It seemed to Ellie, that every time they boarded yet another airplane, they got yet another unwanted addition to their little band. It had started out just the three of them, Ellie, Charles and Raven. The three musketeers as she sometimes liked to call them. They had lived together in Oxford for years after leaving Westchester so that Charles could go to school, and they had done so peacefully and without much turmoil until Moira arrived. Then things began to get out of hand. The group grew to four (an addition Ellie was most decidedly not happy about) as they boarded the plane to New York and then again to Langley. There they met some pompous and obnoxious bastards who were only good at throwing around insults and Ellie realized the true depth of her emotions toward one Charles Xavier. From Langley to Miami, they gained a man in black (whose name they still had not learned. Charles probably knew, but he wasn't sharing), had a less-than-thrilling confrontation with Sebastian Shaw and Ellie managed to lose her grip on her iron self-control more than once. She nearly drowned, had a terrible nightmare, wound up in Charles's arms, nearly killed a man and burst into tears in front of several people all in the same damn night! She was on fire! God, why did their lives suddenly have to explode with drama? She liked it much better when they were leading quiet lives filled with nothing but study in their little house in Oxford.
And now on the flight from Miami to some super-secret CIA research facility for freaks, they had gained another person. Erik Lehnsherr had not spoken a word or so much as glanced in her direction since the altercation on the Coast Guard ship that had left her in a mood fouler than any Charles could remember. She kept her distance from everyone, refused to look them in the eyes and kept her lips tightly sealed as they made their journey from the ship to the airport, through customs and out onto the tarmac. The familiar apple flavor that accompanied her mind was nearly overridden with sharp cinnamon anger and acidic self-loathing and icy desolation and despair. She was drowning in a monsoon of wretchedness and dark emotion that set a solid headache firmly behind his eyes. But no matter how painful it got for him, he thought only of her and tried to find some way to make it alright.
It would never be alright.
She'd lost control on that ship. She'd nearly killed someone because she couldn't chain the beast inside. It was mostly Erik's fault for being an ass, but she didn't see it that way. She saw only her own weakness and was certain that everyone must hate her for what she was. She despised the fact that people had seen her break down and cry, in a moment where she was so exposed, so vulnerable, and could not for the life of her put the shell back together again. Charles had managed to get most everyone off the deck so that she could suffer in peace, but when he himself had tried to go, she'd begged him raggedly not to leave her. With a deep pain in his heart, he sat beside her as she finally gave in and collapsed into his comforting embrace. It had done nothing to ease her sorrow, however, and she was anguished nearly to the point of no return. More than anything, she hated herself.
She made a move to tuck her carry-on into the overhead compartment above a seat next to Raven, but he put a hand on her arm to stop her. She looked at him then, with eyes so barren and void of life that he nearly flinched. This was not the Ellie he knew.
"I would like for you to sit back here with me," he said softly, searching those burdened eyes for the fire there. He could find no trace of it. She nodded in resignation and allowed herself to be led to the rear of the plane in silence.
Charles? Raven projected to him. Is she alright?
No, he responded. But she will be.
Thank God for Raven. She was such a bright girl, always seeming to know exactly what was going on, what to say and what not to say. He loved her for it and took a moment to savor the distinct peachy taste her mind left on his tongue.
Ellie took the window seat and stared blankly forward, giving absolutely no indication that she was still there. Charles wished she would scream, weep, curse the universe, something! Anything was better than this hopeless creature before him. He broke the connection her mind only to keep himself from being whisked away by the deep currents of despair that overwhelmed it.
An elderly couple approached them, wondering why two people had taken over their assigned seats. In less than a moment, Charles had them convinced that their seats were actually further up the plane, and they turned and left without incident. He glanced up to the place he knew the rest of the group to be sitting and swiftly, efficiently, cut them off from his mind one by one. He was to focus on one person right now, before she did something they would all regret.
Quietly and gently, he placed a hand over hers, waiting for her to make the first move. She wouldn't talk if she felt pressured, and he felt a tide of words she so dearly wanted to say threatening to break free at any moment. If he waited long enough, she would open up to him. She just needed to know that someone was there to listen.
Her auburn hair rippled in liquid waves, the red tones catching the sunlight and turning to fire as she shook her head. She looked down at their hands and back up at Charles, the scar on the side of her face lit up by the angle of the sun, the only mar to her proud and fiery beauty. The thought struck him that she resembled like an Amazon; tall, proud, strong and exotic with high cheekbones, golden skin and a lithe frame that was neither dainty nor delicate. She was heat and she was passion, even when that passion was shielded from the world. Or perhaps the world had been shielded from her. Even when she limped, she did so powerfully, and no one questioned her strength. She was shapely, rich with feminine curves and she wore them like a fine gown, though Charles had never seen her expose anything but her arms and legs before.
She looked up at him now and a spark leapt to life in her vivid green eyes. Her thick, mascara darkened eyelashes fluttered down as she glanced away. She could not look at him while she spoke what was hidden away in the deepest corners of her soul.
"I-I haven't had such a nightmare in years, Charles," she began shakily. Slowly, as if she had no control over it, her hand rotated under his to clutch at it desperately. "And I know it isn't just a nightmare. It's a memory, from before you took me in. You know I don't remember much about that time, and you haven't tried to reach it again since then. Why would such an awful memory be coming back to haunt me now? What does it mean?" she asked with wide, frightened eyes. He opened his mouth to reply, but she wasn't yet finished. "I nearly killed someone, Charles. I couldn't keep her locked away, and before I knew it, I was a wolf with my claws at his throat. I would have killed him if you hadn't come along. After all these years, I still can't control it! I shift at random moments, or I don't shift at all when the situation demands it. I can't just grow my wings without extreme concentration and strain, and even when I'm human she gets the better of me! How long before I lose control in a crowded place and really hurt someone? How long before the public breaks down our door because of my arrogance and stubbornness back at Oxford? How long before she consumes me entirely?" A single tear leaked from her eye and dripped sluggishly down to touch the tip of her scar. She beseeched him with her eyes, begging silently for answers to countless more questions she didn't yet have the ability to speak.
"I know I'm stronger than that. So why aren't I?"
He met her eyes with his own crystalline ones, and she thought that she had never seen anything more lovely. He was all porcelain English skin and dark, sweetly ruffled hair. He was like the ice that broke through her inferno. He was cool and refreshing, slender and suave like the most dapper of English gentlemen. But at the same time, he was warm, comfortingly so, with eyes that were like twin shards of the clearest sky. He was her angel. Her fine, British angel that managed to bring out the best in her.
"I'm afraid I don't have the answers to those questions right now, love," his voice broke over her like water, smooth and soothing. "But I promise you, if it is the last thing I do on this Earth, I will help you find them."
She would love to have believed, even for just a moment that this ardent promise spoken with such fierce determination was an indication of some deeper feeling than she knew he really had, but she also knew that he would do the same for Raven in a heartbeat. Even so, this simple declaration from those masterpiece lips lifted her spirits like nothing else could have. Though she knew that nothing would ever be between them, with simple words he managed to make her feel lovely and worthy and strong. The dark cloud of self-hatred receded and shrank back into the far corners of her mind, forgotten for the moment but never truly gone, and she smiled gently at their joined hands.
Somewhere, amidst her innermost thoughts and feelings, where even Charles never dared to tread, she whispered, If only you knew how much you mean to me. If only you knew that…she leaned over and put her head down on the armrest on her other side, falling asleep even as she said, …I love you.
OxOxO
Ellie jolted awake as the car slid to a halt outside a fancy looking building. She rubbed her eyes and blinked blearily, stretching and yawning like a doe woken from a midday doze. She gasped when her fist collided with something fairly soft and warm and a barely stifled, "Agh!" told her that she had just punched Charles in the cheek.
"Oh, goodness, Charles I'm so sorry!" she said, aghast, pressing a hand to her gaping mouth.
"No, no," Charles sighed, rubbing his jaw and shooting her an affectionate glare. "It's quite alright, my dear. Raven, I'll get that."
Ellie stepped out of the lead car (they'd had to take two this time because of all of the other, ahem, people) and slung her small bag over her shoulder. God, when would they get to go home? She missed her clothes and her makeup and her shoes (oh, her shoes!) and her large collection of literature. Most of all, she missed the extensive forest and huge pond of the massive grounds in Westchester. Every morning, she got up, shifted and took off running wherever the hell she wanted! Running had been harder in Oxford. Less trees, more people and all. Not that she minded Oxford, it would just be nice to really run again. And to soar above the castle for hours on end and to swim the pond to her heart's content…
Nope, she couldn't think about that now. There would be time to sigh with longing and perhaps cry a little in secret later on when they'd settled in. She had a feeling they would be here for a while. With a quick crack of the neck and swift popping of the back, she took in her surroundings with the rapid efficiency that only an animal could possess.
Nothing escaped her notice, from the gentle sensation and fresh scent of the westerly breeze to the rigid sight of the stone buildings harsh angles to the soft and muted sounds of busy workers coming from inside the building itself. The place was surrounded by bare, scraggly trees and very little other vegetation. Ellie curled her upper lip in disgust. This place had once been a vast and magnificent forest home to hundreds, if not thousands of species of flora and fauna. The remaining traces of their lives and deaths were so faint that she could barely catch them, but she still scented them here and there. A shimmering figure wavered in the corner of her vision and she dared not look at it full on, lest the image flee. It was a spectral cougar, once the king of his domain, now reduced to little more than an energy signature. A pang of sorrow hit her in the gut like a brick, but she shoved it from her mind. She'd seen this more times than she could count, and she couldn't bring them back regardless.
Moira, Raven and Charles got mere moments after her (it took her less than that to take everything in) with the man in black and Erik Lehnsherr stepping out of the car behind.
"Welcome to my facility," the large, doughy man said proudly as the six of them studied the architecture, all but Ellie thoroughly impressed. Charles stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled faintly but eagerly at the stone fortress. "My mission has been to investigate the application of paranormal powers for military defense." He continued on, leading the way to the glass front entry.
"Or offense," Lehnsherr muttered at the same time that Ellie commented frostily, "A research facility for freaks." Charles sent her a dark look, so she shot one right back.
You know it's true, she projected for him to hear.
"This guy, Shaw, Schmitt, whatever you want to call him," the man continued. Ellie noted that he was speaking only to Charles and moved to walk beside Raven, feeling efficiently snubbed. Since they had picked him up, the fat man had been fascinated with Charles. Don't get her wrong, Charles is a fascinating man, but wasn't she just as interesting? How about Raven? Charles wasn't the only mutant here, and no one had designated him to be the boss of everything. Well, ok, that wasn't entirely true. He'd always been the unspoken leader of their little band, but that didn't mean that Ellie was alright with being practically ignored by everyone. Now she knew how Raven felt half the time. She was so busy wallowing in a fit of self-pity that she nearly missed what the man was saying.
"He's working with the Soviets. We might need your help to stop him."
She couldn't stop herself. "Ya think? A big, Hell Yeah to both of those painfully obvious statements. Of course he's working with the damned Soviets, the only question is why. And do you really think you could stop a powerful mutant like that without some of your own?" she snapped, shoving her way in between Charles and the man, forcing him to look at her. He gaped at her as if he'd never seen her before in his life, and she detected a hint of fear scent on him. Under her breath she added, "Government dipshits," hoping no one heard. Of course Charles did.
"Ellie please," he scolded, giving her a reproachful look as if she were an errant child. Then he returned his attention to the man and said, "So we're to be the CIA's new mutant division, yes?" with a bit of disdainful humor to his voice. They all knew that they had been forced into this, and none of them were really comfortable with the idea of being forced into the position of lab rat and soldier all at once.
The man seemed to sense some of that unease, for he was a bit less excited-sounding when he replied, "Something like that."
Ellie had to laugh. She and Raven shared a look before linking arms and bouncing merrily into the building behind the men. Oh, and Moira. She sensed several fights brewing on the horizon, a thought that filled her with animalistic excitement. The steady clicking of her heels on the horrid, acrid pavement beat like war drums in her mind, only ramping up her anticipation for the violent conflict to come.
These bubbly, almost giddy feelings vanished immediately upon entering the building. Its absolutely heinous bland décor of steel and stone was enough to suck the life out of the most energetic of people. So boring! So incredibly boring! It hurt Ellie's eyes to say the very least. A sickly chill that only comes with buildings made of stone in the north sank deep into her bones, causing her to shiver. Everything, right down the single flower in the lone pot on the only table in the very center of the room was either a deep, slate gray or a highly polished, mottled brown color that absorbed nearly every ounce of light and comprised entirely of harsh angles and rigid lines. It looked like the inside of a prison.
This effect was only increased by the fact that about ten feet from the door, where the 'foyer' area ended, all pretense of caring anything about appearances ended. So did the walls, floors, windows and everything else. It looked as if midway through construction of the building, the builders got tired and decided, to hell with it and left their equipment in heaps all over the bare bones floors and the unfinished walls of the three hallways branching off in three different directions from the main, um, lobby. On a closer look she realized that all this was scientific equipment, wires and pipes and gauges that came out of the floor and ran off in all different directions to God knows where. Some other, more sinister looking things were store here, hung on the walls or sitting on top of boxes on the floor. She didn't have a clue what they could possibly be used for and she really didn't want to find out. Her lip curled again in disgust as the scents of heavily oiled metal, questionable experiments and various other alloys hit her smell receptors. It brought a bit of a sting to her eyes actually, and she found herself blinking rapidly.
"You ok?" Raven asked in a hushed whisper. She seemed to be reluctant to disturb the dead silence that had settled over them since they'd entered the building.
Well, Ellie wasn't. "Yeah, it's just this awful smell," she practically snarled.
"I don't smell anything." Raven looked around and lifted her nose to the air, sniffing loudly.
"I guess it's just my animal nose then." The man in black glanced at her, his eyes glinting softly. Hm, finally realized that Charles isn't the only special one in this little party, have you? Good. Ellie would show him just how special she was before this was over.
She scowled at the backs of Charles and the man's heads as they continued forward. There was about a six inch drop from where the brownish floors of the lobby stopped, and she stumbled, nearly landing on her butt in front of everyone. Add this to her already foul mood and you have yourself a proper Ellie bitch-fest. Quick as a flash, she flew into such a rage that the others backed away from her, attempting to dodge her furiously flying limbs.
"Oh, dear God! What the hell is this anyway? What sort of respectable government department forgets to finish their damn building! That is a hazard, right there! I've never seen such an unkempt, disorganized disgrace for a government facility in all my life!" She was still blissfully unaware that the entire party had stopped in the middle of the hallway and were gaping at her as if she'd gone mad. Well, they weren't exactly wrong, were they? "Who the hell do you people think—"
A soft but firm hand on her arm halted her in mid-rant. She breathed heavily through her nose and glared at Charles. Didn't he see that he was part of the problem? Of course not. He would never see.
"You'd better take your hand off me, Charles," she warned through gritted teeth. He did not back away. Instead, he looked up at her with those damnably clear eyes (that looked a bit more like ice at the moment) and said quietly,
"Ellie, you need to calm yourself. You're starting to give me a migraine. Is there a particular reason you're behaving so irritably this time? Do you need to lie down and rest for a bit?" She didn't miss the slight emphasis on the phrase 'this time' and her mind briefly flashed back to their conversation on the plane. She had no idea why she was still so angry. Talking to Charles always seemed to help clear the red haze of fury (or depression) from her thoughts.
"No, I'm not a kid," she snapped, then sighed apologetically. "What I need is a good long run." Immediately she knew it was the truth. She hadn't gotten out to do anything in almost a week now, and the animal inside was getting restless. She needed to let off steam and expend some energy. The first chance she got, she'd be outside at a full sprint for as long as she could hold it.
Charles nodded once and smiled reassuringly at her before gesturing for the group to continue walking toward the large door at the end of the hall. All of a sudden, Ellie was all too aware of the way they were all looking at her. The man in black looked as if she'd just insulted his mother, standing there with his mouth open and his eyes swimming. Moira looked disapproving, as if she had any right whatsoever to disapprove of Ellie's actions. Erik looked a bit angry, but then again he always looked like that, and slightly amused, and Raven had concern in those big, blue doe-eyes of hers.
Ellie sighed once again, wrapped an arm around the blonde shifter's shoulders and followed the rest of the group into the huge room that could only have been a hanger.
Dearest readers, favoriters, subscribers and magnificent reviewers: Please accept my sincerest of apologies for my lateness in getting this to you. I have been working tirelessly (Well, that's not true. I'm actually exhausted) on moving to college in about three days and have had precious little time to do anything at all. However, here it is all the same. I left it at a bit of a cliffie, but I'm sure you all know what's about to happen. Pardon any mistakes, I don't have a beta and it's about one in the morning here in sweltering Texas and I'm about to drop dead at any moment. I'll reread it in the morning and if it's totally heinous, I'll fix it.
As always, hope you love it and reviews are loved!
