Chapter Seven: Under Pressure
"I'm being pressured to get you to make a decision, Fiyero."
He sat behind his desk, staring out the window. "I know."
"I got the letter yesterday, but I didn't think it appropriate to bring up…" She didn't finish. By the time she'd received the demand from her leader, it was just before dinner. After dinner was strictly physical, although they'd begun to talk plenty after the fact. But she wanted badly to keep that part of their relationship away from the thought of the war. It got harder every day to keep those two parts of her life at Kiamo Ko separate, and if she was going to have to force him to choose, it was about to get even more difficult.
Fiyero raised his eyebrows at her and she looked away. Sometimes they didn't need words to figure out what the other was thinking. After a moment, he broke the silence. "Fae…"
"I told you only to call me that in bed." Outside of the day he'd propositioned her, she'd kept their affair strictly in her bedroom. They agreed on when to meet and when not to late at night, not even here in the light of day. She wouldn't allow it. It made it easier on her to keep things apart. In his office, she was a representative of the Resistance, and only that. At night, she was his mistress, his lover, whatever the proper term was after all this time. But not here. Never here.
"I still don't know what to do," he said quietly.
"I've told you what you need to do. You need to stop being afraid."
"Elphaba, that will get my people killed."
"So will sitting back and doing nothing. Wouldn't you rather go down fighting?" But she didn't look him in the eyes. She knew well enough that the majority of people would basically be a sacrifice for the greater good. Elphaba hadn't had a problem with that. But being here, she'd seen these people, people who had done nothing to anger either side. And Fiyero… he'd likely die, too. He'd been her friend once, he still was, so of course she didn't like the idea of him dying. It had nothing to do with what went on behind closed doors at night between the two of them. That was just a physical release, a way to remind her she was still a person for a few minutes – or hours.
"You can't mean that you don't care if I lead my people to slaughter, Elphaba."
"I'm not here to care, Fiyero. I'm here to help. I will fight with you." From a distance. Magic was, after all, mostly a distance game. "We will get you the best weapons and training we can." No one had exactly promised that, but maybe she'd just tell the leaders that it had been one of his demands. They'd probably give in. They needed him and his people, after all. "What do the other tribal leaders think, Fiyero?"
"They see your point."
"Then what else is there?"
"You're eager to get out of here, aren't you?"
"Fiyero, I'm not leaving the moment you agree. I told you, remember? I will be your liaison with the Resistance. I will stand beside you and your people in this fight until it's over."
"You're willing to die with us?"
"I've been willing to die for this for a long time, Fiyero." And she deserved to. But she didn't add that. "I wouldn't have joined the Resistance if I wasn't willing to give my life."
He reached across the desk and took her hand. "You're worth more than that."
She drew her hand back and shook her head. "You don't know that. And that's not what we're discussing here, Fiyero."
"I, uh, I slept with Sarima last night." His cheeks darkened.
"That's nice." She didn't know what else to say to that.
"You told me to. You're not mad, are you?"
"No, Fiyero. And why are we talking about this now?"
He shrugged. "Because we're getting nowhere in regards to the war at the moment. I went to her, like you suggested. She was very welcoming. But it wasn't the same. It didn't feel…"
"Fiyero, stop!" She couldn't take it. Elphaba wasn't jealous, but she didn't want to know the details. There were times when remaining blissfully ignorant was a blessing. In fact, at moments, she wished she'd never learned what she'd learned in the City with Glinda. Maybe she could've gone on at Shiz, lived the life she'd thought she would. But that… now she was here. And she was definitely not where she was expected.
He got up and pulled her into his arms, though she struggled a little. "I hated it, if that helps."
"I don't want to hear about it. I don't care, Fiyero." She pushed his chest away. "But you don't need to tell me about it. All that you need to say is that you protected our secret, kept suspicion away."
"I didn't want to."
"I know. I don't care. How many times do I have to say that, Fiyero? And what have I told you about bringing that talk in here? About touching me?" She went to the window. "Now stop."
He shook his head, but sat back down at his desk. "I'll never understand you."
"And that's perfectly fine with me."
"I can't promise to help the Resistance, not yet."
"Are you at least getting to a decision, Fiyero? I might ease the pressure from them if they at least thought you were considering it."
"I am."
"Good. I'll write them that." She left the room without another word.
Elphaba began skipping meals. She couldn't stand the tension between Fiyero and his family, and she couldn't stand the way she felt when Sarima or her sisters glared at her. In the City, she hadn't gotten three square meals a day anyway. She could survive on less, much less.
"I missed you at dinner tonight. And lunch yesterday," he told her several nights later.
She laughed unkindly, putting down her oils and returning to the bed. "Somehow I doubt that."
"Is something wrong, Fae?"
"Absolutely not. I just… Fiyero, in the City, when I wasn't working, I spent a lot of time alone. Between having you in my bed at night and conferences during the day, I'm not getting the solitary time that I need. That's all that it is."
"Do you want me to leave afterwards? I can. I just… I like it in here with you."
"You like waking me up in the middle of the night for another go," she smiled sweetly as she curled up beside him. "And I don't mind. If I minded, Fiyero, I'd let you know."
"Fae-Fae, you know I stay in here for more than that."
"For a warm body. Don't."
He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. "Nessa sent people out to the City to find you, according to Glinda. When you first ran away, she wanted to do that, but your father wouldn't hear of it. And neither of them had the power to do so. But now…"
"No one knows I'm here, right, Fiyero?"
"I wouldn't say a word."
"And I appreciate your discretion."
"So you don't want to tell her, to reach out?"
"Why? You said she was angry. Let her be. I don't need to burden her with what I am now. It would break her heart, anyway."
"How can you stand to be so alone?"
"I always have been, even when I was in Munchkinland, even at Shiz, Fiyero."
"You were not! You had your family! You had us!"
"But my family always kept me at a distance, and the majority of our little group at Shiz did the same."
"Glinda?"
"Glinda was… an exception. But I left her, and the rest of you just as easily."
He kissed her forehead. "And yet you're here with me."
"Out of pure coincidence. I can disappear again, my sweet, just like I did before."
"Don't say that."
"Why? Surely you know I will. You didn't start this affair expecting permanence. You started it expecting sex. That's what you got."
"And what did you expect?" He asked.
"A little pleasure, a distraction."
"Did you get that?"
"In spades. Especially the pleasure." She pulled him towards him and they sank beneath the blankets again.
Later, he said, "You can't distract me that easily."
"I think I just did." She grinned.
"Temporarily."
She reached beneath the blankets, ready to tease him again. "And I can repeat that."
He grabbed her hand. "No."
"What is it, Fiyero? What do you want to talk about so badly?"
"You. You're not leaving. Not soon."
"No, not soon. But I will. I don't exist at all now, Fiyero. When I go back into hiding, you won't even notice."
"Oh, I think I will," he said sourly.
"Stop being so dramatic. I've let you have me in ways I never imagined. But that's all this is. And when I'm gone, you'll be the same as you were."
