Severus Snape instantaneously rose from his seat and strode silently toward their table.

He reached the table and stood behind Ron just as Hermione was shoving his hand roughly away.

"The FUCK do you think you're doing, Ron?" she hissed furiously. Before he could answer, Severus spoke up, making Ron jump.

"Indeed, Hermione, I was just wondering that myself."

She smirked at him and followed his lead with the use of first names.

"Oh! Severus!" she said, feigning surprise. "Ronald here was just demonstrating his lack of understanding of the concept of a breakup, and I was just attempting to rectify that gap in his knowledge." A dark look passed over her face. "Seems to be a lost cause, though."

Ron's eyes bulged at the expression of familiarity between Hermione and Severus, but before he could get a word out, Severus dug in.

"Mister Weasley," he said, his voice ice cold, "given how low my previous opinion of you was, one would think it truly impossible, but somehow…you have managed to disappoint me," he hissed quietly. "Everyone around you—your peers—" at this, he nodded respectfully toward Harry and Hermione—"as well as your siblings—" here, he inclined his head with a small smile toward Ginny—"has managed to break free of the shackles of childhood and mature into young adults that can do Hogwarts proud—both as students and alumni." He gave a tiny smile in acknowledgement of the huge grins that Harry and Ginny were sporting. "But you, Mr. Weasley…you have remained as petulant, juvenile, selfish, and vulgar as ever." Now, he leaned in so that he was right in Ron's face, fury evident in his features. "Ronald Weasley, let me be the first to remind you that your father is one of the most honorable wizards I have ever had the privilege to know and your mother is possibly the most selfless and nurturing witch I've ever come across. Now exactly what do you think they would have to say about you shamelessly groping Miss Granger as if the brightest witch of your generation was simply a piece of meat?" He sneered in the face of Ronald's blanching visage. "You disgust me, Mr. Weasley, and let me make it clear, you have never been, nor will you ever be, worthy of a witch such as Miss Granger, and in the meantime, you are making a fool of yourself. I suggest you remove yourself immediately before you do any more damage to your parents' good names."

Ron gaped at him for a moment, and then seemed to gather his courage. "What the fuck are you on about, Snape?" he blustered, blue eyes flashing. "Apparently you're too stupid to notice, you greasy git, but I don't have to answer to you any longer." He sat back on his stool, looking smug as he challenged his former professor. So full of himself was he that he failed to see the resigned looks of horror directed his way, courtesy of his sister and best friend.

Snape took brief notice of those two, but it was the look of disdain and disgust on Hermione's face that gave him the nerve to continue on the course he'd already set.

"Apparently, you're too stupid to notice, you imbecilic ginger-haired prick, but the woman you were attempting to manhandle is my apprentice, so therefore, yes, you DO have to answer to me. I will not have the reputation of my apprentice smeared by the sweaty-palmed fumblings of a…how did she put it?—oh, yes—I believe it was 'selfish, no-stamina bastard.'" Gods, let her forgive me for that.

His worries were quickly assuaged by the look of amusement and satisfaction dancing in her eyes, and further placated by the apoplectic look on Weasley's face.

"Wh—what did you just say to me?!" Weasley spluttered.

Snape glanced at Hermione, and upon seeing the tiniest hint of a smug grin on her face, he threw caution to the wind.

"I believe, Mr. Weasley, that I called you a selfish, no-stamina bastard. I can't claim to have any personal experience with that; however, I do know someone who does, and in my experience, her word is unimpeachable. Since you are finding it appropriate to throw a temper tantrum about it, I'll go ahead and add in some valuable life advice for free—demanding sexual favors without reciprocity is in terrible form, as is pawing at the most accomplished witch since Minerva McGonagall in a public place like a fucking third year about to cream his pants."

Ron's face was deathly white, and he looked as if he was waffling between losing consciousness and spontaneously combusting. After a moment, he managed to speak, and Hermione and Severus braced themselves for the outrage he would surely spew forth at realizing that Hermione had divulged intimate details to Snape. Neither of them were prepared, however, for what actually came out of his mouth.

"Did you just call him Severus?!"

There was a beat of silence, and then Hermione began to laugh hysterically, not believing what she'd just heard—that Ron would be more concerned with the fact that she had used Severus' first name than he was with the fact that she'd evidently shared details of their non-existent sex life. She glanced up at Severus and her eyes sparkled with amusement over the blank look of disbelief on his face.

"…my gods, Weasley. All of that, and all you managed to take away from it is that Hermione and I are on a first name basis? I suggest you cease speaking at once, because each time I think my opinion of your mental capacity could not possibly be lower, you perform a minor miracle and prove me wrong. I'm very nearly tempted to award points to Gryffindor based on the mere fact that a simple-minded idiot such as yourself has actually managed to prove me wrong…about anything. As it is…twenty points to Gryffindor, Ginevra, for the fact that you have lived seventeen years with this imbecile breathing down your neck without availing yourself of the killing curse in the process. Now, Hermione, may I speak to you for a moment about the potion you currently have in stasis?"

There was no such potion currently in stasis, but Hermione recognized it for what it was—Severus providing her with the out he had previously offered. "Yes, Master Snape," she acquiesced formally, rising from her seat.

Severus watched in utter disbelief as Ron reached out and grabbed her wrist before she could step away from the table. "But 'Mione," he said, his voice devolving into a whinge, "I thought we were going to get a room…"

Severus watched Hermione's jaw drop in shock that he could remain so utterly clueless, and he turned to the wooden post near his shoulder and thudded his head against it, hard—once, twice, three times. He turned back to stare at Ron, then looked at Hermione before turning away once more, putting his hands up in a gesture of defeat as he simultaneously sent a wordless, wandless stinging jinx at the pale hand that was still gripping Hermione's wrist. He laughed loudly and viciously as he heard Ron curse whilst releasing the arm in his grasp. He continued walking back toward the bar, but listened carefully as he heard Hermione's voice, hard and cold, ring out behind him.

"Ronald, I never wanted to hurt you. Trust me on that. It's the only reason I've been as patient as I have. But your patently ridiculous letter, followed by the display you just put on leaves me no choice. It. Is. Over. We are done. I hope you can find someone who will allow you to get a leg over, but let me assure you, it's not going to be me. Ever. I hope you didn't pay in advance for that room. Goodbye."

OoOoO

Hermione fell into step beside Severus as she stalked away from her ex, and Severus stepped to the bar and put down enough galleons to cover both his and Septima's drinks. He gave her a quick nod and raised a playful eyebrow at her knowing smirk, then fell back in next to Hermione as they headed toward the exit. Just as they reached the door, Severus very nearly stumbled when Hermione quietly uttered, "Goddamn, Severus, that may be the sexiest thing a man has ever done for me." She winked at the look on his face and said, "Come on. You deserve chocolate for that performance. Let's go to Honeyduke's. I'm buying."

OoOoO

Dinner in the Great Hall that evening was awkward but bearable, as—just as she had pointed out earlier—Hermione was indeed sat at the Head Table with her Master, as opposed to sitting at the Gryffindor table with Harry, Ginny, and Ron. The glares that Ron was levelling her way irritated her at first, but soon became a source of amusement as she and Severus fell into a little game in which they would each try to predict how long it would be until the next dirty look came their way, and then guess whether said look was directed at Severus, Hermione, or both.

This small but entertaining distraction kept them occupied until just before dessert, when a sudden flapping movement high above their heads caught Hermione's eye. She nudged Severus in surprise, and he followed her gaze up. "Not exactly standard procedure to have post-delivery at night, is it?" she asked. But before he could answer, her eyes widened as the owl swooped directly toward her. She recognized it as a Ministry owl just as it released its payload from its sharp talons. Hermione deftly caught the envelope before it landed in her tea. She turned it over and her eyes widened as she heard Snape's sharp intake of breath.

Simultaneously they spoke.

"My NEWT results."

"Your NEWT results."

She turned her large brown eyes up to him, fear evident on her face. "I—" she hesitated. "I don't think I can. It's too soon." Her eyes were pleading with him—for what, he did not know.

He gave her the most encouraging smile that he could. "It is soon," he agreed. "But perhaps that is because this was a specially scheduled NEWT session and yours were the only exams to grade. So open them," he encouraged. By this time, the whole of the Head Table was watching her, and the majority of the students, as well.

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and bit down on her bottom lip, then, just as suddenly, opened them once more with a look of fierce determination. She ripped into the envelope and slipped out a single piece of paper. Severus watched as her eyes scanned quickly through it and then stilled. He waited for a reaction, but none was forthcoming. She simply continued staring at the paper in her hands.

"Hermione?" He would never admit it, but she was making him nervous. There was no WAY she hadn't passed something. Absolutely none.

"Hermione!" she said, more firmly. Silently, she passed him the paper, her eyes never moving.

He grabbed it and scanned eagerly.

The Ministry of Magic

Department of Testing and Wizarding Certifications

24 October 1998

Miss Hermione Jean Granger

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Miss Granger,

Enclosed you will find the results of your recent NEWT exams. Please make arrangements with your intended Master to complete the final apprenticeship paperwork at your earliest convenience, but no later than one week from receipt of this letter. Congratulations and we are ever in your service.

Ancient Runes: OUTSTANDING

Arithmancy: OUTSTANDING

Charms: OUTSTANDING

Defence Against the Dark Arts: OUTSTANDING

Herbology: OUTSTANDING

*Potions: OUTSTANDING

Transfiguration: OUTSTANDING

*Indicates intended field of mastery

Severus looked up at Hermione, a satisfied quirk of his lips and a single raised eyebrow saying volumes to her that his words could not. Before she could even consider the impropriety of her actions, she let out the tiniest of shrieks and threw her arms around him with unmitigated joy. She felt him return the slightest of squeezes before she gasped and drew back, covering her mouth with an embarrassed giggle and glancing at the headmistress in trepidation, fearing rebuke. Before she could apologize, an irate voice rang out across the Great Hall.

"Whoa, hold on! Is she fucking him?!"

Hermione froze in absolute mortification as the Hall went deathly silent over Ron's outraged exclamation. Snape looked at her long enough to see the tears forming in her eyes, and he caught Minerva's arm as the Headmistress rose to deal with Weasley's outburst. "No, Minerva," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "I will handle this."

He leaned close to Hermione, who was still as good as petrified in place, and without looking at her, he murmured in the quietest and most soothing of voices, "Leave through the staff door behind us and go immediately to my office. I will meet you there in ten minutes." He punctuated this with a tiny squeeze of his hand on her thigh. He waited to see her swallow hard and give a barely perceptible nod before swiping her napkin across her lips and rising gracefully from her chair. Just as she reached the staff door, he stood and his deep baritone carried across the silent Hall. He had decided that in terms of public humiliation, turnabout was fair play.

"Mr. Weasley, you will meet me in the entrance hall immediately. And in light of our conversation earlier today, may I remind you that you are currently a guest on these grounds, and as I am the deputy headmaster, you most certainly…do…answer to me this evening, Mr. Weasley." He watched with no small satisfaction as Ron's face first paled in fear, then reddened in embarrassment. He looked to Harry and Ginny as if searching for support, and was shocked at what he saw.

Ginny's face was livid enough to scare him into looking away, and when he looked at Harry, he had to look up, as Harry was on his feet and grabbing him by the armpit to haul him up. By this time, Severus had stalked through the Great Hall between tables until he was nearly even with them, and Harry began pulling Ron toward the doors. With his height and long strides, Severus got there first and strode into the entrance hall without so much as pausing. Harry followed with Ron and kicked the doors to the Great Hall shut behind them before shoving Ron at Severus with great force.

"You bloody ARSEHOLE!" he yelled, vitriol pouring from his voice. "What is wrong with you?" He ran a hand through his messy locks and took a breath before continuing, his voice trembling with rage. "Even putting aside the past seven years of friendship, Ron, she KEPT US ALIVE! You know as well as I do that neither of us would be standing here today if it wasn't for Hermione and you owe her better than this for that reason alone. You need to get your shit together, Ron." He gave Ron one final look of fierce hatred before turning to Snape and snarling, "He's all yours, Professor, and frankly, I don't give a shit what you do with him." He paused long enough to give a respectful nod to the professor before turning on his heel and re-entering the Great Hall.

Ron turned toward Severus and had the decency to look wide-eyed and cowed as Severus began prowling slowly toward him. As he drew within a few feet, Ron began backing up…all the way to the wall. When he could retreat no further, Severus closed the distance between them.

His voice was low and predatory as he began the evisceration. And since Ron was no longer a Hogwarts student, Severus didn't hold back.

"You worthless piece of shit," he growled. "Do you have any idea what you just ruined?"

Ron was too terrified to answer, so Severus continued. "Those were her NEWT scores. That witch just scored not one, not two, not three, four, five, or six, but SEVEN, Weasley…SEVEN fucking NEWTS. Seven fucking NEWTS and every. single. one. of them. outstanding. The moment she has worked her ass off for over seven years to experience, and she shows some pure joy—after everything she has been through and has done for so many, including you and myself—and you singlehandedly ruin it by screaming across the entire Great Hall your speculation as to whom she may or may not be fucking?" By this point Severus had Ron's shirt fisted in both hands and was shaking him firmly but not violently. Abruptly, Severus released him. "I will be owling your parents in the morning. I guess we'll have to see if my owl beats the howler that Minerva will no doubt send post-haste." He smirked. "As for you, I'm going to be generous and leave you in one piece, if only because I don't fancy pulling bats from my nose for the next fortnight. But you will exit the grounds immediately and I am banning you for the rest of this academic year. If you violate that ban, I will notify the Auror Office at once, and we'll just see what that does for your career. Now get. out."

Ron stared, wide-eyed, and immediately exited the massive entrance doors to the castle. He had not spoken a word through the entire incident.