- Chapter 7 - Acceptance-

The elevator was right where the spy had said, and John tried to catch his breath. It was likely there were more Genii soldiers guarding the exits and looking for him, With the P90E though, he had much superior firepower.

It proved itself rapidly, as when he entered the Amphitheater there were three soldiers there, although they weren't expecting him.

He could almost imagine it, the grating of the elevator rising and John, with chains hanging from his wrists, blood stains on his skin, and no shirt with torn pants and boots. The Genii vest looked primitive, almost roman. He must have looked like a demon as he raised the P90E and tapped the trigger.

They hardly had time to react, the armor penetrating rounds easily defeating the weak Genii armor. A few got shots off but none hit John. He stepped forward, and then instantly fell back as a pair of shots hit his chest knocking him down from some unseen assailant. He groaned in pain and rolled to the side behind cover as more shots landed near him. "Sheppard!"

Kolya… it figured. John drew in a few sharp breaths and finally relaxed as his chest reformed from the nanites. He fired a burst of suppressive fire and screamed. "Kolya! You've got 18 minutes till this place turns into radioactive slag!"

Kolya growled and moved closer. "Are you trying to convince me to leave?"

John smiled, the anger within him felt so good as he flicked the safety on his rifle to plasma. "No! I just want you to know that I'm gonna enjoy killing you before it blows!" He rolled out from his position and fired. The pulse of plasma was absorbed by the Lantean Armor Kolya now wore, John's armor. He groaned slightly from the heat, but took cover as well as he fired again.

The bullets landed next to John, blinding him temporarily as he crouched behind a chair. "I'm gonna rip that armor from your body you slimy cocksucker!"

A staccato of fire and falling splinters around him warned that Kolya had a good automatic weapon as well. "I admire your tenacity! But only one of us will walk out of this room, and I have much I must deduct from your life!"

John popped out from the right side of his cover and fired a burst. The bullets shattered a TV screen above where he thought Kolya was and showered the area with glass. Kolya cursed and blind fired suppressing John again. "Come on Kolya, you're gonna die and you might as well meet it honorably!"

John felt something skim across his cheek and winced, lucky shot. He groaned softly as the skin reformed. Kolya screamed and kept firing. "As long as you die as well, I will gladly meet my end!"

He took a deep pair of breaths, fired a blind burst from his right to distract Kolya, and rolled to his left. From the prone position he fired the plasma beam again, only instead of targeting Kolya, he aimed for the wooden desk he was hiding behind. It instantly set alight and began to smolder into a heavy smoke. John got up and began to fire blind through the smoke. Emptying the clip into the general area Kolya was in, he rushed in and tossed the empty rifle to the side.

Kolya was coughing and trying to move through the smoke. John didn't hesitate and tackled him into the wall. Kolya fought back with an elbow to John's face as he tossed his rifle to the side as well. "So you ARE half honorable! Come then! Kill me if you can!"

John was only too glad to oblige. Recovering from the elbow strike, he rushed forward in a low bull rush and picked up Kolya like a football player. He slammed him into the wall and drove fist after fist into Kolya's gut, his armor tearing the skin off John's knuckles. He ripped downwards, unzipping the armor and spinning Kolya around even as he countered. The smoke blinded him and the intense heat of such a close fight and the smoldering wood made his skin slick with sweat, Kolya's too.

He felt a sudden stabbing pain in his back. John should have expected Kolya to fight dirty in an honorable fight. He fell back and groaned as the nanites now struggled to push the blade from his back, dangerously close to his spine. John needed to kill him, now.

Kolya jumped forward and slammed his heavy body against John sending him to the ground. The knife twisted in John's back and he howled in agony as the serrated blade tore his insides apart. He felt the massive surge of adrenaline push him over the edge, and in a manner similar to a pushup, knocked the heavier Kolya to the side with his elbow, ripping the armor from Kolya and finally giving himself a chance to pull the blade out, landing beside him with a clatter.

John was hurt, his breathing sharp and vision blurry. He felt the agony of his body cry out for respite. But Kolya was getting up and this needed to end now.

So John jumped forward, gave Kolya a hard right hook to his face, then a chop to his neck. The old soldier's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as his larynx was bruised, and he doubled over in shock, landing on his knees with his hands to his throat.

John grabbed him by the collar, and seeing the still smoldering wreck of the desk, the burning sensation of the smoke in his eyes, and the pure hate in Kolya's face, John lifted him up into the air from the neck despite his body protesting in every way possible. "I said I'd enjoy killing you."

A memory flashed across his mind, and similar circumstances.


"No! Please you cannot take the sacred icon!"

John shrugged and handed the ZPM to McKay who eagerly secured it in his pack. "Trust me, It'll serve a much higher purpose with us than sitting around gathering dust." The Brotherhood Acolytes, men and women who worshiped the ZPM stood between John's team and the Stargate, they didn't look happy.

To the side, Kolya and his 2 men were angered as well. "Have you no heart Sheppard? I could tell you were ruthless on our first encounter, but to steal their faith?"

John growled at Kolya, god he wished they hadn't taken their guns in exchange for getting outta that hole. Then again the Genii weren't armed either so… "Who cares about faith? The only thing that counts is the Wraith…" John's smile was devious. "Hey, that rhymes!"

The others on AR-1 weren't so perky. The prospect of a ZPM was good, but to anger these people didn't seem right. McKay stayed silent and inched away from the angered Genii Soldiers along with the Brotherhood acolytes.

John didn't care. After facing the Wraith a few angered villagers who didn't even know the value of the technology they worshiped was a small price to pay. He looked back at Ford, none of them with weapons. "You ever get into a bar brawl Ford?"

The instant John turned his head, Kolya produced a knife from his sleeve and lunged forward. Teyla tried to jump ahead to push him, but it was too late.

The knife hit just an inch above John's heart, the Genii Soldier's aim excellent. He wasn't expecting the typically underdressed John to be wearing his stab vest and Kolya hurt his wrist from the sudden jarring stop.

John reacted as he rolled with the blow, and grabbed Kolya's wrist and spun it around. Teyla and Ford charged ahead, using their fists and feet to fight off the other two Genii who moved in to attack John and McKay as well. Rodney backed off, unsure of himself in a fight but quickly got in a tug of war with one of the Brotherhood Acolytes who tried to take the satchel with the ZPM back.

It degenerated into an all out brawl, Teyla easily dominating anyone who stood in her way and Ford having less, but still significant success. McKay used the ZPM to whack the acolyte on the head and instantly began to run back towards the gate.

John and Kolya were almost evenly matched, Kolya knowing instinctively to duck and shrimp out of John's grasp. John countered and they entered a martial arts parry, neither willing to back down.

It was an odd sight, the graceful brutality of the two men trying to kill each other. John blocked, felt his own punch get blocked, then ducked and spun to avoid the blade again.

Each hit was a jarring impact, their bones ached as muscle and sinew smashed against each other in what seemed a titanic struggle. John was faster, but Kolya was stronger and armed. John repeatedly tried to unsheathe his own knife, but Kolya kept pressing the attack and forcing John to duck, block, and weave out of the way.

They were well away from the main scuffle now, no one willing to get close. Ford and Teyla were covering McKay's tactical retreat now, following John's scream of "Run!". John didn't care if he did get stuck on this planet. Kolya had killed four of his men, tried to have John killed, tortured McKay, and he nearly killed Liz… Kolya was going to die and it was going to be today.

John feigned a weak spot, and seeing Kolya go for it with the blade he quickly countered and grabbed his wrist again, his own forearm getting nicked in the process.

Kolya saw it coming and there was nothing he could do about it. None of the others in the scuffle were badly injured, but when John flipped Kolya around, and put one hand over his mouth to control his head. Everyone knew what was about to happen.

Using Kolya's own wrist, John spun Kolya's arm around and slammed the knife into his chest. John spun him around again, twisting the knife as he moved and came face to face with the old Genii soldier. He didn't make a sound, his mouth still covered by John's hand. His eyes were wide and at this range, John could see the tiny blood veins constrict, the black irises begin to cloud over.

John took it in for a moment then yanked the knife out. Kolya's blood spewed, covering John's vest in the dark red fluid. Kolya wheezed as John let him go and back pedaled away.

Kolya fell to his knees, clutching his chest where the open wound bled profusely. He spat out a mixture of blood, saliva, and mucus as he coughed and finally fell flat to the floor on his face.

Everyone was silent for a moment. Up until then, blood had never been spilled on Brotherhood land. The Acolytes nearby looked at John as if he were some unholy demon. Their eyes burning with hate.

'Time to go' was all John could think about.


Kolya spat in his face, and suddenly howled as John slammed him into the edge of the desk, the blunt side clearly breaking the heavier man's spine upon impact. Kolya screamed out in agony as a large splinter shot through his side and penetrated him completely, but his legs stopped working, the spinal cord severed from such a savage attack.

John lost control. There were maybe 15 minutes for the bomb to go off but the irrational and purely animalistic urge in his body yearned for retribution, He'd killed this man before, and for some reason he just wouldn't finish dying.

So he loomed over Kolya, curled his fists, and began to punch relentlessly. The first hit broke his nose, snapping the cartilage and giving him a broken look. The next tore skin off his brow which now hung limply exposing the flesh beneath. Another pair of unrestrained strikes and some of Kolya's teeth dislodged and fell to the ground. Another trio of hits and John finally stopped, Kolya coughing and choking from swallowing teeth, blood, and his own torn flesh. His cheeks grew puffy and bruised, his eyes shut from the intense pressure they'd just endured.

Both men had torn flesh, but only one healed quickly, and soon John had had his fill of the violent revenge.

Kolya was still conscious though, and John could barely make out his voice amidst the crackle of the broken screen behind him, and the sizzle of the vest on top of the smoldering desk. "Kill me, take your revenge."

Now that he was there, his eyes burning from the smoke. His back still aching from the knife wound, the prime target of all his hostility lying three quarters of the way to death on top of a burning wooden desk…

The voice inside his head faded, and all that was left was a suggestion, no longer an order. "They say revenge is best served cold… shame you're a tad overdone for my taste."

With that, John calmly walked over, picked up the P90E from where he'd dropped it, reloaded the rifle, and left Kolya to wait for either the flame beneath him to kill him, or for the nuclear device set to explode. His voice carried, in a tone John had never heard before… pleading. "What, no… Kill me Sheppard! You're a brutal cold blooded monster! You can't leave me like this! Kill me! Please! KILL ME!"

John ignored it, and set out in the now familiar hallway, Kolya's voice faded, and soon his pleas for a mercy killing were nothing but dust in his memory.

It wasn't long until he reached the cell block where they'd held him. John had the instant thought that Todd was still there. Proving his thoughts, the raspy vibrating voice of the Wraith flowed clearly. "Sheppard!"

John reached the cell where he'd been held, and across from it was Todd. He had an odd look of surprise, perhaps wondering what to say in such a situation. John simply smiled and looked to him. "So hey, how would you like to be a mine worker?"

Todd growled, and reached out as far as he could, well out of reach of John. "I would sooner die than…"

John interrupted. "I thought you'd say that." He held the P90E to his hip, and held the trigger down. The bullets peppered into Todd, pushing him back into his cell amidst spurts of his thick bluish blood caking the floor and bars of his cell. Even after taking a full clip from the P90E, he still drew ragged breaths and looked to John. "I expected no less…."

John shrugged. "Since you're about to die anyway, I might as well tell ya. Nanites." John flexed his arms, posing for the Wraith. "Kinda hard to feed on someone who's half machine."

Todd grimaced, and spat in John's direction. "You are an abomination."

John raised the rifle at Todd's head and switched to Plasma. "And I finally get to kill you… Dunno why, but I get the feeling I should have done this a long time ago."

Before Todd could reply, the hot stream of blue plasma bored into his face cleanly bisecting the Wraith's skull. It felt oddly good to kill him outright instead of leaving him to die like Kolya… almost respectful in a way. John didn't bother to watch and kept moving. He was having a hell of a day, and there was only a little more than 10 minutes before this place turned into a smoking crater.

There weren't anymore guards. It surprised John. Apparently everyone had either left, or was there were fewer people on the base than he'd expected.

John turned into the main corridor that led to the main elevator, he held his rifle up and instantly noted a figure standing in front of the doorway. The slender and somewhat short stature gave her away instantly. "So Sheppard. You've killed just about everyone I've ever loved."

John kept his distance, no telling what the bitch had on her. "I'd say I'm sorry, but most kinda didn't give me a choice."

Sora growled, and showed a metal staff in her hands. "Not my father… you saved your own hide at the expense of his life."

John remembered what happened in the hive, but he also saw doubt on Sora's face. The feeling inside him begged to know, even if it would only take a minute. The other part of him told him to shoot, as that minute could be used to escape the soon-to-be atomic blast. "Is that what Cowen told you?"

The P90E was up, aiming right at her head. The same urge to shoot was there, but this was surprisingly controllable, almost as if something else was holding him back. But it felt right, it felt internal and completely normal. This conversation was filled with memory he didn't know he had, and even more, diplomacy John didn't know was inside him. Sora snorted and gripped the steel shaft harder. "You left him to die, along with Alwin. That's all I needed to know."

John shook his head and scoffed. "Like you can believe Cowen, Your father didn't give me a choice! I told him to go if he wanted but instead he put a gun to my head!"

Sora now had a tear going down her cheek. Her moves were hesitant, almost repentant. John saw the opportunity, god he wanted to shoot her so bad but now, to actually convince her to let him go, maybe even help him. "No! No you killed him! You shot him because he was in your way!"

"I shot him after telling him twice to move! He could have put the gun down and come with me… He didn't and put the fucking gun to my face! If I hadn't shot him, none of us would have made it out of that hive!"

"You, you're a monster. You've killed so many people."

This couldn't take much longer. Less than 10 minutes to get the hell out of here and far far away. The final nail in his argument came flawlessly; John was surprised by his own words. "Listen Sora. He had a choice. He made the wrong one. Tyrus was a good man but he made a tactically bad decision. Don't make the same mistake!"

Sora was shaking now, her rage was laced with what looked like hesitance, and John felt no shame in exploiting it. Though a part of him questioned why he didn't just shoot the bitch who'd taken such pleasure in bringing him to within an inch of his life. "And what do I do then? Join you? It's all over for me Sheppard. You won. You're an ancestral monster and you're right. You've saved this Galaxy from the Wraith and I still hate you! So what am I supposed to do? Just let you go and pretend this never happened?"

John shook his head, and sighed as he lowered the weapon. "Disband the rogue Genii, rejoin your people. I'll tell Ladon to cut you some slack… You can be with your people again."

Sora sniffled, the anger still in her tone. "You'd do that? Even after I…"

John sighed, and finally pointed the gun away from her. "I'll be honest. I want to kill you so bad right now. Just leave you lying in a pool of your own guts… I want to do to you what I've done to Kolya…" He swallowed. "But I've killed enough today. Sparing a life is harder and well… it's starting to make sense to me."

Sora seemed to drop her defensive stance as well, and after wiping the tears from her eyes looked up at him. "…Go, I'll clean things up here."

John felt an unbearable urge to just let her stay, let the problem fade away into radioactive vapor. But the feeling inside him spurned him to action. "No… you need to leave now. Take anyone you can, the bomb Kolya was working on downstairs is gonna blow in less than ten minutes."

Sora's eyes went wide, and she visibly flinched. "By the ancestors. You bastard! You…"

John waved his hand in a negative reply and began to inch towards her. "Forget hating me! I hate your guts too but I'm looking past that! Think about yourself and your people! Get them out now! Make the right choice!"

They inched around each other, like two wolves getting ready to attack. John reached the elevator and pressed the call button. There wasn't much time left. Sora waited as well and kept her breathing calm. "I'll go… but if I ever see you again I will try and kill you. Mark my words."

John shrugged as the elevator doors opened, both of them stepped on with their weapons pointed at each other. "Ditto."

The elevator began to move quickly and Sora gave him a confused look. "What? That some kind of insult?"

John chuckled, and keeping the P90E at his hip shook his head. "Nah… means I'll do the same to you." the elevator moved fast, and it wasn't long before the reached the top floor. "So don't take this the wrong way, but if I ever do see you again, don't be offended if I try and kill you."

Sora snarled back at him. "Well like you said…" she stepped out of the elevator and moved into the forest towards a barracks. "Ditto."


John didn't bother to wait for Sora, and instead followed the path to what he assumed was the gate. He only had 2 clips left for his P90E, and the battery for the Plasma Beam was only at a quarter power. A few bursts and plasma shots were all he had left if he were to get engaged.

As if to tease him, dirt began to fly up from snipers in what appeared to be watchtowers. He dove to the side and managed to avoid the fire by sheer luck, and he hid behind the tree.

Only about 5 minutes left. This wasn't good. The Stargate was probably already that far away, and having to avoid snipers would make things difficult. He took a few deep breaths, calmed himself, and carefully leaned out from the tree he was using as cover.

The watchtower was well armored, and not wanting to expose his position, he instead of firing began to move stealthily along the side of the path. His dreams of stealth were suddenly broken when a radio signal came in starling him, and alerting the guards to his general location.

He jumped back, and dove behind a fallen tree feeling the bullets landing just a little closer than he'd like. He clicked his radio and screamed into it "This is Sheppard! Who's out there!"

A familiar voice, filled with emotion he couldn't even begin to describe. "John! It's Sam! We're in the Phoenix and heading towards the Genii complex! Where are you?"

John froze for a second, then chuckled mindlessly. Of course they'd found him. Sam had most likely figured it out from the DHD as soon as they realized what happened and brought their new strike craft in. John had no idea exactly how much time had passed or how far this planet was from Atlantis. Knowing Lorne, they probably pulled a ZPM out of Atlantis's power grid to power the ship to the limit. Atlantis would survive, especially with the Traveler fleet still around.

Time was running out, and they needed to move NOW. "Sam! I'm on the ground a few hundred feet from the main complex in the direction of the Stargate!"

He watched as Sora led a platoon of men down the road, waving them down with a hurried scream. A few scanned the trees looking for him, but none stuck around. John aimed the P90E instinctively, but held back from actually firing. Sam's voice came over the radio again "I've got Ronon and the marines in the hold! We'll set down near the gate, recover you, and assault the base!"

John chuckled, 'Oh man… why is it always like this? Just once…' "No can do Sam! I uhh kinda maybe set off a nuclear bomb Kolya was working on and in less than 5 minutes this place is gonna blow!" He waited a second for it to sink in, and decided on a course of action. "That thing doesn't have beaming tech does it?"

"Not yet! We have to actually land to pick you up!"

Less than 5 minutes, probably more like 3 minutes, only 180 seconds now that he thought about it. Could Phoenix land that quickly? "Drop an airstrike on these watchtowers near the gate, Land and I'll come aboard!"

"John… you're too close! We might hit you!"

"Well, I'm dead either way so just fucking do it! Danger close my ass!"

John hated to repeat his orders, especially as emphatically as he screamed into the radio. They were his orders not because he wanted opinions, if he wanted opinions he would ask for opinions. No, orders were orders were orders.

And his people knew that, as the blast of yellowish fire that suddenly streaked in at relativistic velocities detonated and knocked him plainly out.


This was to be expected. Atonement was something that very few people ever actually achieved. Especially after a crime as severe as the one he'd committed.

Yet this was the very reason he was still alive. To assist them, to give them the scientific push they needed in their projects. To help the others understand how technology was just an extension of the body.

He was here now because he wanted to give them the best, the one thing the Ancients couldn't do, Project Arcturus.

John watched from the doorway as Carson coldly treated the man. He'd already given his evaluation and it was final. 6 months and Rodney's body would eat itself away from the massive dose of exotic particles his body had received trying to get the technology to work on Atlantis. He had worked on the project alone, in his own lab several floors away from anyone else. It was the only way people would accept having him around.

Ronon and Teyla were gone now. John couldn't blame them. No longer were they the close knit family they once were, although Ronon had wanted to stay. Now they felt like distant cousins – family only by extension. John hated what had become of this place, all because of the actions of now 2 men.

They weren't evil, and they weren't necessarily wrong. But the pain of life had gotten under their armor and forced them to use crutches. Some form of validating their actions.

Sam still wasn't talking to anyone about the incident. And John felt it was better that way. Sam was surprisingly strong, and in a strange way the attack had forced her to become even harder than she had been, refusing to take the easy route had proven integral to her sanity.

John loved her now, he knew that, and as he watched Rodney run his hands through his hair and come away with a small patch of it. Well, he couldn't really care anymore. His close friend for almost 2 years, turned into his hated pet for another was now a dead man walking.

John had promised not to kill him, instead letting him be in his own section of Atlantis where he could work on the projects that his genius would crack and help the expedition. John had intended for no one to ever see him again except those who went looking.

That was until the city locked down. No one knew why, and for almost 3 hours they were locked in their respective areas with no way of getting out. When the doors opened, no one knew why the city had done what it did. They had to get to the control room and do a comprehensive scan to figure it out.

That's when they found him. Dying, screaming, and convulsing from the burst of radiation.

He'd failed again, and this time it almost cost them everything.

Rodney died saving them. Bleeding the energy into another reality, exposing himself to the hard exotic particles his genius insisted could be fixed…

In a way he did serve his penance, the crime for which he should have died, never reprieved, was now meted out in his last act of saving the ones he hated to love. Perhaps the universe did want some sense of balance.


John groaned loudly, he was being dragged, again. This time though, instead of by just one foot, another pair of hands picked up his shoulders and hauled him into the landed strike craft. All that was on his mind was escape "Fucking go!" his voice was hoarse, but the strength behind it was evident.

The world was nothing but a fuguish haze. Faces passed over him, worried, unfamiliar. He heard a subsonic roar, and then a much more prevalent whoosh. The Pegasus galaxy had a tendency to use 'In the nick of time' just a little more frequently than John liked, but he was safe, he was back with his family.

He recognized them now as they lifted him up onto a stretcher. His body ached, why did it hurt so bad? The nanites should fix him. His right hand came up, another soft hand holding it close to her face, her voice was criminally weak "John…."

"Hey… sorry I'm late."

He felt Ronon's strong hands lift him into a sitting position, and Teyla rub his shoulder to give him comfort. John's focus was on Sam though, who looked as if the world had just nearly ended. "You're damn right you're sorry…! We'll talk about how long you're grounded when we get back… Carson?"

The Scottish doctor came close with an immorally large needle. "Stay still lad… you've been through the ringer… we'll be back home 'fore you know it son…"

He didn't feel the needle, but the sedative inside was more than enough for what the pain inside his body needed.


Frozen.

That was the only way to describe it.

A nearly inanimate state in which the cellular degradation would slow down to almost nothing.

But something told him this is what he deserved. That death was something too simple and final for the crime.

John ran his fingers along the smooth surface, along the same lines in the face of the man he once called friend.

"John."

He turned, and she was standing off to the side, watching him for an unknown amount of time. "Hey…"

Sam walked up and stood next to John, looking into the stasis pod. "You know I trust you John… but…"

John smiled, he'd finally realized why he wanted this done. He didn't understand it fully, but he knew the answer in his head. "You want to know why I ordered him put in here… so he technically stays alive."

Sam sniffled once, not in sadness, but a heated resentment "To put it nicely. I just want to know you're not doing this for some sentimental reason or else I'll gladly pull the plug."

John sighed, even he was a little astounded at his thinking. Something told him that by doing this he had saved Rodney, but now? Knowledge he never learned was telling him that this was what the man deserved… Rodney had always begged forgiveness, he said it was burned into his memory and his nightmares were the worst punishment he could imagine. "He dreams in there you know?"

Sam furrowed her brow and looked at John. "Say what?"

John shrugged, the concept was unbelievable. "He dreams, and all he has are nightmares. I left him alive so he could suffer Sam. It wasn't a merciful thing I asked you to do." He looked to Sam and held her shoulders. "You might have wanted to kill him. I wanted to destroy him. Carson says he might live another few years in that tube before the cellular degradation finally finishes him."

Sam was bewildered. "Wait, you want him to keep alive so he…?"

John nodded, and sighed empathetically. "I learned something Sam… I don't know why all these thoughts came to me after the crash… in fact I can't even remember what I was thinking… just what I did. But I found that it's harder… and sometimes more important to spare a life than it is to take one. And that sometimes killing someone makes it harder to move forward."

Sam was quiet, she wrapped an arm around her husband and pulled him away from the stasis tube holding the man who had betrayed her so harshly. "Since you bring it up… Ladon Radim says that most of the Rogue Genii have surrendered. Sora and their command staff were going to be imprisoned and executed… but after your communiqué to Ladon, he's decided to spare their lives and let them live on some backwater planet. He also says he's 'profoundly' sorry for not telling you about Kolya. He says he was hoping to deal with it internally."

John scoffed. "Politics, tell me again why I agreed to this?"

Sam leaned in and set her head down on his shoulder. "Beats me, maybe Ronon or Teyla can tell you. They're waiting for us in the mess hall with Evie along with Carson and Laura."

John stopped, he pulled Sam into a hug. "What about Evan?"

Sam shrugged "He's in command right now, until Carson clears you completely."

John sighed, and then kissed Sam's forehead. "He deserves to be there too."

Sam smiled. "Yeah he does. Ford should be back soon; I'll tell him to relieve Evan when he gets here. Larrin can handle her part too."

John was silent a moment, then squeezed Sam hard. Whispering softly into her soft long hair. "I'm alright Sam, I don't really know why, but I'm alright now. I realized something, I miss my family. Ronon… Teyla… I miss us all being here." He sighed "I'm gonna make it better Sam. We're gonna be alright now."

Sam raised an eyebrow in surprise and shook her head in confusion. "I'll never understand you. But that's okay."

John chuckled and pulled her back into his walk. He needed to go see his family now, the family he'd almost lost, but were willing to risk their lives to save him.

His memories of inside the Genii facility, being tortured, and finally killing someone who seemed like such a terrible nemesis were blurred. Maybe it was his mind trying to spare him the pain. But that feeling in his head now, firmly cemented in that mercy was not a weakness, and that to convince the other side to give up was more beneficial than simply blasting them from the face of the universe.

He was glad he had that experience, now as he moved away from the stasis chamber, he felt a different sense of wholeness to him. Something akin to what he felt when Chaya shared herself.

John Sheppard was ready now. The battles and conflict of the Pegasus Galaxy were almost over, and right before it cost him his soul, the light of the universe forced him to see the weakness festering in him. The Milky Way was next… and the beginning of the war to reclaim Humanity's spirit.

The final legacy of the darkest hour of the Atlantis Expedition now stood frozen, forever locked in the eternal damnation of a nightmare of his own creation. No one would ever save him, no one would ever see the humility he'd learned, and no one in this galaxy would ever want to mention him again. The lessons learned by him would go on though, transferred into another, more worthy subject, while this one relived his personal hell.


No one… it's… wow… the hell do they make this stuff out of?

I need to talk to her… god just talk to her… make her see… it's wrong… it hurts so bad…

Sheppard… everyone loves him… he's a monster. How can I show her? I'm all she needs… I'm here for her… I'll kill for her…

It's only fair… I love her… she should love me back… I give everything I can… I've lost more sleep than anyone else because of her… and I'm happy to be there for her…

She's mine… why'd you do it Sheppard? You cold blooded bastard.

Control… she knows you're drunk… she's laughing… stop laughing! I'm being serious… I'm telling you what I feel…

Everyone laughs… I'm not a hero… I'm not a soldier… I'm the fucking genius who keeps them alive and they laugh! They'd all be dead a thousand times over if it weren't for me!

Just because she smiles and pretends she's ok doesn't make her better than me… it makes us perfect for each other… but she's not better than me… I've waited so long… it's been a hard road but the fairy tale is almost done… I'm so glad it's coming true now…

God I could be everything for her… we've lost everything… I want to hold her… I want to kiss her and make it all go away… she'll kiss me back and tell me she loves me… she loves what I do for her…

You don't get it do you? You just don't understand… Life is a miracle Sam… I know you think there aren't miracles anymore but everything is a miracle! I love you Sam! Ever since you showed me what a moron I could be… you're the only one who could ever complete me… stand up to me and win…

He hurt you Sam… Sheppard's the same… I don't know what they did… but I don't care… because it doesn't make a difference to me! He's a monster who'll hurt you… I want to heal you… I want you to know I love you… I'll fight to the end of the universe, I'll bring the stars down from the heavens themselves, I can't get you out of my mind Sam… We're all sons of bitches now and I just want to help you feel alive again. I'm a man of science and they're men of action… we both have mystery around us…

I've thought about you unceasingly… My entire soul is engulfed in love with yours… I get butterflies in my stomach just seeing you smile.

Don't fight this Sam… don't push me away… you're confused Sam… it's been so long since you've been loved that it feels strange I know… All they want is your body… I want to share our souls…

You love me… you care for me… but you love him… and you care for him too… Why? Why are you paying from your very soul to get that… when I can give it to you now… no price…

No problem can be solved by the same level of consciousness that created it… you know this… why… why are you doing it again? Why are you torturing yourself…?

It's for your own good Sam… I want to take care of you… no one else knows… no one can stand to think of it… I don't want you to fight it please… you'll come out better…

It's a cruel life we have Sam…. And we have to know our limitations… we can't be superficial anymore… we can't be fatigued… we have to cling to what's close to us… never let it go… we have to hold onto the last bit of what we can do…

I just want to make it better.


Major Ford had been a bit lethargic in coming to see what Colonel Carter needed a hand with. Something about a generator she had just fixed. It was late anyway and General Sheppard and Colonel Lorne were busy in a meeting. 'Sides, he'd always had a nice friendly relationship with Sam and John.

Ford had offered to to this just because he was close by. Normally a marine would be around with big burly muscles to do the grunt work, but Sam hated having guards in the room with her and dismissed them.

He heard a crack, as if a bottle had broken. Ford rolled his eyes figuring McKay was in there, and in his bumbling love sick form had knocked over some highly expensive and rare technology that Sam was chewing him out over.

The man was so strange, obviously a genius, but a complete social dingbat. But Ford didn't care, he was a good friend who just acted foolish sometimes…

What he saw as he entered the lab wasn't a fool at all. Instead what he saw forced his throat to constrict in shock.

It was only a moment he hesitated, but Sam's groan of pain and then terrified plea to stop was all that he could hear now. Ford rushed forward and without a word, but a scream of rage, dove over the table knocking a stack of peper over as he tackled McKay off her.

He was already bleeding and bruised, she'd put up a hell of a fight. But the broken bottle and bleeding wound on her forehead told him what the crack he'd heard earlier was.

Aiden wasn't an angry man, he'd seen suffering, suffered a lot himself, but he kept his heart as true as he could, He's heard from Sheppard what happened at the SGC, and he gladly helped Sam with anything she felt she needed.

McKay was obviously infatuated, obsessed with her. But to do this… Aiden wasn't an angry man, but the savagery of the beating he gave McKay now would fool even his closest friends.

There is some truth in that saying… those who fight monsters, are at risk of becoming monsters themselves.


Epilogue

When John Sheppard had stopped thinking of Earth as home, he never expected the next time he'd be there to wake up in a prison cell, if he'd known that, he would have kept a few doodads at the SGC to pass the time.

The past few days had been a grueling nightmare. All he really remembered was the slow recollection of his memories, who he was, and how he ended up in this cell.

He'd tried to kill Woolsey, he clearly remembered taking the shot. Even as the man watched him being pulled out of the Jumper with concern, John had drawn his sidearm and taken a snapshot.

It wasn't a fatal wound, and Woolsey was apparently a little tougher than John had given him credit for as the politician gave a manly scream of pain instead of the girly whine of agony he'd expected.

McKay hadn't been much better, the two of them suddenly becoming arch nemeses and trying to tear each other's throats out. Dr Keller was well out of her league in treating them, and under lock, key, and guard, had shipped them back to Earth for treatment at the SGC where Samantha Carter along with Dr Zelenka, Dr Lee and Dr Lam would figure out what happened.

John now remembered who he was, and the Brigadier General he'd seemingly been turned into was gone. Forever reduced to nothing but strange half-recollections, and the faint trace of feeling in John's head. Video recordings were the only tangible evidence of his ever existing.

There was always a guard right outside the door watching him. For awhile they even watched him go the bathroom, thankfully giving him a little curtain to give him some semblance of privacy.

Interrogation after interrogation, never really figuring out what was the matter. Eventually he began to agree with them, not because he'd broken, but rather he'd come to his senses.

Finally, after almost 4 days of this agony, he felt back to normal. His memories back intact, yet the hint of something inside him remained. It was so obviously not him, but at the same time he drew some comfort from it.

It told him was that the Wraith were due for an asskicking, and he would gladly provide it now. The other feeling inside was something he ignored… at least until now.

The door to his cell had a little sliding window in it, and he heard the latch being released. He'd been bouncing a ball they'd thankfully given him so he wouldn't die of boredom, and taking a final throw, he looked up at the slit.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

He recognized the voice, Familiar, friendly. and for some reason…"Colonel Carter." He caught the ball and straightened as she looked through the slit. "I think I can safely assume you know damn well it's nice to see you again so soon, so I'm going to skip right ahead to 'I'm really hoping you're the one they sent to tell me I'm back to normal.' Because I'm about to die of cabin fever."

Sam smirked, and the other latches to the door opened. He watched her enter the room, a guard with his Zat ready to fire blocked the doorway. John couldn't help but feel a little offended. "What's with the muscle? I really do feel a lot better. Dr Lam has already given me the go that I'm me again…" Not that she would have much trouble fighting him – she wasn't a small woman.

Sam sat down on the bench across from him and shrugged. "SGC rules. Can never be too safe" She sighed, but with a sign of relief. "It is good to see you again John. Despite the circumstances."

John sighed, and rubbed his face to try and show his frustration. "Yeah well the real John Sheppard just stood up. I'm a Lieutenant Colonel, Military Commander of the Atlantis Expedition… Not Brigadier General John Sheppard, Renegade and rebel leader of a stolen Atlantis trying to kill Darth O'Neill."

Sam drew in a sharp breath, more out of restraining her laugh than shock, and motioned for the guard to leave. "It's okay Sergeant. You're dismissed."

The sergeant was reluctant, but with a slight sigh he followed orders. But not before informing the guard outside to keep good watch.

John clenched his fists a few times, and figured he'd get the awkward part over first. "Thanks. Uh, listen; I know what I may have said before…"

Sam waved her hand dismissing him. "It's okay John, We still don't know exactly what happened but from what we can tell, the Jumper's mental interface was affected by the magnetic disturbance on that planet. The ship was shielded against it, but for some reason your consciousness's were imprinted with your alternate selves. We don't really understand the science of it, but we've seen the alternate realities part before. As far as your consciousness, it seems sort of similar to what happened to you and Dr Weir back on Atlantis with the escape pods a few years back."

John groaned dejectedly. "Oh god, don't remind me. Caldwell still brings that up when he's losing an argument." He gulped, still trying to get over this hump. "What I actually wanted to say was, well… I know it wasn't me. Another reality, another universe maybe. But I… you and me… " He froze and looked at her in the eyes. "Help me out here would ya? I got no clue what I can possibly say here."

Sam tensed up as well, she didn't feel quite as comfortable as she was when she entered. "Yeah um, your 'other' personality had some trouble with that."

John rubbed the back of his neck and tried to look apologetic. Dammit it wasn't him! "Yeah…"

The awkward silence between them was excruciating. Neither really wanted to explore what the 'other' John Sheppard had talked about them just yet. Sam finally couldn't take it anymore and spat out quickly. "Woolsey's alright, just so you know."

John breathed a sigh of relief, both for Woolsey and for getting past the awkward bump intact. "That's good to know, I've already killed one commanding officer and I'd rather not make it a habit." The expression Sam gave was priceless, and he winced as soon as the dark comedy left his mouth. "Sorry."

Sam smiled politely, and somewhere deep in her mind she remembered what the 'other' John Sheppard had said during the questioning. "Um, yeah."

John smiled politely too, he remembered what the 'other' John Sheppard had said as well, but only because he saw the video they took of him. "Yeah, I'm boned aren't I?."

Sam nodded gingerly, she loved Futurama as well. "You could say that." She waited a few seconds to continue. "But, you seem to be back to normal. So since it wasn't technically you who tried to eviscerate Woolsey the proletariat." Sam took a deep breath in, looked out to the hallway, and let it out. "Look John. I know what you wanna say… Don't take this the wrong way, but in a way I'm sorta glad it was you that, you know… I know that it's not our reality and none of us really knows if what happened over there will ever happen here… But I think apart from Doctor Jackson…"

John let a groan of frustration out and tugged his hair. "Oh god, General O'Neill's gonna kill me isn't he?"

Sam snorted in laughter, stifled it, and looked to him. "Oh yeah. But he'll hold off as long as you head back to Atlantis as soon as the Daedalus is ready to go."

John shook his head as he palmed his face. This was by the far the most awkward situation he'd ever gotten himself into. If it were at all possible he'd go and kick his bearded evil Spock twin's ass for putting him through this. "Did he get the full report?"

Sam nodded. "He said it makes sense… He'd have to be insane to try and become President. He hates politics."

"Well, that's a little better than I hoped."

"In fact he asked me to tell you that he'd be glad to invite you out for some talk and cake. That is if you don't think he's a fascist megalomaniac and are going to try and, what was it you said? 'Tear his ass out through his mouth?'"

John groaned again and buried his face in his hands. "This is never gonna go away is it?"

Sam shook her head, and leaning forward, gave John a pat on the shoulder. "Probably not, but don't worry. Welcome to my life."

John looked up at her with a surprised expression. "Uhh, come again?"

Sam shrugged. "I've seen enough alternate versions of myself to know I shouldn't worry about what they've done or…" She didn't say it, but she knew damn well what most of those realities ended up trying to tell her. But just like the reality John had just seen, and the one she'd visited not too long ago, it was more a matter of physics than fate.

John gulped. "Uhh, yeah, Well, I'm sort of an alternate reality virgin here so… be kind?"

Sam again stifled a laugh, and palmed her face in embarrassment. "Oh god, John." She looked up at him with a smile that forced her laughter to stay inside. "I wish we'd had more time to talk on Atlantis."

Now John just wanted to die.


"So Danny boy, how about that wager?"

Daniel sipped his coffee, and reluctantly slapped the wad of cash into General O'Neill's hand. "You know technically, I could have never won that bet. An infinite number of realities means…"

Jack smiled. "Means an infinite number of realities where you drive me insane, I get it. But the bet was that we'd actually FIND one."

The group was at the buffet table, slopping disproportioned servings of meat, pasta, and of course cake onto their plates. Off to the side Sam was busy talking with her former executive officer Lt. Colonel John Sheppard.

Teal'c stood behind Jack stoically, acting almost as his bodyguard. "Would it not be a safe assumption then to presume that the opposite is true as well?"

Jack turned and raised an eyebrow to Teal'c. "Come again T?"

Teal'c cocked his head and furrowed his brow in his typical manner. "If there are an infinite number of realities as we have seen on many occasions, would it not be safe to assume that there are just as many realities where you yourself drove Daniel Jackson to mental illness?"

"Who said anything about that being 'another' reality?" Daniel kept his tone deadpan and pulled a toothpick out of his mouth that had just recently held a piece of melon.

Jack rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the slices of the white chocolate mousse cake. He'd have to burn the calories later tonight on the elliptical, but damnit, the situation warranted some form of comfort! "Remind me again why I invited you Daniel?"

Daniel shrugged, and motioned his head over to where Sam and John were still in a deep conversation. "Ohhh something about 'I need you there Danny Boy so I don't reach across the table and kill him'?" Daniel picked up his now full plate and began to walk back to the table. "Pretty sure you mentioned coffee and cake as well…"

Jack rolled his eyes again and motioned to Teal'c. "He's crazy, I brought him to get him out of that stuffy library he calls his office. I brought 'you' to hold me back from choking the life out of that man."

Teal'c smiled, and with his plate in one hand, the other on Jack's shoulder, motioned to follow Daniel. "Do not be offended O'Neill, but after examining and comparing both of your current physical and combat prowess's, I believe it is a secure wager to assume he would sanitize the ground with you."

Jack slapped his forehead, realized it was true, and went into his deep thought mode. It wasn't often he used these portions of his brain as typically when he tried to use his higher reasoning centers, he would start uttering words like Cruvix and build a mini ZPM to run to Thor.

This whole alternate realities gig was getting to be a bit much. He'd read Landry's report on the situation with the 'Not evil but desperate' actions of another SG-1, and the dozens of teams that came through. Part of his mind was just wondering what he would have done had he been on base with so many Sam Carters, but the more logical portion of his mind that he now devoted his attention to asked a harder question.

Was the Jack O'Neill that this alternate Sheppard knew all that different? It was still him theoretically, perhaps with a few different life experiences… but it was still him… wasn't it?

Rebel Sheppard as they'd colloquially started calling him had explained what the Sam Carter of that Universe had told him. That he wasn't an evil man. But the pain of losing his family, and then realizing that the technology existed that could have saved them…

Daniel had once been put through the sarcophagus torture. It had nearly driven him insane. O'Neill had been forced to use it several times as well, but he'd always been able to fight the urge to use it more…

It was a little disturbing to think that the biggest difference between himself and that O'Neill had been a few times through the coffin of life, and it was because the Daniel there insisted on bringing it along.

What hurt the most though, was Sam. He refused to believe that he would ever do what Rebel Sheppard had said he'd done, even if it was another reality. Hell he was still trying to see if things would work out in this reality… though it wasn't going nearly as well as he wanted.

After the time travel incident to ancient Egypt… he and Sam had tried to make it work. But it wasn't long after this that they transferred her to Atlantis and again, Jack was left grasping the smoke outline of this criminally perfect woman.

She was back now, after only a year. How long would it be this time before life pulled one of them away? Jack had considered retiring, just locking himself in his cabin, fishing in the day, stargazing at night… and waiting for Carter to come by when she had the chance. After careful thought, he pushed the idea out of his mind, a week or two at the cabin on his own and he'd likely go insane.

He looked over to where Sam and John were seated, and saw them smiling and chuckling at some unheard joke. They seemed so comfortable with each other… the same unspoken bond that Jack had formed with her. It was to be expected really… she was in the same position he'd been in, and it was only natural to get close to your executive officer.

The difference was he wasn't 15 years older than her… and he had his masters in theoretical mathematics. John Sheppard understood what 'Flying Nintendo's' were... but even so…

"For cryin' out loud T…it's 'mop the floors with'… and like I said… that's why I brought you along."

Teal'c raised a single eyebrow. "Indeed."


"Wait… so technically you're not even our reality's Daniel Jackson?"

John was having fun, the old SG-1 team were certainly the story tellers he'd heard about. Even more it was nice to have intelligent conversation without competing as it often was with McKay. It reminded him of his many conversations with Elizabeth.

They'd been recounting their own encounters with Alternate realities and Daniel had just told him of one of his many years past. "Technically speaking… no. But the reality I came from is actually based and created from ours with Goa'uld technology called "The Gift of the Gods" that I'm not even going to begin to say I understand."

Jack leaned forward and snarked. "I'm still undecided as to which one is better. But then again this Danny Boy tends to have a horseshoe up his ass when it comes to dying and such so…"

Sam snorted and smiled. "Sir, you feeling okay?"

Jack furrowed his brow and looked at her with feigned offence. "Why yes, thanks for asking." His smile showed the obvious sarcasm.

Teal'c smiled and remained still as he spoke "What I believe Samantha Carter wishes to say O'Neill, is that you may have inadvertently complimented Daniel Jackson in the form of an insult."

Daniel palmed his face and muttered something in Russian before turning to Teal'c and sighing. "I think he knows that Teal'c… and he's enjoying it."

The group laughed softly at the obvious camaraderie they shared, and Jack looked to John with a deep face. "So tell me Sheppard, now that you've 'lost your alternate reality cherry'…" He noted with some slight satisfaction the way Sam resisted giggling, and Teal'c furrow his brow in confusion. "… what do you think about the whole 'infinite number of universes thing'?"

John took a sip of his coffee, and he took a deep breath. It wasn't an easy question anymore. "Well… apart from trying to get past the fact that I'm not exactly unique anymore, I think that just like infinity, it's indefinable."

Both Daniel and Sam nodded, but Jack didn't exactly like that answer. "Aw fer crying out loud, come on Sheppard. You got to see how a few different choices led to a whole different reality. Doesn't that make your head spin? Turned mine into a dreidle."

Sam smiled sweetly at Jack, he always tried to downplay how intelligent he could be. "Well sir, mathematically speaking, infinity does make people's head spin. That's why we simplify it to just something we can't understand."

John added seamlessly. "Like God." Everyone at the table turned and looked at John. He felt like he'd just committed some atrocious sin that stunned them all, like farting in an elevator. "Uh… am I missing something?"

Daniel was the only one to ask. "You believe in God?"

John nodded without hesitation. "Of course."

Daniel seemed flabbergasted. "Even after all you've seen? Ascended beings? Snakes in the head? Time travel? Alternate Realities?"

John shrugged nonchalantly, like he hadn't been thinking about this for almost two days straight now. "Especially because of what I've seen."

Sam was silent, lost in her own thoughts. Teal'c growled slightly and leaned towards him. "Tell me then John Sheppard. What do you believe God is?"

John cocked his head as he spoke. "Nothing that we can see or hear that's for sure. God is something I think we just can't understand. Call it fate or whatever, it's just too hard for me to believe that with everything I've seen since I walked through the gate, it was created by chance alone. The math just doesn't stack up."

Teal'c growled softly again, and raised an eyebrow. "I can admire that sense of a God John Sheppard. Most unique."

Daniel seemed a bit taken aback. "What about all the different alternate realities? Is there a God for each?"

John shook his head, feeling the need to clarify himself. "No no no… like I said, it's indefinable, but if God is really omnipotent, and blah blah blah, it stands to reason for me that he could see it all and understand it all. If anything, it explains that whole 'I know what you're going to do before you do it" deal without getting rid of free will."

Daniel was amazed, never before had anyone given him this theory for how God could exist. The worst part was it made sense. "So you think God knows everything because he lets every possible thing happen? Then what's his job?"

John shrugged again. "Beats me, I'm only human. Think of it like a line segment trying to understand a cube. How the hell am I going to understand something so far beyond my physical and mental limitations? I can't, so I don't even bother trying."

Daniel and John continued to discuss the matter, with Teal'c adding in every few rounds. It was one of the most fascinating discussions John had ever had, but as they nearly finished, Jack smiled politely and nodded as if he understood what John was talking about. All he caught was that John had seen a lot through the gate, and somehow it proved God to him. He turned his head to Sam and gave his typical 'I'm lost Carter, Dumb it down for me please.' look.

Sam smiled, and with a sense of surprise of her own, interjected her own thoughts for the first time in the conversation. "I think you're right John… That's almost exactly what I believe." She gave a small almost awed smile and a second later looked back to Jack. "…and sir, to put it in the simplest terms, think of us as 3 dimensional, and God as 4 dimensional. We simply can't wrap our heads around it because it's impossible for us to, but it's still there."

Jack looked to John, then Sam, then John again. His voice was just mildly indignant. "Why couldn't you just say that Sheppard? Jesus, you've been hanging around Carter and McKay too much."

The group laughed again, and John became bashful. "Well sir, don't quote me on this please. I do have a reputation to keep and I'm sure McKay would spend hours ripping me on this."

Jack shook his head in disbelief.


Rodney had never been so glad to be on the Daedalus. Typically the ship was going headfirst into masses of Wraith darts and blasting away Replicators, but in this instance it was taking him home… home where he still had many things left to do.

He'd seen the videos of his alternate self, and it deeply troubled him. The alternate Sheppard had quite frankly told them of Rodney's crime, and his eagerness to turn Rodney into a human version of Swiss cheese. Rodney had vomited when they told him. The utter vile way the Alternate Rodney had succumbed to the pressure made him so sick they had to give him a glucose IV as he couldn't hold anything down.

They put him on suicide watch… John as well. It made sense as he didn't want to think about living with such knowledge.

The only reason he didn't go completely insane was that Sam had shown up to give him her support… and her solemn promise to seal the records on the incident and have everyone who knew of the alternate reality to sign non-disclosure agreements. It was standard procedure anyway, but when she had brought him the tray of Blue Jell-O in his cell, he felt slightly better.

Rodney had finally convinced himself that he'd never do that. Never ever in a billion years. But he had come to accept that he was capable of it.

He was capable of many things, he could solve mathematical equations that would make a theoretical mathematician weep in sorrow over the confusion, he could load, fire, and actually hit something with a P90.

He was capable of ruining a good relationship with Katie Brown… he was also capable of destroying 5/6ths of a solar system because he was stubborn.

He was also capable of falling in love again, and feeling that urge of obsession…. And in this reality at least, he was capable of repressing that urge, and moving forward instead of becoming fixated.

Rodney had been feeling a little different since his memory and personality resurfaced. There was a small urge of honest ambition, but not competitiveness. It was as if he wanted to do the best he could, not for the accolades, but for the people he called his family.

He'd been feeling the same for awhile now… but it was different this time. It wasn't just a growing sentiment of wanting to please his chosen family, but rather a need to. As if it were the only thing that mattered.

It hurt to hear the words coming from his evil twin, and even more the words from the Alternate Sheppard about him. But now with both back to somewhat normality, the awkwardness between them was only slightly higher than usual.

"Hey! McKay!"

He turned, speak of the devil. "Sheppard… shouldn't you be on the bridge or something talking to Caldwell?"

John shook his head and sat down across from McKay in the mess hall. He had a large tray with a metal cover on top. "Nah, I'm still technically on non-active duty until we reach Atlantis and Woolsey signs off." He seemed to recede a bit, almost as if he retreated into his own skin. "He's alright you know, I only winged 'em."

McKay snorted, and sighed. "Yeah, from what Radek tells me, your evil twin was pretty pissed off that he was so battered from the crash. Something about Nanites healing him."

John shrugged and drummed his fingers along the metal cover of the tray. "Yeah, I saw that too. Can't say I'm jealous of him."

Rodney straightened. "Are you jealous of any other parts of him? Hmm?"

John instantly knew what Rodney meant, but he'd worked that out with Sam thankfully. General O'Neill had even chuckled with him about it and said he knew the feeling. "Don't tap dance Rodney… from what I've read I don't think I want to meet a Sam Carter like that."

Rodney half scoffed. "Hmm… well what about our Sam?"

This was ridiculous, John knew damn well what Rodney was getting to and the worst part was that if he'd asked him a week ago, it would have been so simple to answer.

But now? How the hell was he supposed to bury the fact that in an infinite number of realities, he'd ended up with Sam in some which way or form? The little feeling inside him that yearned for bloody massacre against the Wraith also had a little friend. And thankfully, Sam had been kind enough to not only acknowledge it, but understand it… and privately she said it was at least partially reciprocated… that was the biggest and hardest thing to swallow.

She didn't love him, hell he didn't love her either, how could they? But they liked each other, they truly enjoyed each other's company and not for frivolous reasons. John buried the edge of the feeling that had sprouted. The time for that would come later… if it ever came at all, and he'd convinced himself that it didn't matter anymore.

John understood now just how special Samantha Carter was, General O'Neill may have said it in a joking manner, but he was still serious in calling her a national treasure.

She had also had the foresight to see this potential outcome with Rodney, and thankfully had given him a weapon that she had hoped never to have to use. But John had been her undying support on Atlantis, and she owed him. "Rodney, I had a really long talk with Sam about my evil twin, and you know what she said to me? She said she was okay with it. And you know what else? She told me about something that happened to her while she was still fighting the Ori…"

"What? What could she possibly have told you that can excuse the fact that you now pretty much just admitted you like her?"

John took a deep breath, when Sam had told him this he was torn between bouts of laughter, and spells of nausea. "Alright look, she swore me to secrecy and said I could tell you as long as you kept it quiet too…She got sucked into an Alternate Reality when working on some Phase Cloak thing, and as it turns out, the Alternate Sam in that reality married the Alternate 'You'"

Rodney's brows instantly shot up, his face threatened to crack the beginnings of his frown lines with a smile. "What! Really! Are you serious!" His smile instantly turned into an indignant frown. "Why didn't she ever tell me? She had plenty of chances when she was on Atlantis to tell me that!"

John resisted chuckling, and hoped the next part didn't break his friend's heart. "Calm down! Jeez… She never told you because she didn't want to tell you the next part. That Alternate Sam and McKay? They divorced, and even more, that Rodney was a billionaire dot com physicist dude." Now John couldn't help it, and cracked a smile. "Apparently when she went to go talk to him, he was convinced that being married to him had turned her… well… you know."

Rodney didn't understand. "No! No I don't know! So please do me the pleasure and courtesy of filling me in!"

John stifled his snort, and tried to keep control. When Sam had told him this in the restaurant before General O'Neill and the original SG-1 joined them, he'd been very hard pressed not to burst out laughing. "You know, he thought she… that she came to tell him she was switch hitting. "

Rodney furrowed his brow in confusion. "Say what? Use language I understand!"

"Inverted her interests? Signed a trade with another team…?"

"I don't watch sports and understand that even less! Just say it!"

John shrugged, and cracked with a snort as he said it. "Clam diving?"

Rodney was again confused, but as he thought about it for a second he suddenly came to the realization with wide eyes and his trademarked look of shock and awe. "Wha…? You're not serious. You're kidding me. This is some cruel joke she's playing on me because she knows I won't see her again for a long time since I'm in another galaxy."

John finally fractured and began to chuckle at the thought. "I'm sorry Rodney, It was such a messed up conversation. But seriously, not a damn word to anyone about it. Sam is probably the only woman other than Teyla who could kick my ass and I'd rather not piss her off anymore than I already have. But here's my point. Define Infinity."

Rodney shook his head and with his elbows on the table muttered in sheer misery. "What? Infinity? Uhh…it's indefinable! But, unlimited, too many to count, all the individual atoms in existence don't even come close, everything after 3.14159265, and on and on. Why?"

John nodded. "That's how many realities there are. And I'm sure in at least some of them, the alternate you and her are happy." Rodney seemed a little brightened and John decided not to add the 'probably a few less than those with me and her' addendum. "Now do me a favor and let's stop talking about this. I already feel uncomfortable just thinking about it."

Rodney's scoff turned into a laugh. John always could make him feel better. "Yeah, uh, I guess."

"Alright. Now, there's something I'd like to say ok? And I need you to just shut up and nod your head."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I… I know we've been a bit… well I'm trying to say I'm sorry I kinda maybe tried to choke you in the gate room back home."

Rodney winced, he recalled the incident. "Uhh… yeah…sorry for calling you a cold blooded hair gel abusing son of Kirk…among other nastier things I won't repeat."

John cringed and tugged on the back of his hair. "Look, let's put this behind us as quickly as possible okay? God knows Atlantis needs us frosty and this kind of thing is just gonna make things complicated, so..." John pulled the metal top off the tray exposing the pair of chocolate puddings underneath. "I brought a peace offering."

Rodney laughed, and reached for the spoon on his side of the tray. "Ahh yes… Chocolate heals all."

~fin