A/N: It's inexcusable to have gone so long without updating. I'm sorry.

-K


Previously on In With the Outsiders

"Lena, the results have come back from when we tested Mr. Elliot to see if he is a match."

"And?!" Several of us demand simultaneously.

"And the results say that he's…"


"…An exact match." The doctor finishes. Cheers rise up around me as everyone jumps up and hugs each other and me but, to my surprise, I'm not happy. I'm not ecstatic or relieved. I'm NOT relishing in the fact that I'm going to survive. The cheers die down and I feel all emotion drain from my face, making my features cold and hard. My brother catches the my eye and, seeing the ice in them, shudders. I stand and, when I speak, even I can hear the barely controlled rage in my accented; I don't bother to use an American one and, instead, slip into my natural English accent; voice.

"Carson, come with me. The rest of you, do whatever the hell you want but DO NOT follow us. Not even you Emyle Marie." And with that, I stalk from the room, leaving a bunch of confused people behind me. I turn the corner and turn on my brother. "I can't do this Carson!"

"Do what?" He asks in a fearful voice. It's understandable, really, considering he's only seen me like this once… It's the ONLY thing Dally doesn't know about me… Anyway…

"This! I refuse to survive this fucking disease when she didn't. I won't!"

"THAT'S what this is about? Lena, that was eleven years ago!"

"So I should just let it go that I'M gonna survive this when Ella deserved to live much more than I do?!"

"YES!"

I'm quiet for a long moment. "I can't. I love her too much to take what she deserved."

"And I love you too much to allow you to die for a girl you've known less than half your life!" He exclaims. I look at him in surprise.

"Carson… Th-this is our sister we're talking about… D-don't you… love her?" His eyes soften as he sees mine shine with unshed tears. He sighs.

"Too be honest, not really. I barely remember her and, what I do remember, I can't be sure whether it was her or you."

I take a deep breath and look away from him, refusing to let him see the pain in my eyes. I mean, how can he just forget how much he loved her? She was our baby sister! How can he forget the way she'd smile with one side of her mouth turned up higher, making her lips into a permanent smirk? How can he forget that she use to duck behind him she was scared and how she'd sneak up on him and wrap her arms around his stomach? I know I can't. I won't.

I sigh.

"I don't know what to do, C, I'm completely lost without her." I whisper to my brother. He steps forward and wraps his arms around me.

"You let them perform that operation. You live. You love Dally and be there when Emyle and Michael need you. You be there when I need you. You hold on to your life with both hands and don't let go because you have your family. You have me and Emmy and Michael and Dally and Pony and Soda and Darry and all the others and we all love you and we all need you. What you need to do is live. If not for you than for your family. For your twin brother who'd be completely lost without you."

There's a long pause as I drink in my brother's words.

"I love you Cars." I whisper to him. He smiles and responds likewise before leading me back to my family.