First off, I'm going to start by apologizing. I tried to watch the movie, but I didn't have the opportunity to, and it felt like if I kept waiting, I'll lose my affection to this story, so I just decided to continue. I am so sorry. So I got a longer chapter than usual! Well, anyways, here's your chapter!

And I Am Feeling So Small

"Thanks for the movie. It was great, really," I say, walking out of the theatre.

"Glad you liked it. John Green will always be my favorite author," Trey tells me.

"You mean there's a book?" I ask him.

"Yeah. You should read it. You'll love it."

"I will."

"You have to go, right?" He asks, when we reach a park that's close to my house, reluctance in his voice.

"My mom will be worried, so..."

"Oh," he says, disappointment clear in his eyes.

"But maybe I can stay for a few more minutes?" I say, smiling and sitting down on a bench.

He sits down next to me, watching people walking around.

"It's um... It's actually my birthday today," he blurts out after a moment of silence.

"Oh, is it? Why didn't you tell me before?" I complain.

"I just... I don't know."

"Well, happy birthday. I'm sorry I didn't get you something."

"It's okay. You didn't know. And I... I was wondering..."

He pauses, and I look into his eyes, searching for hidden emotions.

"I'll... I'll give you three seconds to slap my face."

"What?" I ask, confused. "Why would I do that?"

But just then, he leans in and presses his lips against mine gently and very briefly.

"One, two, three," he counts slowly and quietly with his forehead pressed against mine, while I'm frozen like a statue, not daring to move an inch.

Just as he finishes counting, he leans back in, this time kissing me more passionately and urgently.

I reflexively close my eyes, letting his lips move against mine. When his hands slid down my waist to my hips, I respond with tangling my hands in his brown hair. I try to get lost in the kiss like with Jace. Jace. Jace. But the name is carved in the back of my head even though I try. Trey, I tell myself. You are kissing Trey. Jace is gone. I promised to move on.

But the more I kiss him back, the more the grief comes back. Forget him. Trey. This is Trey. I pull away from him, wishing my tears won't start flowing.

"I should probably go," I tell him quietly, his eyes still closed.

I stand up, and so does Trey, walking me back to my house.


"So how was your date?" My mom asks me when I walk in.

"It was not a date."

"Sure it wasn't. I can smell hormones, you know," she says, smiling widely.

"Eww," I reply curtly, going upstairs.

I plunge myself on the bed, thinking of everything that happened.

Just when we reached the front door, he wanted to be my boyfriend. And yeah... So he wanted to be my boyfriend. He wanted to be my boyfriend, meaning he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Yes. And what did I say? Yes... Did I say yes? Do I have a boyfriend now? Duh, I said yes, didn't I?

"You didn't loose your virginity, right?" Sebastian asks from my doorway.

"We just watched a movie."

"Are you sure he's not gay?"

"I'm sure," I'm his freaking girlfriend.

"Why? Did he touch you like I would have?"

"If he touched me like you would have, I might have been home an hour ago."

He slowly approaches me, sitting on my bed. I flinch away from him, and he lets me.

"Why are you really here?" I ask, not knowing where this courage came from.

"I told you why," he says, his face emotionless.

"I saw you."

"Well, I saw you too. We see each other everyday."

"No, I saw you, when... When you were talking to a boy about 'your sick plan that involves your sister'."

"Ah. I kind of guessed that."

"What is your sick plan?"

"I don't have one."

"Liar. I swear, if my mom's involved in this too, I will-"

"I should say, your mom is involved in this. But no one forced her. She did it herself."

I sit up abruptly, glaring him as hard as I can.

"Let her out of this."

"Trust me, I'd love it if she stays out too, but she must be really stupid."

"Tell me what you're planning."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because... Because you need me in the plan, and if you don't tell me, then..."

"Then what? You don't want your precious mother or friends to get hurt, right? You're too selfish. But don't worry, at the end of this, you will be happy, I promise that."

"No, I want to know!" I say, trying to get out of the bed so I can look more threatening.

But he grabs my ankles and pulls me back on the bed. He pushes me against the mattress, straddling my hips.

"You will get to know at some point," he says, pinning both my wrists above my head.

"Let me go!" I hiss, but not loud enough for my mom to hear me.

"Or what? Are you gonna threaten me? That's kinda hot."

"You're... You're so sick!"

He laughs, leaning his face toward me, kissing my collarbone. I struggle against him, but my effort seems to turn him on more.

"Not... A good idea... When you're under me..." He says, moaning, making me stop.

"Clary," he whispers against me ear, his hands on my waist, his grip strong.

He then, kisses me on my lips, his hot lips trying to make mine to get moving. His tongue seperates my lips, moaning as I try to push him back.

After a while, he pulls away to find his breath.

"I have a ... Boyfriend," I tell him, hoping he'd stop.

"A boyfriend?" He asks, jealousy evident in his eyes.

"Trey..."

"Ah, that boy," to my surprise, his jealousy disappears as soon as I mention the name. "I can share."

But just as he leans in again, I pull my knee up to his stomach as hard as I can. He gasps in surprise and pain, his grip on my wrists loosening a bit. I use this distraction for my escape, but he yanks my arm back just as I reach the door. I try to punch his face, but he expects this and ducks. He grabs my wrists again, pushing me against my nightstand. I hold back my scream as my body hits the object, dropping the books that were on it.

"Clarissa, you know you can't fight me."

I just glare at him, trying to catch my breath.

"Maybe... Maybe..." I pant.

"Clary?" A voice asks from my doorway.

Oh shit.

My mom looks at me, pinned against my nightstand, and Sebastian, holding my wrist tightly.

"What we're you guys doing? You, what are you doing to my daughter?"

"Mom, it's not what you think!"

"I thought you liked Trey."

"I do! I um... This is for a school play."

"A school play?" She asks skeptically. "Can't think of a better excuse?"

"Should we tell her?" Sebastian asks quietly.

I glance up at him, not knowing what I should say back.

"Ms. Fray, I know that your daughter isn't a shadowhunter anymore, but I wanted to train her, and she agreed."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I know how much you want to keep your daughter from the Shadow World. That's why we were keep lying. That's why we tried to keep it a secret."

"Why couldn't you use a training room or something?"

"I didn't want to bring back her bad memories about training room."

"Oh," she says. "Lucas, I don't mean to be offensive, but I don't think I can just believe anything someone says. That's why I can't believe you completely. I don't know what you two are up to, but I know that I won't like it. This is my daughter, and you have her pinned against a nightstand in her bedroom. Do I have to explain further?"

"No, Ms. Fray."

"Good. And Clary," she says, turning to me. "I trust you. Believe me, I do. But I also love you. You're my daughter. So please, don't do something you'll regret. And I think you should stay away from Lucas. I'm sorry, Lucas, but I have this feeling that you are not healthy for my daughter."

Well, what do they say? Mother knows the best.


"Hey, Simon. I left you some messages but you didn't answer, so... I just have a lot of things going on right now, and I really need you. Your friends are missing you back in St. Xavier's and... I miss you too. So please, call me."

Beep.

I end the voicemail, hoping this time, he'd call me. I am just so lonely and confused. Does he hate because of something I did? Something I said? It sucks not to know anything. Or maybe he got hurt? Fear creeping in, I search for Izzy's number and call. Hers too, connects to the voicemail.

"Hey, um... Call me?"

What is wrong? Did they find out about... Jace and me? Oh god, no. Please. As much as it hurts, I don't want to loose my friends.

"Betrayed by your own friends?" Sebastian asks, leaning against the doorframe.

"Go away," I hiss.

"Hey, I come in peace."

"Sure."

"Come on, let's just have some brother-sister bonding time."

"You're not my brother."

"Yes, I am."

"Don't talk about blood and bones and that kind of crap."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"What do you want then? You need me in your plan now? What should I do? Summon a demon?"

"Eager, aren't your?"

"I'm not-"

"Like I said earlier, I come in peace."

"You don't know the word."

"A state of not being in a war; a harmonious relation."

"Harmonious? You kidding?"

"No. You cannot deny that we share the same blood. Jocelyn's and Valentine's."

"No, you have demon blood."

"Demon blood," he says, sounding amused. "Yes, but can't you see? You're no saint. You are no different than me. After all, you let me in this house, didn't you?"

I shift uncomfortably, and Sebastian notices.

"I won't let you get hurt, don't worry."

"You already hurt me yourself."

"That's different. I don't want others hurting you because I love you. But we belong together. And you'll love me back soon enough. I'll make you learn how to love."

"You don't love me. You only want. You only want to be loved."

"That's a lie. I do love."

A silence passes between us.

I wonder if he really thinks that he loves me. He doesn't know how to love. Correction. He can't love. His demon blood forbid him from that.

"Dance with me," he suddenly says.

"What?"

"Dance with me."

"No."

"Come on."

"I don't dance," I mumble. "Especially not with a demon."

"I'm your brother."

"There's no music."

"So you'll dance with me if there's music?"

"No," I say firmly.

He gently puts his hand on my waist and pulls me closer.

"I can teach you how to dance," he whispers gently.

I really don't get this boy. One second, he's trying to break my bones, and then, he's suddenly turning into a gentle brother.

I feel his heart beating against my chest. A heart that pumps demon blood all around his body.

"I said no," I say with my miraculously calm voice, and pull away, walking out of my room.

Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks for reviewing!