We kept walking, neither of us really feeling the pain that should have been tempting us to stop. Eventually, we realised that the sun had completely disappeared, and had been replaced by a half full moon. We decided to turn back then, following our footsteps back to where we had come from. All of this was done in silence, both of us too scared to break it in fear of shattering the comfort of our walk thus far.
When we got back to the part of the beach we had come to originally, I was a bit surprised to find that it was completely void of all of the life that had been here before we left. The only thing to remind me that anyone had been here at all were the abandoned or forgotten toys, and the thousands of overlapping footprints, slowly being smoothed away by the ever growing tide.
I glanced around, then looked up at Su-San.
"It... It's completely deserted, huh?" I asked, only then realising how long it had been since I had spoken, as I had to clear my throat in order to speak at all. He nodded.
"Mus' be late." He reasoned, turning to head to his car, which was the only one still parked in the lot. I followed, looking back at the sand that looked so lonely, so abandoned.
When we got to his car, he and I both got in, and he started the engine. As the dashboard came to life with the car, I looked at the stereo to find that it was, indeed, late. Very late.
"It's already 12:57? Were we really here that long?" I exclaimed.
"Ah guess so." He confirmed, pulling out of the lot.
"Jeeze! I hope my mom isn't freaking out right now!" I sighed.
"O' course she is." He replied, getting on course to take us home.
"I know... I just... Could you... Could you hide me? Maybe she'll be less angry tomorrow?" I requested, looking up at him with those attempted puppy dog eyes yet again.
"Pro'bly be more an'ry." He replied. I groaned.
"I hate it when you're right..." I finished, accepting my fate. We drove the rest of the way home in silence, Su-San being a quiet individual, and me too busy contemplating my eminent doom to speak.
Before I knew it, he was pulling into his driveway. I looked to my house, and found that the lights were still on. Great. She was awake.
"Um... Are you sure you can't hide me?"I tried once again. He simply took the keys out of the ignition, and opened his door. I got out as well, and met him at the front of the car.
"Goo' luck." He said quietly, then ruffled my hair. I let out yet another sigh.
"Thanks. I'll need it." And with that, I began on my way home. At the last minute, I heard him call to me.
"Ya never took tha' picture." He reminded me. I turned around, and looked at him, very confused.
"Wha...?" Then it dawned on me what he meant. "Oh! That's right! I'm sorry Su-San!" I called back. He shook his head, though I barely saw it in the scarce light.
"Nex' time." He decided, and I agreed, then turned back to my house. Here it came...
As I opened the door, I noticed that things were a bit TOO normal. I looked around, expecting to have been attacked by now. But my mother was nowhere to be seen. Cautiously, I removed my shoes, and dropped them at the door. I continued into the kitchen, and finally found what I had feared. My mother was at the table, currently on her cellphone. I groaned internally as she glanced at me, showing that she had indeed noticed me. I waited, fidgeting as I contemplated what my fate might be. She hung up, then turned to me, causing me to gulp. She paused, then gave me an odd look.
"Um... Do you need something, Tino?" She asked, causing my jaw to drop.
"What... You do know what time it is, right?" I questioned, to which she simply nodded.
"Yes. So?"
"I... I just got home!"
"I noticed..."
"Aren't you mad? I was out late without telling you!" I exclaimed, so utterly confused.
"Why would I be mad? Berwald left a note over at his house for us, saying that you guy might be out late." She replied, and I was reduced to a gaping mess.
"H-he left a note?" I asked, wanting confirmation.
"Yes, he did. Do you see the police that I would have called if he hadn't?" She said, gesturing around the house that was, indeed, void of any Policemen. I just sat there, dumbfounded for a moment, then snapped back to coherent thought.
"I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!" I yelled, stomping over to the door, fully intending to go over to his house and give him a proper what-for. But my mother put a hand on my shoulder.
"Tino, it's one in the morning." She informed me.
"So? He made me worry all the way home!" I threw back. "I'm going to go and..."
"Tomorrow." She cut me off, pushing me towards the stairs.
"But..."
"No Buts. Go to bed." She interrupted once again.
"Hey! Wait! Mom..."
"No. It's time for little boys to be in bed."
"Mom! I'm sixteen!"
"And I'm thirty eight. My name is Laila, and I enjoy long walks on the beach and a hearty bottle of wine on occasion. Isn't it great that we're getting to know each other so well! Unfortunately, speed dating time is over, so we'll have to finish this little conversation some other time. Perhaps tomorrow." She said, poking me in the back until I was all the way to the top of the stairs. I sighed, admitting defeat, and went to my room.
"Hyvää yötä, Tino." She called, and I turned back before closing my door.
"Hyvää yötä." I called back, then closed my door. Looking around, I cringed. All of my stuff was still boxed up. But my bed was clean, and had my pillows and blanket tossed on it, so I decided to bypass the mess, and fell into bed. I figured I could unpack my room when I woke up the next day.
I fell into bed, pulling off my shirt. I noticed that I was still in my swimming trunks, and then I put together that my clothes were still in Su-San's bag. I sighed, then lifted my hips to slide them off. I was too exhausted to even bother with finding something else to put on. My mother never woke me up when I wasn't attending school, and even if she did, she would knock on the door before coming in.
Just the simple action of removing my trunks was enough to make me realise how much I had truly worked my poor body. I guess it hadn't dawned on me that so much exercise would leave me sore.
I tried to ignore that, deciding that I would rather deal with it tomorrow. I pulled the blankets around me, practically mummifying myself. That's how I liked to sleep. I then did my best to scoot over to the wall, as I was most comfortable when pressed against it. Finally comfortable, I allowed my mind and body to relax. Just before I fell asleep, I thought of the day I had just had, then words, ones I had been saying all my life, crossed my lips. I had used them so often, just moments ago to my mother, but they had so much more weight when I said them this time.
"Hyvää yötä, Su-San." I whispered, wondering if he ever said goodnight to me when he was going to sleep. I smiled at the thought, enjoying the way it made my heart beat faster and my whole body get warmer. "Minä rakastan teitä, I love you."
.-.-.-.-.+.-.-.-.-.
Berwald's Interlude.
.-.-.-.-.+.-.-.-.-.
Don't think badly of me for messing with Tino. Yes, I was fully aware of the fact that I had left a note. I had, after all, been the one to leave it. But by sending him home without him knowing it, I was giving him an excuse to come and see me the next day, though he would be coming to yell at me.
I suppose that I did this because of a nagging feeling I had in my stomach. To be honest, I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Tino was back in my life. After being separated for three years, I gave up hope on ever really seeing him again. And then, so randomly, so out of the blue, there he was. The same adorable, clumsy, gullible, Finnish Tino that I had grown so fond of over the years, about to drop boxes full of glass and faceplant into his new driveway, which, to my delight, was right next to mine.
Though I managed not to, I wanted to cry just as much as he actually did. As anyone will tell you, I'm not the best at expressing my emotions, but that doesn't mean that I don't have them at all. Tino can tell you that. He's gotten pretty good at reading my expressions over the years.
And how many years is "over the years"? Around ten, if I'm not mistaken. We met the first day of kindergarten, and have been close ever since then. We only started to grow apart after I had to move, three years ago. That was rough, to say the least. We both took the news disastrously hard. I'm sure you've heard the term: Long-distance relationships don't work out. Well, it's true, and we both knew it. We knew as soon as I got on that plane, it was over. We could call each other, even set up visits. But it was never going to be the same. It just couldn't.
He'll never know about this, but I cried after I got on the plane too. He watched as I got onto the platform, and watched me leave, and it didn't take 20/20 vision to know that he was bawling. I kept my composure while he could still see me, as I had to be strong for him, but as soon as I was out of sight, I just imploded.
Granted, my version of crying is a lot less obvious. Just a few drops of the salty liquid, some nearly silent sniffles, and I called it good. I hate it when people see me looking so pathetic. I've always been the strong one, so I couldn't let that facade crumble. Definitely not around Fin.
I've always been what Fin calls a "rock". Basically, I'm always there to offer support, and I'm always stable. I suppose that he's never realised how far from that I am, but I guess that means I've become quite the actor. He just doesn't seem to comprehend what he does to me. Every time he would come to me crying, hurt, happy, excited, wanting something, needing something, just wanting to talk, anything, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and tell him how much he truly meant to me. Which, let me tell you, is a lot.
My whole world revolves around that boy. Ever since kindergarten, when I couldn't resist the urge to step up to the plate and defend him. I don't really know what it was that drew me to him initially, but as soon as I saw those tears, my protective instincts kicked in. And the funny thing? I'm only protective of HIM. He's the only one that I've ever felt the need to protect. Maybe it's the fact that he's so clumsy and danger prone...
Regardless, after we acquired our nicknames, and set our friendship in stone, we were inseparable. (Oh, and just to point out, we didn't realise that 'san' is an honorific in Japan until much later. We both assumed it was just something cute that people in Japanese movies called each other.)
If you were looking for one of us, knowing the other's location was all you needed. We were always together, and it was very rare for us to so much as vacation without the other. And the strange thing? We never fought. Most friends fight frequently, or so I've heard. But we never really disagree about anything. I guess that could be due to the fact that I've never wanted anything more than to please him, and fulfill his every wish.
Why? Well, he's the only person that has ever acknowledged that I am, indeed, a human. Most people are too scared of me to even try talking to me. I know that Fin was more than a little intimidated by me at first, but he actually gave me a chance, and it bloomed into something so irreplaceable. I could never thank him enough for the chance he gave me, but I have definitely been trying.
Well, as you can probably gather, I'm rather infatuated with Tino. Actually, there isn't a 'rather'. I love him to pieces. All of him, all of his looks, his speech, his quirks, everything. But, one issue. I can never tell him.
I can't risk demolishing the relationship that we have managed to nurse into maturity. That's why, even though it hurt me bad enough that I contemplated suicide, I eventually decided that me moving might have been a good thing. Don't think horribly of me, I have reasoning behind this.
When I left, we had just started to hit puberty. Well, me before him, considering the almost full year of age difference, but you get the point. What with all the hormones running rampant, it was pretty much expected that I would jump him. The question was when? There were so many times that I truly had to restrain myself, forcing myself not to reach out and grab him. Everyday he did something that seemed so normal to him, but hit me much harder than it should.
His random giggles, the way he would flush at the mere mention of anything 'romantic' or 'dirty', the way his anger would flare every time a girl would approach me, the way he would insist that girls were stupid, and all we needed was each other. I always wanted to read into all of it more than I did. I always wanted to think "He likes me!" But I always knew better. Tino never quite understood what was going on, and I blamed it on the age difference.
And that brings us to another reason that moving might have been good. I was constantly on the verge of coming out and confessing to him. I almost did, once. I simply told him, "Fin, I love ya."
He looked at me for a moment, then chuckled before responding with, "I love you too, Su-San! But you know that!"
It was then that I realised exactly what kind of situation I was in. We were too close for that statement to really mean anything other than a friendship, or maybe a brotherly love. It was too overused in our relationship, as we had grown to truly cherish one another. Though it wasn't like we said it all the time, like girls do, it was kind of unspoken knowledge. But I didn't have the courage to pursue the topic further, so it was dropped.
So I decided, after one year of being without him, completely alone in the world, that it was for the best. Better to leave with no a wonderful relationship, than to have stayed and shattered it beyond belief. And so, the phone calls grew less frequent, and I allowed us to grow apart. It hurt, every time I heard his dejected goodbye, up to the very last time I called him, each time the pain seeming to grow as I realised exactly what I was relinquishing. But I did it, and I stopped calling all together after the second year.
I tried adapting to my new life, waking up alone, and going to sleep missing something. Everything I did seemed to reflect Tino in some way. No matter where I went, I though of him, and no matter what I did, it seemed empty and pointless without the smaller blonde by my side.
I fell into a depression during the second half of the third year. I refused to get out of bed, and hardly ate. It worried my mother so much that she took me to a doctor. When I said depression, I meant the real deal. I got prescribed pills and everything. I have to admit, they helped a lot. I started going back to school again, and everything returned to normality, or the sad excuse that I had accepted as my new reality. I still felt the echos of Tino in everything, but I learned to just enjoy it, instead of letting it hurt me.
Still, I wasn't really myself anymore. I was just a shell, walking around, pretending to be Su-San. Even the things I did weren't really things that I decided to do. They were things that Su-San would have done.
Even going over to the neighbor's house to ask them if they needed help unpacking wasn't something I'd wanted to do. Not catching the boy, or his boxes. It was all Su-San, the person I had been, the person that I had abandoned.
And then, all at once, my whole world snapped into place once again. I was me again, and all of my actions became mine once more. Because, to my utter disbelief, the boy hiding behind the boxes of glass, was none other that the one that Su-San lived for.
.-.-.-.-.+.-.-.-.-.
I have to say, it feels nice to be me once again. I haven't felt alive for the past three years. I just shoved Su-San into the back of my mind, as if saving myself for some occasion. And then Fin appeared out of nowhere, and I was Su-San all over again.
So, I guess that's when I realised how much I truly need that little, pathetic, clumsy, Finnish, blonde, crazy, danger prone, loveable Tino in my life. He WAS my life. I was only ME when I was with HIM. The person that I had been parading around disappeared, and I was reborn as Su-San again. And it felt wonderful. Everything I had forgotten how to feel came rushing back to me in that single moment, all of the happiness, all of the pain, all of the joy, all of the hurt, all of the love, everything. And I understood then that, up to that point, I had been numb. I refused to feel anything, and therefore shut ALL of my emotions completely off. But now, with Fin in front of me, bawling like the baby he is, I was elated. I was in pain. I was excited. I was regretful. I was in love. All over again.
A/N: Are you all happy? I updated in only one day! That's a feat for me! This chapter just kind of poured out, in a random rush of emotions, so I hope that it wasn't too incredibly confusing. Also, don't get used to speedy updates! I'm on a roll at the moment, but I doubt that it will last long. Sorry?
Well, as you can see, this is an interlude by Sweden. I doubt that I'll do these very often, as it is harder for me to get into that head of his, but I thought that it might be nice to get into his point of view for a second. Did I do alright with it? I hope so! Oh, and before I forget, there was some Finnish in this installment, huh? Alright, translation time, though you can probably use context clues to figure it out.
Hyvää yötä. - This means goodnight.
Minä rakastan teitä - This means I love you.
Mk, um... Not much to say... We'll be back in Tino's perspective next time around. Um... I can't really think of much else to write at the moment, soooo, I guess that I'll just tell you about my life! Or rather, a specific part of it!
I'm hoping to go to an animecon next month! And I plan on going as Finland! I have a Sweden to go with too! Keeping my fingers crossed!
Oh! Right! I want to thank you all so much for the reviews! I woke up today, and there were soooooo many! I was sooooooo sooooooooo happy! That's probably what got me to type this so fast, actually! So yes, keep them coming! And, I got one that said "Sorry, this is probably my third time reviewing this..." WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SORRY? I LOVE IT! KEEP THEM COMING!
Alright, that's it for now! I'll start working on the next chapter ASAP!
