Chapter 7: Delving Deep
The first thing I notice is light. It flickers. Then voices. Where am I? I try to open my eyes. The light hurts my eyes, and I close my lids most of the way again. After a few attempts, my sight adjusts. Magic. The light is from magic. Blue and beautiful. It feels cool to the touch, and soothing in a comfortable way I'm not sure I've ever felt before. My memory starts to return. The fight...Cat!
I sit up with a start. Something falls onto my lap. It's a damp cloth, but I spare it only a momentary glance before checking out my surroundings. I'm sitting on what appears to be a table. Anders stands over me, the blue light now gone. I feel a chill, and notice I'm no longer wearing my blouse, and my torso is wrapped in some sort of bandage. I must have been unconscious for awhile, long enough for someone to wash most of the blood from my skin, although I can tell my hair is still crusted with filth. I'm glad I wasn't awake during any of that, and I try not to think about having been undressed.
He healed me? That must have been the blue light, but where is Cat? I turn my head and search the room, hunting for the familiar glow that will give away her position, but there's no sign of her. I do see Bethany slouched in a chair in the corner, covered in a blanket. She seems to be sleeping soundly.
"Don't try to get up," Anders instructs, gently but firmly pushing me back down onto the table. He places the wet compress back on my head. "The arrow that grazed you was poisoned. You've been out for a few hours. We brought you to my clinic."
"Bethany's family, are they okay? I just realized I didn't even know if anyone else was in the house," I say, knowing that while I am interested, my concern is a lie. I can summon no sympathy for Leandra.
"Yes, Bethany was the only one home," he answers. "The others are fine. Why didn't you tell me you were injured? Your stubbornness nearly got you killed, Norah."
I can't very well tell him I had planned to grab my staff and heal myself when I got home. I've done it before, but I hadn't been poisoned then. Per usual, I settle for as close to the truth as I can give him. "I told you, I have someone to protect. She's not safe without me. I had to go...I still have to," I say, moving to get up again.
"No," he says, forcing me back into a sitting position, but he doesn't try to make me lie down again.
"Just no?" I ask, incredulously.
"I gave you some healing herbs, but without knowing what kind of poison it was, I can't be certain it's out of your system. You could become ill again. You should stay here a little longer," he explains. Ok, that's actually not a bad reason. "And," he continues, "I was hoping we could talk." Great.
"Alright," I say, agreeing reluctantly. "But I need to do something first. Let me send word through the Jennys. I need to know if she's safe. It won't take more than a few minutes, but they won't talk to me if you're there."
He looks as though he wants to protest again, but then nods, suddenly melancholy. "I had someone like that once. A friend I tried to protect. I understand. Can I trust you not to run off?"
"I don't give my word unless I mean it. I'll come back. But, I need something to wear," I finish, feeling uncomfortable. I cross my arms over my chest.
He walks over to a small door in the wall, opens it and reaches in. When he returns, he hands me a shirt - a woman's blouse. I pull it on over my head. It's a little too loose, but at least I'm covered. Why does he have something like this? I give him an odd look. "Hey, it's not mine," he says. "You'd be surprised how many times a small stock of clothing has come in handy. People get stabbed a lot around here."
I stand, and find my balance better than I expected. He does good work, I'll give him that. I walk to the door without looking back.
I hurry the short distance to my safe house, shut the door behind me, and immediately call for Cat.
It feels like an eternity before she appears. I exhale, relief flooding through me. "Thank the Maker you're alright. I woke up and didn't see you."
"I left when the mage with the spirit showed up. You told me you didn't want me around him because he might sense me," she says. That makes sense. She hadn't been there to see how things ended. "I could have helped in the fight, though. You should have let me."
"I didn't want you to get hurt," I say. "Templars have abilities that block magic. I didn't know what would have happened if they had attacked you."
She's quiet for a moment. "I like that you try to show me new things. But do you remember how I found you?" asks Cat.
She seems to be after something. I think back to the day I had first met her. I was 10, and lived in Orlais. That day, I had already been training with blades for hours with my mentor, Sophie, and was getting tired. Lady Colette was watching our sessions, as she often did to monitor my progress. She was my aunt, not that she ever treated me as such. At that time, she was all I had known. I wanted to please her, so I kept going, even though I felt that my reserves were all spent.
My foot slipped, and I landed straight on my behind. Ever the ruthless teacher, my mentor moved in for the strike. I panicked, and that's when I first used my magic. A raw burst of power sprang from me, lashing out and knocking my mentor across the room, where she slammed roughly into the far wall. I had no idea what had just happened. Sophie was picking herself up, a furious expression on her face.
"You could have mentioned she was a mage," Sophie snarled at Lady Colette.
"My dear, I had no idea," Lady Colette said, Orlesian accent thick. "But I'm delighted! Just think of the possibilities." Her eyes sparkled with excitement.
"You should turn her over to the Circle, Lady Colette," insisted my mentor. "She needs proper training. The Chant says that magic exists to serve man."
"Religious superstition and poppycock. She can have a tutor right here at home. Oh, I can't wait to see what she's capable of!" my adoptive mother exclaimed, undeterred. "And you will continue these lessons, as well, of course."
"I don't think I can do this," said Sophie, uncertain.
"I'll pay you double!" Lady Colette announced.
"It's not a matter of the money. We will end our lesson here for the day. Perhaps we should both take time to consider this."
"Yes, you consider carefully," my adoptive mother said snidely. "I never thought I'd hear the Chant from someone like you. You bards break every rule the Maker and Blessed Andraste ever gave."
I was confused. I'm a mage? How was that even possible? Lady Colette was excited about the news, which made me happy, but why was my mentor so upset?
"I'm sorry I hurt you," I said. Maybe if I apologized, it would make it better. I liked Sophie. She was strict, but she had taught me a lot already. Sometimes, after a good day, she would even sneak a sweet treat to me. "I didn't mean to."
"Of course you didn't," she said. "None of that is your fault. But you need to learn to control this power, just like we've been working on controlling your expressions and emotions," she paused. "This will be very hard, though, and you need someone to guide you." She looked at Lady Colette. "I pray that you get it."
And with that my mentor walked out of my life. It wasn't the last time I would see her, but I didn't know that then. At the time, all I could see was that someone else that I trusted, and who seemed to care about me, had abandoned me, just as Lady Colette had told me my own mother had done. This was long before I had learned about my mother's true fate.
That night, I cried myself to sleep. I finally drifted off, and entered the Fade for the first time. It was confusing and disorienting, and I quickly lost my way. My sadness bled into the surrounding landscape, changing it. I was afraid. I sat next to a gnarled black tree trunk and hugged my knees to my chest.
"Are you lost? Why are you crying?" a voice asked. I looked up to see a girl, around the same age as me. She knelt down next to me. "What happened?"
"Nobody ever wants to stay with me," I said, wiping my face with the back of my hand.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" she asked, without a hint of hesitation.
Our journey out of the Fade proved more difficult than that simple question. But it was the start of everything for Cat and I.
"I remember that night in the Fade, but I'm not sure what you mean. Why did you come to me?" I wonder.
"It was your feelings that brought me to you. I found your emotions interesting. I didn't really have any then, other than a need to find things that were new and different. The more I was around you, the more I felt other things too. I didn't want that to stop. I still don't. But your feelings have changed again lately."
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
"You like Hawke's friends, but they also make you sad. I liked it when you were happy with them. It was different. I think I want to feel more of that. I want to stay with you, but I don't want to watch you to get hurt, either. I don't want you to tell me not to help anymore."
"Oh, Cat," I say, moved. I hug her, and she lets me. "I'm sorry I stopped you from being with me. Of course I want you to help. Just be careful, okay? Oh, I did learn something," I add, suddenly remembering. "It was never you that attracted Justice. Turns out it was all my fault. I think it's safe for you to come with me now, but I have to go back to Anders. I promised. Just stay out of sight, okay?"
Cat's honest plea to help me reassures me that I at least have one person who doesn't want to leave. I still feel apprehensive about this talk with Anders. I know he will want to know about me, want answers I can't give him. As long as Cat is with me, I'm not alone. It will be enough; it has to be.
