eyes as I let myself rest for a while in the nearby park. Ah, so peaceful. So serene and so comfortable at the same time.

"We really should stop meeting like this." said an amused voice.

I quickly turned around to see Kouga, the guy I met just yesterday. I raised an eyebrow and retorted.

"New Flash, we aren't." I told him sarcastically. I wanted to add that words, 'how lame is that?' but refrained from doing so.

He chuckled and sat beside me. I grinned at him. "So watsup?" He asked me, his blue eyes almost identical to mine.

I looked at the sky and said, "I don't know, you decide." I was not really in the mood for chatting. A bit of company is fine, I guess. But this guy's interrogating me.

He looked at the sky for a while and then grinned at me. I blinked but did not turn away. "Let's have a different conversation, shall we?" He said with a gentle smile. I smiled back.

"So Kagome, where do you study?" He asked me. I sighed, looking at the playing kids before answering him.

"Edo High. I'm a senior there." I informed him. He grinned.

"That's my former school when I was in High School." He said in a matter-of-factly tone. I blinked, completely surprised. All along I thought he was a senior like me!

"Y-you're a college student!" I gasped. He frowned, but nodded.

"Geez. Sorry if I don't look the part. And F.Y.I. I'm studying at Tokyo University, A freshmen there." He said in a sulking manner and I couldn't help but laugh at my mistake and pat him in the shoulder.

"Sorry. Just I thought it unlikely for a college guy hanging in this particular park. No offense, but this is high schoolers and kindergartners infested." I informed him, not really sure if it's true.

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? I saw my batch mate, Snobby Sesshie taking a seat here one time." He said in a voice that shouted: you don't make the rules. I'm not!

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened as I absorbed in everything he's said. It took me a while to reply and I was stuttering. "Se-Sesshoumaru's y- you're batch mate!" I almost shouted in surprised and he nodded weirdly at me; probably confused why I over reacted. But it was like truth dawned into him on his sudden expression and then he scowled.

"I get it. You must be a member of one of his overpopulated fan clubs." He said in a sulking voice again. Over sensitive jerk! I gaped at him indignantly.

"Hey! I am not! I know him coz I've known his brother ever since I-I don't even remember ever since when we knew each other!" I shouted at him, making it sound more of in-between pout and whine.

"Half-brother," he pointed out to me shortly, much like in the manner of Inu Yasha and Sesshoumaru. I shoved it away dismissively. Am I the only one making the fatal mistake!

"Okay, whatever. I just don't care." I said dismissively and he looked at me, bemused at the fact I was acting weirdly. Well, not as normal as I am expected to be. But he shouldn't be really expecting me or anyone to act normal, now, could he? There is no such thing as a normal person.

"Fine. I'm eager for a change of subject anyway. Sesshoumaru is not really the best subject any of the lot should be talking about. A stoic man that looks like a living statue from hell, a tempter of sin for the ladies and gays is not my idea of a perfect discussion, mind you." I blinked. He had said it in an intellectual voice as if he was this old intellectual guy, talking in front of me. Actually, beside me. But whatever. I was still laughing at his words.

"Oookay. I think I can adopt college discussion. Even though I cannot completely relate so let's not talk about anything college-y." I said airily. He smirked at me, amused.

"Collegy?" he asked with a grin. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at the swings with interest. Oh, so maybe he was thinking of discussing the construction of swings. Oh well. That would be uninteresting and uselessly educational. Geez, now I'm thinking like all college people are like that. Mind you, I'm just kidding myself.

"I give, you. You talk of something else; except about boys. I would not like to see myself becoming gay after the discussion." He grinned at me and we laughed.

"But, I don't think that's really a bad idea!" I said, slapping his shoulder playfully. He frowned and then grinned again.

"Hey listen, wanna go out sometime? Like, not in the park?" He asked, trying hard not to sound hopeful, but he is failing; nonetheless.

I blinked and gave him the sly smirk I usually reserved for Inu Yasha when I'm teasing him. "Are you, what? Asking me on a date?" I asked him playfully. He blushed faintly but shrugged.

"Whatever you take it as." He said, trying to sound nonchalant. Like I'd let him off the hook. I leaned back on the back of the bench and looked thoughtfully at the sky.

"I'll think about it. But as for now, it's getting late and I need to go home. If I can pass by tomorrow here, then I'll tell you my answer. That okay?" I asked him, already fixing my bag and brushing off imaginary dirt on my uniform. He smiled at me widely and nodded.

"Well, bye then." I said, waking off.

So I get asked out on a date.

So I hate my teacher.

So I'm confused and giddy beyond whatsoever is beyond whatsoever.

But I'm glad I passed by the park and thought about nothing in particular. Coz I wouldn't be thinking of laughing my head off when I get home.

Oh, and did I mention I forgot if there was any real reason behind the fact

I'm reminding myself to laugh when I get home, shrugs.

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SESSHOUMARU

Was there no such thing as peace? Of course not. It is a figment of the mind of people who believe. Who hope that people will unite and make better people and a better world.

Loads of crap. If there is peace, there will be no balance on earth. No one will be classified into good or bad. Hell would lay dormant and it will obviously erupt, making demons or whatever sprout and try to tempt people and most of the population, if not all to make sins. Thus, the world evolves again into its imperfect self.

What people do not see is that the world is in balance the way it is. As they say, ignorance is bliss. And that is why other people who know the truth do not bother to correct the ignorant. For they themselves envy people who seek truth but at the same time are afraid of it. And so the balance is kept.

Why am I saying these things? Because it is like that.

People tell me that I'm such a waste for I have physical perfection, but inside, I am frozen. Just think of it this way: when you are perfect, people try to integrate anger, triggered by jealousy and so rumors sprout. And yet, lay low, they will still say things. So why bother?

That is why even if I heard Kouga talking to Kagome saying that I'm the most disinteresting subject of all, I do not care. For I feel the same way.

It is not mutual respect that makes people not fight.

Sometimes, mutual deceit works like it too.

END OF CHAPTER

So how'd you like it? If it's so bad, can you give me suggestions or ideas? I'm totally at a loss because of school starting. and teachers are already biting my head. Okay, that's all! Bye bye!

Acknowledgement:

To Profiler 120- my fave author and also, my beta reader! thank you so much!

And people, I recommended all her fics! Check them all out! Open your minds and see the great fic of Profiler 120!

To the Reviewers:

Yume- yeah. having troubles. hey, why don't you email me and give me some of your ideas and suggestions? I'll gratefully give you credits and acknowledgement for it! Anyways, nobody knows of it and she never tries to say it to Kagome. Sighs sometimes, people cannot help but close themselves to the facts. I'm speaking from experience and my knowledge over this thing. Which is very little.

Dragon Rae- you know, I have a subscription for you. being Kikyou's reincarnation, Kagome was helpful and all that. Well, because of me, being a Christian, we say that everyone must try to be forgiven. Because there are some kindness to them. Try reading Clumsy by Profiler 120. it will make you realize or think of something. But, heck yeah, I still don't really like her a lot.

Pink Twilight- hmm. want some more info? I don't usually give them out. but I'm fond of your name so you can email me and I'll straighten it out to you.

Yeah, I was gonna reply on a reviewer here, but she emailed me so I won't. remember what I said peeps, if ya don't understand something, just email me. I won't bite your head off.

A bit of glossary:

Hmm. I guess I should put this up.

Batch mate: for those of you who do not know the meaning, it simply means a person who is in your batch. Example, you're a seventh grader and you have a fellow seventh grader. the person is called your batch mate. Like a person is your classmate.

I thought I'd clear this off coz my beta didn't know the meaning so I figured that you might not know it too. And if ya don't understand some more things, email me. So bye! Oh yeah, want to say something to me?

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Ooh! I know that you can see it so don't look at me in confusion! Don't hesitate! There!

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See that thing like an advertisement but says put some words there you'd like to say to me and about the fic. And please, that button was put here so that you can say what you thought of the fic and nothing else. No flames.