A/N: Um, there's a few F bombs in this one.


When the Roles Reverse

"Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, babe. You need to take control of the situation. Remember, you're the one that gets paid to uphold justice, Seeley. You'll get him next time, right?" She puts her hand on my upper back and starts to rub slow circles around and around and it should feel soothing and consoling but it feels like her hand is a hot piece of ragged metal being dragged across my flesh instead. I quickly stand to my feet to stop the torture.

She blinks at me. A little confused.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure. I mean, what if it isn't Broadsky?" The shot was there. Broadsky was right though. I would never take a shot if I had any doubt. Jesus Christ he was right there! I didn't have to kill him but I could have taken a shot at him. I could have brought him down. Called for backup. But I didn't. Why?

The tiniest bit of doubt is all it takes for me. I don't want it to be Broadsky. I don't want it to be one of my own. One who I actually respected….to be responsible for this? I need to be sure. I couldn't take the shot. I didn't want to take the shot.

I didn't want to is what happened.

"Seeley it is him. It has to be him. All the evidence is pointing to Jacob Broadsky. He killed Heather Taffet. He killed that girl. He blew up his trailer, and nearly you, for Christ's sake!"

"I couldn't do it, Hannah, I just couldn't. I just…. I don't know…" I'm so….irritated and I can't even pinpoint the exact reason why. I mean, obviously the main reason being that Broadsky is still out there but there's something else. There's something else nagging at me and I can't stand it.

"You do know. And you will get him next time. You have to catch him Seeley." She says softly as she stands smiles and then moves in to kiss me. I'm hesitant. I'm frustrated. Defeated. Inadequate. And actually physically wounded. She forces her mouth closer to mine and I pull back still.

"I'm sorry. I just need some fresh air."

I turn around before she can say anything else and make a beeline for the front door. Behind me I hear her drop back down into the chair and sigh before I close the door.

Sitting in my truck I think of places that I could go to calm down. Every place I think of has one thing or one person in common. Bones. Usually that would be fine. Usually I wouldn't think twice about going to those places or even about going to Bones' place itself because that would be normal. She's my friend, my partner and we used to do that all the time but tonight the fact that I can't even be pissed off or sulk without her flooding my mind completely fucking enrages me and with my free hand I punch the steering wheel in anger. My fist bounces off the leather and I can feel my knuckles stinging immediately. "Fucking A!" I yell not because of the pain but because I'm not even able to control my own anger. But who am I kidding? I haven't had any control over my actions over the last year, what would change now?

If I would have just stayed home that night...

Stayed in bed instead of going out in the middle of the night like a nutcase Bones would have never been in my truck and I'm pretty sure that confession would have never happened. Knowing Bones, she would have had time to think about things. She wouldn't have seen me until the following day and by then she would have realized she in fact did want to live with regrets because having regrets was better than putting yourself out there and getting completely fucking rejected and shot down by some asshole who can do nothing for you.

If I would have just stayed home.

And that, that 'what if' scenario pisses me off even more and instead of reacting with even more rage, I feel slightly shocked but even more relieved, when I start to cry instead. Tears begin to well up and free fall down my face and I welcome them. I cry. My girlfriend only a short distance away in my own apartment completely unaware. Bones, my partner, my best friend out there somewhere, completely unaware.

...

Temperance Brennan sits at a diner with her father. She wonders what Booth is doing at the moment. She wonders if since he went home right after getting medical attention that meant he didn't want to be bothered, that he wanted to spend time with Hannah and just be left alone. She could understand if that was the case. And usually she wouldn't want to come between him and Hannah but tonight she sent him a text anyway. She just wanted him around.

...

When the tears stop, the snot in my nose dries up and I stop sniffing I hear my phone let off a shrill ping that notifies me of an unread text message. I pick up my phone thinking Hannah's name would be displayed across the screen. I was curious but not surprised to see Bones there instead. Come join us at the diner if you're not busy.

...

Max looks up from his coffee and stares at his daughter. He's held captive by her beauty for a moment and relishes in that. Then he wonders how anyone could not be overcome by this beautiful young lady. And really, not just anyone, a very specific person.

"What?" Brennan says a little defensively.

"I just always thought that you and Booth would get over the nonsense and settle down."

"Dad," She wants to say something else. Maybe how her and Booth are just partners. How she doesn't or how he doesn't feel for the other romantically. How Booth is involved with someone else. How it's none of anyone's business what goes on between her and Booth. But all that has been said for so long. For too long and she was tired of the excuses because she knew that her and Booth should be together. In fact, she even suggested that to Booth himself. But that didn't mean she wanted to discuss it now. Or ever for that matter, "just please… not now. Ok?"

"Okay, okay." Max lets his daughter off the hook every time she looks at him with those pleading blue eyes. The same way her mother used to look at him. He takes another sip of his coffee.

...

When I pull up to the diner I try to clear my mind of all the negative feelings that have been swirling around in my head like they own the damn place. I'm not even close to being sure if this is where I should be right now. But what the hell am I sure of these days anyhow?

When I walk into the diner I focus on the back on Bones' head and try and get my shit together. The very last thing I need to do is have a nervous breakdown in the middle of this goddamn diner. Max see's me first.

"Hey there Booth." He greets me as I stroll up to the table and have a seat on the opposite side of Max and Bones. She looks at me and smiles warmly. Then, she looks at my arm that's sitting snug against my torso in a sling and she frowns. Without saying anything, I let her know it's ok by shaking my head a little, forcing a half smile and shrugging a bit. No big deal.

She furrows her eyebrows' and looks slightly annoyed but then her features soften again as another sympathetic expression crosses her face. It is a big deal and I'm sorry.

"You alright there fella?" Max nods towards my arm.

"Yeah yeah… I'm doing just fine."

The waitress comes over and I order coffee. Black.

"You should let me take a look at that later, Booth."

"No Bones, it's really not a big deal."

She would usually argue with me about something like this. Ask to speak to my doctors, see my discharge report, check the quality of the sling – but she doesn't this time.

"Hannah must have been very upset to see that you were injured."

And instead of actually commenting on what she said about Hannah, I'm reminded only about the conversation that I had with her. About Broadsky. And respond as if I'm still in that conversation with Hannah back at my apartment. "You know, I should have done better. I should have taken that shot." I say as my coffee is placed in front of me.

"Oh for god's sake Booth you were just nearly blown to pieces. Any other man wouldn't have been able to move let alone shoot a gun accurately - if at all."

"Booth, Broadsky knows now that's he's catchable. You did nothing wrong here." Bones adds.

I still feel majorly disappointed about the whole thing, even though both Bones and Max are right. "I didn't want to let anyone down." I didn't want to let you down, Bones. You're one of the only people who have had a consistent unwavering faith in me.

She only looks back at me. You could never let me down.

"Well, I think I should get going." Max says standing up from his seat. Bones follows. "Let me walk you outside, dad."

"Thanks honey." Max grabs his jacket from the back of the seat and lets Bones walk out in front of him. I watch as they walk out of the door and out onto the sidewalk. I can't help but be proud of Bones… how far she's come. They just stand there and talk for awhile. I look down at my cup of coffee and realize I haven't taken a single sip of it yet. I push it away towards the other side of the table and look out of the window again. I see Max hand her some type of shell and she takes it, examines it, and as he's talking she starts to smile. Without realizing it at first I smile as well. It's like a natural reaction and I can never stop it. The wind blows a little bit and her bangs move across her forehead just slightly and I have to keep myself from gasping. Her fingers grasp the item and she pulls it up to her ear and god she's so beautiful and the shell is so light it reminds me of her skin almost. Pale and beautiful – imperfect – but perfect because of its imperfections. I feel every piece of hair move on my arms and on the back of my neck as they stand straight up from their follicles. My stomach flips and do I wince? Maybe.

As I stare out at her I realize that maybe I'm not as over things as much as I thought I was. I realize that this woman that was so in reach of me is no longer in reach but she still dances at my finger tips from time to time and it infuriates and captivates me at the same time. I tried. God knows I held out for as long as I could stand and then I just had to tell her how I felt. I tried. And she didn't want to go there. I didn't understand. Or maybe I did and I was just too heartbroken to face it. Back in Afghanistan I thought that not only was I over my feelings for her I thought that I didn't care –notthat I didn't care about her wellbeing, but I didn't care that I was rejected, that I was heartbroken and yeah, that I was a little pissed off. But, shit….. I did care. I fucking buried myself in caring. This is why when Hannah came along burying myself in her was a welcomed relief. And I was such an idiot to believe that I could prove that by starting another relationship with another woman - another awesome, amazing, beautiful woman who was is all of those things but just not for me that I could somehow truly move on.

She's still smiling. And she's still flipping my stomach. The way she lights up my very being is unexplainable. And I feel it as she stands there and holds that shell to her face. Hannah didn't make it so that I wouldn't be affected by her anymore. Hannah didn't make anything easier for me. Things are harder, so much more complicated now more than ever. Bones isn't someone I have a chance with now. I eliminated that possibility and now it's too late to have those smiles, that look, her love. It's too damn late. I can only witness it and hope that my own regret doesn't come tumbling out of me when I'm sitting alone with a 'moved on' Brennan in her car in the middle of the night as she drives me home because she's worried that I'm too distraught to get home myself.


I SO couldn't wait to write what I thought Booth was feeling and thinking during that look. Yeah….you know what look.