A/N: this is it. Blimey I'm sorry it's taken a while! My computer hates this website, seriously and it just wouldn't upload.

Thor was the one who threw up in the ambulance.

By the time it got to the flat and by the time the paramedics had taken him from Thor's arms, Loki was completely unconscious and Thor couldn't shake the overwhelming fear that he wouldn't wake up again.

They threw questions at him and made his head spin.

"What's his name?"

"Loki."

"Last name."

"I… Odinson."

"Is he allergic to anything?"

"He's a vegetarian."

"How old is he? Does he have a history of drug abuse? Do you know his blood type? What is your relation to him? Is there anyone to call?"

They wheeled his brother away on a stretcher and Thor had to stop outside the hospital. He couldn't go in. Not for a minute, anyway. He lit a cigarette with violently shaking hands and closed his eyes, crouching down and curling up outside the doors, gulping deep lungfulls of smoke and cold night air. He tugged his fingers through his hair and put out the cigarette after five drags. When he stood the world tilted and he staggered, turning and retching again. He spat onto the concrete and leant against the wall for a long moment before heading inside.

A short, plump, ginger woman sat at the reception desk and stood hastily as Thor began to storm past her.

"Excuse, mister, may I help?" she had a squeaky voice.

Thor stopped, and for the first time he allowed himself to think. Where had they taken Loki? How the fuck would he know?

"Uh, yes, thank you," he breathed. "My… friend. I just came with him in, uh, the ambulance. Drugs… or, uh,"

The squat lady was frowning at him.

"Mister, I think you need to sit down. I can get someone to come see you-"

"No, I really need to find Loki," Thor demanded and his voice sounded ten times stronger than he felt.

"Are you sure?"

"Please."

The woman gave him a lingering look before something like understanding settled in her piggy eyes. She sat back down and looked to the monitor of a computer in front of her.

"You've just come with him, yes?"

"Yes."

"Are you the only person who came with him?"

"Yes."

"Alright, then he won't be on the base yet. What state was he in?"

"What?" Thor blinked.

"Was he conscious?"

"No. He was… they said he was… crashing, I don't know what that means, please, I really need to find him."

"I can make a call to the ICU, but if he's there, which, if he was crashing, he probably will be, then you'll have to wait."

"Wait, what, I'm sorry, I don't- I don't really know what you're saying."

The woman sighed and leant forward. Her apologetic look wasn't entirely hiding a level of exasperation. "If your friend is in danger then you will have to wait until the doctors get him out of danger. Now, was your friend in danger?"

"Yes," Thor said and it sounded a bit more aggressive than intended.

"Well then, I am afraid you will just have to wait. I can get an orderly to take you up to the ICU waiting room, if you would like."


He looked so small. The stark white sheets and crisp, baggy gown made the bruises under his eyes and shadows in his cheeks more pronounced. A thin, clear tube was taped under his nose, feeding fluids right to his stomach. They'd wanted to keep him in for at least three days after he woke up, and they didn't know when he was going to wake up.

Thor clasped at his narrow fingers with his own, stroking them with his thumb, careful not to knock the IV in the back of Loki's hand. Two of his knuckles were marked with two tiny cuts.

The doctor said he'd overdosed on an amount of dirty cocaine that was lethal to most, but Loki was underweight and unstable, and had never exactly taken care of his body, or taken any regard to what he'd put in it before.

They'd been in the hospital for almost 24 hours and Loki hadn't stirred. The doctors assured Thor that he would, that he was in the clear and that mostly it just took time, but that hadn't stopped Thor from chewing his nails to stubs. Three times he'd nearly been chucked out for hanging his head out of the window with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Sir, you have to go outside for that, I'm sure you know."

"I can't leave him."

"Then please stop smoking."

"I can't relax."

"Then smoke outside."

"I can't leave him."


When Loki woke up he didn't look at Thor. He stared straight at the ceiling, chest rising and falling steadily. After a few minutes his eyes drifted closed and he fell back into a deep sleep. Thor didn't notice when he'd woken up again until he whispered.

"I'm sorry."

Thor's head snapped up from where he'd been dozing, face pressed into his forearm, and he looked at Loki who was looking at him. His green eyes shone with tears. Thor shook his head and placed a gentle kiss atop of the bridge of Loki's nose.

"Don't be," he said.

Loki smiled weakly.

"Loki, can I go back to the flat and get some things?"

Loki nodded. "Of course," his voice was like sandpaper. "You'll come back, though?"

"I promise."


The next time Loki opened his eyes his head felt considerably less like a car crash. Thor was sat at the end of his bed reading a battered copy of Shadow Of The Wind.

"That's mine," Loki said, propping himself up with his elbows until he was sat comfortably. Thor looked up and grinned.

"You stole it from me," he said, placing it face-down on the bed, pages splayed, picking up a backpack and passing it to his brother. "I got you some shit. Thought you might get bored."

Loki smiled softly and thankfully, unzipping the bag and rifling through it. In it was his iPod, pyjama trousers, his oversized Neutral Milk Hotel t-shirt, three apples, Girl, Interrupted, a DVD copy of Pulp Fiction and a half-empty bottle of vodka.

"Liquid breakfast, nice touch."

Thor laughed. "That's what your feeding tube's for. Anyway, that's just water; I couldn't find another bottle."

Loki chewed the inside of his cheek in vague annoyance. "Mm. When do I get this thing out anyway? It hurts my throat."

Thor shrugged. "Soon, I guess. It was just because they didn't know how long you'd be unconscious."

Loki nodded and neither of them said anything after that. An awkward silence descended and Loki began twiddling with the edges of his gown. . His fingers were white and long and thin, like branches. Remains of black nail polish dotted his nails in tiny patches.

"Loki," Thor said finally and his voice was heavy. "I'm sorry."

Loki just nodded. He didn't look up.

"I was stupid," Thor continued. "Really, fucking stupid. I don't know what made me… I don't know what I was thinking. I should have asked you, and I shouldn't have gone behind your back, and I'm sorry I fucked it all up. I am sorry."

Loki nodded again. He didn't say anything but he raised his eyes and looked into Thor's. It was an unnerving quality he possessed. Like the day at the gallery, which seemed years ago, he pierced Thor's shields and tore off his mask. Thor couldn't hide from it. But he knew that it was Loki's way of saying that things would probably be okay.

"I know you are," Loki eventually replied.


On the fourth day, Thor and Loki went back to the flat, despite the doctors' warnings and threats and determination to put Loki on a psych ward.

"Bullshit," Thor had said. Emotional instability, one suicide attempt and a cocaine overdose didn't mean Loki was crazy. As soon as they got the medical OK-GO they were clambering into the back of a taxi and hailing for Soho, pulling faces at the nurses out the back windows. Thor wrapped an arm around Loki's waist in an attempt to help him up the stairs of the apartment block but Loki shrugged him off, strolling up his flat like he hadn't just spent half a week in intensive care.

"You didn't do it on purpose, did you?" Thor said later that evening over a mouthful of spaghetti. Loki blinked.

"What?"

"You know... the drugs."

Loki shook his head, face straight. "No, Thor. I did not do it on purpose."

Thor kept on looking at him with a kicked-puppy expression. Loki abandoned his pasta and, without another word, left the room.

Thor joined him half an hour later, slumping down on the sofa. Silently, Loki rearranged himself so he was lying back against Thor, dragging his brother's arms around so they enveloped him. He pressed his face against his chest and kissed his t-shirt.

"I didn't do it on purpose," he repeated quietly. "I wouldn't do that to you again."

"But after what I did-"

Loki wriggled around so he was laid with his front against Thor's front. He stopped him with a gentle kiss.

"I still wouldn't have," Loki said, kissing him again, curling up against him and closing his eyes. "I'm going to be here for a while."

Thor didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. But as Loki slipped his skinny fingers between the spaces of Thor's, it didn't matter what either of them said any more. Thor could feel Loki breathing, could feel his bird-heart through his ribs and the pulse in his wrists. That, in itself, was enough.


Super long a/n: Um a couple of notes on some of Loki's fabulousness; musicians mentioned are Bon Iver, Snowmine, and Vinyl Jacket. They are all amazing. 28 Days Later is mentioned as his favourite film and it's one of my favourites, seriously. Places mentioned are all in London, mostly Soho and Camden, both of which are lovely yet bizarre places. Take a day trip to them, but don't get caught there at night. Also, the World's End pub is a real pub in Camden and it's one of my favourite places in the world. Two last interesting things; Loki's flat layout, in my mind, is based on my cousin's gorgeous tiny flat in Pimlico, another lovely place in London. And before I came up with 'Saudade' I was despairing over what to call this whole thing whilst watching e4 and nearly called it 2 Broke Boys. Thank God for my Portuguese friends.

Well, that's it. I'm really shocked with how many people have told me how much they've loved this fic, I am so glad it's had a good response and I really love every one of you who have read it! I hope you like how it ends.

uh, I don't have plans for a sequel or anything… of course not

*ehehehe…..*