A/N:First of all, my most deep apologies for taking this long to post an update. But the next "chapter" (more like an "addendum", but that's for later...) is already done and I have more free time now so I should update more frequently now.

Secondly, thank you very, very, very much for all the comments and all the support, means a lot to me and you guys rock!

And finally, a huge thank you to my awesome beta MysticalCheesecake (on tumblr)/MagicallyChallenged (on ), she's THE best :D

Please let me know what you think.


Chapter 7

You climb the last few steps to your apartment with heavy steps. Your bag is hanging low on your shoulders and you're fighting to keep your eyes open. It's been a long week, with cases piling up on your desk and interns being more useless that usual, but finally - oh, thank God, finally - Friday has arrived and all you want to do is take a shower, order some pizza and fall into bed.

At least that was the original plan, but with the dull pain at the front on your head getting stronger and stronger with each step, you start to think about your leather couch more and more.

Perhaps you should squeeze a nap in those plans of yours.

You growl your appreciation at this sinful thought, and your eyelids drop as you keep moving.

Nap, shower, pizza and bed. Yes, that sounds heavenly.

The sound of someone fumbling with keys causes your eyes to open, and you reach your floor while staring at Gail.

She's trying to open her own door but stops when she senses your presence. Her hand

falls to her side and she turns to stare at you with wide eyes.

She seems nervous and you can't help but to take a half step forward. Gail drops her duffle bag on the floor and rests her back against the door as she crosses her arms in front of her. It almost looks as if she's shielding herself from you. The thought makes your throat clench.

"Oh, hey!" Her eyes are hard and uninterested but her voice trembles. You can see by the look on her face she's not pleased with herself for that.

"Hi." You answer with a small wave. The whole thing is awkward and you don't know what to make of it. Things were never awkward between the two of you before.

Gail readjusts her arms before speaking again. "Hey" This time her voice is strong and even, but still makes your lips turn upwards in a trace of a smile.

"You said that already" Her face shifts and your smile fades rapidly.

You watch as she releases an annoyed breath. "It sounded familiar."

Gail is restless, shifting from one foot to the other while keeping her face as stoic as a Peck can be. "Is everything ok, Gail?"

"That sounds familiar too." She shakes her head and you can feel the annoyance growing. "Why do you keep asking me that?

The harshness in her voice startles you and you find yourself playing with the straps of your bag. "I don't…I don't know." That's a lie. You do know why. You just worry about her. You're worried about the two of you, as twisted as that may sound. "You just…you've been a little distant lately."

The moment after the words leave your mouth her posture changes. Her arms fall limp at her side and she pushes herself away from the door, you are sure she will take a step towards you, but instead she turns her backs at you to open the door. "Well, what can I say?" She shruggles. "Hard cold bitch here."

You know she can't see it, but still, you shake your head with a frown on your face. "I didn't say that."

"No, you didn't." The sound of her voice almost doesn't reach you, but the shaky release of her breath echoes in your ears.

"Gail…" She finally turns to face you, cutting you off before you can finish.

"Look Holly, I have a date tonight. And I need to get ready, alright?"

"All...right…" Her eyes don't meet yours and the door closes before your words can reach her.

With a heavy sigh and a heavier heart you make your way towards your door.

Swinging it open and stepping inside, you drop your bag and keys on the coffee table, get rid of your boots and your coat and falls with a thud on your couch.

The living room is dark, but still you close your eyes and throw an arm over your face. The headache is now blasting through your skull, angry and irritant. But not strong enough to fog your thoughts.

Ever since you started to date, three weeks ago, your time has been split between your best friend and your…girlfriend? Or whatever Taylor may be. But with the exceptions of a few nights a week and weekend afternoons that where now spent in Taylor's company, nothing really had changed. Not until the blackout incident a little under two weeks ago.

You're not sure why, but that had been the moment where everything changed. Where Gail changed and started to avoid you.

Your texts are either ignored or answered with a quick one word reply. There has been no more shared lunch breaks or takeout nights. No more video games being plugged on your TV or coffees being handle to you at the elevator. No more shared elevator ride as you both head towards the garage. No more quiet, lazy walks to your car and no more rides to the precinct either.

You've been replaying the events of that night over and over, trying to pinpoint the moment where everything went south. And as much as it pains you to admit it, you think you know what happened.

You fucked up.

How exactly that happened you're still trying to understand. So far you have narrowed it down to two possibilities: you've either gone too far and she realized how vulnerable she had allowed herself to be around you, or she finally realized you're a lesbian and freaked out.

Those are the only options but the longer you think about them, the more neither of them make any sense.

For starters, you have seen her at her lowest before, she has dried her tears on your t-shirt more than once, drawn her mother on a bottle of tequila while laying on your carpet, the blackout night certainly has nothing on that.

Secondly, Gail had known about your sexuality from the first day you two have met, maybe she finally have reached her "eureka moment" and started to see you as a predator, God knows most of your female friends have, but you know Gail better than that, you know she would never be like that.

Besides, why would she start to feel 'sexually threatened' about you now that you have Taylor?

And so, you're back to square one. The point where you know you've done something to drive her away but can for life of you understand what.

You've always liked to solve puzzles, that's one of the main reasons why you became a

pathologist, but this one seems to be way beyond your abilities.

Gail is the biggest mystery of all. When you start to think you have it solved she just turns it all around and you're back to being clueless and confused.

It's frustrating.

But more than that, it is scary as hell.

You take a deep breath and curl up on your couch, almost burying your face on the backrest.

Life is cruel. That is the only answer for everything that has been happening lately.

You didn't want to push Gail away with your feelings, you have endured the sight of her with other people, resigning yourself to the fact she would never be more than a friend. You have fought the jealousy, the heat in the pit of your belly and the butterflies in your chest until you have finally decided to move on. All so that you could keep her in your life, and suddenly she is the one pushing you away.

Yeah, life is a real bitch.

If you weren't so tired, you could even laugh at the irony of the situation right now. If you weren't so tired, you are sure that laugh could have soon turned into tears. But your limbs are heavy, your head is pounding and all you can do is think.

Think about Gail and Taylor. About the woman that came crashing into your heart and the woman that has been slowly sneaking into it.

If you weren't so tired, you could have chuckled as you recall Taylor's texts thought out the day as she complained about constructors and beamed over fresh carrots. You're not too tired to smile, though, at the promise she made you about baking the best carrot cake you could ever eat.

Your relationship with her has been growing nice and strong. The two of you have decided to take things slowly. Or better yet, you are taking things at a very slow pace and she has, kindly, allowed you to.

You finally kissed her on your second date and after that there were a few good make out sessions but whenever things got too heated you felt the need to stop it, you had.

Taylor on her part had never complained or pressured you, she simply smiled at you and gave you one last peck before backing off without a single word.

The first kiss had happened only a few days after she had brought you lunch, in the middle of the sidewalk on a normal Wednesday night, the buttery taste of popcorn was on your lips and she held a pack of M&M's in one of her hands. You two were wandering through the streets just talking about the film, laughing and stealing glances, when suddenly she stopped in her tracks and turned to you. She had this unsure look on her face for a moment before she softly asked you if she could kiss you.

Maybe it was the tone of her voice, or the intense gaze she had upon you. Maybe it was the way she made you feel or maybe if was the way this night had made you go back to your teen years. Maybe it was desire born out of sexual tension or maybe it was desire born from something else. Whatever it may have been though, it made you melt upon hearing her words.

You didn't grant her a reply, as least not with words. Instead, you had taken a step forward and kissed her until your lungs ran out of breath and even after that you had taken a deep breath and kissed her some more, feeling a wave of happiness invading your chest as you felt Taylor smiling against your lips.

That had been answer enough.

You start to drift off with the image of blue and hazel on the back of your mind.


When you wake up it's to the sound of voices echoing through the hallway. You blink the sleep away and yawn, your neck feels a little stiff but the headache is gone now.

You stretch as best as you can on your couch and close your eyes again. In the quietness of your dark living room the voices are amplified and even if you can't understand what the voices are saying you would recognize Gail's laugh anywhere.

Mentally, you follow the voices – hers and someone else's, a deep male voice – until they disappear behind the bang of her door closing. You remain still for a moment or two, until your mind starts to wander familiar paths, and it's that more than anything that makes you get up from the comfortable couch and head to the shower. You use the water to silence the painful thoughts in your mind, focusing on the way the water drips over your shoulders making its way across your back and thighs.

It's relaxing and the steam that arises allows you to be lost in the mist for a few minutes.

Your stomach rumbles, though, bringing you back to the real world.

And so, you leave the blissfulness of your shower, change into your most comfortable PJ's and head for the kitchen. It's too late to order a pizza now and you're too hungry to wait anyway, but you're able to make a sandwich with the things you have in your freezer and a cup of tea to warm you up.

When you fall into bed again its past midnight and you're fast asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow. You don't sleep for long, though, you wake up again at four in the morning and frown when you realize you're all alone in your bed.

Gail mentioned she had a date, you heard when she arrived with him. By this hour she is usually curled up besides you, getting some sleep.

You try to shake off the strange feeling that invades you and close your eyes again, but sleep is too far away now.

The hours pass and you wait for the soft paddling across the floor. You wait for the dip in the mattress and for the smell of fresh soap on Gail's skin. You wait for the warm body seeking refuge under your covers.

But it doesn't come.

Instead, you are met with the angry red numbers of your alarm clock every few minutes.

The sun comes up and Gail hasn't come to find you. Instead, the day finds you all alone in your own bed. Fear and uncertainty tucked up and snuggled in beside you.

Why do you feel like you've lost her?

Tears start to bubble behind your eyes and you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, you have no reason to cry. Not really. You know you haven't lost Gail.

How could you when she was never yours to begin with?


You don't see Gail during the day and you don't hear from her either. Which, strangely, makes things even easier.

That night, you head home and you're proud to say you enter your apartment without glancing at her door. You take a shower, change your clothes, pick up your keys and in less than twenty minutes you're knocking on a white wooden door.

The door swings back and Taylor's standing before you, a huge smile on her face when she sees you. "Holly! What are you doing here?!" She suddenly frowns and cautiously opens the door a little further. "Have I forgot something?"

"No, no I just…" You look at her wearing a pair of loose sweat pants and a tight long sleeve t-shirt, she is barefoot, her hair is up in a messy bun and you think she looks beautiful. "Are you alone?"

"Yes, I was about to…" You muffled the rest of her words with your lips.

It takes a moment for her to start kissing you back, but when she does, you waste no time before pushing her back inside, closing the door behind you. Her backs hit the wall beside her bedroom door and she slowly pries herself away from you.

"Are you sure about this?"

There are not many things you are sure about in life, but when you nod your response and tug at her shirt you are sure about this.

If Gail isn't a part of your life anymore, you're going to do the only thing you can and hold as tight as possible to the one person you do have.

To hell with reason and to hell with slow.

You're tired of waiting.