Title: Angelus Erroneous

Author: Spike

Chapter: Seven

Even Xerxes was far from desirable company, he was the only other human on this miserable rock. He had arrived after I had spent some weeks by myself. In the time since, we had managed to build something of a bond in the time that we had spent in each other's company.

It's not that we had anything else to do anyway.

Besides, it's fair to assume that at the time I was glad to find some human company at long last.

He arrived pretty much the same way as me: Being ejected from an escape pod and plummeting down to earth. At that time, I had long since succumbed to the idea that I was stuck here, I was all alone and I had little hope in the way of survival (at least all of the above sounded more appealing better than being in the Penal Legion). So, I was slowly establishing a way of life upon this rock (one which I still live by to this day). I had been travelling for days across this planet, always running into Orks, but never really seeing any other signs of life. Within days, it became clear to me: I was the only human trapped on an Ork world.

It didn't bother me too much however. After all, the only thing I could do was just roam around, and try to keep alive.

Not that it made any difference but being here seemed a much better proposition than being in the Penal Legion.

Anyway, at that stage, I had to kill any Ork I met all in the name of survival. I then would steal their ammunition and weapons plus anything else that could be used (which, considering the amount of manufacture the Orks apply into their gear didn't mean a lot). Of course, it seemed rather absurd to include Ork ammunition within two Imperial bolt pistols but now wasn't really the time to complain.

Nor care.

Being on a jungle planet, there was plenty of fruit and fresh water – none of which looked unhealthy or inedible (otherwise I would be long dead already). There was also some medicinal supplies in the escape pod – but being in limited numbers it made me adapt a more rational approach to confronting the Orks- namely applying stealth whenever possible and picking members of any group off one by one

All in all, there was enough here to contribute to my continued survival. Some of the Orks had settled in camps but I wasn't game enough to attack there.

Anyway, Xerxes' arrival certainly came as an absolute shock – I wasn't really expecting to see anyone else show up on this planet – particularly this far from the borderlines Imperial space.

I can still recall the day we met:

It was late morning and I was slowly making my way through one of the mountainous ranges of the planet. I had spent the entire morning slowly tracking a group of Orks, with the intention of picking them off one at a time. In all the time I spent following them, they had merely wandered around, not seeming to be heading anywhere in particular and without encountering any other groups of Orks.

All of this suited me fine – it's just the time to take them all out, one stinkin', scum-suckin' greenskin at a time……

At the present time, the Orks were moving through this mountain range at a slow pace. As for myself, I was watching them all from a well-concealed position above them. This was the perfect opportunity for a sniper killing: I could down one of them and, before the Orks realise what was happening, the rest will follow soon after.

I was about to squeeze the trigger of one of my bolt pistols…

When it happened:

One of the Orks suddenly jumped to his feet, looking up at me.

My blood went cold.

With a scream, he pointed up at me. All the other Orks immediately got to their feet, each adding more to the bellow.

I could feel my muscles tense: What was going on? Had they seen me? If so I had better take them all down now. And quickly!

But before I could open fire, the Orks suddenly bolted. The group scattered in all directions – most of them heading down the slope.

I paused. What the hell was this? I expect they would immediately attack a human when confronted with the sight of one.

Curiosity demanded that I look over my shoulder.

And that's when I saw it.

A huge meteorite came plummeting down from the sky, flames burning across it and its pace relentless.

All heading towards one location:

This mountainside

Oh fuck….

Riding on the wings of urgency, my legs propelled me out of cover and into the air. My feet then found the ground and I bolted. Trying to escape, I ran like hell as the sound of the meteorite descending grew closer and louder behind me.

I had no idea how much distance I had covered before the meteorite crashed.

The shockwave sent me off my feet and tumbling down the rest of the slope. …..

I don't recall too much after that – but when I regained consciousness, I found myself on my back. The stench of burn wood was strong in the air as well as the distinctive smell of Ork flesh.

Ork Flesh?!

My eyes shot opened – only to find myself confronted with the horrendous sight of several boltgun barrels.

I looked around: I had been discovered by the very same Orks I had been following. And now they had got me.

Just simply superb.

Each one of them glared at me, their guns well-trained on me. I guess they didn't fire because they were, as always, not expecting to see a human on this planet. Perhaps their miniscule brains, such as they were, were too busy trying to think this unexpected occurrence through.

Two Orkish boots kept both my hands pinned down. The Emperor knows where my two trusty bolt pistols were at this point in time. Furthermore, being cornered like this meant there was no room to pull off something of an escape.

Besides, the only one I could think of who could possibly get out of a situation like this was an Imperial assassin.

So the only thing that could be done was to wait for the cold hand of death to come my way - at long last.

But it never came.

Instead, my ears detected the distinctive sound of a burst of lasgun fire screaming through the air. Seconds later, one of the Orks tumbled forward – With a freshly made bullet wound to the head, he came crashing down.

Upon me.

"What the Hell?!" I shouted "Get offa me, ya stinkin' greenskin!"

The other Orks didn't respond to my sudden burst of screaming – instead they were too busy wondering where that lasgun came from.

The answer came in the form of more fire that rang across the scene. Although my vision was obscured by the dead Ork that kept me to the floor, I couldn't see what was happening. But I could feel the thud of the Orks tumbling to the forest floor, one after the other.

I ground my teeth in my frustration. I gotta get out of here – it's not so much that I'm missing the action but the fact that I'm stuck beneath a wretched greenskin!

Grabbing the Ork with my own two hands (even if such a prospect was detestable in my honest opinion) I began shoving the corpse of me. It certainly wasn't the most pleasurable experience – I could feel the sweat dripping from the Ork's flesh. I could feel the repulsive Ork stench reeking out from his pores. And I could the line that was the Ork flesh (to which I have never touched again to this day).

Finally, with a roar, I shoved the Ork up and off me. Gritting my teeth as I shook my hands clean (handling an Ork – nasty thought), my eyes gathered the scene around me.

This was the first time I had got a good look of my surroundings since the meteorite fell and I was thrust into unconsciousness. Needless to say, the place was ruined – All around, so many trees had tumbled – some had been shattered from their stumps and into pieces of wood, whilst others had been uprooted completely, leaving their massive roots in the air. The devastation went for a radius several miles long, suggesting both a tremendous impact and an equally incredible shockwave that followed.

All around there was a stench, built from a distinctive mixture (distinctive when you've fought in the Imperial Guard as long as I have): wood, ash, burnt fernery, scorched flesh and metal.

And then there was the huge object that created this incident – It was embedded deep into the rocky surface of the slope and smoking incredibly. As the smoke gradually cleared, a form started to emerge. And then, it seemed that I was wrong: it wasn't a meteorite – it was an escape pod. But upon closer examination, it didn't appear to be of Imperial make. It did seem to appear to bear the signs of being created from human hands but, at the same time, there was something peculiar about it: It seemed more ramshackle and appeared to have a something from several other cultures about it. It was both human and non-human at the same time.

This created a sense of unease – who was in this pod? From where did it come from? Were the occupants still alive? And, for that matter, were they human?

I could feel my senses stiffen – Considering the stench and the impact of this escape pod; it would be obvious that more Orks would be attracted by it and, consequently, be already on their way over to investigate.

I blinked - talk about déjà vu…..

Just then, in amongst the smoke emitting from the ruined escape pod a figure emerged.

I could feel my hands tighten around the grip of my bolt-pistol. Sure this may be the sod who saved my life but who's to say they will spare my life?

As the figure moved closer from out of the smoke, my eyes struggled to reach a decent conclusion about this person. Was it an Ork? No, the figure was too tall for an Ork stature. He didn't smell like one either. Besides, if this was an Ork, he would've blown my head off by now.

Was it an Eldar? No, this figure didn't quite reach their level of height. His movements weren't up to par with a level of flawless grace anyway. Besides, if this was an Eldar, he would've blown my head off by now.

Was it a Tau? No, this figure didn't seem to have that much in the way of armour. Furthermore, his movements seemed more natural. Besides, if this was a Tau, he would've blown my head off by now.

Was it Chaos Space Marine? No, still not enough armour. Besides, he didn't have the repulsive stench of Chaos, nor did he seem to have any of the familiar mutations that make the followers of Chaos so distinctive. Besides, if this was a Chaos Space Marine, he would've blown my head off by now.

Was it a Genestealer? No, he didn't have enough limbs. And he was moving too slowly as well. Besides, if this was a Genestealer, he would've already leapt out onto me and torn my head off by now.

Finally, the figure stepped out into full view.

I could feel my fingers twitch. My heart began racing as revelation struck. Two eyes, pink flesh, black hair, ten fingers, two arms, two legs, facial hair, professionally crafted clothing. And clutching a smoking lasgun in their hand.

I was stunned – after spending days on this planet without any form of proper company, I have now, at long last, encountered a fellow human being.

But then my face fell.

After all the days I had invested into my own self-preservation, that company could've at least been a woman!

The man smiled at me.

"Hello there!" he greeted.

"Hi" I mumbled back.

The man's grin fell.

"I save you from being torn apart by those Orks and I don't get a mere 'thank you' in return?"

"So what?" I retorted "You want to kill some Orks? Well guess what: there's plenty more here that came from"

"My, my" the man said. "Aren't you the grouchy type!"

"If only you knew buddy" I muttered under my breath.

The man smiled a wide smile and strode over to me.

"Allow me to introduce myself" he said "I'm Xerxes, the finest Rogue Trader Captain this side of the Eye of Terror. Pleasure to meet you!" He then thrust his hand out, indicating that I should shake it.

I, however, did no such thing.

Sensing my disgust, the man calling himself Xerxes frowned again and withdrew his hand.

I had only met this guy and already I wasn't really enjoying his presence. The fact that he's claiming to be a Rogue Trader Captain isn't good enough for me: I knew them from my days in the Imperial Guard. I had always perceived them as being lying, back-stabbing, greedy, sneaky sons of Eldar who would do anything for money and would betray one at the drop of a hat.

But then again, everyone in this galaxy is like that.

Still, if he is who he says he is, then he must have ship. And if he does, then I may be able to scam a position on his ship off him so I can get off this stinking rock.

Okay, so that plan may come into conflict with my distrust of Rogue Traders but in the end, I would rather go with one of them than spend the rest of my days sharing planetary space with a whole lot of stinking green-skins.

Besides, considering that Rogue Traders operate outside the restrictions of Imperial law, if I pass myself off as one of his crew then I could escape any unwelcome intervention from the Imperial forces (I'm still long overdue for my position in the Penal Legion anyway).

"You're a Rogue Trader Captain?" I said.

"That's what I said"

"So tell me: what is a Rogue Trader Captain without a ship?"

Xerxes' grin suddenly grew laden with embarrassment.

"Ah well….. well… you see…. my ship kinda got taken over"

I frowned. These weren't the type of words that I was keen on hearing.

"My crew kinda mutinied on me" Xerxes went on. "They grew annoyed with me so much that they revolted, tied me up, thrust me in that escape pod and sent me here."

He said all of this with his lips still maintaining a wide smile - how the hell he can talk about such unfortunate incidents with more than obvious glee is beyond my realms of comprehension.

Sure it sounds unfortunate to anyone else but not to me: We had only just met and so far, this guy had succeeded on getting on my nerves. As far as I could care, being ejected from his ship sounds like he got what he deserved.

"Anyway" Xerxes said "I've got to overcome this hurtle and get back into business! I'm a Rogue Trader and no Rogue Trader will ever stop trading when encountered with a setback such as this! I must find a spaceship and return to the galaxy, to start again form scratch!!"

I mentally cursed – Great, there go my hopes of getting off this rock.

Worse still, I now have the presence of this annoying sod to deal with.

Can't say I blame his crew for wanting to revolt against him.

And then he said it:

"So, can you tell me where the nearest Imperial settlement is?"

I groaned.

"That's not a proper answer" the former Rogue Trader captain said. "I need to know where the nearest Imperial settlement is, man! I can't continue my business in the middle of this jungle!"

"Listen" I said "I don't think you understand our current situation here"

"Oh come on!" Xerxes retorted. "You're a human! And since you're a human, and one whom is speaking Imperial Gothic, there must be some sort of outpost in the middle of the jungle!"

"How can you be sure I'm not some savage?" I countered.

"The fact that you haven't tried to kill me yet" the Rogue Trader said, his face growing amused with the thought of this notion.

Don't be so sure buddy I thought.

"Listen to me" I said. "This planet is an Ork World! And one that's beyond the borderlines of Imperial space! I'm only the human and that's because I arrived here by accident!"

Xerxes blinked, his facial expression one of thoughtfulness. Sensing a degree of understanding I began pushing him further into the right direction:

"I'm only here because I crash-landed on this rock! My escape pod was ruined in the crash meaning I'm well and truly stuck here!"

But it didn't take long before he began chuckling at this notion.

"That's a good one" he chuckled. "Quite a tale! Standard on an Ork world far beyond the Imperium! I couldn't have come up with a better one myself!"

"What?" I growled.

"I must admit old chap" Xerxes chuckled "You certainly have an incredible imagination!"

I ground my teeth in frustration.

"Tell me" I inquired "Do you mean to tell me that I'm making this all up?"

"You can't be serious, that's for sure!"

"Come on, don't tell me these Ork corpses don't provide a subtle clue"

"Well I figured that since they're in this jungle, they must be fighting a guerrilla war against the Imperial settlements across the planet."

My eyes widened in disbelief as my brain struggled to comprehend this rather warped sense of logic.

What type of moron is this guy?!

I felt like grabbing him by the collar and smashing some sense into him….

But considering that he was the first human I had seen since arriving to this miserable rock, my heart simply wasn't in it. Instead, I sighed in exasperation and turned away.

Little did I know that this day would inspire the most infuriating of partnerships that I have ever experienced in this universe……..

In hindsight, perhaps I would've been better filling him with lead there and then….


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