7. Test Subject [friendship, crack, comedy, muramomo]
In which Momoi Satsuki has had a passion for cooking since she was young and aims to be a professional chef in future to the apprehension of everyone else around her.
"Murasakibara-kun, you seem to carry a packet of snacks with you everywhere you go," Momoi pointed out to the giant. It had been weeks since she had come to know of the purple-haired basketball player. With how he towered over everyone else (including herself), she found him pretty intimidating initially, but then she observed how he always had snacks with him. No one who loved food so much could be a bad person, she thought. Who knows? Maybe he was as big as a dork as Aomine was.
Murasakibara looked up slightly and nodded at the pinkette.
"I love snacks. Want some, Momo-chin?" he offered.
Momoi shook her head, pouting at the mention of that nickname.
"Don't call me Momo-chin! It sounds weird. Call me Satsuki or Momoi instead," she said. The purple-haired giant tilted his head questioningly.
"…Sa-chin?"
Momoi sighed in resignation.
"Ugh, never mind. Then, I'll call you Muk-kun, okay?"
The basketball player shrugged as he deposited a few potato chips into his mouth.
"Whatever."
As the pinkette watched him stuff his mouth with snacks, a scheming glint flashed across her eyes as she ran through a checklist in her head.
Food lover? Check. Big stomach? Check. Didn't-seem-like-he-would-kill-her-if-she-asked-him-a-favour? Well, she was a little dubious about the answer to that question, but she was inclined to believe so (after all, they did give each other nicknames, which meant they were in friendly terms, sort of).
That's it. Murasakibara would be her new test subject.
"Hey, Muk-kun. Do you want me to make you sweets every day?" she proposed, watching the giant's reaction carefully. The last time she asked Aomine, he flat-out refused and avoided the topic as if it was the plague every time they talked. Midorima just ignored her, and she didn't feel like asking Akashi. She didn't want to suffer his wrath should she serve food not up-to-par with the food his chef at home made.
As expected, the giant lit up at the mention of 'sweets'. He directed his gaze back to her for a moment.
"You will, Sa-chin?"
"Yeah! I really love making sweets, you see. I'll bring some tomorrow, okay?" she asked eagerly.
He nodded gleefully like an overenthusiastic puppy.
That's it. Murasakibara was officially her favourite basketball team member.
The next day, Momoi approached Murasakibara and offered him a box filled with small *anpan.
*Anpan – Japanese sweet roll filled with red bean paste
"Wow, they look pretty great. Sa-chin is an angel…" Murasakibara complimented, his mouth widening into a loopy grin. He immediately popped one of the anpans into his mouth, savouring the taste of the bread. Momoi giggled airily, fidgeting about in embarrassment.
"H-Hehe, it's nothing!"
Finally, someone who appreciates my efforts in cooking!
As soon as she said that, Murasakibara almost spat out the bread inside his mouth. His face soured instantly, the purple shade of his face mirroring the purple of his hair and eyes.
"Ugh…"
Momoi blinked.
"How does it taste, Muk-kun?" she asked, staring at Murasakibara with puppy eyes that craved acknowledgement. Murasakibara gaped at her, aghast.
"This is the worst thing I've ever tasted in my life. What did you put inside, Sa-chin?"
Momoi shuddered dramatically. It was as if a lightning bolt had struck her heart when Murasakibara uttered those harsh words. You see, cooking had been her lifetime passion (other than watching basketball and analysing the heck out of the players). The delight of being able to make food for the people she loved was simply incomparable with any other feeling she could have. At the same time, it had never really been her forte because it involved hands. And Momoi sucked at anything related to having use one's hands, which explains why she sucked at playing basketball despite being a genius analyst.
Nonetheless, she didn't think her cooking was that bad. It didn't really taste bad against her tastebuds, at least. Unless her tastebuds were as spoiled as her cooking…?
Well, that would explain a lot of things.
"I thought red bean would taste well with pickles," she lamented, wondering what exactly had gone wrong. The reason why she regarded cooking as her lifetime hobby was because it was unpredictable. She could make all sorts of combinations and derive an unusual taste out of them. It wasn't just cookie-cutter copying and pasting steps from the cookbook. Because of that, the results of her food could go pretty haywire sometimes.
Okay, scratch that. They could go pretty haywire often at times.
"…"
Murasakibara continued to gape at the pinkette like she was the more bizarre person he had come across in his whole life (that was saying a lot considering he himself was a snack-loving weirdo and he hung out with one Oha-Asa-obsessed dude, a perverted and basketball loving idiot and a seemingly-normal-but-actually-frightening redhead). For once, he was rendered utterly speechless.
"Sa-chin, you're an idiot," he finally concluded.
"Why?! I put so much effort into this!" Momoi whined, flailing her hands in desperation. She looked at the purple head with burning resolve, causing the giant to shrink back in uneasiness.
"Please, Muk-kun! Help me out! I want to improve my cooking skills! I really have a passion for this after all!" she pleaded, putting her hands together.
Murasakibara rubbed his eyes wearily. He didn't seem to be in the mood for her begging.
"But…"
Taking advantage of that moment of hesitation, Momoi unleashed her last weapon: bribery. Plus extremely huge puppy eyes and pouting.
"You have to help me! No one else will help me but you! Please? I'll buy you snacks every week! Please, Muk-kun!"
Murasakibara 'hmm'ed as he tapped his chin, probably debating between not getting food poisoning and filling his already huge stomach (plus getting the pinkette to shut up).
"…Okay. Just at least make it edible, Sa-chin. I don't want to die yet," he conceded, in the meantime drooling over the possible snacks he would ask the pinkette to buy for him later on. Momoi flashed a charming and perhaps overconfident smile after seeing that her strategy had succeeded.
"Of course! I can at least do that much, you know?"
Unfortunately, she was also incredibly skilled at overestimating herself a bit too much.
The next training, Momoi skipped to the purple-haired giant while holding onto a box of candied apples. Murasakibara scrutinised the box in suspicion before he took a small bite at one of them. He gagged in reflex.
"…What did you add in this this time, Sa-chin?" he questioned, eyes as dead as a fish's. Momoi smiled innocently.
"I added black pepper!" she brightly exclaimed. Murasakibara's purple irises narrowed dangerously, dampening her spirits slightly.
"Eh… H-Hehe…"
"Sa-chin, can't you make something normal?" he blurted out.
"Isn't that… normal? I mean, I could've added chilli-" she said, though that just caused Murasakibara to tremble. Seeing a guy in his 6 feet tremble was most probably the most ridiculous scene she had seen, and she didn't know if her being the cause of it all was supposed to be an assuring thought.
"…I don't need anything special. It just needs to be edible and sweet," Murasakibara muttered under his breath and grabbed his water bottle, rinsing his mouth with water.
Momoi's heart sank. Was her baking skills really that bad?
In a poor attempt to comfort herself, Momoi began making random assumptions of Murasakibara's likes and dislikes.
Maybe Muk-kun isn't a fan of spices and pickles? I mean, they aren't really sweet…
Well, if that's the case, I'll just make the food super sweet!
Like a lightbulb had just went off inside her, she exclaimed, "Okay!"
The next day, Momoi presented Murasakibara some *dango. It only took the giant a few bites before he collapsed onto the ground like a pile of potatoes.
"Muk-kun!" Momoi exclaimed, her eyes widening into saucers.
*Dango – Japanese dumpling and sweet made from rice flour
By the third day, the other regulars had already noticed the two's exchange of sweets. Needless to say, the purple-haired giant's gigantic fall had caused quite a stir among the others.
"Wow, Murasakibara has KO-ed! Good job, Satsuki!" Aomine laughed. Momoi shot him a death glare that screamed I'm-gonna-force-you-to-eat-my-food-later. Aomine shrunk out of uneasiness.
"No wonder Oha Asa has warned me to ignore Taurus's requests of all costs," Midorima plainly stated, nodding to himself with a subtle smug smirk. Momoi could only gawk at him. Did he cast her off as a safety hazard just because the horoscope told him so? Was that why he asked her for a zodiac sign?
Well, Midorima was so not her favourite basketball member (other than Aomine).
"…Momoi, did you cause this?" Akashi questioned.
"I-I didn't know this would happen! I only added a lot of sugar!" she protested.
Akashi sighed, massaging his temples.
"He should be fine after he recovers from his overdose of sugar. Stay with him for now, Momoi."
Leaving these words behind, Akashi left the gymnasium with Midorima and Ahomine in tow. Momoi blankly stared after their shadows.
Okay, I know it's my fault, but seriously? Leaving me behind like that? W-What if something happens to Muk-kun? Ah, you stupid captain!
She silently cursed the three traitors as she paced around the immobile figure anxiously, glancing at the figure from time to time. She could only thank her lucky stars that Murasakibara blearily opened his eyes a few minutes later, or she would drive herself crazy from the guilt.
"Muk-kun, are you okay?" Momoi asked, concerned.
"Too much sugar…" Murasakibara complained. Murasakibara, a sweets lover, complaining that there was too much sugar? Momoi didn't know if she should laugh for accomplishing such a miracle or cry at her absolute hopelessness with cooking.
"S-Sorry Muk-kun! I guess I'm not really talented in cooking after all…" she apologized, rubbing her head sheepishly. Murasakibara nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, Sa-chin's cooking is terrible."
An arrow struck through her heart.
"H-How blunt!" she exclaimed.
Murasakibara shrugged as he continued, "I don't know why Sa-chin is doing something she's not good at."
Another arrow struck through her heart.
"Okay, you don't have to say that twice…" she mumbled, sulking.
"Oh well, Sa-chin is good the way Sa-chin is."
Momoi blinked, mouth shaping into a huge 'o'. Murasakibara pat her head, and despite looking as apathetic as ever, his eyebrows were furrowed. He actually appeared… slightly concerned? Was that his weird way of comforting her?
"Aww, Muk-kun… I'm so touched!" she shrieked, pouncing on the purple-haired giant.
"That's it! I'm gonna keep trying until I make the perfect sweet just for you!" she proclaimed. Murasakibara sweat-dropped.
"Eh…"
"I don't accept rejection as an answer, Muk-kun!"
And that was how Murasakibara became her favourite basketball member.
The just-recovered mammoth heaved a sigh. He found plenty of things bothersome, such as attending basketball training sessions and people scuttling under him like mice. However, he thought he would rank becoming Momoi's test subject as the most bothersome thing of them all.
Still, he got his weekly supply of snacks (which somewhat healed his stomach), so he didn't exactly mind. It would be most ideal if Momoi's cooking actually improved for once, though.
A/N: Just a funny idea I thought of since Momoi clearly loves cooking so much (even if she sucks at it) while Murasakibara is a sweet lover haha. Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter ~u~ Also, school is starting soon for me so updates may be slower, but I'll keep writing for Momoi haha.
